


Soledad IV

by a1_kitkat



Series: Soledad [4]
Category: Westlife
Genre: Arguing, Blow Jobs, Boyband, Boys Kissing, Concerts, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Fights, First Time, Flashbacks, Hand Jobs, Holding Hands, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Torture, M/M, Making Out, Making Up, Nicky loves Shane, Nightmares, One-Sided Attraction, Pining, Psychological Trauma, Rape Aftermath, Rape Recovery, Rape/Non-con Elements, Shane Loves Nicky, Shnicky - Freeform, Slash, Temporary Amnesia, Tenderness, Threats, Touring, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-03
Updated: 2015-03-03
Packaged: 2018-03-16 03:51:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 55
Words: 159,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3473378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/a1_kitkat/pseuds/a1_kitkat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>With Shane's trial over, the band prepare to head off on tour.<br/>Days before they're set to leave, Nicky's kidnapper escapes from custody.<br/>Shane goes to great lengths to provide security and protection for his lover but he fears nothing will be able to stop Tobey.<br/>With this new threat in the air and Nicky's amnesia still driving a wedge between them, will their love survive the stress of being on tour</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Nicky stood in front of the mirror. A frustrated sigh passed his lips as he struggled with his tie. He untied it and attempted to re-tie the garment. Again, he groaned and removed it, tossing it over his shoulder in defeat.  
Shane walked though the bedroom door in time to catch the discarded tie with his face. It fell to the floor; the brunette leaned down and picked it up. He watched as his lover shook his head and clenched his fists in annoyance.

"Nicky?" Shane began.  
He slowly walked up behind the blonde and wrapped his arms around him. He rested his chin on Nicky's shoulder and examined his reflection. Their eyes met in the mirror and Shane smiled.  
“Baby, are you okay?” Shane asked.  
“No” Nicky stated.  
“Why? What’s wrong?”  
"I hate this tie"  
"So... wear another one?"  
"Don't like any of the others"  
"Why not?"  
"They won't tie properly"  
"I don't think it's their fault"

Shane pulled away from Nicky. The older boy’s eyes followed the brunette as he crossed the room then disappeared inside their wardrobe. He reappeared a moment later, a different tie in hand, and returned to Nicky's side.  
"Wear this one" Shane told him.  
"It's pink" Nicky argued.  
"So?"  
"I... I don't like pink"  
Nicky turned away from Shane, hoping the younger boy wouldn't sense his discomfort.  
"But..." Shane began. "You bought it, you should wear it"  
"I don't want to!" Nicky snapped.

Shane dropped the tie in surprise. It had been a long time since Nicky had snapped at him like that.  
"I'm sorry" Shane replied, kneeling down to collect the unwanted garment. "I just... I like it on you..."

The older boy immediately felt bad. He turned and looked into Shane's deep brown eyes. He closed his eyes and sighed in defeat.  
“No, I’m sorry” Nicky told him. “Unwanted memory flash”  
“What? What kind…?”  
“Nothing… Forget I mentioned it”  
“Nicky-“  
“I don’t want to talk about it!”  
“But-“  
"I mean it"  
“Okay. You don’t have to wear the tie… I just… I like that color on you…”  
Nicky looked up at Shane.  
“You do?” he asked. Shane nodded.  
“Fine” Nicky smiled. “I’ll wear it for you”  
"No, forget about it"  
"Shane-"  
"You don't have to... Not if you don't want to"  
"I will! For you"

Shane felt a little uncertain but he smiled at Nicky then gave him a quick peck on the lips. He wanted to ask Nicky for more information but was afraid to. He didn’t want to do anything to upset Nicky, especially not today. He draped the tie around Nicky's neck and carefully tied it. Neither of them spoke as Shane's fingers worked the material. A moment later, Shane stepped back and looked at Nicky.

"Perfect" Shane stated. Nicky turned back to the mirror, his eyes scrutinizing his appearance.  
"My hair looks bad"  
"Nicky!" Shane exclaimed, holding back a laugh.  
“What?” he asked.  
“Honey” the younger boy placed his hands on Nicky’s shoulders and turned him around so they could look at each other. “Today is for Bry & Kerry… It’s Molly’s big day, remember? I don’t think they’ll care if one strand of your hair is out of place”  
“Maybe they won’t” Nicky sulked, turning away from Shane. “But I will”  
Shane couldn’t help but smile. His lover was too cute when he was sulking.

“You think this is funny?” Nicky asked, his eyes looking at Shane’s smiling reflection.  
“No, of course not” Shane answered.  
“So why are you smiling?”  
“Because you’re cute. Have I told you just how much I love you?”  
“Not today…”

Nicky laughed as Shane pulled him close and wrapped his arms around him. In turn, the blonde placed his arms around the younger boy’s neck and stared into his eyes.  
“I love you” Shane whispered.  
“You didn’t say how much” Nicky replied.  
“More than life itself”  
“Good answer”  
“Well, I try” Shane laughed.

The blonde broke away from Shane and walked over to the bed. He sat down on top of the duvet and looked up at the younger boy.  
“It feels like we’ve been home longer than a week” Nicky stated.  
“Yeah” Shane agreed. He followed Nicky and sat down beside him. “It sure does”  
He reached out and draped his arm across Nicky’s shoulder. The blonde began to fidget with his cuff links.  
“Nicky” Shane whispered. “Would you please stop that?”  
“Sorry” he stopped then folded his hands in his lap. “I just… I couldn’t help… I was just remembering the last time we wore suits…”

The couple fell silent as they remembered that day. Nicky turned and wrapped his arms around Shane. They remained on the bed, holding each other close while their minds replayed the traumatic day. Shane placed a kiss on Nicky’s forehead then released him. He stood up and crossed the room. He stopped by the window and sighed.

“I’d better have a shower... And get changed” Shane spoke up. “We don’t want to be late”  
“And I should fix my hair” Nicky agreed. He stood up and headed back over to the mirror.  
From across the room, Shane watched him closely. Their eyes met in the mirror but neither of them spoke. Shane was the first to look away. He walked into the bathroom and closed the door. Nicky turned away from the mirror and stared at the closed door.  
He mentally kicked himself.  
‘You idiot’ Nicky scolded himself. ‘Why did you have to bring up the trial?’  
He really didn’t like moments like these. When everything would be fine, then one of them would let something slip about the trial, Shane’s mental state or Nicky’s lost memories and the moment would be ruined as things turned awkward. They still weren’t quite sure how to handle these moments so they tried their best to avoid them. Although it was happening less frequently, it was still happening.

The bathroom door opened and Shane hurried back into the bedroom. He walked over to the older boy and placed his hand on his cheek. Nicky turned and his eyes locked with Shane’s. The brunette smiled at him.

“We’re okay, yeah?” Shane whispered.  
“Yeah” Nicky agreed.  
Shane nodded before bringing their lips together.  
“It’ll get easier” Nicky added after they had separated.  
“I know…”  
“It’ll just take some time, is all” Shane nodded one more time.  
“Now you… Go! Shower” Nicky ordered. “We can’t be late”  
“Fine” Shane obeyed. “I’m going”  
Shane turned on his heel and marched back into the bathroom.  
“I love you” Nicky called after him, smiling to himself.  
“Love you more” Shane replied before closing the door.

Nicky picked up a comb and turned back to the mirror. He couldn’t stop the smile that danced upon his lips as he thought of Shane. With one final sigh, he began the arduous task of perfecting his hair.


	2. Chapter 2

The sky was filled with clouds, rain threatening to fall as Nicky and Shane climbed out of Shane’s car. They crossed the car park and approached the church. A small group of people had converged outside the church and the couple approached. They were greeted by Kian and Jade. Despite being in a wheelchair, the young brunette was smiling brightly. She had made remarkable progress but still wasn’t back to full health. She grinned up at them and Shane placed a kiss on her cheek.  
“Afternoon lads” she greeted the couple.  
“It’s really good to see you, Jade” Nicky said. “You must be glad to be home from the hospital”  
“It has its moments… Like when Mark’s not hovering”  
“Speaking of, where is Mark?”  
The blonde didn’t miss the grimace that featured on Shane’s face as he spoke but he chose to ignore it.  
“He’s inside with Bryan” Kian replied.

Jade, having misread the tension among the band members, interrupted with a distraction.  
“So, what do you think of the wheelchair?” she gripped the wheels and gave a half-spin.  
The couple exchanged a look, both being too polite to call attention to her condition.  
“Uhhh… Yeah” Shane stammered. “Why do you have one?”  
“It’s just for today. Mark insisted I use it. He doesn’t want me to exsert myself… And he’s limited me to only six rolls of film! He won’t even let me work in the darkroom for longer than an hour”  
“It’s nice that he’s taking care of you” Nicky added.  
“I know but he doesn’t need to be over-bearing”

“Would you excuse me for a minute?” Shane asked the group. He kissed Nicky then walked away.  
Nicky watched him go, his eyes following him across the yard. Once Shane stopped and struck up a conversation with Fran & Natasha, Nicky turned back to Kian and Jade.  
“He cares about you” Kian told Jade.  
“He feels responsible for me” she replied. “He blames himself”  
“He shouldn’t!” Nicky argued.  
“But he does”  
Nicky averted his eyes, his gaze locked on Shane.

“We should have stayed” Nicky stated. “We should have been here for the funeral…”  
“Hey, it’s okay” Jade replied.  
“No. It’s not. I… I didn’t even think. I just… I was so focused on getting away, with helping Shane… That I… The funeral didn’t even cross my mind”  
“I’m sure Bobby would have understood”  
“Shane didn’t even mention it”  
“He’s still upset, isn’t he?”  
“Yeah… Yeah he is” it pained Nicky to have to admit it.  
“I’m sorry neither of us could testify”  
“You shouldn’t have had to… Christian is your brother”  
“What he did was wrong”  
“Well, what Shane and I did was wrong… We should have been at the funeral”

“Forget about it, Nicky” Kian spoke up. “There’s nothing you can do about it now”  
“I know” Nicky agreed.  
“I meant what I said, Bobby would have understood…” Jade added. “Besides, funerals are only for the living. I didn’t make it either but that doesn’t mean I didn’t love him. Bobby knew how much Shane appreciated him”

The church door opened and Mark stepped out into the grounds. He spotted Kian with Jade and Nicky and hurried over to them. Nicky could feel Shane’s eyes on him as he greeted Mark with a brief hug. He’d only seen the younger boy twice since they had returned home and Nicky was shocked to see how run-down and tired the brunette looked.

“Are you okay?” Nicky asked, not attempting to mask his concern.  
“I’m fine, Nicky” Mark lied. “Should we head inside?”  
The small group of friends headed towards the church. Nicky lost sight of Shane when a photographer leapt out at them and started snapping pictures of them.

“Not now!” Kian snapped as he pushed past the older man.  
“I’ll still be here when you come out” he taunted them.  
“Well then you can just wait” Kian shot back. He was more than happy to slam the door in his face.

Once inside, Kian accompanied Mark and Jade to the front of the room. Nicky remained in the back, his eyes scanning the room for Shane. Several more people filed in through the door and the blonde nodded a greeting to them before he resumed his search for Shane. He spotted Fran & Tash sitting in a pew near the middle of the room and began to wonder where Shane had disappeared to.

Several moments passed and there was still no sign of the brunette. Just as he was telling himself not to panic, he felt a hand on his waist and he spun around in surprise. His eyes met Shane’s and he signed with relief.

“Hey beautiful” Shane greeted him with a kiss.  
“Where were you?” Nicky asked.  
“Last minute gift”  
“Gift?”  
“For you” Shane held up a single pink rose.  
“Shay”  
“I saw it in the garden” he pinned the rose to Nicky’s jacket before adjusting the blonde’s tie.  
“Where’d you get the pin?”  
“My pocket”  
“You said you sewed that tear weeks ago”  
“Yeah… I lied”

Nicky shook his head in disbelief but he couldn’t hold back a smile.  
“It matches the tie you didn’t want to wear…” Shane stated. “I thought it would… I thought you might like it…”  
Nicky leaned forward, preparing to kiss Shane, but the couple were interrupted by Bryan.

“Sorry to, you know, interrupt” he greeted them. “But… Just whenever you’re ready, I’d like to christen my daughter some time today”  
Shane laughed while Nicky, sheepishly, averted his eyes.  
“We’ll be right there” Shane promised.

Bryan nodded, his eyes trailing from Shane to Nicky then back again. He sighed then turned his back and walked away. Shane turned back to the blonde. He gripped the pink tie and gently tugged the material, pulling Nicky towards him.  
“Now… Where were we?” Shane whispered.  
“Just about…” Nicky breathed, his lips mere centimetres from Shane’s. “Here”

“Nicky! Shane!” Bryan snapped, appearing beside them.  
Shane rolled his eyes. It was Nicky’s turn to laugh.  
“We’ll finish this later” Shane whispered in Nicky’s ear.

“There you are!”  
Kerry had joined Bryan in the hall. She was holding Molly in her arms and smiling at her daughters soon-to-be godfathers.  
“There she is” Nicky cooed as he hurried over to Kerry. He placed a kiss on Molly’s head and grinned down at her.  
“Much later” Shane sulked as Nicky fussed over the little girl.

*-*-*

The photographer kept his word. He was waiting patiently outside the Church when the guests began to file out. He wasn’t alone as several other photographers filled the yard. The singers were becoming accustomed to situations like this and politely posed for the paparazzi. Several minutes passed before Bryan and Kerry exited the Church and the photographers started again.  
The arrival of the couple and their daughter provided a good distraction. Nicky saw an opportunity so he took hold of Shane’s hand and slowly led him away from the crowd.

“Let’s go for a walk” Nicky suggested.  
“Now?” Shane asked.  
“Yeah”  
“But… I thought you wanted to go to the party”  
“I do. We can do both”

Shane nodded and followed Nicky’s lead. They walked in a comfortable silence for a ways until Nicky led the younger boy off the main path and over to a small garden. The brunette was the first to spot the small, engraved plaque. He froze mid-step and his grip on Nicky’s hand turned tense. The older boy paused, his eyes scanning Shane’s face.  
“Bobby” he whispered.  
Slowly, Shane released Nicky’s hand and dropped to his knees. He sat on the grass, re-reading the inscription and blinking back tears.  
“Take your time, Shay” Nicky whispered.  
He gently squeezed Shane’s shoulder before quietly walking away. He crossed to the other side of the path and sat down on the bench. His eyes scanned the vicinity and he was relieved to note they were alone. He leaned back in the seat and watched Shane from a distance. He’d purposely remained close enough for if Shane needed him but far enough away to give the younger boy some privacy. Nicky could see Shane’s lips moving but couldn’t make out the words.

“Hey Bobby” Shane began. “I… I don’t really know what to say. ‘I miss you’ seems too obvious and ‘I’m sorry’ doesn’t feel like enough”  
He reached out and gently touched the engraving.

“I should have come by sooner… But I didn’t. Probably because I wasn’t ready… (to say goodbye). I… I really hope you know how much you meant to me. You did so much but never asked for anything in return. I had… I’d promised myself that I would make it up to you someday but I never did”  
The tears spilled down his cheeks as the next words left his mouth. “I… I wasn’t even there for your funeral… I should have been here but I wasn’t. Honestly, I was on vacation with Nicky… But that was something I needed to do. I had to get away. I… I was a wreck. Internally anyway. And if you had been here, you would have told me to go… I mean, I was a mess. I don’t think Nicky even knows just how bad I was. Oh, I’m sure he suspected but I never told him the worst of it. There was so much I didn’t or couldn’t tell him… But I could always tell you”  
Shane paused, unsure if he should continue.

“My nightmares have started again. I don’t think Nicky’s noticed yet… Or if he has, he hasn’t said anything about it. This is the kind of thing I could talk to you about… Even if all you would say is ‘tell Nicky’. You… You were my rock, Bobby. And Nicky was so understanding about it. I know it hurt him when I confided in you but he knows why I did it. If it weren’t for you and everything you did for me, I don’t think I would have found my way back to him, back to my Nicky… I… I would have died back there. I know I would have… But you and Jade were willing to betray your own brother to help me”  
Another sob passed his lips.

“If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t be here right now”  
Shane wiped his eyes and continued talking.  
“But if it weren’t for me, you’d still be here”

The brunette buried his face in his hands and cried. His entire body shook as the tears spilled down his cheeks. He sat, trembling and sobbing, on the grass for several minutes, until he felt a pair of arms encircle him, followed by a kiss on the crown of his head.  
Nicky didn’t say a word. He just dropped to the ground beside Shane and held the younger boy in his arms, letting him know that he was there for him. Neither one of them spoke or moved, nor do they know how long they remained in that position for.

*-*

The older boy looked up and spotted a familiar figure walking along the path, grasping a bunch of flowers in his hand. The visitor began to slow down once he spotted the couple.

“Mark” Nicky whispered.

Shane broke away from Nicky and looked up at him. He turned his head, his eyes following Nicky’s gaze, and he spotted Mark. The blonde was more than surprised when Shane slowly raised his hand and motioned for the younger boy to join them.  
Nicky wasn’t sure who was more shocked by Shane’s actions, himself or Mark.

Mark continued his slow approach but once he reached them, he didn’t speak. He placed the bouquet of flowers on the ground in front of the plaque then averted his eyes. Shane slowly climbed to his feet. He placed his hand on Mark’s arm, took a deep breath then spoke.  
“It wasn’t your fault” Shane said.  
Nicky stared up at Shane in surprise. He wasn’t exactly sure which part of Mark’s guilt Shane had been trying to ease but he was proud of his lover for trying.

The younger boy didn’t say another word to either of them. He held his hand out to Nicky and helped the blonde to his feet. With one final glance at Bobby’s resting place, Shane turned and walked away.  
“We’ll see you at Bryan’s later?” Nicky asked Mark.  
The brunette nodded, unable to look at the blonde.  
“Okay. See you then”

Nicky turned and hurried after Shane. Once he reached the brunette’s side, he reached for his hand but Shane pulled away. As they continued down the path, heading back towards the church, a look of realization crossed Nicky’s face.  
He didn’t want to verbalise his thoughts but he knew that he needed to know the truth. The blonde stopped walking. Shane continued for several more paces before sensing Nicky had stopped. He paused and turned around.

“You didn’t mean it, did you?” Nicky asked him.  
“Mean what?” Shane replied, averting his eyes so he didn’t have to look into Nicky’s.  
“What you just said to Mark”  
“No” Shane sighed. “I didn’t”  
“Then why did you say it?”  
“Because it’s what he needed to hear”

Shane spun around and continued walking down the path. Nicky remained where he had stopped. He watched Shane walking away and his heart sank. He’d been so proud of Shane for saying what he had to Mark. He turned around and could still see the younger boy, kneeling on the ground and wiping his eyes.  
Maybe Shane hadn’t meant to words he had just spoken to Mark but Nicky knew what Shane had said, had been the truth.


	3. Chapter 3

Bryan and Kerry were throwing a small party for Molly. Shane didn't particularly feel like attending but he knew he needed to be there. Molly was now officially his god-daughter and he was more than willing to fulfil his duties. He also knew how much Nicky had been looking forward to it. He'd talked of nothing but for the past few days. Shane, himself, had also been looking forward to it... It had been a while since they'd had an informal gathering of all their friends and a chance to catch up. But with all that he'd been through recently, he hadn't been up to socialising much.

A thin layer of tension had formed between the two singers. They didn't say a word to each other for the remainder of the walk back to the church. Nor did they speak during the drive to Bryan's home. Shane suspected Nicky was mad at him for what he'd said but he chose to ignore it. He was entitled to his own opinions and he wasn't about to let Nicky influence his mind.

The blonde climbed out of the car and headed for the front door before Shane had removed his keys from the ignition. By the time the brunette made it inside, Nicky was nowhere in sight. He made a mental note to find him and talk about it later. For now, he decided, he was going to pretend his life was normal and enjoy an afternoon with his friends.

Nicky had made straight for the Kitchen, where he found Kerry and Natasha with Molly and Josh. He didn’t hide his delight when Kerry handed him his god-daughter and he kissed the top of her head. Molly grinned up at him and grabbed for his tie. Her innocent action sent an uneasy shiver down Nicky’s spine and he hastened to remove it. The small child whimpered as the material was taken away from her but all was forgotten once Kerry produced her favourite toy.

“I was just about to put her down for a nap” Kerry told him.  
“I’ll do it” Nicky offered.  
“Are you sure?”  
“Of course”  
“Well… Okay. Thanks Nicky” Kerry turned to Tash. “Did you want to put Josh down too?”  
“Yeah” Natasha agreed. “He’s had a long morning”

The two singers carried the children upstairs. As they walked, Tash wanted to say something to Nicky but wasn’t sure what. The awkwardness that had appeared earlier [while talking to Shane] now lingered between the two of them.

“It was a lovely ceremony” Tash ventured.  
“Yeah” Nicky agreed with her. “It was”

He tried to sound happy but his heart just wasn’t in it. He’d been looking forward to this get together but, with the way things were between him and Shane right now, he just wanted to be left alone.  
The blonde could tell Tash was making an effort to be nice to him but he could also sense that something else was bothering her. He placed Molly in her crib, thankful Kerry had already changed her, and then he turned to face Natasha.

“What is it?” Nicky asked the young woman.  
“What is what?” she replied, looking down at her son rather than at Nicky.  
“Why were you looking at me like that?”  
“Like what?”  
Nicky continued to stare at her until she finally looked up and met his eyes.

“I’m sorry” she said.  
The older boy wasn’t sure what she was apologizing for but he could tell she was being sincere about it.  
“Why didn’t you tell us you were gay?” she asked him.  
“What?”  
“We’ve known each other for awhile now and… I just… Why didn’t you trust us enough to be honest with us? Why didn’t Fran tell me?”  
“Tash,” Nicky began. “Shane and I didn’t tell anyone for a long time. Our own parents only found out a few weeks ago. It wasn’t that we didn’t trust you or anything. And… I… I didn’t know that Fran knew”  
“Oh”  
“We just wanted to keep it to ourselves for awhile”  
“When were you going to tell us? If those photos hadn’t been published-“  
“We were planning on telling our friends when the time was right… And when we were ready for everyone to know”  
“I still don’t understand… I mean I never suspected either of you were… You seem so normal”  
“I am normal, Tash. And so is Shane. We’re just like everybody else. We laugh, we cry, we bleed, we love… We love each other”  
Tash slowly nodded her head in understanding.  
“You… You’re not homophobic… Are you?” Nicky stammered.  
Her gaze hardened and she quickly averted her eyes.  
“I didn’t think I was” she admitted.

Nicky reached out and placed his hand on her shoulder. She looked up at him and he felt sympathetic towards her. She was being completely honest with him and, while he was surprised by what she was saying, he respected her for her honesty,

“I’m sorry” she said again.  
“Hey, it’s okay” Nicky assured her.  
“I think it’s just going to take some getting used to”  
“No kidding. It wasn’t exactly easy for me to accept either… But, after a while, I realized it’s just who I am. And I can’t change that. And… Now that I have Shane, why would I want to change it?”  
She smiled and nodded once more.  
“So, you’re not mad at me?” Tash asked him.  
“Why? I’ve got no reason to be” he admitted. “Everyone’s entitled to their own opinion. And, sometimes, people can change those opinions… But, even if you don’t, I hope we’ll still be friends”  
“I hope so too”

Nicky placed a kiss on her cheek before leaving her and Josh in the bedroom. He had meant what he said to her. Everyone *was* entitled to their own opinions…   
Maybe Nicky didn’t see eye-to-eye with his lover regarding the situation with Mark but Shane was allowed to think and feel whatever he wanted… Whether Nicky agreed with him or not.

Nicky had reached the top of the stairs when the door at the end of the hall opened and Kian & Mark exited the room. He nodded to them but didn’t stop. He needed to find Shane and talk to him.

“Bryan?” he called once he reached the bottom step.  
The younger boy stopped and waited for Nicky to approach him.  
“Hey Nicky” Bryan greeted him. “Is Molly asleep?”  
“Uh, yeah. I think so. Tash is still up there with Josh… Listen, have you seen Shane?”  
“Shane? Nope. Sorry. If I see him, I’ll tell him you’re looking for him”  
“Thanks”

 

“Nicky?” Kian appeared beside him. “Shane left already”  
“He what?” Nicky asked.  
“His mam called… Some family thing came up. He asked me to give you a ride home”  
“So he… He left without me?”  
“He wanted you to stay here… Hang out for awhile…”  
“Well, should I call him? I mean, he was here for all of two seconds”  
“I’m sure everything’s fine. He’ll call if he needs you”  
Nicky knew Kian spoke the truth but he still couldn’t understand why Shane would leave without saying goodbye to him.  
“Come on” Kian suggested. “Let’s grab a beer”

Still feeling a little uncertain, Nicky reluctantly followed Kian and Mark into the back yard and accepted a drink. He gave an inward sigh. If Shane wanted to attend a ‘family thing’ without him, it was his choice. Nicky decided to sulk about it later. For now, he was going to enjoy a drink or two. Maybe even three.

*-*-*-*

Shane reached the hospital in time to meet his brother in law. The older boy looked a little guilty.  
“Shane, you made it”  
“Of course” the brunette replied. “Why wouldn’t I?”  
“No reason… Just… It was a false alarm”  
“Oh, so she hasn’t gone into labour?”  
“No. You’re mam’s inside with Mairead now. I was just about to bring the car around”  
“Is anyone else here?”  
“I think Mae only called you”  
Shane nodded. “I might just go in and say hi”  
“I’ll see you later?”  
“Sure”  
“Oh, and Mairead wants you and Nicky to come for dinner soon”  
“It might be awhile… Tour rehearsals start tomorrow”  
“Ohhh, good luck with that”  
“Thanks. I’m going to need it”

The brunette entered the waiting room and found his mother and sister. He walked over to them and gave them both a hug each. Mae was happy to see him while Mairead was a little surprised.  
“Shane?” she greeted him. “What are you doing here?”  
“Mam called me” Shane replied.  
“Where’s Nicky?” his mother asked. “Didn’t he come with you?”  
“He’s at Bryans”  
“Gosh, the Christening… That was today, wasn’t it?”  
“Yeah”  
“I’m sorry, sweetie. I shouldn’t have called you”  
“It’s fine, mam. I wasn’t really in the mood for a party”

“Why don’t you come home with us?” Mairead suggested. “Join us for a late lunch?”  
“I… I don’t know” Shane replied.  
“Please?”  
He looked at his mother. She smiled at him, her eyes silently pleading with him.  
“Okay but don’t let me stay too long”  
“Of course, you’ll be wanting to get back to Nicky as soon as you can… Right?” his sister winked at him. Shane grinned at her. “Mam, you want to ride with Shane?”  
“You don’t have your car?” Shane asked her.  
“I was at Mairead’s when the false alarm started…” Mae told him. “I came here with her”  
“I’ll drive you back…”  
“I’d like that” 

They left the waiting room just as his brother in law pulled up in the car. Shane helped his sister into the car, promising to be right behind them. Then Shane and his mother headed for Shane’s BMW.


	4. Chapter 4

Shane visited with his sister for a little over an hour. He felt bad for abandoning Bryan and Kerry’s party but there was nothing he could do about it now. Well, he knew he could still return for the remainder of it but the moment had passed. He just wanted to go home and be alone for a while. Once he reached his house, his mood began to improve. It wasn’t that he didn’t like being with his family. But his reason for visiting said family had been an emergency which had turned into a false alarm. After the shock had worn off, he wasn’t in much of a partying mood.  
He considered going upstairs to catch up on some sleep but he wasn’t tired. Nor was he in the mood for another nightmare, which he knew would happen as soon as sleep overcame him. He changed his clothes (thankful to be out of his suit) then he wandered outside to visit his horses.

The brunette saddled his favourite horse then headed out into the back paddock. He realized it had been a few weeks since he’d last done this and the thought made him sad. He climbed onto the horse’s back and together they took off across the yard. His mind drifted, remembering the last time he’d pushed himself this hard.

The memory of Nicky, lying in a hospital bed, covered in burns and bruises, brought a tear to Shane’s eye and he stubbornly brushed it aside. Things were finally starting to fall back into place. He and Nicky were happy together. His court case, after months of delays, was finally over and they were now preparing to head off on tour again.  
Mark’s betrayal and Nicky’s lost memories still weighed heavily in Shane’s heart but he knew, in time, both of these could be rectified. Nicky’s memories would eventually return, the good and the bad, but they would get through it. They would work through it together, it would take time but it could be done. Shane knew every second of discomfort would be worth it to have his Nicky whole again. For he knew, that while Nicky put on a brave face, the blonde was still suffering. He pretended not to be but Shane knew him better than anyone, and he knew his love was still in pain. He wished for a way to help him but all they could do was wait for the memories to return.

Shane reached the edge of the property and rode through to a small clearing. The water in the stream looked calm and inviting. The flowers were in bloom around him and a sudden thought occurred to him. He tugged at the horse’s reins and hurried back to the house as fast as he could.

***---***

“I really don’t think it’s a good idea” Ryan insisted.  
“I spent the better part of a year in prison because of him” Christian reasoned.  
“I know and I’m sorry”  
“It wasn’t your fault… But he wanted to lock me up for something I didn’t do”  
“And it’s over now. Can’t you just let it go?”  
“Of course I can’t. I missed you, so much... And I wouldn’t have been away from you at all if it weren’t for him”  
“But we’re together now. Isn’t that more important now? I mean… If you do this… and get caught… We’ll be separated again”  
“Not if I don’t get caught”  
“Chris”  
“Ryan… I can’t do this without you”  
“Me?”  
“You’re close to them…”  
“I was his lawyer, nothing more”  
“You earned their trust. They’ll believe anything they tell you”  
“We were lucky, that’s all. My cover could have been blow so easily… And, I’m a lawyer! I can’t just sit back and watch you kill someone. You’re not a killer!”  
“Ry, I’m not going to kill him. I just want him to suffer, like he made me”  
“Hasn’t he been through enough?”  
“How can you say that to me? What about what I’ve been through?”  
“I know. It was hard for you but… Do you really need *his* help?”

Christian looked at Ryan with sympathetic eyes. His boyfriend was still learning so he couldn’t be mad at him. He had always been good at manipulating people; some more than others and his lover was proving more difficult than before. He reached out and placed his hand over Ryan’s.

“Shane needs to pay for what he put me through” Christian reasoned. “And we both know how much he cares for Nicky”  
“It just… It doesn’t seem fair that Nicky has to suffer too”  
“All’s fair in love and war… Shane loves Nicky. Shane must suffer… And the most effective way to hurt Shane is with Nicky. And for that, we need him”

“Chris, I kept you out of jail” Ryan continued. “And now you want to risk all that? Is he really worth all this? If we get caught…”  
“The hearing is in a week. He’s a low priority prisoner so there won’t be too much security. A few simple diversions and while the cops are distracted, we get him out of there”  
“How do you even know he’ll help you?”  
“Because… I’ll be offering him Nicky… To do whatever he wants to him for as long as he wants… There’s no way Tobey’s going to say no to that!”

***---***

Shane was in the process of preparing dinner when he heard the front door open then close. This was followed by the rattling of some keys, footsteps, a loud thud and then some giggling. He closed the cupboard then walked out into the hallway.

Kian had closed the front door and was in the process of hanging his jacket in the closet. Nicky was lying on his back on the floor, staring up at the ceiling, Freddy had leapt onto his chest and was licking his face. Nicky was laughing.

“Hey” Shane greeted them. “You’re home”

Kian looked up at Shane and narrowed his eyes. He slammed the closet door closed then stepped over Nicky’s body. The older boy giggled again and grabbed Kian’s ankle, stopping him from leaving.

“Ki-Ki” Nicky exclaimed. “Don’t be mad… You’re my friend!”  
The blonde attempted to free his foot but Nicky tightened his grip.  
“Nicky!” Kian warned him.  
“You’re so cute when you’re angry” Nicky laughed.

Kian looked up and his eyes met with Shane’s. The brunette was looking at him with an expression somewhere between shock and disappointment. Nicky couldn’t figure out why Kian had stopped struggling. He rolled over, on to his stomach, sending Freddy onto the floor, and he looked at what had distracted the younger boy. Shane was standing in the hall, watching them. Nicky had been occupied with Kian and, therefore, hadn’t spotted the brunette sooner.  
“Shane!” Nicky cheered.

“He’s drunk” Shane stated, staring at Kian.  
“So?” Kian shot back.  
“You were supposed to look after him”  
“No, I was supposed to drive him home”  
“Ki-“  
“I thought I was his taxi driver, not his babysitter”  
“Kian” Shane’s tone had softened, surprised by Kian’s attitude and words.  
“Piss off, Shane. I brought him home, okay? I did what you told me to, not what you asked… What you told me. I mean, too bad if I wasn’t actually planning on coming home tonight, huh? Just so long as Nicky got home, like you said”  
“I… Ki…”

Kian jerked his leg away from Nicky’s grasp and stormed off. He pushed past Shane and marched down the hall. A moment later, his bedroom door slammed closed, loud enough to echo through the house.

“Ooooh” Nicky laughed. “He was maaaaad”  
“Yeah” Shane agreed as he dropped to his knees beside Nicky. “Yeah, he was”  
“At me?”  
“No. Me, I think”  
“Oh. Am I mad at you?”  
“I don’t know” Shane reached out and placed his hand on Nicky’s shoulder. “Are you?”  
“I can’t remember… And my head hurts”  
Shane smiled.  
“Oh Nicky” he sighed, shaking his head. “What am I going to do with you?”  
He leaned closer to kiss the blonde but the older boy let slip another giggle.  
“You have dirt on your face” Nicky told him.

Shane reached up to brush it away but Nicky stopped him, He held Shane’s hand in his and reached out with his other to wipe the dust away.  
“I was out riding earlier” Shane said.

“You left me at Bryan and Kerry’s to go out riding?” Nicky wanted to know.  
“No” Shane admitted. “Mairead thought she was having her baby… But I didn’t want you to miss the party, so I went to the hospital without you. I’m sorry but I assumed you’d want to stay with everyone else… It was a false alarm though”  
“Oh”  
“Come on” Shane grabbed Nicky’s other hand and stood up. “I think we need to get you into bed”  
Nicky grinned as Shane helped him to his feet. He immediately let go of Shane’s hands and threw his arms around the younger boy’s neck.  
“I missed you” Nicky told him.  
“I was only gone a few hours” Shane replied.  
“Yeah, I know. But I still missed you”  
“I missed you too beautiful”

Nicky pressed his lips to Shane’s with such intensity that the younger boy struggled for breath. He wondered just how much Nicky had had to drink. Breaking Nicky’s embrace proved difficult but he eventually managed it.  
“Nicky” Shane gasped for air.  
The blonde slowly trailed one hand down Shane’s chest. He gripped his shirt and tightened his hold on his neck.  
“I love you” Nicky insisted.  
He pulled Shane to him for another kiss but the younger boy placed his hand on Nicky’s chest and carefully pushed him away.  
“Nicky?” Shane pleaded with the blonde.  
“Shane” the older boy slurred.

The brunette reached up and gently pried Nicky’s hand from his shirt. He entwined their fingers and kept his gaze locked with Nicky’s. Without warning, the older boy burst into tears. He released Shane and tried to separate himself from his fiancé; But Shane’s grip on his hand remained firm.  
“Nicky?” Shane began. “Baby?”  
“I’m sorry” Nicky sobbed.  
The younger boy attempted to engage Nicky in a hug but the blonde pushed him away.  
“Let go of my hand” Nicky begged.  
“No” Shane replied. “Nicky, what’s wrong?”  
Nicky shook his head and averted his eyes. The attempts of affection he’d just shown were long forgotten as Shane stared at his lover with shock and confusion on his face. A feeling of helplessness washed over him as he watched Nicky.  
“Nicky?” Shane whispered.

Again, Nicky shook his head as he blinked back tears. Shane reached out again and placed his hand on Nicky’s cheek. The blonde looked up and, finally, met Shane’s eyes.  
“Come on” Shane said to him, deciding to change the subject. “Let’s get you up to bed”  
Nicky slowly nodded his head before following Shane’s lead.  
The two singers quietly made their way up stairs. Shane opened the door to their bedroom and ushered Nicky inside. He switched on the light then led him over to the bed. Nicky sank down onto the mattress.

“Wait here” Shane said. “I’m going to get you a glass of water”  
He kissed Nicky’s forehead then turned on his heel and hurried from the room. When he returned, a few minutes later, he discovered his lover fast asleep.

Shane placed the glass on the bed side table and smiled down at his love. He left the room, switching off the light on the way and closed the door behind him.

Shane returned to the Kitchen then walked outside onto the back patio. The sight of the half-packed picnic basket caused his heart to sink. He picked it up and took it inside. He went back outside and down to the field. His horse was grazing, waiting for Shane and Nicky. He walked over to the animal and gently stroked its mane.  
“Sorry buddy” Shane said. “No ride. No picnic I’m afraid”  
The horse took the news better than Shane had and the singer quickly returned him to the stable.

The brunette returned to the Kitchen and unpacked the picnic basket. As he moved about the Kitchen, his vision of a romantic evening with Nicky kept haunting him and he quickly gave up. He nibbled on some of the food he’d prepared but found he wasn’t hungry. He packed up the remaining food and stored it in the refrigerator before turning off the light and going back upstairs.

Shane opened the bedroom door and walked over to the bathroom. He switched on the light and turned around to check on Nicky. The blonde was still fast asleep, fully clothed, on top of the duvet. Shane smiled then quietly approached. He knelt on the floor beside him and gently untied Nicky’s shoelaces before removing the shoes. It was then that he noticed Nicky had already removed his tie. Shane spotted Nicky’s jacket on the floor and picked it up. He reached inside the pocket and located the tie. He stood up, hung the jacket inside the closet and moved back over to the sleeping blonde. Moving quietly, as to not disturb Nicky, Shane unbuckled the older boy’s belt. He held the leather strap in his hand, staring down at Nicky with a hint of sadness in his eyes. Nicky had lost so much weight lately; his clothes were practically swimming on him. Shane placed the belt aside and began to unbutton Nicky’s shirt.

The blonde began to stir. His hand slowly came up and closed over Shane’s. He watched as Nicky’s eyes flickered open and the older boy smiled up at him. Shane returned the smile and continued with the buttons. Nicky slowly sat up, moving over to make room for the brunette on the bed. The younger boy climbed onto the mattress and finished unbuttoning the shirt. He pushed Nicky’s shirt off his shoulders as Nicky leaned forward and kissed him.  
Shane tossed the shirt aside and wrapped his arms around Nicky’s waist. He felt Nicky’s hand on his neck and he deepened their kiss, closing his eyes and losing himself in his lover’s embrace. They exchanged several intense kisses before Nicky’s lips left Shane’s and began to lead a trail along his jaw then down his neck.

“Nicky” Shane whispered. “We shouldn’t…”  
“I know” Nicky agreed through his kisses. He stopped and looked up at Shane, an expression of confusion upon his face. “Wait… Why not?”  
“Because”  
“That’s not much of a reason”  
“We’re still not ready yet” Nicky slowly moved away from the brunette, watching him closely. “We? Shay, before this happened… I was ready. We both were…”  
“But things are different now, Nix. I’m not ready anymore... And I think a part of you isn’t ready for this either”

Shane tried to read the expression on Nicky’s face but the blonde had moved out of the light. Hiding in silence in the darkness, Nicky considered Shane’s words. Deep down, he knew the younger boy was right.  
“I just want to be with you” Nicky whispered.  
“I know” Shane replied, once again reaching for Nicky’s hand.  
“I want to know what it feels like to *be with* you”  
Shane pulled Nicky to him and held him tight.  
“You will” he whispered in his ear. “I promise”  
“Just… Not tonight”  
“Not tonight” Nicky nodded in understanding. “Besides, we start rehearsals tomorrow. Can you imagine what state Kian would be in if we turn up too exhausted to work?”  
“No thanks” Nicky laughed. “I think he’s mad enough at you as it is”

Shane smiled then placed a kiss on Nicky’s forehead. He finally pulled away and picked up the glass of water. He handed it to Nicky and urged him to drink it. While Nicky obliged, Shane stood up and returned to the bathroom. He changed into his pyjamas then washed his face and brushed his teeth. He switched off the light and walked over to the bed. Nicky had finished the water and was now curled up under the blankets.  
The younger boy slid in between the sheets and lay down, resting his head on the pillow. Nicky shifted closer, snuggling up beside Shane. The younger boy wrapped an arm around the blonde and gently stroked his hand along his back until…  
“Nicky!” Shane gasped. “Are you… Are you naked?”  
“Yes” Nicky replied.

He froze as the blonde’s reply sank in. Nicky hadn’t slept nude since before they had become a couple. Shane had known (at the time) that Nicky preferred sleeping in the buff but the blonde had taken to at least wearing underwear once they had started sharing a bed. After the attack in the hotel during Shane’s abduction, Nicky had started wearing complete pyjama sets.

“Is that okay?” Nicky asked Shane.  
“Yes” Shane smiled to himself. “It’s perfect”

The smile remained on Shane’s lips as he closed his eyes and pulled Nicky closer to him.  
His court ordeal was finally over. Tour rehearsals were scheduled to begin the next morning and Nicky was falling back into an old routine. Shane knew things were starting to look up and his Nicky was becoming whole again.  
Shane’s smile remained long into the night. The expression on Nicky’s face matched that of his fiancé’s for equally as long.


	5. Chapter 5

The tour rehearsals were off to a good start, despite some minor technicalities. Such as song choices and difficult dance moves… These decisions weren’t easy to resolve owing to the fact that, for the time being, Shane wasn’t speaking to Mark and Kian wasn’t speaking to Shane. Both Bryan and Nicky attempted to resolve these issues but quickly gave up. Shane still wasn’t budging on where he stood with Mark and, for some reason; Kian wouldn’t say why he was mad at Shane.

They spent a week in the dance studio trying to memorize the new dance moves. This only proved to heighten Kian’s foul mood. One afternoon Kian was rehearsing with Pricilla while Mark and Bryan sat in a corner. They had a notebook open between them and kept whispering back and forth. Shane was up the other end of the room, sitting on the floor with his back against the mirrored wall. Nicky lay on his back, his head in Shane’s lap. He was holding up the morning newspaper and reading it aloud to the brunette.  
Shane was only half listening to Nicky. He was watching Mark and Bryan, wondering what they were up to. Mark’s laughter carried across the room and Shane looked over in time to see Bryan place his hand on Mark’s arm. Something made Shane avert his eyes. He glanced across at Kian and noticed the blonde was staring at their band mates. Shane’s entire body tensed as he recognized the look on Kian’s face. There was no mistaking the jealousy in his eyes.

Nicky felt the tension appear in Shane and he slowly lowered the newspaper to look at the younger boy.  
“Shay?” Nicky began. “You alright?”  
“Yeah babe” Shane lightly caressed Nicky’s forehead. “I’m fine”

“Kian!” Pricilla shouted at the distracted singer. “Pay attention!”  
“Why should I?” he demanded, having finally snapped.  
“I… Kian…”  
“Mark doesn’t have to learn these stupid routines! Like the fans are really going to care if we dance or not”

By now the four other singers were staring at their band mate and friend. Kian cast one annoyed look around the room before storming off. The door slammed shut behind him. Shane and Nicky exchanged a look while Bryan and Mark stared at each other in shock.  
Shane was the first to move. He gently ushered Nicky aside then climbed to his feet. The blonde reached up and grabbed hold of his wrist. The younger boy stopped and looked down at him.

“Shay, are you sure you should go after him?”  
“I have to”  
“But… If he’s in one of his moods…”  
“All the more reason for me to go talk to him”  
“Shane-“  
“I’ll be right back, okay?”

Nicky reluctantly released Shane’s hand and let the brunette walk away. He leaned back against the wall and picked up the paper again. He’d barely glanced at it when Pricilla approached him for a one-on-one rehearsal. Nicky’s mind wasn’t really in it but he knew it had to be done… He also needed the distraction while Shane was gone. The blonde reluctantly stood up and followed her.

***---***

Shane spotted Kian in the hallway. He called out to the blonde and the younger boy stopped. Shane hurried over to him.

“Kian” Shane began.  
“What?” the blonde snapped.  
“Well… That’s all I got… What’s up with you?”  
“Like you care”  
“Of course I care”  
Kian snorted.

Shane placed his hand on Kian’s arm and led him down the hall. He opened a door and ushered the younger boy inside. It was a smaller studio than the one they were working in and it was empty.  
“What was that (back there) Ki?” Shane asked.  
“Nothing” Kian argued as he pulled away from his friend.  
“Listen… I’m sorry for whatever I’ve done to piss you off…”  
“It’s not just that…”  
“Then what is it? Please, tell me Kian”  
“I… No”

Shane watched his friend for a moment. The blonde shoved his hands into his pockets and shuffled his feet, staring down at the floor. The brunette decided to take a chance.

“You’re in love with Mark” Shane said. “Aren’t you?”  
Kian’s head shot up and he looked at Shane in fear.  
“I… What?” he stammered.  
Shane sighed.  
“I’ve seen the way you’ve been looking at him lately… And I saw the look of jealousy on your face when Bryan touched him just now…”  
Kian didn’t confirm or deny the accusation.

“Does he know?” Shane asked.  
The blonde averted his gaze and slowly shook his head from side to side.  
“Why not?”  
“Why not?” Kian snapped, glaring at Shane. “Because of you!”  
“Me?”  
“I…”  
Kian sighed in defeat then collapsed in a nearby chair.  
“I had been going to tell him after Molly’s christening. We were in the guest bedroom when you came charging in and told me to babysit Nicky… And before I could say ‘no’, you took off”  
“I’m sorry” Shane said to him. “I just didn’t think you’d mind”  
“Exactly... You didn’t think! You just assume. I have a life of my own too”  
“I know”  
“Do you? Shane… I know you’ve been through a lot. I understand that you… You’ve come to rely on me. And, for the most part, I’m okay with that. I want to be there for you… To help you but I… I can’t do it 24/7. I need to live my own life”  
“With Mark?”  
“I know you’re mad at him Shane… But I’m not. He made a mistake but none of this is his fault. I can see it and so can Nicky… Why can’t you?”  
“I…” Shane trailed off.

“You just want someone to blame” Kian said. “But he explained everything to you. You listened to him and you can’t deny that a part of you *did* believe him”  
“Don’t tell me what to believe! I know what he did… What he put me through”  
“What he put you… You know what Shane? You need help!”

“Excuse me?” Shane asked.  
“Yeah” the blonde continued. “You really need help. You have to move on Shane. It’s like you can’t focus unless you’re blaming someone. Christian’s the one to blame and he got punished. Maybe not severely enough for you but he got some kind of punishment. So you started to focus on Tobey and Kane but Kane’s dead and Tobey’s in jail… You’re running out of people to be mad at so you’re focusing your hate on Mark”  
“Fuck off Ki… You don’t know what you’re talking about”  
“I’m just worried about you”  
“No, you’re worried about your precious Mark. How could you fall in love with him, knowing what he put us through?”  
“He didn’t do it!”  
“Fine, take his side”  
“I’m not on anyone’s side, Shane”

Kian could tell from the way Shane was glaring at him that he wasn’t going to be able to convince the brunette of that. He sighed in frustration and slid off the chair, onto the floor.  
The anger that had been building inside of Shane began to fade as he stared down at his defeated friend. He took a deep breath and slowly released it. He carefully dropped to his knees and placed his hand on Kian’s shoulder.  
They had been friends for as long as he could remember. They had had worse fights than this and Shane didn’t want this to be their last.

“I’m sorry” Shane said to the blonde.  
Kian slowly nodded and Shane spotted a tear rolling down his cheek. The brunette reached out and brushed his friend’s tear away.  
“You really care about him, don’t you?” Shane asked him.  
Again Kian nodded.

Shane took a deep breath. He was still annoyed at Kian for his previous comment but his friend was clearly upset and he knew he needed to help him.  
“So… You should tell him” Shane coaxed him.  
“I can’t…” Kian whispered. “Not now”  
“Why not?”  
“I… I’m too scared”  
“Scared? You? Oh Ki…”  
“I was so close to telling him… I felt like it was a ‘now or never’ kind of moment and you came in and I panicked. I thought you showing up was a sign and now I’m too nervous to try again”  
“I was nervous and scared too… When I had to tell Nicky how I felt about him… And he was just as scared” Shane smiled to himself. “But it ended up being one of the best things I’ve ever done” He held his hand up, showing Kian the ring Nicky had given him for his birthday.

“One day, you could be wearing one of these” Shane continued. “Is that what you want?”  
Kian stared at Shane’s ring for a long time.  
“I don’t know” he admitted. “I… I’ve never really thought about marriage before”  
“Okay… Maybe we’re looking too far ahead”  
“Maybe I’m just… Lonely”  
”Maybe you are but maybe you’re not… And maybe” Shane took a hesitant deep breath. “Maybe you’re meant to be with Mark?”

Kian smiled. “But you don’t want to believe that, do you?”  
“It doesn’t really matter what I think… Or want to think” Shane told him. “If you really love him and want to be with him, I can’t stop you… And if being with him is going to make you happy then I… I wouldn’t want to (stop you)”

The younger boy looked up and met Shane’s eye. He held his gaze, searching his friends’ eyes and only seeing sincerity. He reached out to him and Shane pulled him into a hug. They remained on the floor for several minutes until Kian pulled away. He blinked his eyes several times to remove all traces of his tears then he smiled at Shane.  
“Thanks” he said. “For this”  
“No worries”  
“No, I haven’t been very fair or nice to you lately and I’m sorry”  
“Forget about it… It’s kinda been going both ways so… I’m sorry too”  
Kian nodded.

“And if…” Shane continued. “If there’s anything I can do to help you-“  
“Forgive Mark?” Kian suggested.  
“Anything BUT that, just let me know”  
“You can’t stay mad at him forever, Shane”  
“I know and I… I will forgive him Ki. Just not now… Not until I’m ready”  
“Okay” Kian nodded.  
“Okay?” Shane asked.  
“I know you Shane. You don’t hold grudges… And you don’t lie either. I believe you when you say you’ll forgive him”  
“Do me a favour then… Convince Nicky of that?”  
“Sorry, can’t do that… You and Nicky are on your own from now on”

Shane was quick to catch Kian’s double meaning.  
“You’re moving out?” Shane asked him.  
“After the tour, yes”  
“Where will you go?”  
“I don’t know yet”  
“Why don’t you move in with Mark?”  
“Shane!”  
“What?”  
“One step at a time, okay?”  
“Okay”

Kian climbed to his feet then offered his hand to Shane. He helped the older boy to his feet then the two of them headed back to the rehearsal studio. They stopped just shy of the door when Kian turned to Shane.

“Can I ask a favour?” Kian asked him.  
“Depends, what?” Shane replied.  
“Don’t tell Nicky I’m leaving”  
“Why not?”  
“Please? I… I want to tell him myself”  
“You know I can’t lie to him”  
“You’ve done it before”  
“Kian!”  
“I… I mean… It’s not lying. Just don’t bring it up in conversation”  
Shane sighed. “Okay but… If he asks me direct, I’m not going to lie”  
“Is he likely to just come out and ask you?”  
“Well… No”  
“Okay then”

Shane opened the door to the studio and spotted Nicky rehearsing with Pricilla. He smiled at the blonde who raised his eyebrows, questioningly. Shane nodded his head, answering his lover’s unspoken question. Nicky smiled with relief and continued dancing.  
Kian exchanged a look with Shane before walking over to Pricilla to apologise for walking out on her. Shane walked over to Bryan and Mark and sat down beside Bryan.

“What are you up to?” he asked the blonde.  
“Nothing” Bryan was quick to respond.  
“Come on, out with it” Shane said to him.  
“We’re putting together a list of backup songs” Mark admitted.  
“Back up songs?” Shane frowned.  
Bryan and Mark exchanged a look.  
“We want to be prepared for if you or Nicky… Panic and need to go off stage for awhile. We’re picking songs that me, Mark and Ki can sing to buy the two of you some time offstage together”  
“Neither one of you have been in front of a crowd since all this happened” Mark added. “We just want to be prepared”  
“Prepared?”  
“We all know that if you lose it and run off the stage, Nicky will go after you… And vice versa. And if that happens, we can’t just stop the show. So we’re coming up with some diversions”  
Shane reached out and picked up the open notebook. His eyes scanned the page, reviewing their song choices. He nodded then handed the book back to Bryan.

“Are you okay?” the blonde asked him.  
“Yeah” Shane nodded again. “No, you uh… It’s a good idea… You never know what might happen, right?”  
“So, you’re not mad?”  
“Mad? No… It’s fine. Really I…Uh… Just… I should have thought of it first is all”  
“We didn’t expect you to. But we… We didn’t want you to think we didn’t have faith in you… Or Nicky. It’s just a back up plan”  
“I know” Shane smiled. “And it’s a good one… But… Let’s not tell Nicky, okay?”  
“Well… We weren’t going to tell you”  
“I just don’t want him to worry about it. I think he’s a little nervous about the tour. To be honest, I am too. So it’s… A bit of a relief to know you’re looking out for us”  
“Of course we are, Shane” Bryan assured him. “Of course we don’t want anything to go wrong but nothing is more important to us than you and Nicky. If either of you don’t feel ready to do this… We don’t have to”  
“No” Shane insisted. “We want to do it. We need to do this”  
“No one’s forcing you-“ Mark began.  
“We know. Thanks lads”

Shane turned on his heel and walked away. He crossed the studio and sat down on the floor. A minute later Nicky joined him, having just finished his practice with Pricilla. The brunette handed him a bottle of water and Nicky took a long swig.  
“Ki seems to be in a better mood” Nicky said. He lay back and settled down on the floor, staring up at the ceiling. Shane nodded in agreement then realised Nicky couldn’t see him from his position on the floor.  
“Yeah, he is”  
“So it all went okay? You’re friends again?”  
“Yeah” Shane smiled. “Yeah, we’re fine now”  
“I’m glad”  
“Me too, Nix”  
“So what happened?”  
“What do you mean?”  
“Why was Kian mad at you and why was he in a bad mood?”  
“It doesn’t matter now, does it? It’s all good now”  
“I guess” Nicky yawned then closed his eyes.  
“Tough rehearsal?” Shane asked him. Nicky nodded his head.

Shane looked down at Nicky and smiled. The blonde looked so calm and peaceful that he couldn’t contain himself. He moved forward and reached down with his hand to brush the blonde’s cheek. Nicky’s eyes flickered open and he looked up at Shane. The younger boy smiled then leaned down and gently brought their lips together. He felt Nicky’s hand sneak around his neck and pull him ever closer. They both closed their eyes and lost themselves in the feeling of the other’s arms around them.

*

After Kian’s return to the studio and apology to Pricilla, the dance instructor wasn’t ready to press him into another rehearsal so she suggested they stop for lunch. She was the first to leave the studio, followed by Kian then Bryan. Mark lingered for a moment longer, watching the exchange between Nicky and Shane.  
They looked so content with each other; Shane pulled Nicky to his feet and wrapped his arms around him. The two singers seemed to be dancing to music only they could hear…  
Mark watched, staring at the way Shane’s hand lightly caressed Nicky’s cheek and how Nicky’s eyes never left Shane’s. They stared at each other as though they were the only two people on Earth and Mark felt his heart pounding in his chest.

The studio door opened once more and Kian reappeared. The blonde stopped and looked at Mark before following his line of sight to see what Mark was staring at.  
“I left my phone…” Kian explained.  
He stepped past Mark, walked across the room and picked up his phone. Kian walked back over to Mark and placed his hand on his arm.  
“You coming?” Kian asked him. Mark slowly averted his eyes and turned to look at his friend.  
“Uh… Yeah” Mark replied.

The two singers left the studio together. Kian quietly pulled the door closed after them, leaving Nicky and Shane undisturbed in the studio. As the two singers walked down the hall, Kian sensed something was very wrong with his friend.

“Mark? Are you okay?” Kian asked.  
“Yeah, sure” Mark replied. “Why wouldn’t I be?”  
“I saw you watching them” Kian pressed on, wanting to be honest with him. “And I saw the look on your face”  
“What look?”  
Mark stopped walking and looked at Kian in defiance.  
“Mark, it’s okay” Kian assured him. “You can talk to me. I swear, I won’t say anything to anyone”  
Mark sighed and, all too easily, he gave in.

“It sounds stupid but I was just watching the way they are with each other” Mark explained. “And it… It just occurred to me that… He’s never going to look at me like that”  
“Mark-“  
“No, I mean… I know that he’s with Shane and always will be but… I don’t know… I think maybe a part of me was still hopeful. These feelings I’ve had for him aren’t going to go away overnight and every once in a while, I’d think to myself that maybe one day he’d notice me… But just then, I was looking at him and he didn’t even realize I was there… Neither of them noticed when you came barging back into the room… They were so lost in each other, like nothing else in the world mattered to them”  
“I… I don’t know what to say”  
“I guess there’s nothing to say”

Kian nodded in understanding then did the only thing he could think of. He moved closer and wrapped his arms around his friend. The younger boy allowed himself to be taken into his friend’s arms. He buried his face in Kian’s neck and closed his eyes, willing his pain to ease. It had been foolish of him to hold on to his feelings for Nicky and he knew that but he still wasn’t sure he’d be able to let them go… Not yet anyway.


	6. Chapter 6

Shane stared at the clock beside the bed, watching the minutes tick away. Nicky had drifted off to sleep an hour earlier and Shane dared not wake him. It had been a long time since they had had a regular sleeping pattern, for even though Nicky had no memory of his kidnap his sleep was still plagued by nightmares. The brunette felt Nicky stir beside him and his entire body tensed, preparing for the worst. A moment later, the older boy settled and continued sleeping without distraction.

The younger boy quietly slid out from under the duvet and groped in the darkness for his robe. He pulled the garment tightly around his body as he made his way across the bedroom. As he opened the door, Shane felt something small and fluffy run past him and into the room.  
“Freddy!” Shane whispered.

The small puppy didn’t make a sound until he reached the end of the bed. Sighing to himself, Shane reluctantly walked over to the whimpering dog and scooped him up in his arms before depositing him on the bed.  
“Just don’t wake him” Shane whispered to Freddy.

The puppy gave his owner’s hand an affectionate lick before curling into a ball and going straight to sleep. Shane smiled to himself and shook his head then he left the room. He walked down the hall and down the stairs, moving slowly in the dark. He eventually reached the Rec room and turned the light on. The brightness blinded him for a moment and he moved towards the couch.  
His eyes fell upon a travel brochure. He picked it up and aimlessly flicked through the pages. Their honeymoon was still a long way off but Nicky was already trying to find the perfect getaway.

Shane sighed and tossed the brochure aside. He was restless and bored. The brunette wasn’t tired so there was no point in trying to sleep. He walked over to the desk and the phone. He checked his watch and noted it was too late to call anyone because they’d be sleeping. Instead, he pressed ‘play’ on the answering machine. The message he’d saved earlier was still there. He hoped Nicky hadn’t heard it yet.

“Shane, it’s Jim… Or Officer Readen as you always call me… No, this isn’t a ‘social’ call… Just a reminder that… uh… That thing you called me about… Well, its tomorrow morning at the Court House… I’ll be there around nine… So uh… Call me if you need to… Just let me know if I should be expecting you… Maybe I’ll see you tomorrow. Bye” 

Shane hit the ‘rewind’ button and played the message back once more. He took a deep breath and tried to calm himself. There was no doubt in his mind that he wanted to be there with Jim when Tobey was brought in to be charged but he didn’t want Nicky to know about it. 

Shane wasn’t sure if he’d be able to go without Nicky finding out. He wasn’t comfortable with lying to the blonde but he didn’t want to upset him either.  
“What’s going on?”

The brunette jumped a mile and spun around in shock. He was relieved that he didn’t scream aloud. Kian was standing in the doorway, looking at him in confusion.

“Ki!” Shane gasped. “You nearly gave me a heart attack!”  
“Sorry,” Kian apologised.  
“What are you doing up?”  
“Bathroom… Saw the light on in here…”   
“I couldn’t sleep… Didn’t want to wake Nicky so I came down here”  
“That message you were listening to-?”  
“You heard it?”  
Kian nodded. “What’s it about?”  
“Tobey. He’s… Officer… Uh Jim says they’re going to charge him for Kane’s murder”  
“And Nicky?”  
“There’s a chance he can be done for that too but Jim doesn’t know if they can keep Nicky’s identity classified. If they can’t… Well, I don’t think Nicky’s up to testifying right now”  
“Now? I don’t think he would even if he could”  
“One day he’s going to remember, Ki… I know he will… And he deserves justice. How do you think he’s going to feel when those memories come back and he realises the bastard that did it to him is still out there?”  
“If he’s done for murder then he’ll be in prison and Nicky will be safe”  
“I just… I wanna be there tomorrow”  
“Shane, is that-  
“I want to see him get punished! I need to be there…”  
“How does Nicky feel about that?”  
“He doesn’t know”  
“Oh”

The two friends fell silent, both thinking it over. Kian didn’t understand why Shane was acting like this. His own trial was over, there was no reason for him to go back there and relive it. The younger boy knew it wasn’t the same thing but he was afraid what would happen to Shane should he go back before he was ready. Shane stared at Kian, waiting to hear his friend’s opinion.

“Shane…” Kian began. “I don’t think you should go”  
“Why not?” Shane asked.  
Kian stepped into the room and approached the older boy.  
“It’s too soon” Kian stated.  
“What?”  
“You know… The whole Christian thing… What if by going and seeing Tobey’s case, it stirs up memories of your own?”  
“I’m okay Kian. That won’t happen”  
“You don’t know that”  
“Yes, I do!”  
“Shane-“  
“I’m going, Kian… You can’t stop me”  
“I could tell Nicky! He’d stop you”

Shane’s eyes flew up to meet the blonde’s.  
“No” Shane begged. “Please don’t”  
“He should know”  
“No, not yet anyway”  
“Sha-“  
“Kian, I swear… I’ll tell him when I get back”  
“I still don’t think it’s a good idea”

With that, Kian turned and left the room. Shane watched him go but didn’t say anything further. He moved back towards the couch and sat down. A small part of him could see where Kian was coming from but he knew he needed to do this. No, he knew he would do this.

***---***

Escaping the house the following morning without Nicky catching him proved difficult but, somehow, Shane managed it. He felt terrible for keeping a secret from his lover but he knew it was necessary. He reasoned that it was only a temporary lie for he was going to tell Nicky everything when it was all over.

Shane locked his car and walked down the street towards the court house. He spotted the familiar figure of Officer Readen and he smiled. He hurried over to the older man and greeted him.

“Still haven’t told Nicky then?” Jim asked him.  
“Not yet” Shane replied. “But I will”  
“This shouldn’t take too long… He’s up first”  
“Is he here yet?”  
“Arrived a few minutes ago”  
Shane nodded as he felt his stomach churn. He knew he didn’t need to feel nervous but he couldn’t help it. The last time he’d seen Tobey, he’d wanted to rip him apart with his bare hands.

“Are you okay?” Jim asked.  
“Huh?” Shane asked.  
“Shane, you know you don’t have to be here…”  
“Yeah” Shane sounded distracted. “I know”  
“Are you sure you want-“  
“Yes!”  
Jim eyed the younger man, carefully, then decided not to push him further.  
“Well… Should we go in then?”  
“Uh… Sure… Let’s just get this over with”

***---***

When Nicky awoke alone in the morning, he wasn’t overly concerned. The blonde assumed Shane had gone for an early morning horse ride so he didn’t worry. He climbed out of bed, showered and shaved then dressed and went downstairs for a late breakfast.  
The singer turned the radio on and set about preparing breakfast. Some time passed before Kian entered the room. Nicky spotted him and called ‘Good Morning’ over the sounds of the radio.

“You hungry?” Nicky asked him. “I can make you some”  
“No thanks” Kian replied. “I ate my breakfast at breakfast time”  
The older boy stuck his tongue out at his friend before returning to his food.  
“Do you know what time Shane went out?” Nicky asked.

Kian paused for a moment, his mind scrolling through possible answers to give.  
“Uh, out?” Kian asked. “Out where?”  
Nicky turned to look at Kian once more.  
“He’s gone riding, no?” Nicky asked.  
“I… I guess… I mean, I haven’t actually seen him this morning but I’ve been in the Rec room… Reading”  
“Oh”  
“Well, you know Shane… He can be out there all day and think only two hours have passed… He’ll wonder in around dinner and ask what’s for lunch”  
“That is so true” Nicky agreed, laughing.

“So… Any plans for today?” he asked Kian, changing the subject.  
“Not really… Just looking forward to a day off”  
“Me too… Though I have to return a call to someone at some magazine…”  
“Is there a problem?”  
“No, oh no… Uh, they keep calling… Wanting to interview me and Shane…”  
“Now that the trial’s over, you mean”  
“Yeah”  
“Are you going to do it?”  
“I don’t know”  
“Well… Do you want to do it?”

Nicky sighed and pushed his plate of food aside. He looked up, his eyes meeting his friends’.  
“I really don’t know” Nicky admitted. “Shane and I haven’t really talked about it…”  
“The interview?”  
“No… It”   
The older boy averted his gaze, staring down at his hands. Tears formed in his eyes but he was quick to blink them away.  
“Oh” Kian nodded in understanding. “Why not?”  
“Because…” Nicky didn’t meet his friends’ eyes as he spoke. “I’m afraid to”   
“What? Why?”  
“Because Shane’s okay now... And I’m worried that bringing it up will set him off again. He obviously doesn’t want to talk about it… He doesn’t even want to think about it. I… I think he just wants to forget it ever happened”  
“What about you?”  
“What about me?”  
“You want to talk about it, don’t you?” Kian paused, his mind calculating what Nicky was trying to say. “You’re worried about him… He needs to accept what happened to him and acknowledge it… Not repress it”  
“Maybe… But there’s a difference between accepting and… And flaunting”  
“Flaunting?” Kian gasped.  
“Okay, not quite the word I was looking for… I just meant that… Talking to a magazine about it won’t make it better… Spilling it all out to a tabloid, that puts it out there for whole world to know about”  
“You think that’ll make it worse?”  
“I don’t know”  
“So don’t talk about it during the interview”  
“What?”  
“I just mean… Sure, everyone wants to know what happened to him but he doesn’t have to say… Besides, there’s another story to be told here. The two of you! Forget about the trial and what you both went through [for now]… Focus on your relationship with one and other. Tell everyone how you feel… Sure, it’s all publicity for the tour but it’s also a chance for you to tell the real story about the two of you as a couple”

Nicky finally looked up at Kian, a hint of uncertainty still remained in his eyes.  
“Just think about it” Kian said. “At least talk to Shane before making a decision… Besides, isn’t that what couples do, make decisions together?”  
Nicky smiled. “You’re right”  
“Of course I am”  
“I just don’t want to worry him… It’s taken so long for him to move on”  
“But it’s all over now… It can’t exactly get any worse, can it?”

***---***

Shane was nervously fidgeting with his tie as he followed Jim from the court room. His hand was shaking from both anxiety and anger. It had taken all of his willpower to remain dignified in public and not attack Tobey. Shane had remained perfectly calm during the hearing but his insides had been churning. The very sight of the older man had filled him with such a burning hatred. When he spoke, pleading ‘Not Guilty’ to kidnap, torture and murder, Shane’s eyes had filled with tears.  
The voice that had spoken those two small words had been the one he’d heard on the phone, torturing his lover and causing Nicky such pain. Jim had sensed Shane’s discomfort and offered to escort him from the room but the young singer had been determined to stay.   
A court date had been set for several months in the future and Shane wanted to see Tobey one more time. He wanted to watch as the man who plagued Nicky’s nightmares was taken back to prison.

Shane loosened his tie and lowered his hands. He walked a few paces before stopping and placing his hand on the banister by the stairs. He could sense Jim behind him but neither one of them spoke.  
They remained where they were for several minutes. Shane had sensed an approaching anxiety attack but it quickly abated.

“Officer’s Devlin and Hartigan will be bringing him out in a moment” Jim stated. “He’ll be put in that van and transported back to Jail…”

The brunette singer stared down at the van. Two Garda cars were parked, one on either side of the van. He could see an officer in the driver’s seat of both cars.

For some unknown reason, the image made him feel uncomfortable. Shane closed his eyes before opening and closing his fist several times.  
Sensing the younger man’s unease, Jim spoke to him.

“It’s over, Shane. Just go home”  
“I can’t” Shane opened his eyes and looked up at him with such determination. “Not yet”  
“Shane-“  
“I have to see him get back in that car… I need to know he’s going to be locked up”  
“He is, Shane… But you don’t need to-“  
“Yes! I do!”

Shane straightened his body and stood tall. He moved down the stairs towards the street and stopped when he reached the pavement. Jim remained where they had stood together. The two officers appeared with Tobey while two more convicted felons followed, flanked by their own escorts.  
The group made their way down the steps. Tobey recognized Shane and stopped. Jim saw him and hurried to reach Shane’s side. The two officers attempted to move Tobey but failed as he continued to stare at Shane.

Jim reached Shane and the officers in time to hear Tobey speak.  
“So nice of you to come see me, Shane” Tobey drawled.  
Shane swallowed hard but didn’t speak. Jim could see his hand trembling.  
“It’s not so bad on the inside” Tobey continued, his eyes never leaving Shane’s. “I pass the time by thinking of my time with Nicky… Remembering the way his body felt beneath my own…”

Shane raised his fist but Jim was quick to intercept.  
“You can’t hit him, Shane” he hissed. “He’s in custody”  
“Just one, I’ll make it a good one” Shane insisted.  
“No”  
“Oh Shane” Tobey said. “I’m disappointed in you… Where is my Nicky, anyway?”  
“He’s not yours!” Shane almost shouted.

Jim moved in front of Shane, blocking Tobey from his view and gently urging Shane to leave. The brunette tried to fight him off, wanting to get at Tobey. He heard Jim order the officers to remove Tobey from the premises.

“This isn’t finished” Shane yelled.  
“He will be mine again!” Tobey said his voice calm and filled with certainty. “He’ll always be mine”

As Jim grabbed Shane and forced him away from the street, a loud explosion filled the air. The officer pushed Shane to the ground as people began to scream and officers shouted orders to each other. Shane looked up and scanned the area for Tobey but he’d lost sight of him and the officers escorting him.

Two more explosions sounded, sending more people into a panic. Jim told Shane to stay where he was and the officer hurried away. In that brief second, Shane didn’t know what to do then he saw him. Tobey had managed to break free of the two officers guarding him.

Without taking his eyes off Tobey, Shane climbed to his feet. He heard another explosion but didn’t acknowledge where it came from. The singer took off, joining the crowd of running patrons and hurrying after Tobey. He ran up the stairs and around the side of the courthouse. The two of them ran as fast as they could, Shane was hopeful he’d catch up to Nicky’s tormentor when they reached the street… He could see his own car parked not too far away… 

No one seemed to be watching them. People had emerged from the surrounding building, looking to see what had caused the loud noises and why people were panicking. Shane ran to the street and crossed it, following Tobey.  
A car was stopped, parked illegally on the corner. From this distance, Shane saw the back door open and Tobey leaped inside. The car then sped up and disappeared around the corner.


	7. Chapter 7

Shane stopped, his heart pounding, sweat forming on his forehead as he panted for breath. He shook his fist in frustration before falling to his knees. He heard someone calling out to him but he ignored them. A moment later, he felt a hand on his shoulder.

“Sir, are you alright?” an officer asked him.  
“No” Shane gasped. “He’s gone”  
“Sir, you’re sitting in the middle of the street… Are you injured?”

Despite his shaking knees, Shane managed to climb to his feet and follow the young officer back to the Courthouse.  
“If I may ask, why did you run off like that?”  
“I… Uh… I was chasing someone”  
“Why?”  
“Its okay Charlie” Office Readen spoke to the officer. “He’s with me”  
The officer looked from Jim to Shane then back again before stepping aside and walking away. Jim walked up to Shane, eyeing him closely, and reached out to touch his arm. The young singer pulled away from the officer and averted his eyes.

“Shane,” Jim said to him. “You should go”  
“What?” Shane’s head snapped up and he looked at Jim in shock.  
“This area is going to get very crowded very fast with more officers and news crews… You’re not going to want to be here when that happens”  
“Jim-“  
“I’ll stop by later and get a statement from you… For now, go home”  
“Tobey got away”  
“What? Are you sure?

“YES!” Shane shouted. “How did you let that happen? Why weren’t your officers watching him?”  
“Officer Devlin was right beside the car when it exploded… He’s dead… Along with the driver”  
“I’m sorry”  
“Tobey must have known it was going to happen… He wasted time, taunting you… He didn’t want to risk being in that car when it exploded”  
“And the other explosions?”  
“One of the squad cars and a parked vehicle from across the street”  
“So it was all planned?”  
“It looks like it… That’s why I have to stay here and try to find out how it happened…”  
“How many casualties?”  
“Three… And some minor injuries… But I mean it, Shane. Go home!”  
“This is a crime scene, I’m a witness-“  
“You’re in the public eye and if you’re spotted… People will want to know why you were here… Are you prepared to tell them the truth?”

Shane paused, thinking it over.  
“No, I’m not” he admitted.  
“Then I suggest you leave, quickly”

Shane sighed in defeat. “I’ll see you later then?”  
“Yes, I’ll call and let you know when”  
The brunette nodded in understanding.  
“And Shane?” Jim began. “Make sure you tell Nicky the truth… If you’re certain that Tobey got away, then he needs to know”  
“I know” Shane nodded.  
Jim checked his watch as the sound of sirens began to grow closer.  
“Quickly,” he said. “Get out of here!”  
“Thanks Jim” Shane said before turning and hurrying away.

As the singer climbed into his car, he pulled out his phone and called Louis. Shane started the car as their manager answered the call on its third ring.  
“Louis… It’s me” Shane greeted him, ignoring the sound of the battery beeping on his handset.  
“Shane, are you enjoying your day off?” Louis asked.  
“I really wish I was”  
“Is something wrong? You sound… Scared?”  
“Louis, the tour starts next week and we need to hire extra security… Fast”  
“Why? What’s happened?”  
“Tobey’s escaped from custody… And I just know he’s going to come after Nicky”  
“Calm down, Shane… We won’t let that happen. I’ll get the best security money can buy”  
“Thanks”  
“How’s Nicky holding up? He must be pretty shaken…”  
“He doesn’t know yet”  
“How could he not?”  
“It’s only just happened… I saw it… I tried to stop him but he got away”  
“Are you alright?”  
“Yeah, I’m fine… Jim… Officer Readen was with me. He told me to go home and talk to Nicky”  
“Do it… Now… Before he hears it on the news”  
“It’s made the news already?”  
“Not that he’s escaped… I just turned the TV on and they’re saying several explosions were heard at the courthouse…”  
“I’d better go… Just, find some security, please?”  
“I will… I promise… And Shane?”  
“Yeah”  
“Take care of him…”  
“Yeah, you know I will”  
“Good luck”  
“Thanks… Bye”  
Shane ended the call as the battery died. He tossed the phone on to the passenger seat and placed his foot down on the accelerator. He needed to get home as fast as he could.

His heart pounded in his chest as he drew closer and closer to his destination. With each passing minute, he told himself to remain calm. Nicky was safe, for now, and though Shane was about to be the bearer of bad news (again) he promised himself he’d do everything in his power to protect Nicky… Even if it meant injuring someone else in the process.

“Tobey, you bastard” Shane muttered to himself. “Come anywhere near him and I swear, you’ll be signing your own death warrant”

***---***

Nicky awoke with a start. He sat up, looking around the room and feeling slightly disoriented. The blonde hadn’t realised that he’d fallen asleep. The last thing he remembered was going into the Rec room to grab a book; he’d sat down on the couch for a moment then must have nodded off. He climbed to his feet and went in search of Shane.

He reached the Living room and saw Kian watching the TV. The younger boy was aimlessly flicking through channels. Nicky stepped into the room and stopped just inside the doorway.

“Anything good on?” Nicky asked him.  
“Nah” Kian replied, still channel surfing.  
“Put the news on… Wanna see if it’s going to rain later”  
“Nix, we live in Ireland… Of course it’s going to rain later”  
“Funny… Seriously Ki”

The younger boy nodded and changed to the news channel. The station was in the middle of a report about an explosion that rocked the city centre.  
“Wait, that’s the Courthouse!” Nicky exclaimed. “Wow, if this had happened a few weeks ago… We could have been there”

Nicky turned and looked at Kian. The younger boy’s body had visibly stiffened and the colour appeared to have completely vanished from his face.  
“Kian?” Nicky asked, his voice shaking at his friends reaction. “Kian, what’s wrong?”  
“Shane” Kian gasped.  
“Ki, what? What are you talking about?”

The older boy hurried over to Kian and sat down on the couch beside him. He reached out and took hold of his friend’s hand.

“Shane was there!” Kian insisted, his voice shaking. “I… I wasn’t supposed to tell you but he went there… This morning”  
“Why? Why did he go there? Why couldn’t you tell…”  
Nicky stopped, mid-sentence and leapt off the couch. He grabbed for the phone and hastened to dial Shane’s mobile. The call diverted straight to his voicemail. The blonde slammed the phone down as tears filled his eyes.

“Nix” Kian said.  
The older blonde turned and looked at his friend.  
“Three casualties so far…”  
“No” Nicky insisted. “Not him, please! It can’t be…”

Kian quickly climbed to his feet and hurried to Nicky’s side. He put his arms around his friend and held him close, trying to offer him reassurance while mentally kicking himself for reacting the way he did.

“I… I’m sure he…” Kian trailed off. He wanted to tell Nicky that everything would be okay but he couldn’t force himself to lie to his friend. He wanted to believe they were over-reacting but if Shane was okay then he should have either phoned or been home by now.

Neither one of them heard the car pull into the drive but they did hear Freddy barking. They separated and looked at each other, hope filling both of them. The puppy appeared and hurried to the front door. Nicky couldn’t move; Kian stared at the front door. Both singers remained stationary as they hear the key slide into the lock and the front door slowly opened.

***---***

Shane had grown accustomed to being greeted at the front door by Freddy. He’d gotten into the habit of unlocking the door then dropping to his knees, as he opened the door, and scooping the puppy into his arms. Despite still being in shock, he remembered his routine and happily pulled Freddy into his arms. As he pushed the front door opened and stepped inside, the first thing he saw was Nicky and Kian.

“Shane!” Nicky exclaimed.

The older boy ran straight to his lover and threw his arms around him. Freddy yelped as his small body was crushed between those of his owners. Shane quickly shifted his position and placed Freddy down on the floor before turning his attention back to Nicky.  
“We just saw… The News” Kian offered. “I’m sorry, Shane… But I had to tell Nicky you were there”

Shane looked over Nicky’s shoulder at Kian and nodded in understanding. He tightened his grip on Nicky and gently kissed his neck. They held each other for several minutes until Shane pulled away. Nicky hurried to wipe the tears of relief from his eyes.

“I went to the courthouse today because Tobey had his hearing… And I wanted to be there” Shane began. “I just felt that I needed to be there”  
He reached out and took hold of Nicky’s hand then the three of them made their way into the Living room. Shane led Nicky over to the couch and they sat down.  
“He’s supposed to go back in a few months for the case but he was placed in custody afterwards” Shane continued. He was still holding Nicky’s hand. “After it was over, I left with Jim and waited outside… I wanted to see for myself that he was still in custody. Two officers brought him out and led him over to one of the cars but he stopped and tried to talk to me”  
“What did he say?” Kian asked him.

Nicky looked at Kian as he spoke. But Shane’s eyes never left Nicky’s face. When the brunette said “just pointless crap” while looking at Nicky with a hint of fear, Kian knew his friend was lying.

“Anyway… Just before they could get him in the car, one of the cars parked nearby… Exploded” Shane said. “It was so loud and people started panicking… We had no idea what had happened. Jim pushed me to the ground then there was more explosions… He told me to stay where I was and he took off but…”  
Shane reached up and placed his hand on Nicky’s cheek. The blonde leaned into his lover’s touch and kissed his palm. Shane took a deep breath.  
“It was crazy… People panicking and screaming… Scared more was going to happen. The Garda dispersed and tried to calm everyone down… Then I saw Tobey… He’d managed to get away from the guards that had been holding him”  
Nicky gasped; Fear showing more clearly in his eyes. Shane tightened his grip on Nicky’s hand.

“I went after him… Tried to catch him but he…” Shane trailed off, blinking back tears of defeat.  
“He got away” Kian finished for his friend. Shane nodded. “How?”  
“A car… I think it was waiting for him”

Kian made a sound which was suspiciously like a laugh. Both Nicky and Shane looked at him in shock.  
“I’m sorry…” Kian began. “But you don’t mean to say this whole thing was set up just so Tobey could escape?”

The younger boy could tell from the look in Shane’s eye that that was exactly what the brunette was afraid of.  
“Oh come on… It’s a bit of a stretch, isn’t it?” Kian asked.  
“You think it was just a coincidence then?” Shane replied. “That three explosions happened within minutes of each other on the day of his hearing and he just happened to get away?”  
“Well, okay so it’s a little suspicious” Kian agreed. “But for what purpose?”

Freddy began to bark and Nicky, happy for the distraction, left the room to see what the puppy wanted. Once Kian was convinced Nicky couldn’t hear him, he lowered his voice and addressed Shane.

“He threatened you, didn’t he?”  
“What?”  
“Tobey… When he spoke to you outside the court?”  
“He said Nicky was his… That Nicky belonged to him…” Shane finally allowed his tears to fall. “And that Nicky would be his again”  
“Oh Shane”  
“I called Louis… Right before the battery died in my phone… I told him to hire extra security as quickly as possible. He’s going to come after Nicky”  
“We won’t let him, Shane… He’s not going to get anywhere near him”  
“No, he’s not… And we’re not safe here”  
“What?”  
“You can’t stay here alone, Ki… Pack a bag and go to Marks”  
“Why is Kian going to Mark’s?” Nicky asked.

Shane turned and saw Nicky standing in the doorway.  
“Nix… I’m scared Tobey’s going to come after you. So we’re leaving” Shane told him. “Just for a few days… Until the tour starts. Go upstairs and pack”  
“Shane-“  
“Please, don’t argue! It’s not safe here, not right now”  
“But-“

Shane stood up and crossed the room. He gently placed both his hands on Nicky’s shoulders and stared into his deep, blue eyes.

“Please, Nicky? Please do this for me. If I’m over-reacting then so be it but I’d rather be safe than sorry. Louis is looking to get extra security for us for the tour but until then… I don’t want to stay here”  
“But where are we going to go?” Nicky asked.  
“A hotel”  
“A hotel? You think that’s safer than here?”  
“Yes… Because they won’t know where we are. And we can’t go to our families because it would put them in danger too”

“Danger?” Kian interrupted. “You’re doing a runner and you expect me to go hide at Mark’s? No way… Wherever you lads go, I’m going too”  
“Kian” Shane began.  
“No arguing Shane!”

Shane turned back to Nicky. He held his gaze for the longest time until he could see the older boy reluctantly giving in.  
“What about Freddy?” Nicky asked.  
“We’ll take him to your parent’s house on the way” Shane explained. “For now, we pack… I want to be out of here in ten minutes”  
The brunette kissed Nicky on the lips before turning and leaving the room. Kian and Nicky exchanged a look.

“Do you think he’s over reacting?” Nicky asked.  
“Maybe…” Kian replied. “But I do agree with him… It’s better to be safe then sorry”  
“So we’re packing?”  
“We’re packing”

As Kian turned and headed for his room, Nicky called out to him. The younger boy stopped and turned around.

“Do you really think he’s going to come after me?” Nicky whispered. Kian could hear the fear in his friend’s voice.  
“I really hope not, Nix… But you have to admit, there’s a strong possibility”  
“Oh Ki”

“Nicky…” Kian approached his friend and hugged him. “Shane and I will do everything we can to make sure he doesn’t get anywhere near you, you hear me?”  
The older boy nodded, his body trembling ever so slightly.  
“Now quickly… Go pack… You heard Shane… Ten minutes”

*

When Nicky reached their bedroom, he found his suitcase and Shane’s both open on the bed. The younger boy was talking on the phone while moving about the room, throwing various items of clothing into both suitcases.

“I don’t know yet… Maybe the Astor?” he heard Shane say. “Or do you think somewhere less obvious? I don’t care… We have to protect Nicky… Yes, yes… I will… Yes… Of course… We’ll see you tonight… Bye”

Shane hung up the phone and turned back to the closet. He stopped when he saw Nicky in the doorway. Their eyes met and Nicky walked up to Shane. He wrapped his arms around him and held him close.

“You can be so melodramatic sometimes, Shane” Nicky insisted.  
“I know” Shane agreed.  
“I know why you’re doing all this… You know I love you, right?”  
“Of course”  
“Good”

Nicky pulled away from the embrace and placed a kiss on his lover’s lips. Shane briefly returned the kiss before pulling away.

“No time for that now” Shane insisted. “We have packing to do!”


	8. Chapter 8

Yvonne was more than a little surprised to find her son on the front porch. He was accompanied by Shane & Kian and was holding their puppy in his arms.

“Hi mam” Nicky greeted her.  
“Nicky…” She exclaimed. “What’s wrong? What’s happened?”  
“Hi Mrs By…. Mam” Shane nodded to her.  
“Is dad home?” Nicky asked.  
“Yes… He’s in the Study”  
“Would you be able to go get him?”  
“Sure… Oh. Come on in”

As the three singers entered the house, Shane reached out and grabbed hold of Nicky’s arm. The blonde handed Freddy to Kian and asked him to take him upstairs.

“Nicky, why are you looking for your father?” Shane asked.  
“I need to tell them what’s going on” Nicky replied.  
“But we don’t have time for this”  
“They’re my parents… We’ll *make* the time”

Nicky and Shane made their way into the Living room and sat down to wait for Nicky’s parents. Before long, Yvonne & Nicky snr appeared. It was obvious they had been talking before they entered the room.

“Nicky, sweetie…” Yvonne began. “Is everything okay?”  
Their son reached for his fiancé’s hand and held it tight. Yvonne exchanged an uneasy look with her husband.

“Have you seen the news today?” Nicky asked them.  
“No” Nicky’s father replied.  
“There was an explosion in town… And…” The blonde trailed off but Shane was there to cover him.  
“The lad who hurt Nicky appeared in court this morning… Afterwards, there was a series of explosions and he was able to escape”  
“He what?” Yvonne turned very pale.  
“He escaped from custody today and…” Shane continued.  
“And Shane thinks he might come after me again” Nicky finished.

“Oh Nicky” Yvonne gasped.  
“Mam, I promise I’ll do everything I can to protect him” Shane insisted. “And we’re not taking any chances. We’re going to stay at a hotel in town until the tour starts”  
“No, you should stay here… With us”  
“Thank you but no”  
“Please?”  
“Mam… No” Nicky stated. “We’re better off in town… Hotels have twenty four hour security and we’ll be able to get to rehearsals easier”  
“Are you sure?”  
“Yes”

Kian made his presence known by entering the room.  
“Adam’s excited about looking after Freddy” Kian volunteered.  
“We should really get going” Shane said.  
“So soon?” Nicky’s father asked.  
“I’m afraid so”

Shane stood up and caught Kian’s eye. The younger boy nodded then turned and left the room. Shane and Nicky remained to say a quick goodbye to Nicky’s parents. The brunette was moved by the amount of love he felt when Yvonne hugged him.

“Take care, son” she whispered before releasing him.  
“I will” he replied.

Nicky and Shane followed Kian out to the car. Nicky turned and looked back towards the porch. His parents were watching them leave. He smiled and waved to them. As Nicky climbed into the car, he told himself to remain calm.  
“It’s not so bad, Nicky” Kian assured him. “I think we’re making it more of a big deal than it actually is”  
“Yeah, I’m sure you’re right”

***---***

Nicky stood by the window, staring out as the rain poured down onto the balcony. He wrapped his arms around himself and tried to clear his head. The blonde wasn’t sure how long he’d been standing there or how long Kian had been watching him for.  
Upon Louis’ suggestion, they had checked into an executive suite at The Four Seasons hotel and were now questioning their decision… Or at least Nicky was.

“It’s raining” Nicky stated as Kian stepped up beside him.  
“Yeah” Kian agreed. “It does that a lot around here”  
“Funny”  
“I thought so”

“Are you okay?” Kian asked him. Nicky sighed.  
“I was just thinking…” Nicky said, his eyes still gazing out the window.  
“I can see that”  
“You remember how we found out about all this? I asked you to turn to the news ‘cause I wanted to know if it was going to rain tonight”  
“Oh yeah… Looks like that was a yes on the rain front”  
“Yep”  
“It’s been a weird day, huh?”  
“When hasn’t it been weird? It just doesn’t seem fair. Shane and I haven’t had a normal life for months and just when things start to go right again… This happens!”  
“I know… And you’re right, it’s not fair”

Nicky sighed once more and continued staring at the falling rain. Kian found the sight a little unnerving so he decided to try and keep Nicky talking… Or try and move him away from the window.

“So… Why did you want to know if it was going to rain?” he asked. Nicky laughed.  
“I was going to ask Shane out to dinner” Nicky confessed. “We’ve never really had a proper night out, just the two of us… Especially now that everyone knows about us. We can finally go out, like a normal couple and we haven’t yet”  
“So why don’t you?”  
“What?”  
“Why don’t you go out? Tonight”  
“That would kind of defeat the purpose of going into hiding, wouldn’t it?”  
“I guess…” Kian sighed. “So stay in… Order room service and have a romantic night in”  
“Just the three of us you mean?”  
It was Kian’s turn to laugh.

“No… Listen, no one knows we’re here so I’m sure it would be okay if I went out for a few hours and left the two of you here…” Kian said. “I’ll grab a pizza and head over to Mark’s and hang out there with him and Jade”  
“I don’t know” Nicky said. “I mean, you insisted on coming with us and now you’re running off to Marks… Which is where Shane tried to send you in the first place”  
“It might sound silly to you but it’ll only be for a couple of hours”

A moment later, Shane appeared. He was holding his phone in one hand and the charger in the other. The brunette seemed to be looking for a power point. Kian took pity on his friend and pointed to an empty socket on the wall.

“So we’re all set” Shane told them. “Back to rehearsals tomorrow”  
“You don’t want the day off?” Kian asked.  
“No, we had today off… Can’t afford any more time off”  
“Are you-“  
“Yes! Besides, I hate to say this but even if Tobey does come after Nicky, I don’t see him doing it the day he gets out of prison… He’ll probably lay low for a few days first”  
“So it’s okay if I go out for a little while then?”  
“Out? Out where?”  
“To Mark’s… Someone needs to tell him what’s happened… And Shane, you should call your parents and tell them”

“My mam’s probably already called them” Nicky spoke up.  
“Yeah” Shane smiled. “I’m sure she has… But Ki’s right, I should call them too”  
Shane stifled a yawn which didn’t go unnoticed by his fiancé. Nicky walked over to the brunette and pulled him into a hug.

“Are you tired?” he asked. Shane nodded. “Yeah, it’s been a long day. Why don’t you go take a nap?”  
“But I-“  
“You can call them later… I’ll come and wake you in an hour or so”

Shane nodded as he held back another yawn. Nicky leaned in and placed a kiss on his lips. Shane smiled then walked away, disappearing into the bedroom and closing the door.

“That sofa doesn’t look too comfortable” Nicky said. “Are you sure you want to stay here with us?”  
“Nicky…” Kian began. “If I didn’t want to be here I wouldn’t have come with you”  
“And now you’re going out?”  
“But I’ll be back!” Nicky smiled.  
“I was only teasing you, Ki”  
“I know”

The younger boy headed for the bathroom to have a shower and Nicky returned to his position by the window. Before he knew it, Kian had reappeared. He said a quick goodbye to his friend then left.  
Once Kian had left, Nicky wasn’t sure what to do with himself. It wasn’t time to wake Shane yet but he moved into the bedroom anyway. He quietly pushed the door open and went inside. The younger boy was curled up on the bed, sleeping peacefully. Without another thought, Nicky climbed onto the bed beside Shane. He laid his head on the pillow and looked at the peaceful face of his lover. He reached out and gently stroked his finger along Shane’s cheek. Feeling at ease for the first time since leaving their house, Nicky was able to close his eyes and drift off to sleep himself.

*

Nicky began to stir, his neck was aching and he slowly sat up. The room was empty and he wondered where Shane had disappeared to. He checked the clock and realised that he was meant to wake Shane over an hour ago. The blonde felt guilty for falling asleep and he quickly got up.  
When he reached the main room, he stopped. Shane was sitting on the sofa, his feet propped up on the coffee table and the newspaper open in his lap. As Nicky stared at his lover, his heart swelled in his chest. He was suddenly overcome with an urge to throw himself into Shane’s lap and never get up again.

“Hey beautiful” Shane greeted him. “You sleep okay?”  
Nicky smiled sheepishly. “I swear, I didn’t mean to fall asleep”  
“I figured… But you looked so peaceful; I didn’t have the heart to wake you”

Shane pushed the paper aside and held his hand out to Nicky. The older boy crossed the room, took hold of his hand and sat down beside him. The brunette wrapped his other arm around Nicky’s shoulder and held him close.

“Where’s Ki?” Shane asked.  
“He went to Mark’s” Nicky replied.  
“He what?” Shane laughed.  
“Yeah, I know… He went out after making a huge fuss about having to come with us”  
“Typical Ki, huh?”  
“Yep”  
“Did he say when he’ll be back?”  
“Nope… But he mentioned something about staying out for dinner”  
“So it’s just you and me then”  
“The way it’s supposed to be”

Nicky turned and looked up at Shane. They both moved towards each other in sync and their lips met in a soft, tender kiss. Shane closed his eyes and released Nicky’s hand. He slid that arm around the blonde’s waist and pulled his lover into his lap. The older boy parted his lips and allowed Shane’s tongue access to his mouth.  
Before long, he found himself wrapping his arms around the brunette and pulling his body closer. Shane leaned back against the sofa, losing himself in the embrace and exhilarated by the fact that Nicky was pressing their bodies so close together.  
Shane could feel his excitement becoming very prominent and he wondered how Nicky would react. As Nicky’s tongue brushed his own, Shane shifted his weight and he felt his lover’s own eagerness.

“Nicky…” Shane whispered, his lips barely leaving Nicky’s.  
“I know” the blonde replied.  
“We can stop…”  
“I know”  
“Do you… Want to…?”

The sound of Shane’s phone ringing in the next room startled them both. Nicky leapt off the younger boy’s lap and averted his eyes as Shane stood up and went to get his phone.

“Yeah…” Nicky heard Shane say. “Sure, now’s fine… No we’re not doing anything… Thanks, that sounds great… Room 412… See you soon… Bye”

Shane returned a moment later, still holding his phone.  
“That was Jim” Shane explained. “He needs to talk to me about what happened this morning”  
Nicky nodded in understanding.  
“He’s bringing us dinner… Save us having to go out”  
“That’s nice”   
The younger boy was painfully aware of the fact that Nicky hadn’t looked at him since he’d re-entered the room.  
“When will he get here?” Nicky asked him.  
“Bout a half hour…” Shane replied. 

He smiled and moved towards his love. Shane wrapped his arms around Nicky’s waist and was all too aware of the fact that the blonde’s body stiffened instantly. He wanted to let him go, move away and give him some space but he also wanted to show Nicky that it was okay… That he wasn’t going to hurt him…  
Shane placed a single kiss on Nicky’s neck.

“So…” Shane continued. “Half an hour to ourselves… Any suggestions on how we can pass the time?”  
Nicky closed his eyes and started to relax in his love’s arms.  
“I’m going to take a shower” Nicky stated.

The blonde quickly pushed away from Shane and started to leave the room. The younger boy felt a dull ache in his heart as he watched Nicky walk away from him. Shane started to call out to him but changed his mind and fell silent.

*

When Nicky finally emerged from the bathroom, he found Shane in the main room with Officer Readen. He paused in the doorway, unsure if he should join then or not. Jim spotted him and asked him to sit down. As Nicky walked into the room, Jim stood up and offered his hand. The blonde shook his hand and returned a polite smile. Nicky then sat down beside Shane.

“Food’s on the counter” Shane whispered to Nicky. The blonde nodded but didn’t move towards the still steaming food.

“I just need to ask Shane a few more questions” Jim explained. “Then I’ll leave you two alone”  
Nicky shifted uncomfortably and averted his eyes.  
“Are you sure you’re going to be okay here?” Jim asked the couple.  
“Yes,” Shane insisted. “Why does everyone have to ask us that?”  
“I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to… So, does anyone know you’re here?”  
“Nicky’s parents… But we didn’t get the chance to tell them which hotel we were staying at… Oh, and Kian’s with us. He’s gone to Mark’s for now so he’ll probably have told him by now”  
“I’ll be honest with you lads, you should be pretty safe for now. If he only escaped this morning, he’ll need time to come up with a plan“  
“He’s been locked up for over a month… That’s plenty of time to plan something”  
“That’s true but he would know by now that you’re set to go on tour next week and… Well, I’m not profiler but I don’t see him coming after you when you’re on tour”  
“But you don’t know that”  
“No, I don’t… But you’re going to be surrounded by security, other people from the record company not to mention press and reporters… He won’t have the opportunity to get close to you… Either of you”  
“This isn’t very reassuring” Nicky said.  
“I’m trying my best… And being practical” Jim explained.

Nicky heard his phone ringing and he excused himself. The caller was his mother. The blonde singer assured her everything was okay and explained where they were. His brother interrupted and Nicky spent a few minutes talking to him before saying goodnight. Once he ended the call and returned to Shane, the brunette was already on his feet and saying goodbye to Jim.  
Nicky said his farewell then Shane walked Jim to the door. When the younger boy returned, Nicky was in the process of serving up their dinner.

“Smells good” Shane said.  
“Yeah” Nicky agreed. “We haven’t had Chinese for a while”

Shane walked over to the mini-bar and located a bottle of wine. He found two glasses and took them over to the table. Nicky followed with the food and they both sat down to eat. The couple ate in silence for some time.

“Brings back memories, doesn’t is?” Shane asked as he reached for his glass of wine.  
Nicky looked up, a puzzled look on his face.  
“The last time we were alone in a hotel together…” Shane finished.  
“Your birthday” Nicky smiled.  
His eyes scanned Shane’s face before trailing to the brunette’s hand to examine the ring he’d given him for his birthday. The younger boy also looked down at his ring before looking over at Nicky’s engagement ring.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I was going into town today” Shane said.  
“I know why you didn’t…” Nicky replied. “And I really wish you hadn’t gone”  
“I know… But you know why I went, right?”  
Nicky didn’t reply. He reached for his wine and took a sip, not meeting Shane’s eye.  
“Nix, baby… I had to go” Shane said. “I needed to be there… To see him”  
“Why?” Nicky asked. “Why would you want to see him…? Knowing what he did to me!”  
“I wanted to see him suffering… To make sure he was getting punished”  
“You could have been hurt…”  
“I didn’t know that was going to happen!”  
“But you shouldn’t have gone”  
“I had to”  
“No, you didn’t!”

Nicky could feel himself getting upset and he pushed his food away. He didn’t feel like arguing with his fiancé right now. It had been a long day and Nicky just wanted it to be over. Shane sensed Nicky’s anger and he quickly fell silent.  
The older boy closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He slowly released it and opened his eyes. Nicky picked up his glass and sipped at the wine, willing himself to calm down. Shane watched him carefully. He wanted to say something more but was afraid of upsetting his love more.

“I’m sorry” Nicky began.  
“No, I’m sorry” Shane replied. “I should have told you…”  
“I would have tried to talk you out of it”  
“But you would have let me go”  
“I couldn’t exactly have stopped you… You’re your own person”  
“It was just something I felt I needed to do”

“OK Magazine wants to interview us” Nicky blurted out, changing the subject.  
“Uh… Sorry… What?” Shane stammered. “You said that kind of fast”  
“OK magazine… They’ve offered us a fair amount of money to do an exclusive interview with them”  
“When did that happen?”  
“The most recent offer was a few days ago”  
“What did you say to them?”  
“Haven’t said anything really… They called Louis and he passed the word on to me. I told him I’d talk to you about it… Then I didn’t”  
“Why didn’t you?”  
“I wasn’t sure how you’d feel about the idea of doing an interview…”  
“You think they’ll want to talk about the trial”  
“Yeah” Nicky admitted.  
“Well, let’s not worry about that now… The tour starts next week and I doubt we’ll have the time for it now”  
“Ki said it would be good publicity”  
“Wow…” Shane paused. “Uh, you talked to Ki about it? But not me?”  
“Shay, I wanted to talk to you but…” Nicky replied. “The timing just wasn’t right”  
“The timing…”  
“Honey… Please, let’s not argue about this now”  
“You brought it up!”  
“Shay”  
“I know and… I’m sorry”

The brunette reached across the table and placed his hand over Nicky’s. The older boy stared down at the hands and resisted the urge to retract his. He felt Shane’s fingers brush his skin and he smiled at his lover.  
“It’s been a long day” Shane said.  
“It has” Nicky agreed.  
“You finished eating?”  
“Yeah”

Shane picked up the bottle of wine and refilled both their glasses. He stood up and held his hand out to Nicky. The blonde picked up his glass and took Shane’s offered hand. The younger boy began to lead Nicky from the room but the blonde stopped.  
“What about…?” Nicky nodded towards their unfinished meals.  
“Forget about it…” Shane shook his head. “I’ll clean it up later”

The couple made their way into the main room and sat down on the couch. Shane raised his glass for a toast and Nicky did the same.  
“What happened today doesn’t change anything” Shane said. “I love you, Nix and I promise I’ll do everything I can to make sure you’re safe”  
“I know you will” Nicky replied. “And I love you too”  
The brunette smiled and moved his glass towards Nicky’s.  
“But…” Nicky continued. Shane paused, looking worried. “I know you think he’s going to come after me and I don’t doubt you… But from what I can tell, he doesn’t seem like the type to give up easily. If he wants me” Nicky struggled to keep the fear from his voice. “He won’t stop until he has me”  
“I won’t give you up without a fight” Shane insisted.

He squeezed Nicky’s hand in a gesture of love. The blonde nervously licked his lips.  
“To us” Shane said, raising his glass once more. “And to fighting for what we believe in”  
“To us” Nicky repeated. He lifted his glass and joined the toast before they both sipped their drinks.

Nicky put his glass down on the coffee table, kicked off his shoes and lifted his feet up onto the sofa. Shane mimicked Nicky’s actions then reached for the remote. He switched the TV on and flicked through the channels, finally stopping on an old black and white western movie.  
Neither of them spoke but settled down to watch. Shane was the first to fall asleep; Nicky dozed off not long after.

When Kian returned to the room, several hours later, the two singers were still fast asleep. The sight of his two friends sleeping peacefully brought a smile to his lips. His band mates were so happy; they didn’t deserve all this… Would their nightmare ever be over?


	9. Chapter 9

It was still early when the brunette singer climbed out of bed and quietly made his way into the bathroom. He closed and locked the door then turned towards the mirror. Shane stood still, staring at his reflection. The man staring back at him looked older than he actually was, the eyes were darker and almost sad. He slowly removed his shirt and dropped it on the floor. His chest wasn’t muscular but still appeared healthy; his eyes scanned the skin… At times he could still see the bruises and other injuries he’d suffered during his kidnapping.  
Shane closed his eyes, took a deep breath and slowly released it. He knew it was past time to let go. The memories would eventually fade but not if he kept dredging them up all the time.

He opened his eyes and, once again, examined his appearance. Not for the first time, he wondered what Nicky saw in him. His precious Nicky; his best friend and his rock. The one person he knew he could trust beyond all others. The one who had stood by him through all this and, had in fact, suffered just as much for his devotion. Nicky had been through so much just so Shane’s kidnappers could cause Shane such pain…  
His mind took him back to the previous night, when he and Nicky had been on the sofa together. The brunette could feel Nicky’s body against his own, causing his body to react to the touch. Shane couldn’t help but wonder what would have happened had they not been interrupted. Would Nicky have put a stop to it? Would he, himself, have stopped?

He could feel tears of frustration and confusion brimming in his eyes but he refused to let them fall. He’d shed enough tears lately to last him a lifetime, the last thing he wanted to do was spill more.  
As time went on, Shane was becoming more and more frustrated; with himself and, as much as he hated to admit it, with Nicky. It had only been a few weeks ago that he and his lover had given themselves to each other and Shane longed to do it again. He wanted to feel Nicky’s hands on him, wanted to hold Nicky in his arms and stare into his eyes as the blonde came. He wanted to show Nicky how much he loved him and how much he meant to him.  
But he feared he was losing his love. The news of Tobey’s escape had hit Nicky hard. The blonde hadn’t said so but Shane could sense it. He wanted to believe that he, himself, was the one overeacting but he could see the fear in Nicky’s eyes. Shane was worried that in trying to protect Nicky, he’d inadvertently push him away.

The younger boy had seen the way Nicky reacted to his touch. He’d been fine, swept away in the moment but once he’d been brought back to reality, Nicky had shut him down. Their argument during dinner, Shane now realised, was a delayed reaction to their earlier moment. Nicky had been scared by the act of intimacy and argued with Shane in an attempt to turn him off trying anything similar later… While Shane, himself, had been hurt by Nicky’s reluctance to resume their kissing and had retaliated by buying into the fight Nicky had started.

He took another deep breath then moved towards the shower. Shane shed the rest of his clothes and stopped. His eyes rested on the scar he’d shown Nicky. He remembered the way the blonde had looked at him, a mixture of love and admiration on his face as he’d leaned forward and kissed it.

Shane closed his eyes to hold back the tears and he groped around the shower for the knob. He turned the water on and climbed in, allowing the water to cascade down his body.

Shane knew he needed to be patient, for his sake and Nicky’s. But he couldn’t help feeling frustrated. He remembered the day Nicky had left the Hospital. The blonde hadn’t thought twice about climbing into the spa with him, kissing him deeply and… touching him. Shane remembered the way Nicky had caressed him, told him how much he loved him and kissed him. If Kian hadn’t interrupted them, Nicky would have made Shane come. He wondered if Nicky remembered it, there was no reason why he wouldn’t.  
What had changed? Why had Nicky been so eager to be with him then but not now? Shane had been the reluctant one back then but he was okay now so why was Nicky running away from the intimacy now?

As the warm water washed over his body, Shane found himself reaching for his hardness. The memory of being with Nicky for the first time had weighed heavily on his mind (not to mention his body) and he closed his hand around his length. He closed his eyes and stepped under the running water. As his hand worked his organ, he felt a tinge of guilt. He couldn’t help but feel he was doing something wrong. It was hard to reason with himself while he was in a state of arousal so he pushed all other thoughts from his mind and thought of Nicky. It had been a long time since he’d let himself go like that and it was over before he realised.  
Shane quickly washed himself and turned the water off. He exited the shower and dried himself with a towel.

*

Nicky heard the bathroom door open and he closed his eyes, feigning sleep. He listened as Shane entered the bedroom and quietly got dressed. The brunette didn’t attempt to wake his lover. He simply left the room, closing the door quietly behind him. Once certain Shane was gone, Nicky sat up in bed and leaned back against the headboard.  
He knew he needed to talk to Shane. He felt bad for the way he’d behaved the previous day. Shane hadn’t done anything wrong and he didn’t deserve the cold shoulder. 

The blonde reached for his mobile, which he’d left on the nightstand the previous night. He scrolled through the address book until he found who he was looking for and dialled the number. Georgina answered the call on the third ring.

“Morning G” Nicky greeted her.  
”Nicky!” She exclaimed. “How are you? I’m sorry I haven’t been in touch; I just wanted to give you some space… How was your trip?”  
“It was fine… And I understand. Listen, G, I really need to see you. I have to talk to someone”  
“You can’t talk to Shane?”  
“It’s about him…”  
“Oh no… What’s happened? You two didn’t have a fight. Did you?”  
“Well, not so much a fight as…”  
“Nicky”  
“Gina, please? We have rehearsals all day today but I’d love for you to meet me for lunch… I really don’t think I could last till dinner”  
“I’m kinda busy today… But I’m sure I can rearrange a few things…”  
“Thank you”  
“I’ll see you at 1… At the studio?”  
“Sounds fantastic. I’ll see you then”  
“Love you, Nicky”  
“You too G”

Nicky ended the call and put his phone aside. He felt better already. He just needed someone he could spill his guts to. Someone who wouldn’t judge him or be hurt by what he said. He needed to get his head around a few things before bringing them up with Shane… He just needed to figure out what those things were first.

*

Kian was already awake when Shane joined him on the balcony. The rain had stopped so the younger boy was enjoying a coffee outside. Shane sat down beside him and said good morning. Kian didn’t need to look at him to know his friend was upset.

“Is something bothering you?” Kian asked him.  
“Is that a rhetorical question?” Shane replied.  
“No. I meant something other than the obvious”  
“Sorry Ki. I’m a little tense right now is all…”  
“Well, do you want to talk about it? Something is on your mind, I can tell”  
“It’s not something I should be troubling you with”  
“When has that ever stopped you before?”

Shane opened his mouth to snap back but quickly realized that Kian was right. He stopped but wasn’t sure what else to say.  
Thinking he had said something wrong, Kian apologized. Shane immediately brushed the apology aside.  
“No, you’re right” Shane agreed. “It’s nothing to do with you so I really shouldn’t bother you with it”  
“Shane…” Kian paused, wondering what could be weighing on Shane’s mind that the older boy wouldn’t (or couldn’t) talk to him about.

“It’s Nicky, isn’t it?” the blonde asked.  
“No” Shane replied, a little too quickly.  
“Come on, Shane… Talk to me”  
“I can’t. Not about this”

It was then that Kian noticed his friend was blushing. He hadn’t meant to make Shane uncomfortable but he was starting to understand now.  
“You’re thinking about sex with Nicky” Kian stated.  
The brunette’s head snapped in his direction and Shane stared at Kian. The expression on the older boy’s face was proof enough that he had guessed correctly.  
“I… I didn’t say… No” Shane tried to defend himself but Kian was second only to Nicky in how well he knew Shane.  
“It’s nothing to be embarrassed about, Shane” Kian finished.  
“You’ve been spending way too much time with Kat”  
“What?”  
“You’re starting to sound just like her”  
“Well, if you’d rather talk to her about this…?”

Kian watched as Shane struggled to make a decision. It was obvious Shane didn’t want to talk to Kian but he was more uncomfortable with the idea of talking about sex with a woman… despite her being a Doctor.  
“There’s nothing to talk about” Shane replied. “He’s obviously not ready”  
“And you are?” Kian asked.  
“We’re NOT talking about this, Ki!”

The blonde picked up his coffee and took another sip. He watched Shane over the brim of the cup. The older boy was looking down at his hands and picking at his cuticles.  
“I thought you two were okay” Kian added. “When I… ah… Walked in on you two… In the bathroom…”  
“That wasn’t what it looked like” Shane had started blushing again.  
“Well… I wasn’t really *looking*”  
“We weren’t… You know? We were just… Kinda fooling around… And….” Shane continued to blush while stammering his speech.  
“Hey you don’t have to explain to me… I uh I’m sorry I interrupted you”  
“It doesn’t matter now…”  
“So you two haven’t…?”  
Shane slowly looked up and caught Kian’s eye. He didn’t have to say anything for Kian to know the answer.  
“Oh” Kian said.  
“And… I want to… I really do but…”

Their conversation came to an end when Nicky opened the door and stepped out onto the balcony. The two singers immediately fell silent as Nicky walked over to them and sat down at the table.  
“Morning Nicky” Kian greeted.  
“Morning” Nicky replied.  
Kian pushed a menu over to him.  
“Thought we could order room service” Kian said. “I know we’ll have to make our presence here known soon but… It’s too early in the morning for that”  
“Fine with me” Nicky said.  
“Me too” Shane agreed.

Kian sensed the invisible wall between Nicky and Shane. The couple seemed quite content to ignore each other. He decided not to press the matter for the moment. The younger boy took down their choice of breakfast foods then left the table. 

He went back inside, picked up the phone and ordered breakfast, asking for the food to be left outside the room. Thinking to himself how ridiculous they were being, he turned back around and watched his two friends.  
Nicky had stood up and walked towards the railing. Shane was still sitting at the table. Nicky’s back was towards Shane and Kian could tell from the way Shane was ignoring his fiancé, that they weren't engaged in conversation.

He remained inside until he heard a knock at the door. Knowing it was their breakfast, Kian waited until he was sure the worker who’d delivered it was gone before opening the door and bringing their meals in. He set the food down on the table then went out to get his friends. It was obvious, as soon as he opened the door, that the two hadn’t spoken the whole time he’d been gone.

“Food’s here” Kian told them.  
Still without speaking to each other, they both made their way inside. Kian watched them but didn’t attempt to talk to either of them. He told himself not to get involved, no matter how hard it would be.

***---***

By the time they reached the rehearsal studios, Kian was starting to rethink his resolution not to get involved. What little conversation they had had, seemed forced. He wondered if they’d had some kind of fight but Shane would have said if they had. Kian didn’t question them which led Nicky to believe something was wrong but he was too nervous to ask either Kian or Shane about it.  
Nicky now realised that Shane had noticed his uneasy and rather than help resolve it, he was choosing to ignore him completely. The very thought upset the blonde but he couldn’t talk to either of them about it so he made an unnecessary note to talk to Georgina about it at lunch. He was more grateful than ever that he’d called her that morning.

Bryan and Mark were already present when Nicky, Shane & Kian reached the dance studio. A moment later they were joined by Pricilla and Fran Cosgrove. The three singers stopped and stared at their friend.

“Lads” Fran greeted them.  
“What are you doing here?” Shane asked him.  
“Nice to see you too” Fran was smiling as he spoke. “Louis called me last night and offered me a job”  
“He did?” Nicky replied.  
“Yeah, he seemed to think you were going to need extra security during the tour and that you’d want someone you could trust… So he called me and asked if I’d be interested”  
“And you accepted…” Shane continued.  
“Obviously… Is that okay with you?” Fran asked.  
“Yeah, it’s great” Shane told him, smiling. “Couldn’t think of anyone better”  
“So… What’s with the extra security, anyway?”  
“He didn’t tell you?”  
“Nope… But I didn’t ask either. He seemed a bit anxious so I figured I’d just ask you lads when I saw you”  
“Okay lads” Pricilla spoke up. “Let’s get started!”

Fran looked like he wanted to ask more questions but Pricilla was ready to begin. Shane approached her and asked for a few more minutes. The young woman told him to be quick then turned to begin with the other four singers.

Shane led Fran from the room and spent the next few minutes filling him in on everything that had happened and telling him about his fears for Nicky’s safety. Ever the professional, Fran didn’t brush Shane’s worries aside. He listened to them all and asked all the right questions before promising to do everything he could to ensure Nicky was protected.  
It wasn’t long before Shane and Fran rejoined the group in the studio. Nicky watched as Shane hurried to join them. He wanted to ask his fiancé how it had gone but when Shane caught his eye, he found himself looking away. He told himself he was being silly but he couldn’t help himself.

The blonde was relieved when, several hours later, he looked up and saw Georgina standing with Fran. He wanted to run over and hug her but she seemed to be arguing with the new security guard. When Pricilla finally let them break for lunch, Nicky hurried over to them. Georgina was still putting up a good fight.  
It appeared Fran wouldn’t let Nicky have lunch with her. Rather than stand and argue, Nicky simply took hold of her hand and led her from the studio. She turned around and shot an apologetic look at Shane but the brunette just nodded to her.  
Shane, too, had been relieved to see Georgina. Nicky was obviously in need of talking to someone and she had always been his go-to person. Shane hoped that after talking to her, Nicky would be able to talk to him.

“Are you just going to let him leave like that?” Fran asked Shane.  
“Yeah” Shane replied. “I am”  
“Shouldn’t we… or at least I, go after him?”  
“They’re going to the café down on the corner… Busy street, lots of people around, they’ll be fine”  
“Considering how scared you are for him… You’re being rather laid-back right now”  
“He’ll be okay… He needs to do this”  
“Shane”  
“Please?” Shane sighed. “Look if you want to follow him, fine. But don’t approach them… Just leave them be”

Fran nodded then turned and headed from the studio.  
“You’re going to follow them?” Shane asked.  
“I have to, Shane” Fran explained. “It’s my responsibility to make sure he’s safe”  
"No," Shane whispered to himself. "It's mine"

*

“You have no idea how happy I am to see you” Nicky said to Georgina as he led her down the corridor.  
“What’s going on, Nicky?” she asked. “Why is Fran here and what was he talking about? Why wouldn’t he let you out for lunch?”  
“Louis hired him to ‘protect’ me”  
“I’m sorry… Protect you from what?”

Nicky stopped and turned to look at her. She was staring at him with confusion in her eyes. He took a deep breath then slowly released it.  
“You heard about that explosion in town yesterday, right?” he asked her.  
“Of course” She replied. “Dad’s really worried”  
“The lads that kidnapped me… One of them was in court yesterday and in all the confusion after the explosion… He managed to escape”  
“Oh God!”  
“Shane thinks he’s going to come after me again”  
“Do you agree with him?”  
“I don’t know… Maybe… It’s hard not to agree when he looks at you with those puppy-dog eyes of his and he tells you… Tells you how much he loves you… He’s genuinely scared. So yeah, I kinda agree with him”  
“So why did we just run out of the studio without any kind of security?”  
“No one knows we’re here! He’s not going to try and hurt me out in public”  
“You really believe that?”  
“No. I just needed to get away from everyone for awhile”  
She reassuringly squeezed his hand before smiling at him.  
“Come on, I’m starving” she said. “You can tell me everything over lunch”

*

They made their way down the street to a small café and each ordered a sandwich. Nicky spotted Fran standing outside and was annoyed but he quickly decided to use it to his advantage. He asked for the sandwiches to be wrapped then, once they had their food, they left the crowded café and crossed the street. He subtly checked Fran was following them before leading Georgina towards a nearby park.

“Nicky?” Gina began. “Where are we going?”  
“Just here” Nicky replied as he led her to a park bench.  
“We shouldn’t be out here”  
“Fran’s right behind us… And your dad’s security is over by that tree”  
“How did you…?”  
“After the trouble yesterday, of course your father would have security following you”  
She sighed. She knew she shouldn't have been surprised. Nicky had met every single member of her father’s security staff so it was no wonder he could spot one from a mile away.

“Nicky, why did you call me this morning?” Gina asked before taking a bite from her sandwich.  
“I wanted to see you” he replied.  
“We don’t have all afternoon… You need to talk about something”  
“How did you…?”  
“We’ve been friends too long. You can’t lie to me or keep things from me… I know you too well”  
“It’s complicated”  
“Don’t you mean, awkward?”  
“Gina”  
“Nicky, I’m not stupid… I can see it in your eyes”  
“See what?”  
“Whatever it is you want to talk about… You’re embarrassed about it”

He averted his eyes and stared down at his food. He suddenly realized he wasn’t very hungry. After sighing in defeat, he gave in and started talking.  
“Last night, Shane and I got a bit…physical” Nicky said, his cheeks flushing slightly.  
“Isn’t that a good thing?” she asked.  
“Yes, I suppose…”  
“Nicky”  
“He and I haven’t been… Intimate or even *close*, since I was released from hospital”  
“I thought gay men fucked every day”  
“Gina!”   
Nicky stared at her in horror. His face reddened further not only from embarrassment but from shock at what she’d just said.

“I’m sorry, Nicky” she giggled. “I just wanted to see the look on your face… And it was totally worth it!”  
The blonde singer shook his head in disbelief before letting out a laugh of his own. It felt nice to laugh again.  
“You know Shane & I were never…” Nicky trailed off. She nodded and reached for his hand.  
“Yeah, I know”  
“We finally did it… And I can’t remember it” tears filled his eyes. “The memory’s gone…”  
“Oh Nicky” she released his hand and wrapped her arm around him. He welcomed her embrace, remembering the last time she’d held him like this. They’d been at the courthouse, Nicky wanting to get to Shane and Georgina supporting him.  
“Sometimes when Shane looks at me, I can see it in his eyes… He’s remembering it and it… It breaks my heart, knowing that I can’t remember”  
“Nicky… The memory will come back. You just need to be patient”  
“But Shane… He… He looks at me with so much love and devotion… And I know that’s what he’s thinking about… Us, being together… And last night… I wanted to give him what he wants but… But I couldn’t”

Georgina held him tighter, wanting to say something but unsure of what.  
“It’s so hard to explain” he continued. “But… When he touches me… I know that it’s him but I see someone else. I keep getting these images and flashes of what happened to me… They happen mostly when he touches me…”  
“I… I don’t know what to say…”  
“He kissed me last night… With so much love and tenderness… And I panicked. For the briefest second, it wasn’t his lips on mine and I got scared. Then I couldn’t look at him afterwards…” another sob escaped Nicky’s lips. “He & I haven’t said two words to each other all morning”

“Nicky, you need to talk to him” Gina insisted.  
“He already talked to Kian” Nicky replied. “He’s obviously so worried that he couldn’t even talk to me”  
“Well, you haven’t talked to him”  
“But he told Kian! I mean, Kian!”  
“And you’re telling me… Shane obviously felt he needed to talk to someone so he went to Kian… Just like you’ve come to me… Nicky, you’ve got to talk to Shane!”  
“I don’t want him to know…”  
“Why not? Are you… Are you worried he won’t understand? He loves you and he deserves to know the truth”  
“But-“  
“Unless you’re planning on ignoring him for the rest of your life… I mean, you’re going to have to start talking to each other eventually. Nicky, if you’re not ready to have sex with him, he won’t force you… He is the last person on earth who would force you”  
“Gina, I want to do that… with him. I really do. I’d do it with him right now if I could… But I’m scared… I’m too scared. And if I tell him I’m too scared, he might get mad”  
“No, he won’t!” she insisted. “Listen to yourself, Nicky. Shane loves and respects you. Nothing you say to him will ever push him away. And he’s gone to so much trouble to keep you safe” she nodded towards Fran “the least you can do is be honest with him”

She didn’t say anything more; instead she continued to eat her sandwich. Nicky watched her for a moment, thinking over everything she’d said. He looked at his own uneaten sandwich then tossed it in the garbage can. Several minutes passed in silence while Georgina ate. Once she’d finished, she threw the leftovers into the garbage can and stood up. Nicky followed suit. They began to walk back towards the studio, both their security men following them. She reached out and took his hand.

“Thanks” Nicky smiled at her. “Thanks for listening to me”  
“Any time” She assured him. “You are going to talk to him, aren’t you?”  
“I’d be a fool not to”  
“He’s lucky to have you… And he knows it”  
“I’m luckier, I have him… And you” Gina smiled then kissed his cheek.  
“Now, if anything goes wrong… You call me… And I’ll come ‘round and kick both your asses”  
“You totally would, too”  
“Bye Nicky”  
“Bye Gina”

Nicky kissed her goodbye then watched her walk towards her security detail. By the time she’d reached him, Fran was standing by Nicky’s side. The blonde couldn’t hold back his feelings.  
“I can’t believe Shane made you follow me” Nicky said to him.  
“He didn’t” Fran explained.  
“Really? Then why…?”  
“Louis hired me and I intend to do my job properly… I’m to watch you and Shane. He was staying here with everyone else, so my job required me to go after you”  
“Did you enjoy the show then?”  
“Seeing a friend crying his eyes out is never enjoyable, Nicky… But I hope it helped you”  
“Not completely but it was a very good start”

“I won’t tell him” Fran insisted.  
“What?” Nicky asked.  
“Shane… I won’t tell him that I saw you crying”  
“Thanks”  
“You’re welcome… Now we’d better get inside or Priscilla will yell at you for being late!”


	10. Chapter 10

Fran opened the door to the rehearsal studio and ushered Nicky inside. The singer heard a familiar sound and turned to see Shane & Kian. His two band mates were in the midst of a playful wrestling match. They were both laughing so hard that neither of them was winning and Shane had tears in his eyes. Bryan and Mark were watching from the side, both of them were laughing too.  
Nicky stopped and watched his fiancé and his best friend. The sound of Shane’s laughter made the blonde’s heart pound. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d see Shane laugh so much. Pricilla called them to attention and the two singers reluctantly separated with Bryan announcing it was a tie. Kian stood up, offered his hand to Shane and helped the brunette to his feet.

As Shane stood up, he turned and saw Nicky standing by the door. The expression on his lover’s face was one Shane couldn’t read and he paused. He stared at the older boy for a moment. Even from this distance, Shane could tell the blonde had been crying. He, instinctively, moved towards Nicky but stopped. The morning hadn’t been a good one for the couple and Shane wasn’t sure where they were at right now, was he supposed to approach him or not? He wanted to run to the blonde and kiss him but something was stopping him.  
Nicky saw Shane move towards him then stop and his heart sank. He knew he had caused this. It was his fault Shane was pulling away from him. Georgina was right; he needed to talk to Shane.

Pricilla yelled once more and the five singers snapped to attention. She then announced that she was going to practice one-on-one with Shane. The un-needed singers slinked away while Shane made his way over to their instructor. Nicky watched as Bryan and Mark moved into a corner. He made his way over to the opposite corner and sat down. He was joined by Kian.

“How’s Gina?” Kian asked him.  
“She’s fine” he replied. “Worried about her father”  
“Oh yeah… The government must be worried about what happened yesterday”  
“They are… Maybe they should be. It could have been a political attack”  
“It could have been” Kian agreed. “But it doesn’t change the fact that Tobey escaped”  
“Fine, bring *that* up again” Nicky snapped.

The younger boy found himself biting his tongue. He knew Nicky was upset and a little on edge right now. He needed to cut his friend some slack.  
“So, you and Shane were talking about me” Nicky stated.  
“What? When?” Kian replied.  
“This morning”  
“I… We… No”  
“I didn’t hear you or anything. It’s just that I could see you through the window but when I went outside, you both went quiet”  
“It’s not my place to say”  
“So you were talking about me then”  
Kian stopped, he’d already re-thought his decision not to get involved.

“He’s worried about you” he told his friend. “And… maybe he has good reason to… The two of you haven’t said boo to each other all day. I mean, when you came back from lunch the two of you normally slink away to the corner for a quick snog but you can barely look at each other”  
“It’s complicated, Ki”  
“It doesn’t have to be”  
“And what would you know? When was the last time you had a successful relationship?”  
Kian sighed, his eyes fell upon Mark & Bryan. “Well, you got me there”

Without another word, Kian stood up and walked away from his band mate. Nicky watched him go, unable to apologise or even speak. He immediately felt bad for snapping at his friend but he wasn’t really in a talkative mood…   
And a part of him couldn’t help but feel Kian knew what was wrong with Shane but he wasn’t telling him.

Kian had barely left Nicky’s side when he sensed someone else sit down beside him. It was Fran. Nicky sighed.  
“Please, Fran” he said. “Not now”  
“Wasn’t going to say anything… Except that rehearsals are going to finish early today”  
“They are? How do you know that?”  
“I asked… It’s my job to organize a security detail to keep you two safe until the tour starts. Then I have to plan the entire tour, though I’m obviously going to have help with that…”  
“Obviously”  
“Now Nicky… I hope you’re not planning on running off, like you did earlier, at any point during the tour”  
“Don’t worry, I won’t”  
“Good”  
“Fran?” Nicky asked.  
“Yeah Nicky” he replied.  
“Was Tash okay with you taking this job?”  
“Not really… But she’ll get over it. I told her it was just for the few weeks of the tour. I’d like for her and Josh to come along but with what’s going on here, I don’t think it’d be very safe”  
“Yeah, I think Bryan’s gonna try and talk Kerry into staying home”  
“Good luck to him”  
“He’s so gonna need it”

Fran noticed Nicky’s gaze straying across the room. The blonde was staring at Shane, watching him trying to learn a particular move. The brunette fell over and Nicky’s body twitched, as though he’d been about to get up and run over to him. Fran watched as Shane righted himself and turned to see if Nicky had seen him trip. The couple’s eyes met and Shane smiled, laughing at himself. Fran looked to Nicky and saw him smiling back at the brunette.  
He reached out and placed his hand on Nicky’s shoulder.

“You two will be okay” he told him.  
“Yeah” Nicky smiled. “I know”

***---***

Kian, Shane, Nicky & Fran accompanied Mark back to his apartment where they joined him and Jade for dinner. Shane had been against the idea, not wanting to set foot inside Mark’s home but he was outnumbered (especially when he couldn’t voice his objections to Nicky or Kian).  
After a quiet (and somewhat uncomfortable) meal, Fran drove the three band members back to their hotel. He accompanied them up to their room and did a quick once over to make sure no one other than the maid had been in the room. After he was sure it was all clear, he bid them goodnight and left.

Kian collapsed on the sofa in the main room and closed his eyes. Shane had seen Fran to the door then locked and dead-bolted it behind him. He returned to the main room and found Kian but couldn’t see Nicky anywhere. The brunette assumed the older boy had gone into the bedroom and decided to leave him be.

“Shane?” Kian began. He opened his eyes and sat up, looking at Shane expectantly.  
“What?” he asked.  
“It’s been a whole day… You need to talk to him”  
“I know… And I will”  
“When?”  
“In a little while”  
“Shane-“  
“What?”  
“Hey, don’t snap at me… I’m trying to help you” Shane snorted. “I mean it, Shane. Didn’t you see the way Mark was looking at you during dinner?”  
“I try not to look at him as much as possible”  
“He’s not stupid… And neither is Bryan. They both knew something was up with the two of you today”

The brunette paused, Kian’s words seeping into his brain. He snapped his fingers as he realised what his friend was saying to him.  
“That’s why Mark was so happy today?” Shane asked. “He thought Nicky & I had had a fight?”  
“Technically you did…”  
“When is Mark going to get it through his thick head that he doesn’t stand a chance with Nicky?”  
It took much of Kian’s resolve to stop himself from saying anything more to Shane. He wanted to defend Mark but he was the one who had brought it up… And he wasn’t in the mode to argue with Shane over this.  
Shane sighed, thinking over what Kian had just said to him.  
“I promise, I’ll talk to Nicky before I go to bed” Shane insisted.

Kian bit his lip to stop himself speaking. He hadn’t intentionally brought Mark into the conversation but if mentioning him was enough to push Shane in the right direction, then it had been worth it.  
“Okay then…” he said to the brunette. “Well, I’m gonna have a shower then”

Kian rolled off the sofa then disappeared into the Bathroom, closing the door behind him. Shane remained where he was for a moment, unsure of what to do next. He didn’t want to talk to Nicky just yet as he was still quietly seething at the thought of Mark being so happy about the wedge between him and Nicky. Instead of moving towards the bedroom, he walked over to the balcony. He slid the door open and stepped outside. The cool breeze hit him instantly and he immediately regretted his choice. As he turned to go back inside, he spotted Nicky sitting at the table.

“Nicky?” Shane gasped. “What are you doing out here? It’s freezing!”  
The older boy looked up at Shane in surprise.  
“I…” Nicky sighed. “I thought you were going to go into the bedroom so I decided to leave you alone”  
“I thought you were in there and I decided to leave you alone”  
They both broke into a nervous laugh.

“I think it’s time we talked” Shane said to him.  
“I think so too” Nicky agreed.  
“Uh, can we go inside to do it…? It’s fucking freezing out here!” 

Shane nervously held his hand out to Nicky, uncertain if the blonde would take it. Nicky stood up and moved towards Shane. He reached out and tentatively took hold of his offered hand. As their skin touched, a familiar tingle shot through both their bodies. Neither one of them spoke as Shane led Nicky past the sofa and into the bedroom. He took the blonde inside and closed the door before leading him over to the bed.  
“Kian’s in the bathroom” Shane explained. “And I don’t think this is the kind of conversation he’d really want to listen to”  
“I suppose not” Nicky agreed with Shane.

“So…” Nicky slowly removed his hand from Shane’s and slid further up the bed, placing a small amount of space between them. “Which one of us is going to start?”  
“I don’t know” Shane admitted.

“Do you remember the night of Molly’s Christening?” Nicky asked.  
“Yeah, do you?” Shane replied. Nicky felt himself blush.  
“I wasn’t that drunk, Shay”  
“You kinda acted like it” Shane smiled.  
“Anyway” Nicky pressed on. “That night, I told you that I wanted to know what it felt like to be with you and… And you stopped us from going any further”  
“You-“  
“You said you weren’t ready yet”  
“I said that because you were tipsy. I didn’t want things to go too far without you being fully aware of it”  
“So you’re saying we’re ready now?”  
“Yeah, I am… I’m ready to show you how much you mean to me”

Shane wasn’t able to look at Nicky but he could hear the pain in his lover’s voice when he spoke.  
“I’m not” Nicky sobbed.

The younger boy looked up at Nicky and his heart broke at the sight before him. The blonde had slid back against the headboard, pressing himself against it. His face was buried in his hands while quiet sobs racked his body. Shane crawled along the bed until he reached Nicky’s side then he reached out and wrapped his arms around his fiancé.   
Instead of leaning into Shane, Nicky jumped back. He flew away from the brunette so fast that Shane feared he was going to fall right off the bed.

“Nicky, what…?” Shane stammered, shock and confusion displayed on his face.  
“No” Nicky sobbed, holding up his hands. “Don’t touch me! Please, don’t touch me”  
“Nix… Honey…”

Tears filled Shane’s eyes as he sat on the bed, unable to move or to comfort his hurting lover. His instincts were telling him to reach out to the blonde but Nicky was cowering away from him. He dropped his hands in defeat and tried to release the tension from his body.

“Nicky?” Shane whispered.  
“I’m sorry” Nicky cried.  
“Sweetheart, don’t be. Just, please, tell me what’s wrong?”

Shane could see how hard this was for Nicky and he felt utterly helpless. The blonde slowly looked up and stared at Shane through tear-filled eyes.

“I want to be with you,” Nicky sobbed. “I love you so much… I… I want to feel your hands on me; I want to look into your eyes and lose myself in your touch… But I can’t”  
“Why not?” Shane asked.  
“Because it’s started”  
“What has?”  
Nicky looked away, hiding his face in his hands once again. “The memory flashes”  
“Oh Nix…” Shane’s heart began to pound more incessantly. “Why didn’t you say something?”  
“I… I wanted to but I… I thought that if I ignored them, they would stop”   
“Honey-“  
“Stop calling me that!”  
“Nicky-“

“I’m sorry” Nicky pressed closer to the wall and slowly looked up, his eyes searching for Shane’s. He could see concern and love in the brunette’s eyes and his breathing became more erratic. “When you call me ‘honey’, it makes me want to run to you and… And be held by you but… But it hurts too much right now”  
“Then tell me what to do” Shane whispered. “How can I make this better for you?”  
“I don’t know” Nicky cried.

“It started a few days ago” the blonde began to explain. “Just a quick flash here and there… Whenever you touch me”  
Shane didn’t speak, not wanting to interrupt Nicky. He felt a knot forming in the pit of his stomach.

“The worst one was last night. When you pulled me into your lap and held me in your arms, I’d never felt so loved or protected… Then, out of nowhere, this image came to mind… And, suddenly, it wasn’t you holding me… It was *him* and I wanted to fight, to get away from him but you were holding me so… So… With so much love… That what was happening in my head didn’t make any sense and I got so scared… Too scared… I couldn’t panic and I couldn’t pull away”  
“I’m so sorry, Nix” Shane insisted. “If I had known, I never would have tried to push you so much”  
“No! I want this! I want *us*... I don’t want to panic whenever you come near me”  
“I don’t want that either but… Maybe, for now… That’s how it’s going to be”  
“No, no, no, no” Nicky shook his head as he spoke. “Please, don’t pull away from me, Shay… I need you so much”  
“Hon…” Shane stopped himself. “Nix, I don’t know what to do. You told me not to touch you but now you’re telling me not to pull away”  
“I’m sorry” Nicky continued to sob.

Shane moved back, still watching his crying lover. It took all of his willpower not to take Nicky into his arms again. Seeing his fiancé like this was breaking his heart and he didn’t know what to say or do. He remained stationary, just watching his love cry. Several silent moments passed before he spoke again.  
“Well,” Shane sighed. “We’re just going to have to start slow then, won’t we?”

Nicky lowered his hands and turned to look at Shane. He was still huddled against the wall but he stared at Shane with hope in his eyes. The brunette smiled at him before slowly moving closer to Nicky.  
Shane stopped about an arms length away from the older boy and crossed his legs in front of him. Nicky continued to watch him but didn’t speak. When Shane smiled at him, the blonde couldn’t help but smile back.  
The younger boy relaxed his shoulders then held up his hands, palms facing upwards, towards Nicky. The blonde stared at him in confusion.

“All you have to do is take my hands” Shane said to him. “Look at me, reach out and put your hands in mine”  
“I can’t” Nicky whispered.  
“Yes, you can”  
Shane could see Nicky’s hesitation and he didn’t want to push the blonde too much but he knew this needed to be done. He simply couldn’t allow his lover to pull further away from him. He wouldn’t lose him now, not over something like this.  
“You can do this” Shane whispered. “I know you can. Just look into my eyes… Nowhere else, just at me and slowly take my hand”

The older boy moved, ever so slightly, towards Shane. His eyes never left the brunette’s face. Shane smiled at him, encouragingly; his hazel eyes alight with love (and concern) for his fiancé. Nicky’s hands shook uncontrollably as they reached for Shane’s. The younger boy nodded his head, still smiling, encouraging Nicky.  
As their hands touched, Nicky panicked. He wanted to pull away, to close his eyes and run away. Shane knew he was losing him and his instincts were, once again, telling him not to let go. All he had to do was tighten his grip and stop Nicky from moving away but he knew he couldn’t do that. He couldn’t forcibly restrain his lover. He felt Nicky’s hands leave his as the older boy finally pulled away from him.

“I’m sorry” Nicky sobbed.  
“Don’t be” Shane soothed him. “I didn’t expect it to work the first time… So it’s okay”  
“No, it’s not!” Nicky argued. “This shouldn’t be so hard. Look at me, I… I… You should be able to touch me without me freaking out! Last night, you held my hand and told me how much you love me… And I was fine. So why is it so hard right now?”  
“It’s not your fault, Nicky. None of this is your fault”  
“But why can’t I touch you? Why can’t I physically reach out and touch you right now? What’s stopping me?”  
“It’s because you’re scared”  
“But I’m not scared of you”  
“I didn’t say it was me you were scared of…”

They fell silent for a moment. Nicky stared down at his shaking hands while Shane watched him. The younger boy wasn’t sure what to say exactly but a part of him understood what his love was going through.

“You had a nightmare last night…” Shane began. Nicky looked up at him in surprise.  
“How did you…?” Nicky asked.  
“Because I’ve been there too, remember?”  
“You never said…”  
“I didn’t want you to know…” Shane confessed. “And I felt so stupid about it later… I forced myself to get through it but it was hard… And I can’t let you go through it alone now”  
“Shay”  
“Come on, let’s try again” Shane began. “When you’re ready”

The blonde wiped the tears from his eyes and took a deep breath. He didn’t know why he was finding it so hard to do something so simple. All he had to do was reach out and take hold of Shane’s hand. The brunette had already lowered one, offering the other to his lover. Nicky hesitated for a moment longer before he slowly extended his hand. Again, his eyes searched out Shane’s and they held each others gaze as Nicky’s hand descended upon Shane’s.  
“Count to ten” Shane whispered. “One… Two…”  
“Three… Four…” Nicky pulled his hand away, averting his eyes and shaking his head in defeat. “I’m sorry”  
“Shhh… Don’t be”

They tried again; and again; and again. Shane never once lost his temper or patience. Each time, he would smile at Nicky and tell him it was okay. Each attempt was a little more successful then the previous one. Neither one of them refused to give up until Nicky was able to hold both of Shane’s hands for a full five minutes without pulling away.  
By the time the clock read midnight, they hadn’t reached their goal and Nicky was emotionally exhausted. Shane could see the disappointment in the blonde’s eyes and he tried his best to reassure him.  
“We’ll try again tomorrow night” Shane said to him. Nicky nodded, still frustrated at himself.

Shane reached out to stroke Nicky’s cheek but managed to stop himself at the last second. It broke his heart to see the way Nicky flinched away from him.

“Try to get some sleep” Shane said to him.  
“Thank you” Nicky said.  
“You don’t have to thank me, I love you”  
“I know you do”  
Nicky leaned forward and gave the brunette a quick peck on the lips. He pulled away before Shane could react or respond.  
“See you in the morning” Nicky said.  
The blonde climbed off the bed and headed for the bathroom. Once Nicky returned, Shane went in and washed his face then brushed his teeth. When he returned to the bedroom, Nicky was already asleep. Shane climbed into bed and turned off the light. It didn’t take long for him to drift off to sleep himself.


	11. Chapter 11

After their first night of failed attempts, the two singers repeated the process every night. No matter how exhausted they were from the day’s rehearsals, they still managed to work on Nicky’s ‘condition’. It wasn’t long until Shane was able to touch Nicky without the blonde flinching at his touch. There were still times when Nicky would pull away faster than Shane liked but it was better than not being able to touch at all. The real test, however, came a few days later during one of their final rehearsals. 

“Ten minutes lads” Pricilla called to the five singers.  
Shane and Kian exchanged a look as Bryan claimed the last sandwich from the buffet table. Nicky and Mark were sitting in the front row of the auditorium, watching their band mates.

“How’s your leg?” Nicky asked him.  
“Getting better” Mark replied.  
“Does it hurt?”  
“Not anymore”  
“Mark, you’re not making this easy”  
“What?” Mark looked up at Nicky in confusion.  
“I’m trying to talk to you but you’re giving me next to nothing”  
The younger boy sighed. “I’m sorry Nicky… I just wish things were better between me and Shane”  
“They will be, Mark… In time”  
“I don’t know, Nix. Nothing seems to have changed… He still looks at me like he thinks I’m about to snog you any moment… That is, if he looks at me at all”  
Nicky reached out to comfort Mark but stopped, sensing that Shane was watching them.

The blonde looked back at the stage and realised Shane wasn’t paying them any attention. He was currently engaged in another wrestling match, this time with Bryan. Kian was standing to one side, trying his best not to laugh at his friends.  
Mark stood up, stating he needed to find a bathroom before rehearsals recommenced. Once the younger boy had left, Nicky joined the other lads. By the time he reached them, Bryan had Shane in a head-lock and Kian was laughing.  
“You’re really bad at this, Shane” Kian laughed.  
“You’re one to laugh” Bryan replied.

Bryan released Shane and made a grab for Kian. The younger boy stepped aside, still laughing, in a bid to dodge Bryan. The two singers were too distracted that neither one of them saw Nicky approaching them. Kian managed to avoid Bryan but his bid for freedom sent the older boy crashing into Nicky.  
It happened so fast that Bryan was on top of Nicky, pinning the older boy to the floor, before he could stop himself.

In an instant, fear filled Nicky’s eyes and panic overtook him. Bryan leapt to his feet, apologising profusely, and looking to Shane for help. The brunette hurried to Nicky’s side and dropped to the floor. The older boy grabbed Shane’s arm as the brunette pulled him into a hug.

“It’s okay” Shane said to him. “It’s alright”  
“Nicky, I’m sorry” Bryan said. “I… I didn’t see you there”  
“I… I… It’s okay” Nicky stammered, still holding onto Shane.  
Kian waved to Bryan, grabbing his attention, and indicated for him to follow. The younger boy then walked away, leaving Nicky alone with Shane. Bryan and Kian moved away and didn’t stop walking until they were out of earshot of their friends.  
“I swear, I didn’t see him” Bryan insisted.  
“It wasn’t your fault” Kian said.  
“Well, if you hadn’t moved…”  
“Bryan! Look, just give them a few minutes. He’ll calm down”

*

Shane placed his hand over Nicky’s and used his other to gently cup the blonde’s cheek. Nicky looked up and his eyes met Shane’s. The initial panic seemed to have passed and the older boy was breathing more calmly.

“I’m okay, Shay” Nicky whispered. He knew Shane wasn’t going to believe him. “Really, I’m alright”  
The younger boy held his gaze for a moment, searching his eyes for some indication that Nicky was lying. After determining that the blonde really was okay, Shane helped him to his feet.  
“It was an accident” Nicky said. “It just took me by surprise is all”  
Shane nodded.  
“Hey,” Nicky whispered, as he tightened his hold on Shane’s hand. “I didn’t freak out! Maybe that means I’m getting better?”  
Shane shrugged his shoulders. “Or maybe you didn’t ‘freak out’ because it wasn’t me who touched you”  
“Shay”  
“Forget about it, I’m happy for you, baby. Really, I am!”  
Shane placed a kiss on Nicky’s forehead then retracted his hand.

 

Having missed the entire incident, Pricilla and Mark both returned to the stage and their choreographer called them to attention. Bryan and Kian hurried over and Bryan hurried to explain what had just happened, while trying to apologise to Nicky at the same time.

“Nicky, Shane” Pricilla addressed the couple. “Do you need a few more minutes?”  
“No” Shane replied.  
“Nicky?” The blonde shook his head.  
“Okay…” She glanced at each of them, in turn, once more but neither of them said anything more. “Well then…” She clapped her hands loudly. “Back to it then!”

“Nicky” Bryan began. “I’m really sorry”  
“Its okay, Bry” Nicky insisted. “It was an accident… And I’m fine”   
Bryan nodded in understanding… But he still couldn’t help feeling bad.

***---***

The night before the first concert saw the couple sitting on their bed, side by side, Nicky’s head on Shane’s shoulder while the brunette’s arm was resting upon Nicky’s waist.  
“Are you…. Nervous?” Shane whispered. Nicky nodded. “Me too”  
“It’s too late to back out now” the blonde said.  
“Do you want to back out?”  
“No! You?”  
“Nope” Shane smiled.

“I’m really proud of you, you know? All this progress we’ve made” Shane added.  
“I’m proud of you too” Nicky reached for the younger boy’s other hand. “After everything you’ve been through… You’re still here for me”  
“I couldn’t imagine being anywhere else… And I wouldn’t want to be”

Nicky slowly lifted his head and his eyes met with Shane’s. They stared at each other for a moment until the older boy leaned closer and brought their lips together. The moment passed and Nicky quickly pulled away. He looked, uncertainly, at Shane and the younger boy suppressed a yawn.  
“Sorry baby” Shane said.  
“Its okay” the blonde smiled. “I’m pretty tired myself”  
The older boy stood up, separating himself from Shane, and made his way into the bathroom, He returned, a few minutes later, and climbed into bed while Shane disappeared into the bathroom. By the time the brunette made to switch off the lights, Nicky was already fast asleep. Shane stopped and watched him for a moment, a smile dancing upon his lips.

*

Shane awoke, in the middle of the night, with an urgent need to use the bathroom again. He quietly slipped out of bed and hurried across the room. The brunette was just finishing up when he heard a sound coming from the bedroom. He washed his hands then opened the door. Light spilled into the room, illuminating the blonde in the bed. Shane rushed to his love’s side and tried to wake him. Nicky’s eyes flew open and, for a moment, the two singers simply stared at each other.

“Are you okay?” Shane asked. “Do you want me to turn the light on?”  
“No!” Nicky gasped,  
“Nicky, what’s wrong?”  
“Nothing… I’m fine… Really!”  
“Are you…?”  
“I’m okay. It was… Just a nightmare”  
“You wanna talk about it?”  
“No”

Shane looked at him with uncertainty but quickly backed down. He reached out and gently stroked Nicky’s cheek. The older boy didn’t flinch at his touch, this caused Shane to smile. The brunette stood up and went back to the bathroom. He turned the light off and returned to bed. The couple lay awake in the dark, neither one of them said another word.

Some time passed and just as Shane assumed Nicky had drifted back to sleep, he heard his lover sob. His heart skipped a beat and he quickly sat up.  
“Nix?” he exclaimed, his voice laced with concern. “Baby, what’s wrong?”

Nicky could hear the worry in the younger boy’s voice but couldn’t think of the right words to say to reassure him. He reluctantly allowed another sob to pass his lips. He had been so hopeful that Shane had already gone back to sleep and that he wouldn’t have to explain what was wrong. He closed his eyes but that only made it worse. He had had vivid dreams before… But not like this.  
When Nicky failed to answer him, Shane tried not to panic.  
“Nicky?” Shane asked. He reached for the bedside lamp but in his haste, struggled to find it.  
“Where’s the damned light switch?” he groaned aloud.  
“No!” Nicky panted. “Don’t!”

The younger boy found the switch as Nicky spoke but had already managed to get the light on before realising what Nicky had said. As their eyes adjusted to the light, Shane blinked in confusion. He couldn’t understand why his love didn’t want the light on.  
Once his eyes had adjusted and he was able to see, the reason was obvious.

Nicky’s eyes were closed, in a bid to block out the light, and the blonde was shaking his head from side to side.  
“No” he was whispering. “No, no, no, no”  
“Nicky, honey” Shane whispered. “It’s okay”  
“No” he sobbed. “It’s not! I don’t want… I didn’t mean… It just…”  
“Nix”  
“Why won’t it go away?”  
“It will, just give it time”  
“I’m sorry”  
“What?”  
“I didn’t… I didn’t want you to see…”  
“Why not? Oh baby, it’s nothing to be ashamed of. It’s uh… Rather impressive actually”  
“Shane!”  
“I’m just saying is all… Even with the blanket over it… It’s nice”  
“Stop staring… Please? You’re making it worse!”

Shane reluctantly averted his eyes. His eyes wandering up Nicky’s chest to his face and he looked into his lover’s eyes. As he held Nicky’s gaze, he recognized an emotion he’d not seen in those deep orbs for some time…. Lust.

They both initiated the kiss at the same time. Nicky’s arms flew around Shane’s neck as the younger boy grabbed the blonde’s waist. It was the most intense, passionate embrace they had shared since Nicky’s ordeal… Maybe even the start of their relationship.  
As Shane pulled Nicky to him, the blonde’s shame rubbed against Shane’s thigh and he felt his own cock begin to twitch. They separated, briefly, to catch their breath.  
“I was dreaming of you” Nicky whispered. “Of us, being together… I don’t know if it was just a dream or if it was…”  
“A memory” Shane finished. Nicky nodded.  
“It felt so real”  
“I can… See that” the brunette whispered. Nicky felt his cheeks flush.  
“Shane-”  
“Why didn’t you want me to know?”  
“I was… Embarrassed”  
“Oh baby”

Shane tightened his hold on Nicky and buried his face in the blonde’s neck. He pressed a kiss to the skin, painfully aware that Nicky could react badly at any moment.  
“Shay” Nicky moaned. “We can’t do this… I’m not ready”  
“You want to… Don’t you?” Shane whispered.  
“Yes” Nicky’s voice was barely louder than a whisper.  
“You trust me?” Shane breathed in the blonde’s ear. The older boy closed his eyes and nodded his head.

Shane’s lips caressed Nicky’s neck and he trailed several soft kisses along the blonde’s skin. He told himself to go slow, to take it easy. He didn’t want to rush the moment but nor did he want Nicky to change his mind during the process.  
“Shay” Nicky gasped.

The older boy reached out, taking Shane’s hand in his and entwining their fingers. Shane’s lips found Nicky’s once more and the blonde groaned with pleasure. It felt so good being with Shane like this. His mind took him back to the day he’d come home from Hospital and they had fondled each other in the spa. How he’d longed for another moment like that one but had been too scared to act upon those feelings again.

He felt Shane’s hand on his lower back, trailing down towards the waistband of his pants. A nervous gasp escaped his lips. He gazed at the brunette and saw the way Shane was smiling at him. The sight made him smile in return and, in that moment, he remembered how much he adored Shane and how he trusted the younger boy with his life. He knew Shane would never do anything to hurt him.

“Are you sure we’re not moving too fast?” Nicky whispered a little uncertainly.  
“Do you want me to stop?” Shane replied.  
“I…” Nicky trailed off, too overcome with emotion to speak.  
“I promise not to go all the way” Shane said as he nuzzled his face against Nicky’s neck.  
The blonde arched his back, closing his eyes as he gasped.   
“Just do something…” He whispered. “Please?”

Shane leaned forward to kiss the older boy but stopped when he saw a single tear trickle down the blonde’s cheek.  
“Nicky… Please don’t cry” Shane said to him.  
“I’m not crying” Nicky insisted.  
The brunette reached up and brushed the tear from Nicky’s cheek. He looked at his love with concern but Nicky leaned forward and kissed Shane’s finger.

“Touch me, Shay” Nicky whispered.  
“Are you sure?” Shane asked.  
“Please… Stop asking me and just do it!”  
In one swift movement, Shane captured Nicky’s lips with his as his hand closed around the blonde’s hardness. The touch caused Nicky to tighten his hold on Shane and deepen their kiss. It only took a few quick strokes of Shane’s hand before Nicky came, moaning his love’s name into the kiss.  
They separated and Shane took a moment to look into Nicky’s eyes, searching his lover’s gaze for signs of fear or regret but seeing nothing but love and admiration.

“My turn” Nicky breathed into Shane’s ear.  
The brunette’s own hardness was already weeping with excitement. The lust in the blonde’s voice, and the thought of what was to come, was almost enough to send him over the edge.  
“Nix” Shane replied. “You don’t have-“  
“I want to”

Nicky brushed his hand down Shane’s cheek before pressing his lips to the brunette’s chest. Shane closed his eyes, enjoying the feel of Nicky’s hands and lips on his body. He knew, instantly, that this moment had been worth the wait. Nicky’s fingers closed around his throbbing hardness and Shane moaned aloud.

“I love you, Nix” Shane panted, his eyes slowly opening.  
“I love you too baby” Nicky replied.

As Shane’s eyes locked with Nicky’s gaze, he came. The two singers stared at each other for the longest time. Shane reached down and took hold of Nicky. He pulled the blonde to him and captured his lips in a deep, loving kiss.  
“Are you okay?” Shane asked him.  
Nicky paused, really thinking about his answer.   
“I’m fine” the blonde said. And he knew he meant it.

Shane leaned in once more and kissed Nicky’s forehead.  
“Sleep now” he said. “We’ve got a long day tomorrow”  
“Will you… Hold me?” Nicky asked.  
“Of course… Just let me clean us up a bit first”

Shane climbed out of bed, hurried into the bathroom and ran a cloth under the tap. He cleaned himself off then cleaned the cloth before returning to Nicky. He gently washed the results of their affection from Nicky’s body then returned the cloth to the bathroom. Shane switched the light off then hurried back to bed. He wrapped his arms around Nicky and the blonde snuggled against him. The two singers fell asleep with matching smiles on their faces.


	12. Chapter 12

Nicky awoke to the sound of pouring rain. The curtains were pulled closed but the blonde could imagine how cold, wet and windy it was outside. He slowly rolled over, burrowing deeper under the blankets and willing himself to stay warm. The singer raised his head and smiled at his still sleeping lover. He reached out and gently stroked Shane’s cheek. The brunette stirred but didn’t wake.  
The older boy smiled again then retracted his hand. He moved closer to Shane and closed his eyes once more. It wasn’t long before the brunette started stirring again. Shane heard the rain before he opened his eyes and he instinctively reached for Nicky. He pulled the blonde towards him and hugged him close.

“Morning” Nicky whispered; his eyes still closed.  
“Morning” Shane replied.  
“It sounds cold out there”  
“It *sounds* cold?”  
“You know what I mean… The wind and the rain…”  
“It’s nice and warm here”  
“It is” Shane agreed. “What time is it?”  
“Not time to get up yet”  
“Are you just saying that so we won’t get up?”  
“Of course I am”  
Shane laughed then opened his eyes.

The room was dark and the rain sounded much louder now that he was awake. For a moment, he lay in bed and stared up at the ceiling. The reality that they were about to perform their first concert of the tour that night suddenly hit him. He reached for Nicky’s hand as the blonde reached for his.  
“It just sunk in, didn’t it?” Nicky asked him.  
“Yeah” Shane sighed.  
“I’m scared, Shay” Nicky whispered.  
“Me too”  
“Too late to back out now”  
“Nix, we already had this talk”  
“I know… I feel better having it again”  
“You do?”

Nicky nodded as he slowly sat up. He rolled over, resting on his stomach and looking at Shane. The brunette reached out and stroked Nicky’s cheek.  
“I know it sounds weird” Nicky explained. “But I feel better knowing I’m not the only one who’s scared”  
“I’m sure the other lads are nervous too”  
“But not for the same reasons we are”

The blonde averted his eyes. He reached up, took Shane’s hand in his and gently kissed his palm. The younger boy smiled at the intimate touch, remembering what they had done the previous night.

“Are you scared because you think they’re coming for you?” Shane was almost afraid to ask.  
“Maybe” Nicky confessed. “But they’d be stupid to, right?”  
“Because if they even try to get near you, I’ll kill them”  
“No… Because we have a show to do. Security and everyone else around. We’ll barely have a second alone. They’d have to move fast and I don’t see that happening”  
“But you still think it might?”  
“Stupid, huh?”

“No” Shane leaned forward and kissed Nicky’s forehead. “You have every reason to feel the way you do. You’d be silly not to. This way, you’re on alert… Be aware of what’s going on around you. If you see something that worries you, tell me or Fran… We’ll protect you”  
“What if they go after you instead?”  
“Nicky please-“  
“I mean it, Shay”  
“They had their chance at the court house… Nothing happened to me. But security will be strongest around us. You’ve got nothing to worry about sweetheart”  
The blonde nervously chewed his bottom lip.

“Baby?” Shane whispered. Nicky looked up and into his eyes. “Are you bringing this up so we won’t talk about last night?”  
“Last night…”  
“You know? What we did...”  
“Do we… Do we need to talk about it?” Nicky saw the hurt expression that briefly covered Shane’s face and he reached for his love’s hand. “Oh Shay, I just meant that… It was so… So amazing and perfect and right… Do we need to spoil it by talking it to death?”  
“So you don’t regret it?”  
“Regret it? No! It was more than I could ever imagine”  
“It was just a hand job Nix”  
“Not to me”  
“I didn’t mean it like-“  
“Shay, honey” Nicky leaned forward and kissed his cheek. “I understand it was a ‘big thing’ but all we seem to do lately is talk and talk and talk. Last night we finally acted and let something happen… But if we talk it to death, how do we know we won’t take the ‘specialness’ away?”

The brunette slowly nodded his head in understanding. He looked into Nicky’s eyes as he raised the blonde’s hand and kissed his palm. The small sign of affection sent a shiver down Nicky’s spine. Shane smiled, remembering how Nicky’s hand had felt on his bare skin.

“I love you” Shane whispered, his lips ghosting upon Nicky’s.  
“Thank you” Nicky replied, his voice barely reaching Shane’s ears.

The older boy slid his hand behind Shane’s neck and deepened their kiss. He closed his eyes as his tongue sneaked its way inside the brunette’s mouth. Taking initiative, he took his hand away from Shane’s as he rolled over.  
The younger boy continued to return Nicky’s hungry kiss. Then, without even realizing, Nicky was on top of him. Their kiss intensified as the blonde moved against his love, his body pinning Shane’s to the mattress. It wasn’t long before they separated, both desperate for air.

“Nix” Shane gasped, welcoming oxygen into his lungs. “What was that for?”  
“I… I don’t know” Nicky admitted. “I just felt the sudden urge to… kiss you”  
“I’m glad. That was…”  
“Too much?”  
“No… Perfect”

Nicky stared down at Shane, not quite ready to release the body beneath his. He reached up and stroked the brunette’s cheek. From their current positions they could each feel the other’s growing excitement. As Shane looked into Nicky’s eyes, he could see a hint of the lust he’d seen the previous night. The fact that he could see a sign of hesitation there too didn’t surprise him. He wondered if it should have bothered him.  
For some time, neither of them moved. The two singers remained as they were, staring into each others eyes and wondering where to go from there.

Shane brought their lips together and slowly trailed his hand down Nicky’s back, bringing it to rest on the older boys behind. He felt Nicky relax under his touch and he raised his hand to the waistband of Nicky’s boxers. His fingers slipped carefully inside and the blonde arched his back, pressing his body against Shane’s.

“Are you okay?” Shane whispered. Nicky nodded his head, his eyes closed, his skin tingling.

The sudden loud knock on the bedroom door caused them to separate, Nicky leapt off Shane and onto the mattress. His heart was racing at the thought of almost being caught.

“Lads!” Fran called out. “Why aren’t you up yet?”

“Who says we’re not ‘up’?” Shane whispered to Nicky. The blonde laughed before calling out to Fran.  
“Five more minutes”  
“No” came the response. “Get up now! Before I have to come in there and drag you out myself”

The two singers exchanged a look. Previous experience of touring with Fran proved they knew he meant it. The memory of Fran flipping the mattress out from under Mark, still brought tears of laughter to Nicky.  
“Reckon we’ve got time to shower first?” Shane asked.  
“I’d say so…” Nicky replied. “We did lock the door, right?”  
“I think so”  
“You want first shower?”  
“So you can stay in bed longer?” Nicky nodded, smiling sweetly. “Fine… Only because you’re too cute for me to say no to”

*

Several hours later, the five band members were at the venue, waiting for the final preparations to be completed for their first show. Nicky and Shane were in a meeting with Fran and the other members of the security staff. Kian, Mark and Bryan were playing with a football that seemed to have magically appeared in the auditorium.

Nicky tried to pay attention during the security meeting but it was hard. Most of what was being said bored him and his mind kept taking him back to the previous night. He’d meant what he said to Shane. That he’d not regretted it, even for a second. What concerned him now was his desire to do it again.  
He sat beside Shane, acting like he understood every word that was being said. His eyes, however, were focused on Shane’s hands. His body tingled as he remembered how Shane’s fingers had felt on his skin.

Shane made certain to pay extra attention to every single detail they were given. He’d realized pretty early on that Nicky wasn’t concentrating on what was being said. Halfway through the meeting, he reached out for Nicky’s hand but found that action proved more of a distraction for himself.

After what seemed like an eternity, the security members finally stood up and vacated the room. This left Nicky, Shane and Fran on their own at the table.

“A part of me can’t help but feel this is rather excessive” Shane admitted. “I mean a security person following us everywhere we go? Two of them outside the door to our dressing room… at least one in the car with us whenever we travel somewhere…”  
“Maybe… But it’s necessary Shane. For both of you to be protected at all times”  
“And what are we meant to do about our privacy?”  
“Well, we did consider posting a guard inside your hotel room at all times too”  
“Please tell me you’re joking on that one”  
“Shane, it’s my job to make sure nothing happens to either one of you and I’m going to use every precaution I can. So what if you’re put off by some of these arrangements. We’re doing all this for you”

“We know, Fran” Nicky spoke up. “And we really appreciate it. We’re just a bit stressed… Opening night and all”  
“I understand but we’re acting in your best interests”  
“Can we have a minute, please?”

“I’m not really supposed to-“ Fran began.  
“Please Fran?” Nicky asked. “Just a minute?”  
“I’ll be just outside, okay?”

Fran stood up and left the room, closing the door behind him. As soon as the door closed, Shane stood up and began nervously pacing around the room. Nicky watched him, slightly shocked.

“Shay? Honey?” Nicky began. “Are you okay?”  
“I think it just hit me” Shane admitted.  
“What did?”  
“All this! Listening to Fran explain how closely everyone would be watching us, meeting all the security guards who’re going to be following us everywhere we go… I can’t remember any of their names, much less what they look like”

Nicky stood up and walked over to the brunette. He reached out for Shane’s hand, effectively stopping the younger boy’s strides.  
“Shay, it’s going to be okay” Nicky assured him.  
“So what if we have a group of people watching our every move? As long as we’re together and we’re safe, that’s all that matters”

Shane nodded his head. He knew the older boy was right. He tightened his grip on Nicky’s hand and gently stroked the back of his palm. The blonde looked into his eyes and Shane leaned forward to kiss him.

“Time’s up!” Fran shouted as he threw the door open and walked into the room, another security guard by his side. The couple instantly separated and the older boy stopped, realizing what he’d interrupted. “Sorry lads… Uh you’ve got final rehearsal is all”  
“First rule of the tour” Shane hissed. “Knock! Always knock before entering a room, okay?”  
Fran nodded. “I forgot, sorry”  
Shane turned back to Nicky and placed a kiss on his lips. The blonde returned the embrace with less affection than Shane was used to but the younger boy reasoned that his love probably wasn’t comfortable with displays of affection in front people he didn’t really know... And the security guard seemed to be watching them very closely. The brunette put his arm around Nicky and led him out of the room. Fran and the security guard, Scott, followed them.

***---***

Bryan and Kian were throwing the football back and forth when Nicky and Shane appeared, followed by Fran and an unfamiliar figure. Bryan could tell Nicky was uncomfortable around the newcomer; Shane was holding his hand and gently stroking the back of his palm.

“Hi, I’m Bryan” the blonde said as he approached the security guard, holding his hand out.  
The older man looked at the outstretched hand and, somewhat resentfully, accepted the greeting.  
“I’m Scott” he replied, his tone as unfriendly as his demeanor. “I’m here to do my job, nothing more”  
“O…K…” Bryan said, slightly confused. “See you round then”

Bryan tossed the football aside and followed Nicky and Shane towards the main auditorium. Mark and Kian fell in step behind Fran and Scott.  
“What do you suppose his problem is?” Mark whispered to Kian.  
“Not a clue” the blonde replied. “But remind me not to get on his bad side”  
“Ditto”  
*

Sitting in the front row was Priscilla. She had a notebook open in front of her and seemed to constantly be checking her watch. When she saw the five lads approaching, she leaped to her feet and marched over to them.

“You’re late” she hissed.  
“Security briefing went longer than we expected” Fran spoke on behalf of the lads.  
“Oh… Well hurry up and change… Final dress rehearsal!”

“Do we really need one?” Bryan asked her.  
“You want to put on a bad show?”  
“No”  
“Then don’t argue with me… Final dress rehearsal… Ten minutes!”

***---***

Shane and Nicky walked into their dressing room, followed by Kian. Fran made to follow but Kian caught his eye. The older boy took a step back and didn’t attempt to enter the room. Kian closed the door then turned to face his friends. Nicky was visibly shaking while Shane hugged him, whispering in his ear. Seeing his friends like this tore at his heart.

“Lads…” Kian spoke up.  
Shane looked at him over Nicky’s shoulder.  
“We’re okay” he said as Nicky pulled away from him.  
“It’s just an adjustment” Nicky added. “I mean we’re used to being followed but not this closely all the time”  
“And they’re going to be following you everywhere?” Kian asked.  
“Unfortunately” Shane said.

“Well… As long as-“ Kian began.  
“It keeps us safe” Shane added.  
“It’ll be worth it” Nicky finished.  
“Guess you’ve been hearing that a bit, huh?”

Nicky walked over to the clothes rack and started sorting his clothes for the opening number. Shane watched him but remained by Kian.  
“He’s not really okay with it, is he?” Kian whispered.  
“Would you be?” Shane asked.  
“Guess not… Something’s not right with that Scott guy”  
“You noticed that too huh?”  
“He wasn’t exactly subtle”  
“True”

“Well, I’d better get to my dressing room… Make sure Mark’s not trying to wear my outfit, again” Kian said. “See you two in a few?”  
“Yeah, we’ll see you out there” Shane said.  
“We’ll be the ones with the entourage following us onto the stage” Nicky joked. Unfortunately, his humor didn’t reach his eyes.

Kian opened the door and slipped out, pulling it closed as he went. Shane waited till the door was closed before walking over to Nicky and sliding his arms around his waist. He placed his chin on Nicky’s shoulder and looked at the clothes rack in front of them.

“We’ve just got to get through today” Shane assured him. “There’s no show tomorrow night and by the third or fourth show, we’ll probably be used to the extra security”  
“You mean it can only get easier?”  
“Exactly”  
“I don’t think that Scott guy will get easier to be around”  
“Just pretend he’s not there”  
“But his eyes… I don’t think he knows how to blink”  
Shane was about to laugh before he realized the blonde had a point. He leaned in and kissed Nicky’s neck.  
“Let it go baby” Shane whispered. “Let’s just get this rehearsal over with… Then we can go out there and wow the fans”  
“Just like old time”  
“Only better… This time you’ll be right by my side, and I’ll be at yours”  
Nicky turned to Shane and brought their lips together. It took all of Shane’s willpower to pull himself away.

“We had ten minutes… Six minutes ago” Shane said.  
He reached out and grabbed his clothes off the rack. Dressing in under two minutes was normal for Shane but it was near impossible for Nicky. He saw the look of fear on his love’s face and he smiled.  
“It’s okay, honey” Shane whispered. “You can be fashionably late this time”  
“Says you…” Nicky muttered as he carried his clothes towards the bathroom. “Pricilla will have my balls for this”  
“Well she can’t have them” Shane whispered as the bathroom door closed behind him. “I like them right where they are”


	13. Chapter 13

The final rehearsal went off with only a few minor problems. Priscilla was relatively satisfied with the result and went easy on them. The five lads were relieved and happily exited the auditorium. Kerry and Tash were waiting for them backstage. Bryan kissed his wife and took Molly into his arms as Tash greeted them. Josh saw his father and began squirming in Tash’s arms. Fran stepped in and took Josh. The child immediately settled down.

“We were hoping to go out for dinner” Kerry said.  
“Just a quick bite before the show” Tash added.  
“Sounds good to me” Bryan replied.  
“I was going to stay in” Kian spoke up.  
“Me too” Mark added.

Fran looked to Nicky and Shane. The couple seemed to be having a conversation without exchanging actual words.  
“We were going to stay in too” Nicky explained.  
“Then I should-“ Fran began.  
“You should go” Shane said. “We’ll be fine with the 200 other security people here”  
“But my job”  
“Don’t argue with us, Fran… Spend time with Tash and Josh”

Shane reached out, took hold of Nicky’s hand and the two singers began to walk away. Fran watched them go, a little uncertain. Tash smiled and took his hand.  
“An hour, that’s all” she said to him.  
“Besides, you’re not expected to watch them 24/7” Bryan added.

Fran looked over his shoulder to Scott. The older boy nodded then turned and followed Nicky and Shane down the hall. Kian watched him closely.  
“Something wrong, Ki?” Bryan asked.  
“No… I’m fine” he replied. “See you later”

Kian slowly began to wander away. Bryan turned to Mark.  
“Sure you want to stay here?”  
Mark nodded.  
“Okay…”

It was Mark’s turn to walk away. He turned and headed in the opposite direction to his friends. Bryan paused, wondering if he should go after him but Molly chose that moment to playfully poke him in the eye. Kerry and Tash both laughed and all thoughts of Mark left Bryan’s mind.

“Well, shall we be off then?” Fran asked. “The sooner we go, the sooner we’ll be back”  
“Lead the way” Bryan told him.

***---***

“So, you really think it went okay?” Nicky asked Shane.  
The brunette opened the door to their dressing room and allowed Nicky to pass him. He followed the older boy inside and closed the door.  
“You were perfect” Shane replied.  
“That’s not what I’m talking about” Nicky pouted. “Besides, I messed up one of those dances”

Shane smiled as he moved closer to Nicky. He reached out and placed his hand on Nicky’s cheek. He looked into his lover’s eyes and held his gaze.  
“Baby, if tonight’s show goes half as well as that rehearsal just did then I’ll be happy” he placed a quick peck on Nicky’s lips. “And what does it matter if we mess up from time to time? The fans aren’t expecting us to be perfect”  
“Don’t you feel like there’s more pressure on us? Because of you and me, being together”  
“No… Because when we go out there, we’re there to sing and entertain all those people who came here to see and hear us. What we have, between us, is just that. Between us”  
“But-“  
“No buts” Shane slid his arms around Nicky and pulled him into a hug. “I love you but tonight isn’t about us… It’s about Westlife”  
“You just said no buts”  
Shane smiled. “Except that one then!”  
Nicky returned the smile.  
“You always know what to say” Nicky sighed.  
“I’m just that good” Shane replied, grinning.  
“And so modest too” Nicky giggled as he pulled away from Shane and stuck his tongue out.  
“Hey!” Shane argued.

Nicky broke into a run, laughing, but there was no where to go. Shane hurried after him and threw his arms around Nicky’s waist. The two singers fell to the floor in a laughing heap. Shane found himself straddling Nicky’s hips and wondered if he should move but the blonde was still laughing. Nicky reached up, cupped his hand behind Shane’s neck and pulled the younger boy in for another kiss.

The door flew open and the couple sprang apart. They both looked up and found Scott standing in the doorway. He looked down at them, his eyes moving from one to the other and back again.  
“Routine check” he muttered. “Every five minutes”  
He cast another look at them before stepping out and closing the door.

Nicky caught Shane’s eye and the two singers burst out laughing. The blonde rested his hand on Shane’s shoulder, giggling uncontrollably.  
“It’s not exactly funny, Nix” Shane laughed.  
“I know” Nicky replied. “But that lad’s a freak”  
“No kidding”

Several moments passed before they both calmed down enough to recompose themselves. Shane climbed to his feet then helped Nicky up. Once they were both on their feet, Shane couldn’t resist placing one more kiss on Nicky’s lips.  
“What was that for?” Nicky asked him.  
“Since when did I start needing a reason to kiss the love of my life?” Shane replied.  
“I don’t know… Maybe I’ll ask him when he gets here”  
“Why you little-“  
“Little?”

 

Knock! Knock!  
“Come in” they called in unison.  
Kian opened the door and stepped into the room. He paused and looked at his friends. From the way they were grinning at each other, he knew he’d interrupted something.  
“Everything okay in here?” Kian asked them.  
“Yeah” Shane smiled.  
“Fine” Nicky grinned.  
“Okay then” Kian replied, not completely convinced. “Wanna head off for dinner?”  
“I assumed you were going to eat with Mark” Shane said to him.  
“If you two don’t want me around then I will”  
“No” Nicky interrupted. “Of course we want you to join us”  
“Just not Mark” Shane added.  
“Shane, don’t start” Nicky said.  
“I was just saying”  
“Well don’t”

Nicky turned back to Kian.  
“Give us five minutes to change and we’ll meet you there?” Nicky said,  
“Sure” Kian replied. “I’ll tell Scott or whoever’s on babysitting duties what our plans are”  
“Thanks”  
Kian nodded then turned and left the room, closing the door behind him.

“Shane” Nicky began.  
“Nix, please, don’t start” Shane begged.  
“But that was rude”  
“It’s not like he’s here and can hear me”  
“That’s not the point Shay… You promised things would improve but you’re not even making an effort”  
“He doesn’t deserve it”  
“Shay, please? Now’s not the time…”  
“Nix, baby-“  
“I know you still harbor unnecessary feelings of… dislike… for him but you don’t have to keep reminding us of it every five seconds. If you want to keep hating him, fine… I just don’t want to hear it anymore!”

Nicky turned and walked away, slamming the bathroom door as he went.

*

Kian closed the door and turned to look around the corridor. Scott was no where in sight. The blonde paused, thinking. Scott had definitely been there when he’d gone inside. He moved along the hall and stopped when he heard the older man’s voice.

“They’re just a pair of pathetic fags” Kian heard him saying. “I went in for the security check and they were all over each other”  
“They’re supposedly in love” came another voice.  
“Yeah right… Horny sluts is more like it”  
“What? Were they… you know?”  
“Dear God no… I would’ve gouged my eyes out if I’d had to see something like that”  
“Why can’t you just leave it alone? They’re not hurting anyone”  
“You almost sound happy for them… What they’re doing is disgusting…”   
“Just leave them be… This is a good job and pays great. What they do behind closed doors isn’t important”  
“Why are we even protecting them? A pair of faggots like that deserve whatever’s coming to them”  
“Scott!”  
“Whatever… I’m going home… It’s your turn to watch over the pansies”

Kian unclenched his fist and resisted the urge to hurry after the older lad and punch him. He turned and headed the other way, back towards the dressing room. Another security guard appeared behind him.  
“Hi… Kian, right?” he asked.  
The singer turned, recognizing the voice. This was who Scott had been talking to.  
“Yeah… Sorry you are?” Kian replied.  
“Billy” he held out his hand. Kian shook it.

“Listen, I’m not going to pretend anything here” Kian began. “I heard you and Scott just then”  
Billy sighed. “I’ve known him for about a year… He’s good at his job but a bit of a jerk too”  
“I didn’t like what he was saying about my friends”  
“Neither would I”  
“I do appreciate the way you defended them though”  
“I didn’t do it for them… I have a cousin who’s gay and I don’t like people talking about him in that way either. I have nothing against people who are who they are… But I don’t need it shoved down my throat either”  
“Nicky and Shane are never anything but themselves… Nor are they the kind to flaunt their…way of living”  
“I don’t want to cause any trouble… I just want to do my job and get paid… And my job is to make sure they’re safe, so that’s what I’m going to do”  
“Well, we’re about to go for dinner… You’ll be able to see for yourself what they’re really like”  
“I don’t doubt they’re good people, Kian… I’m just here to do a job”  
“Well, so am I… But before I can do that, I need food!”

***---***

Bryan, Kerry, Fran and Tash all took their seats and began examining their menus. Fran checked his watch then looked back at the page before him.  
“You’re not on the clock” Bryan told him. “Just relax and enjoy this”  
“Bryan” Fran replied. “You’ve all trusted me with a very important job”  
“And we know you’ll do your best” Kerry interrupted. “But like Bryan said before, you’re not expected to watch them twenty four hours a day”  
“They should be allowed some time alone too” Tash spoke up. “Besides, you know I worry about you”  
“I know” he said. He smiled encouragingly at her before placing a kiss on her cheek. “But I’ve always taken my work seriously”  
“Surely you’ve got an over the top security plan for them?” Kerry asked.   
“We do” Fran replied. “But some of the lads on staff don’t seem too enthused. I like to be in control and keep an eye on things myself”

“Do you think they’re in any immediate danger?” Bryan asked the one question the others were afraid to ask.  
“I really don’t know” Fran stated. “A few weeks ago I would have thought all this was a preposterous idea but Shane seems genuinely concerned… You all do. I wish I could confidently say everything will be okay but I can’t”  
“You’ve set up about a thousand check points” Tash said. “It took me nearly half an hour to get in the door and I only got in when Kerry showed up and told them to let me in”  
“It is a bit ridiculous but necessary”

A waiter appeared at their table and took their orders. Molly drifted off to sleep while Josh began to cry. Tash quickly settled him down then turned back to the conversation.  
“So you think it’ll all go okay then?” she asked. “Nicky and Shane are doing all right?”  
“Things seemed pretty good in rehearsals” Kerry added.  
“It’s opening night… First in a long time… I think we’re all kind of nervous” Bryan replied.  
“Nervous because you haven’t been on tour in a while or because of Nicky and Shane?”  
“Both, I guess. But if anything were to go wrong, with Nicky or Shane, none of us would hold it against them”  
“I’m sure they know that, babe” Kerry assured him. She reached out and gently squeezed his hand. He smiled back at her.  
“I worry about them, sometimes. They’ve been through so much; maybe they shouldn’t be pushing themselves so hard”  
“I’m sure they wouldn’t if they weren’t ready”

“And how are you holding up?” Tash asked him. “ And Kian? Mark?”  
“Fine” Bryan replied.  
“Are you really?”  
“I’m fine. Ready to get back out there and show the fans that we’re back… Bigger and better than ever. Kian’s doing his best to be there for the others… And Mark… Well, Mark’s been kind of distant. I think he still blames himself for what happened to Bobby and Jade”  
“That was an accident” Kerry said.  
“I know… Everyone knows but… Shane blames Mark too… Which just makes Mark feel even worse”  
“Shane shouldn’t be doing that” Tash said.  
Bryan shrugged. “Things haven’t been the same between Shane and Mark for some time now. We keep trying to resolve it but Shane’s relentless. He’s fixated on this unjustified hatred and he just won’t let it go”  
“Do you think they’ll ever patch things up?”  
“I hope so… I really do…” Bryan sighed. “But honestly? I don’t see it happening any time soon”  
“That’s uh… That’s kinda sad”  
“I know…”

“Why don’t we talk about something else for awhile?” Fran asked.  
“Sure” Kerry smiled. “How about you two? Have you set a Wedding date yet?”  
“When we do, you’ll be among the first to know”  
“So ‘no’ then?”  
“Let’s try another subject” Fran smiled. “Any more kids on the horizon for you two?”  
“Any more for you?” Bryan replied.

Before either could answer, the waiter appeared again with their meals. The two couples then proceeded to eat their meals, laughing and joking with each other. For a moment, everything seemed right. With a somewhat sinking feeling in his heart, Bryan feared this moment wouldn’t last much longer.

“A toast” he spoke up, raising his glass.  
Kerry, Tash and Fran all lifted their glasses.  
“To a happy and safe future… For all of us here and to Nicky & Shane”  
“And to a successful (and safe) tour” Fran added.  
The four friends drank to the toast. The unease Bryan felt earlier, still, refused to leave him.


	14. Chapter 14

It was early in the evening when Shane found himself sitting on the couch in his dressing room, flicking through the newspaper while unsuccessfully attempting to read it. Looking for a distraction, he glanced up at his lover. The older boy was nervously pacing the length of the dressing room. Shane watched, quietly, as Nicky walked several steps, stopped and shifted his weight from one foot to the other then began pacing again only to stop a few steps later and repeat the same process.

“Nicky, honey” Shane began as he tossed the newspaper aside. “Stop pacing”  
“I can’t” the blonde replied. “I’m too nervous to stop moving”  
Shane held back a sigh but couldn’t stop himself smiling at the older boy.  
“Nix, we’ve already talked about this” he began. “We don’t have to be nervous”  
Nicky finally stopped his pacing and turned to look at the brunette.  
“I know we don’t *have* to be nervous but I am… And I can’t help it”

Shane held his hand out to Nicky and the older boy stepped closer. He reached out and took hold of his lover’s hand. Shane tightened his grip and pulled Nicky towards him. The blonde fell onto the couch beside Shane and the younger boy wrapped his arms around him. In turn, Nicky slid his arm around Shane’s neck and closed his eyes. They remained in this position for several long moments.  
The brunette buried his face in Nicky’s neck and gently kissed his skin. He felt the shiver that passed through his lover’s body and he smiled to himself.

“Feel a bit better?” Shane asked.  
When the blonde finally looked into his eyes, Shane realized Nicky’s nerves had somehow turned to feelings of fear. Tears were beginning to form in his blue eyes.  
“Nix” Shane whispered. “Baby, it’s okay”  
The older boy blinked back several un-shed tears and slowly nodded his head.  
“I know” he replied. “I’m sorry, Shay… I just… What if something goes wrong?”  
“Then it goes wrong” Shane stated. “Honey, we know the songs back to front, the dances are a bitch but we learned them and will do them…”  
“That’s not what I care about”   
“Then what? Why are you so nervous?”  
Nicky pulled away from Shane and climbed off the couch, his back turned to Shane.

“I can’t stop thinking about it” he whispered. “Knowing that he’s out there, somewhere, just waiting to get to us… To get to me”  
Shane stood up. “He won’t be out there”  
“You don’t know that, not for certain”  
“He’s a wanted criminal! Security’s going to be near impossible to get past even if he does show up… Which is extremely unlikely”  
“Then… What if Christian shows up with a gun and tries to shoot you?”  
“If he wanted me dead, then I would be by now”  
“Shane!”  
“Think about it, Nicky. Why would he wait this long? He would’ve had me shot during the trial so the charges against him would be dropped… If anything, he’d turn up and try to shoot you”

Nicky turned around and stared at Shane in horror.  
“Nix, baby” Shane covered the space between them and placed his hand on Nicky’s cheek. “You know as well as I do that if he wanted to get to me, he’d use you to do it. He did it before… But I’ll be damned if I’m going to let him do it again”  
“You… You think he’d kill me?”

Shane lowered his hand and wrapped both arms around Nicky, pulling the blonde into a protective hug.  
“That’s not what I meant” Shane said. “I love you!”  
“Shay-“  
“I’m not worried for my life… But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t scared for yours”  
“I thought you were supposed to be making me feel better right now… Not worse!”  
“Sorry baby… But-“ 

Knock! Knock!  
The door opened and Fran popped his head into the room.  
“Not interrupting… Am I?” he asked.  
“No” Nicky replied as the couple separated. “Shane sucks at pep talks”  
“I do not!” Shane argued.  
“Anyway…” Fran interrupted them. “Just letting you know you’ve only got ten minutes”

He exited the room, closing the door as he went. Shane looked at Nicky and their eyes met. The previous conversation was immediately forgotten as the blonde threw himself into Shane’s arms.  
“I know it’ll be okay” Nicky whispered. “Deep down, I know”  
“So do I” Shane replied. “Good luck”  
“You too” they separated and smiled at each other.  
“Should we go meet the others?”  
“I guess so”

***---***

The five lads stood backstage, listening to the sound of thousands of screaming fans. Bryan was bouncing on the balls of his feet, rocking Molly in his arms while Kerry wished him luck. Mark was running through a series of breathing exercises while gently moving his injured ankle. Kian watched him for a moment until the brunette looked up and saw him. Mark smiled and, caught up in the excitement of going back out onstage, Kian hugged him.  
Nicky and Shane were standing a few feet away from the others, having their own conversation and last minute second thoughts. Over Nicky’s shoulder, Shane saw Kian pull Mark into a hug. The older boy noticed the change in Shane’s expression and turned around.

“Leave them be” Nicky said to Shane.  
“I didn’t say anything” Shane replied.  
“No, but you were thinking it”  
“Sometimes it scares me when you know what I’m thinking”  
“Well, when you’re giving someone death stares, it’s not that hard to figure out”

Shane wrapped his arms around Nicky and the two singers shared one final embrace before preparing to take the stage. Nicky pulled away then brought their lips together for one last kiss. The two singers reluctantly separated. Their eyes remained locked for several more seconds.  
They had both agreed that for the next two hours, they would decouple. While on stage there would be no hugs, no public displays of affection, no lingering looks or declarations of love. Now was the time to do their jobs… When they would put the band first and their relationship second.

The house lights went out and they were ushered towards the stage. Shane caught sight of the expression on Nicky’s face and they grinned at each other. ‘I love you’ Shane mouthed the words to Nicky. ‘Good luck’ Nicky replied, smiling.

*

By the second costume change, all thoughts of nerves or hesitation were gone. The five singers were singing and performing better than they had in any of their rehearsals and the fans were loving every second of it. Thousands of them were screaming, crying and waving banners. Shane felt a rush of excitement every time he smiled at a fan and they would smile or scream back.  
They sang and performed their hearts out, playing off each other and making jokes. Kian took to reading out various banners ranging from declarations of love to words of support. Bryan brought his guitar onstage and performed with the band while Nicky held Molly in his arms.

After the third change of clothes, it was Shane’s turn to address the crowd. As the other lads moved to the back of the stage, Shane moved forwards and the crowd erupted with screams of love and encouragement. The brunette paused, still unsure of exactly what to say to the waiting fans.

“Good evening Dublin!” he shouted. “Are you all having a good time?”  
The cheers and screams were almost deafening.  
“I know we are!” Shane laughed. “I just want to take this moment to thank each and every one of you. Not just for being here tonight but for all the love and support you’ve shown to us over this past year… And not only to us but, on a more personal level, to me”  
He dared to turn around and sneak a look at Nicky. The blonde was smiling, encouragingly, at him as he approached.  
“And we want to thank you all for supporting us” Nicky added.

“Kiss him!”   
Both Nicky and Shane heard the scream from someone in the front row. They exchanged a brief look but otherwise chose to ignore it.  
“It’s been a tough few months but we’re excited to be back here, tonight, and ready to keep you all entertained”

“Kiss him!”  
This time the entire first row appeared to have shouted out. Shane laughed and turned to look at Nicky. The blonde was grinning at him and shrugged. The crowd began to chant over and over again until half the fans in the arena were shouting out loud.  
Nicky laughed as he looked to Kian, Bryan and Mark. They were standing in the back corner of the stage; all three were nodding in support of the idea. Bryan was smiling at him.

Shane watched as Nicky checked with the other lads before moving towards him. He could see the blonde’s cheeks were, somewhat, flushed… His own, no doubt, matched. Nicky stopped just shy of Shane. The crowd was screaming even louder as flashes from many cameras around the arena lit the venue.  
Nicky smiled as Shane closed the gap between them then leaned forward and placed a single kiss on the blonde’s lips. The camera flashes continued to light up the arena as the crowd screamed with excitement.

“Happy now?” Bryan laughed from the back of the stage. He received a wild response from the crowd.  
“You’re just jealous because you didn’t get a kiss” Nicky shot back. Both Kian and Shane laughed.

“Okay, let’s get back to the show…” Shane addressed the crowd. “This next song was a number one for us some time ago and, after that little sidebar, I’d like to dedicate this one to “My Love”, Nicky”

The band started to play and Shane began to sing. Unable to resist, Nicky reached out and took hold of Shane’s hand. Kian, Mark and Bryan all appeared beside them and proceeded to sing the song. The fans in the audience all sang along, some with tears in their eyes.  
Kian smiled at his friends and sneaked a glance in Mark’s direction. The brunette was singing and smiling at the crowd but Kian could sense something was wrong with his friend. He thought back to earlier, and the way Mark had reacted to his hug.  
His eyes then rested on Nicky and Shane’s entwined hands and, for the briefest second, he was picturing himself with Mark. The way Shane was smiling at Nicky… Was how Mark was looking at him. His heart began to pound and the blonde was forced to remind himself to sing. He was almost relieved when the song came to an end and the screaming was almost loud enough to bring the roof down.

*

The end of the show saw the beginning of an ‘after-party’. The five lads were joined by family and friends for post-show drinks. Nicky & Shane found themselves sitting in a corner with their parents, Adam and one of Shane’s sisters. Georgina and her sister, Cecelia, joined them soon after. The entire group was full of praise for the show.  
Mae pulled a tissue from her purse and began dabbing her eyes. Her husband was quick to reassure her.

“Now don’t start that again” he said, smiling at her. “Took nearly twenty minutes for her to stop earlier”  
“Mam?” Shane asked as he reached for her hand. “What’s wrong?”  
“Oh nothing, Shane” she replied, smiling at him through her tears. “I’m sorry… It’s just that I’m so proud of you…” she turned her gaze to Nicky. “Of both of you... Seeing you onstage tonight… It was one of the proudest moments of my life, looking at you and watching you with the audience”  
“I have to say” Georgina added. “That kiss was a milestone”  
“I thought it was sweet” Cecelia spoke up. “And when you held hands and sang to each other… Even I nearly cried. Georgina did!”  
“Well, it was a show stopping moment” Gina replied.

“It wasn’t meant to be” Nicky said.  
“Nix, its okay” Shane reached out and took Nicky’s hand in his.  
“But it wasn’t” the blonde insisted. “We said we weren’t going to flaunt our relationship during the show”  
“It wasn’t like that at all” Gina assured him. “Besides, the fans were calling for it… They’d probably still be going if you hadn’t”  
“And if it happens again?” Nicky asked her. “Do we give in again or just ignore them and hope they stop?”  
“Nicky” Adam spoke for the first time. “It was the first show. The fans were showing their support and you got caught up in the moment. Don’t stress about it… Just go with it and see what happens”

While Nicky was contemplating his younger brother’s words, Shane quietly excused himself and headed towards the bar. He ordered himself a beer then turned around to survey the room. All around him their family members and friends, along with some record company executives and several press photographers, were drinking, laughing and having a good time.  
He looked down at his hand then used his thumb to gently turn his engagement ring around on his finger. The younger boy hadn’t even thought about removing it during the show… But he was thinking about it now. If they really weren’t going to draw attention to themselves as a couple then surely the correct thing to do would be to remove all indications of being a couple. He sighed before taking a long draw from his drink.  
“Something on your mind?”

Shane turned, startled, and wondered how long Ronan had been standing beside him.  
“Ro!” he greeted him. “Sorry, I didn’t see you there”  
“Obviously” the older boy smiled at him. “So, something on your mind?” he asked again.  
“It’s just… No, forget it” Shane said.  
“Come on, you can tell me”  
Shane sighed again. “You were at the show, right?”  
“Of course, your big comeback!”  
“So you saw what happened then?”  
“Uhhh, I saw a great show that was enjoyed by thousands of people”

Shane held back another sigh, this one of frustration. “I meant the kiss, Ro”  
“Ahh” he smiled. “That”  
“Yeah, that!”  
“I don’t get it… What’s the problem?”  
“Nicky is…”  
“Sorry, you’ve lost me… Shane, are you drunk?”  
“No! I…” he groaned. “Forget it”  
“Shane-“  
“Nothing… Forget I said anything”  
Shane had another mouthful of his beer then turned and walked away, leaving Ronan at the bar. The blonde shook his head in confusion and told himself not to worry about it. A lover’s tiff was the last thing he wanted to get caught up in… Again.

After leaving Ronan, Shane wasn’t sure where to go next. He spotted Kian, on his own, and was about to approach him when he saw Mark do just that. He watched, from across the room, as Mark put his drink down on the table and slid into the booth beside the blonde. Not wanting to get involved there, he turned away and walked straight into someone.

“Whoa! Easy Shane” she said.  
“Cecelia, sorry” he replied. “I didn’t see you”  
“Hey, it’s fine. No harm done”  
“You’re not leaving already, are you?”  
“Have to… I have to work tomorrow”  
“I thought you lot just wrote whenever you felt like it”  
“I wish” she smiled. “It’s an article I’m working on… Deadline’s tomorrow”  
“Well, good luck with it then”  
“Thanks Shane… And don’t stay up too late yourself. Something tells me Nicky’s going to be very grumpy in the morning”  
“If he’s not already”  
She raised her eyebrow at him. “I meant…”  
Cecelia indicated over her shoulder and Shane followed her gaze. Nicky was still sitting with their parents but both he and Georgina were downing shots.  
“Classy” Shane whispered. Cecelia laughed.  
“Night Shane”  
“Good night”  
He hugged her goodbye then he surveyed the room again. Kian & Mark were in a deep conversation, Nicky & Georgina seemed to have a never-ending supply of shots and Bryan was now talking to Ronan.   
In that moment, Shane knew exactly what he wanted to do. He wanted to go to bed. The brunette knew he should say goodnight to everyone but feared they would try to convince him to stay. The singer looked around until he located a member of their security team.

“Hi… Billy, right?” Shane asked.  
“Yeah” he replied. “Shane?”  
“So I’m just heading upstairs to my room”  
“You know I’ll have to come with you”  
“Well thank you but we did just meet… I’m not sure I’m ready to have you in my room”  
The older lad laughed at the singers joke.  
“Sense of humor, always good” Billy said.  
“So I’ve heard” Shane replied.  
“Not gonna say goodbye to anyone?”  
“No… You’ll tell them where I’ve gone once I’m safely locked away?”  
“I will”

With nothing more to say to each other, Billy followed Shane from the bar. They silently made their way through the lobby to the lift. Shane wondered if he should try to make conversation but decided against it.  
“So… No show tomorrow night?” Billy asked.  
“No, trying to pace ourselves” Shane replied.  
“Nursing hangovers in the morning then?”  
“Not me, I’m afraid… Not in the mood for alcohol tonight”  
“Looks like your boyfriend’s doing his best to make up the difference”  
“Fiancé… And so what? If he wants to relax tonight, he can”  
“I wasn’t implying anything”  
“Good…”  
They fell silent again. Shane was relieved when he reached his room. He unlocked the door, said a hasty goodbye to Billy then locked the door behind him.

*

After showering and changing into his pajama’s, Shane climbed into bed and buried himself under the duvet. He lay awake for a long time, missing the feeling of Nicky’s body lying beside his. He turned the light back on, reached for his phone and typed a quick text message.   
‘Didn’t feel like partying tonight, see you in the morning, love you’ he pressed send and put the phone on the bed side table. Fifteen minutes passed without a reply and Shane wondered if he should have stayed downstairs.

The bedroom door opened and Shane sat up, staring at the blonde in the door way.  
“Love you too Shane” Nicky said to him. Shane smiled at the older boy.  
“You didn’t have to leave the party”  
“I know… I was worried though”  
“About?”  
“You… And me”  
“Nix”  
“Is something wrong? Are you mad at me?”  
“Why would you say that?”  
“You sent me a text message saying good night”

Nicky stepped into the room and walked over to the bed. He sat down on the edge of the mattress. Shane reached out for his hand.  
“I was upset, Nicky” Shane confessed.  
“Why?” he asked.  
“Because… You made such a fuss about the kiss”  
“A fuss? Shane, you know me better than that or at least enough to know that that was not a ‘fuss’”  
“I meant the way you got all defensive about it… Nix, kissing you on that stage tonight was one of the happiest moments of my life…”  
“Mine too, Shay”  
“But the way you were talking about it downstairs… Saying how it shouldn’t have happened and if we’ll have to do it again…”  
“I didn’t meant to sound like that, honey”  
“You didn’t?”  
“No” Nicky smiled. He leaned in and placed a kiss on Shane’s cheek. “I think I was just being paranoid… Some people probably would have been upset by something like that. Not all fans want to see two members of their favorite band making out during a concert”  
“I’m sorry”  
“Don’t be… I wanted to do it too”  
“I meant for acting like this… Sometimes it feels like we fight about nothing”  
“Shay, this wasn’t a fight and it wasn’t nothing”  
“You know what I mean”  
“Yeah, I do… I love you”  
“And I love you”

The blonde moved in once again, this time placing his lips on Shane’s. The brunette could taste the alcohol on Nicky’s breath but he didn’t care.  
“Come to bed?” he whispered.  
“After I shower” Nicky replied.  
“Well don’t be too long… I can’t sleep without you next to me”  
“Good, it means you’ll still be awake when I come back in here”  
“And if I’m not?”  
“Oh I’m sure I could find some way to… rouse you from your sleep”  
Shane pulled Nicky in for one final kiss. “Hurry back”

As Nicky climbed off the bed and headed towards the bathroom, Shane lifted his hand and examined his engagement ring again. He wasn’t going to tell Nicky what he’d been thinking earlier as he knew there would be no point. Nothing would make him take his ring off, not now and not ever. Their rings were a symbol of their love for each other and Shane would wear his proudly on stage, every night, for the rest of his life.


	15. Chapter 15

The week that followed was filled with more concerts, media interviews and even a meet and greet with some lucky competition winners. Shane had been reluctant to take part but Louis and Fran managed to talk him around. Each show was met with over enthused fans and the five singers left the stage every night with smiles on their faces.  
Promotion for the tour wasn’t really necessary but the record company managed to set up interviews on the days when they didn’t have a show at night. Their nights off usually consisted of mini-parties with friends and family or early nights.  
Nicky and Shane would put in an appearance at dinner before retiring to their room.

“What day is it?” Shane asked the blonde.  
“Saturday” Nicky replied as he kicked off his shoes and put his feet up on the coffee table.  
Shane walked over and handed him a glass of wine. He sat down beside Nicky, nursing his own glass.  
“Has it really been a week since opening night?”  
“It sure has”  
“And we’ve done four shows?”  
“Five” Nicky giggled. “Remember you forgot the words twice during the third show and Kian messed up the dance routine at the fourth”  
Shane laughed. “Oh, yeah. How could I forget that?”  
“He was so mad”  
“I thought he was going to break something”  
The two singers laughed then sipped their wine.

Shane watched Nicky over the brim of his glass. The blonde’s eyes were twinkling in the light and the younger boy couldn’t help smiling. Nicky’s appetite had returned and he was starting to regain some of the weight he’d lost. Shane remembered watching Nicky in their dressing room that afternoon. The blonde’s ribs weren’t as visible anymore.  
“So…” Shane placed his glass on the coffee table. He tucked his feet under his body and settled down next to Nicky, placing his head on the blonde’s shoulder. “What do you think so far?”  
“Shay?”  
“The tour… The shows…”  
“It’s been amazing”  
“And you’re okay?

Nicky put his glass beside Shane’s then turned to look at his lover. He reached out, placed his hand under the brunette’s chin and urged him to look up and into his eyes.  
“Shay, baby” Nicky insisted. “I swear if anything was wrong you’d be the first to know”  
He leaned in and placed a chaste kiss on Shane’s lips.  
“What about you?” he asked. “Are you okay?”  
“I’ve got you, why wouldn’t I be okay?”  
“Shay…”  
“I know… No, I’m fine Nix” Shane leaned back, resting against the cushions. “It’s still a bit weird, being followed everywhere by all those security lads”  
“It’s not that bad… Some of them are nice guys”  
“And others are freaks”  
“You mean Scott”  
“He’s weird… And he kinda creeps me out”  
“Me too. Sometimes when he’s looking at me, I can’t figure out if he wants to fuck me or punch me”

“Nix!” Shane shot forward in his seat. “Why didn’t you say something?”  
“Because I knew you’d act like this!” Nicky insisted.  
“He’s supposed to be protecting you… Not-“  
“Shay, he’s harmless. Fran trusts him, so does Billy”  
“Another weirdo”  
“Hey, Billy’s nice”  
“He’s *too* nice”  
Nicky laughed. “Can you hear yourself talking right now? You think he’s *too* nice?”  
“Nobody is *that* nice, Nix”  
“You are”  
“Don’t turn this around-mmph!“

Shane’s next words were cut off as Nicky’s lips closed over his mouth. He would have pulled away, ready to continue their friendly arguing but Nicky’s hands were in his hair, holding him firmly in place. He felt the blonde’s tongue prodding at his lips, demanding an entrance. Shane lifted his hand and placed it around the back of Nicky’s neck, his other hand moving up to cup the older boy’s cheek.  
It was a tender embrace, gentle but strong; Insistent. Shane relented, his lips parting as Nicky slipped inside him. He felt Nicky’s hands in his hair and his body began to react as his lover’s tongue massaged his mouth.

Nicky’s leg slipped off the couch, knocking both glasses of wine onto the floor. The blonde broke the embrace and the two singers stared at the red wine seeping into the cream carpet.

“Fuck!” Nicky groaned.

Shane slid out from under him and hurried into the Kitchenette. He located some paper towels, frowned, and then returned to clean up the mess. After a combined effort, they managed to remove the excess wine but couldn’t save the carpet.

“That’s gonna cost us” Shane said, sitting back on the couch.  
“It was worth it though” Nicky smiled.  
“Well, shall we… uh…?”  
“Relocate? Somewhere more comfortable”  
Shane nodded. Nicky grabbed his hand and stood up.

*

The door opened and the couple paused as Kian walked into the room. He spotted his two friends and stopped. He stared at them for a few beats before letting the door close behind him.

“Lads” he greeted them. “I thought you’d still be out”  
“Nope” Shane replied.  
“You’re… uh… Back early” Nicky said.  
“I am”

Nicky released Shane’s hand and the couple stood before their friend. For some reason, none of them knew what to say.  
“This is awkward” Nicky stated.  
“Thanks Nix” Shane replied. “We hadn’t noticed”  
“Shhh”  
“Uh… Sorry, I didn’t realise you were about to go fuck”  
“Kian!” Shane snapped.  
Nicky immediately placed his hand on Shane’s arm, urging him to calm down. The younger boy was clearly drunk, not to mention upset.  
“Ohhhh, I’ve offended you” Kian muttered.

“Shay, go get a glass of water” Nicky whispered to Shane.  
“But-“ Shane began to argue.  
“Just do it, please?”  
Shane, begrudgingly, left Nicky’s side and headed into the Kitchenette.

Nicky walked over to Kian.  
“Ki, what’s wrong?” Nicky asked him. “Did something happen?”  
“I don’t want to talk about it” he insisted.  
“Kian, please. I just want to help you”  
“Well I don’t need your help!”

The younger boy stormed past his band mate, into the bathroom and slammed the door shut. Shane returned and found Nicky alone. The blonde nodded towards the bathroom. Shane didn’t say a word. He placed the glass on the table for Kian to find when he re-emerged from the bathroom.

“I’m worried about him, Shay” Nicky confessed.  
“He’s just drunk” Shane replied.  
“No, it’s more than that. Something’s wrong”  
“I think you’re just over reacting”  
“Shay, he’s not himself!”  
“If something was wrong don’t you think he’d tell us?”  
Nicky thought for a moment. “I don’t know”

Shane stepped closer to Nicky and wrapped his arms around the blonde’s waist.  
“Come on, Kian knows we’re here if he needs us” Shane said. “Let’s just leave him be, for now, and we can talk to him in the morning… Okay?”  
Nicky looked at Shane then, reluctantly, nodded his head.

“I guess” Nicky agreed. “I don’t think he’s in much of a talking mood right now”  
“Let’s just go to bed and give him some space”  
“Ohhh, subtle Shay”  
“I have no idea what you’re talking about” Shane said, grinning.  
“Of course you don’t…” Nicky replied as Shane’s lips brushed against his neck.

The brunette urged Nicky towards the bedroom. Once inside, he kicked the door closed and eased the blonde onto the bed. He gently climbed atop the older boy and brought their lips together. Nicky responded to the embrace with less enthusiasm than earlier.

“Shay?” Nicky whispered as the brunette pulled away.  
“What’s wrong?” Shane asked.  
“Can we just… Not?”  
“Baby, are you okay?”  
“I’m just not… Up… For that right now”  
The younger boy sat up and looked down at the blonde. More than a hint of disappointment decorated his features.  
“You haven’t been up for it, all week… Not since the first time we-“  
“I know” Nicky replied, also sitting up. He reached out, preparing to take hold of Shane’s hand but he paused and averted his eyes. “I’m sorry”

Shane heard the strain in his lover’s voice and he immediately felt terrible. Nicky wasn’t even looking at him.  
“No, honey” he whispered. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be pushing you”  
“You’re not” Nicky replied. “Pushing me, I mean. It’s perfectly natural to want to have sex with your fiancé. I’m the freak who can’t go further”  
The brunette moved closer. He placed his hand under Nicky’s chin and forced him to look up, into his eyes.  
“Baby, you are not a freak” Shane insisted. “I love you and I swear to you, nothing more has to happen between us until you’re ready”  
“I’m sorry… I want to… It’s just… I don’t regret what we did last week but…”  
“We’re moving too fast?”  
“No… It’s not that… It’s just… I don’t know! I’m sorry, Shay”

The younger boy leaned in and brought their lips together in a gentle, tender kiss.  
“Don’t be” Shane whispered. “Don’t be sorry for what you’re feeling”  
“Shane-“  
“It’s okay”  
“But I really am sor-“  
“Shhhh… No apologies”  
“But things were going so well and-“  
“And they still are”

Nicky nodded his head in understanding then buried his face in Shane’s chest. The brunette tightened his embrace, his hand trailing up Nicky’s back and burying itself in the older boy’s hair.  
“Everything’s going to be fine, I promise”  
“I hate that I ruin everything for us”  
“You don’t… And never will”  
Nicky nodded once more. “Will you hold me Shay?”  
“I thought I already was”  
“I meant all night”  
“Yeah Nix” Shane kissed the top of Nicky’s head. “I will”

***---***

Kian stood under the flowing water from the shower head. He closed his eyes and leaned back against the wall. He bit his lip and started to knock his head against the tiles. His attitude towards his friends had been unnecessary but he’d not been able to help himself.  
‘They probably thought you were drunk’ he scolded himself.  
His friends were obviously unaware that Kian hadn’t touched any alcohol since the night of their first concert. That alcohol had caused him to do something rash. Looking back, he thought of it as stupid.  
‘You’re a fucking idiot’ he muttered. 

The blonde thought of what he’d said to Nicky & Shane. He hadn’t meant to say those words but seeing them together had caused something in his brain to snap. Something so small as holding hands… Such a small gesture that said so much about how they felt towards each other… He didn’t begrudge their happiness. He was thrilled two of his best friends could be so happy together but the fact remained… He was jealous. Not of either of them but of the love they shared.

His mind filled with images of the past few days. Was Mark looking at him differently now? Had his view of Mark changed? Had anyone else noticed a change? Perhaps nothing had changed and his was just being paranoid.  
He thought of that night, a week ago, and his heart beat a little faster. Everything had started out so innocently. Sitting on his own, nursing a beer, when Mark hand approached him  
He remembered the way Mark’s eyes lit up as he’d talked about the show. The way his lips had caressed the neck of his beer bottle… How his eyes had clouded over when Kian accidently mentioned Shane & Nicky’s onstage embrace.

Kian’s mind continued to wander, remembering the way Mark’s long fingers had stroked the condensation from the beer bottle. His mouth lapping up the liquid as it flowed from the bottle down into his throat. The blonde’s hand trailed down his body and grasped his hardened tool.   
He couldn’t remember the last time someone had stroked him to completion or brought him to the edge with their tongue. He groaned at the thought. Imagining Mark, his best friend and band mate, in the shower with him.  
In that moment, the hand that cupped his balls was no longer his. The fingers teasing his length belonged to his band mate. He stood under the water, jerking himself off to thoughts of Mark; and enjoying himself too much to feel guilty about it.

When it was all over, his organ spent and the evidence washed down the drain, he turned the water off. The blonde dried himself and wrapped the towel around his waist. He exited the bathroom and discovered Nicky & Shane were gone. His heart sank as he thought of the two singers, able to fall asleep in each other’s arms. He pulled his pajama’s from his suitcase and dressed for bed.

Several minutes later, he collapsed on the couch and pulled a blanket up over his head. ‘Just don’t think about him’ he urged himself. ‘Like that’s gonna happen’  
He rolled over, attempting to get comfortable. Again, he thought of Nicky and Shane. 

The way they look at each other, sometimes coyly, sometimes with love and admiration. He thought of them on stage together. How Shane’s face had lit up when Nicky approached him for the kiss.  
Then his memory shifted and he was seeing himself on stage in their place and he was kissing Mark. Mark was looking at him the way Nicky had looked at Shane. Suddenly they were no longer onstage, they were in bed together. All clothes discarded and Mark’s lips were wrapped around his swollen cock.  
This mental image caused Kian’s organ to stir again.

‘Come on’ he groaned. ‘What am I, fifteen?’

He slowly drifted off to sleep but the singer had a restless night. One dream after another; each one more vivid and more adventurous than the previous. When he awoke, the following morning, his pajama’s were in dire need of a wash… And he was hard again.  
‘You have got to be kidding me!’

With one final groan before climbing out of bed, Kian knew it was going to be a long day.


	16. Chapter 16

Kian emerged from the bathroom feeling slightly embarrassed, yet relieved that no one else knew his ‘dirty little secret’. His relief was short lived as he found Shane sitting on the couch, a cup of coffee clasped in his hands. The brunette was patiently silent.

“Shane” he greeted the older boy. He wondered if Shane heard the squeak in his voice or if he’d just imagined it. The brunette sighed but didn’t speak.

“I’m sorry” Kian stated. He moved further into the room and sat down in the vacant armchair. “I really am. I had no right to speak to you the way I did. I never should have…” he sighed in defeat. “I envy your relationship with Nicky but I would never try to ruin it… Was Nicky really upset?”  
“He thought you were drunk” Shane finally spoke. “He’s worried about you… Has been all week”  
“You haven’t told him have you?”  
“No. And I hate lying to him… But short of telling him you’ve got PMS, I don’t know what else to say”  
“I never meant for you to get caught up in all this”  
“I know”  
“I’m sorry”  
“Is there anything I can do?”  
“Short of turning back time, no”  
“Well, believe me… If I could turn back time, I would”  
“Right… Yeah”

Kian lowered his head into his hands as Shane took a sip from his coffee. The older boy watched his friend over the brim of his mug.  
“You still haven’t told him yet… have you?” Shane asked. Kian slowly shook his head.  
“Nor do I want to” he admitted. “I thought if I ignored them, these feelings would go away”  
“And they haven’t?”  
“Nope… They’re just getting worse”  
“How?”

“I… I can’t really explain it but I can’t stop thinking about him” Kian mumbled. “We’ll be singing on stage and my heart just goes nuts… And I… I feel like he’s singing just to me. I… I look at you and Nicky and I picture him and me… With what the two of you have… It’s ridiculous and embarrassing! I’m acting like a fucking school girl with a childish crush”  
“Why can’t you just tell him how you feel?”  
“Because… In the end, I’ll be the one who gets hurt. He doesn’t see me that way and… He’s still hung up on Nicky. I know, I know that’s not going to amount to anything more but… The feelings are still there… And… He’s just got so much going on right now the last thing he needs is me adding to his problems”  
“Stop being so fucking noble… Cut the bullshit Ki. You’re just scared he’ll reject you”  
“Well wouldn’t you be? Weren’t you shitting yourself when you told Nicky how you felt about him?”  
“Yes, I was… But he felt the same way! How can you be so sure Mark doesn’t have feelings for you?”

Kian stared at Shane. The brunette stared right back.  
“I… I can’t take that risk” Kian stated.  
“Can’t or won’t?” Shane asked.  
“Oh shut up Shane! This is all your fault anyway”  
“Excuse me?”  
“I didn’t start falling for him until after you alienated him”  
“I what?” Shane leapt to his feet, spilling his coffee down his shirt front.

“You heard me! You blame him for something that isn’t his fault and won’t give him the time of day anymore. I was there for him. I saw what you put him through and I had to help him. He’s my friend and he needed me… He’s wrecked because of the way you’ve been behaving”  
“He brought this upon himself”  
“He so did not. You did this to him! He’s one of your best friends and you’ve been treating him like dirt”  
“So you’ve had to pity him? What you’ve fallen in love with him out of pity and spite?”  
“Oh of course you’d think that… That I’ve fallen for him just to piss you off”  
“Well if he’s so wrecked and distraught then isn’t now the best time for you to get a pity fuck from him? I’m sure he’s just looking for something to screw with”  
“How dare you-“

“Lads, what… What’s going on?”  
The voice that filled the room was small, almost defeated. Nicky spoke barely louder than a whisper but the pain the two younger lads could hear was almost deafening.  
“Nix…” Shane began. “We were just…”  
“I heard what you were just” Nicky blinked to hide tears of disappointment. “I asked you to talk to Ki, not berate him”  
“I wasn’t-“  
“Shay… I wouldn’t be surprised if the whole hotel heard you. What on Earth has gotten into you?”  
“Nothing”  
“Then stop… Please? The last thing Kian needs is you attacking him”

“Me attacking him?” Shane asked. “Did you hear what he said to me?”  
“I heard enough…”  
“Nix, baby-“  
“Don’t ‘baby’ me, Shane”  
“You’re supposed to be on my side here”  
“God, can’t you hear yourself Shane?” Kian spoke up. “This is exactly what I’m talking about. Don’t you realize how much your vendetta against Mark is hurting all of us?”

“Is Mark okay?” Nicky asked Kian.  
“I don’t know… But we’re losing him. He knows Shane doesn’t want him around and he’s distancing himself from me and Bryan”  
“Maybe I should talk to him?”  
“I don’t know if that would help or hurt him”

“No!” Shane stated. “Don’t even think about it”  
“Think about what?” Nicky asked.  
“Talking to Mark”  
“Are you serious?” Nicky laughed.  
“I’m not fucking joking” Shane swore at Nicky.  
“No! You are not telling me what I can and can’t do”  
“Yeah actually… I am! You’re mine Nicky and you’ll fucking do what I tell you… And I’m telling you to stay away from Mark”

Nicky slowly raised his head, his eyes met with Shane’s and he stared into his lover’s eyes. His voice was calm and didn’t quiver as he spoke.  
“Fuck you, Shane”  
The blonde turned on his heel and stormed back into the bedroom. He closed and locked the door behind him.

Shane turned and looked at Kian.  
“See what you just did?” Shane demanded.  
“Ahhh, actually Shane… I didn’t do that. You did”  
Without saying another word, Kian walked past Shane. He opened the door and stepped out onto the balcony.

Shane remained in the middle of the living area. He shifted his gaze from the closed bedroom door and the balcony.  
He’d never see Nicky look at him with so much hatred before. His heart ached with pain at the memory of it. His brain tried to comprehend what had just happened. How had a conversation with Kian escalated into a fight with Nicky? He’d regretted his words to his lover the second he’d said them but didn’t know how to take them back.  
He continued to stand in the middle of the room. His clothes were drenched with coffee and both his best friend and his fiancé were furious at him. How on earth was he going to fix this? The brunette reached into his pocket and found it empty. He now had no phone, no wallet and no where to go.

Swallowing his pride and desperate to make things right with Nicky, he walked over to the phone. His hand trembled as he picked up the receiver and dialed the number. On the third ring someone picked up.

“Jade, Hi. It’s Shane… Can I speak to Mark? Please… I promise I won’t… I swear… Please? I just… I really need to talk to him… I stuffed up big time and I…I need his help.

***---***

Nicky was curled up on the bed, his face buried in the pillow. He wasn’t sure if he was furious or upset. Shane had never spoken to him like that before… He never thought he would. He tried to remember the last time he, himself, had acted so cruelly towards his lover.  
They had had arguments before, some bad and some rather trivial ones but this one… This one he didn’t know where to rate it. It was surely worse than the time Shane had forgotten to pick Nicky’s brother up for a weekend visit but was it as bad as not telling Nicky he might have been infected with HIV?  
Now he was torn on how to rectify it. Should he just pretend it hadn’t happened and move on? What had possessed Shane to say what he had…? Would he ever do it again? Had he really meant it?

He wasn’t sure how long he stayed on the bed. He never once looked at the clock nor did Shane attempt to coax him from the room. His stomach gave a low rumble, a reminder that he’d not eaten breakfast yet; but the blonde wasn’t ready to leave the room in search of food.

Knock! Knock!  
Nicky bit his lip, attempting to stop himself from telling Shane to go away.  
Knock! Knock! Knock!  
“Leave me alone!” Nicky called out.  
“Nicky, I’m sorry” Shane replied. His voice slightly muffled by the closed door. “You know I didn’t mean it”  
“Do I?”  
“Please… Nix… How can I make this up to you?”  
“Guess you can’t”

“Nicky?”  
From the other side of the door came another voice. The blonde immediately sat up and stared at the door in confusion. He knew that voice but it couldn’t possibly be…  
“Nicky, please open the door” Mark said.  
Convinced his mind was playing tricks on him; Nicky slid off the bed and walked over to the door. He quietly turned the lock then reached for the knob. He slowly opened the door; Mark’s blue eyes were staring back at him.

“This is low” Nicky muttered. “Even for yo-“  
The blonde looked around for Shane but the younger boy had moved a safe distance away. He was now sitting on the couch. Nicky knew it was Shane’s way of saying ‘I won’t get in the way’. His lover looked up and met Nicky’s gaze. Even from across the room, the guilt he felt was apparent in his eyes.

“Need to talk?” Mark asked, drawing Nicky’s attention away from Shane. The blonde nodded then stepped back, indicating for Mark to follow him into the bedroom. The younger boy looked over his shoulder at Shane, waiting for him to say it was okay. The brunette nodded his consent and Mark followed Nicky. Once inside, the older boy closed the door.  
“I know you said this was low but… I think it was desperation” Mark said. “What happened?”

“He didn’t tell you?” Nicky asked.  
“Nope. He called and said he needed my help. I was… Suspicious… At first but he sounded so frantic. Said he’d messed up, big time, and asked me to come round and help”  
“So you did…”  
“Shane was reaching out to me, I couldn’t say no”

“We got into a fight” Nicky confessed. “Things were said and I stormed off”  
“What was the fight about?” Mark asked.  
“You”  
“Me?”  
“It started between Ki and Shay… Ki’s worried about you. He said you’ve been distancing yourself from everyone and, for that, he blames Shane… For pushing you away… So they argued and I intervened but by defending Kian, I threw Shane off-guard. I told Ki that, since he was so worried about you, I’d try to talk to you about it… Shane flipped and forbid me to see you”  
“Oh”  
“Yeah, oh… Then he went one step further. Said that I was his and that I had to do what he says… And then he told me to stay away from you”  
“Nicky… I… I don’t know what to say”  
“I was so mad at him that I… I basically told him to get fucked”  
“You didn’t!”  
“I did”

Mark stared at Nicky in disbelief. While it tore him up, seeing Nicky so upset, it meant a lot to him that the blonde was still willing to take a stand on his behalf. He walked over to the bed and dropped down onto the mattress.  
“You know he didn’t really mean it, right?” he asked.  
“No, I don’t”  
“Well, would I be here now if he had?”  
“Look, I don’t care what he said about you! You’re my friend and nothing will ever change that. If he doesn’t want us to be friends anymore then that’s tough luck. I just… I hate that he tried to order me around, like what I think doesn’t matter”

“Nicky… I know you haven’t known Shane as long as I have but… He used to get like that from time to time. I mean, the youngest of seven kids? You know he was spoilt rotten. As a kid, he was never bullied because everyone was afraid of his older brothers… And if things didn’t go the way he wanted them to, he’d get very demanding… Once, he got into a fight with this lad (who was a good friend of mine) and he decided that because he didn’t like this lad, I shouldn’t either… He told me I had to stop being friends with him”  
“Did you?”  
“No… I told Shane he wasn’t the boss of me”  
“So what are you saying? That I should forgive him because he was just acting like a spoilt brat?”  
“I’m saying you should forgive him because you love him and he loves you… He’s just scared of losing you”  
“And he has a very strange way of showing it”  
“I know it took a lot for him to call me. He knows what he said to you was wrong and he’s desperate to make it up to you. He realized his mistake and this is how far he’s willing to go to fix it”  
“What… By sending you in to apologize for him?”  
“He doesn’t trust me anymore, Nicky… And maybe he’s right not to… But he does trust you. Do you think I’d be in here, with you, with that door closed if he didn’t? He’s made a big step in reaching out to me today… To make things right between you and him. You know how hard that must have been for him but he still did it… For you”  
“You know he was just using you right?”  
“Maybe he is but it’s a start”

Nicky chewed his bottom lip, contemplating Mark’s words.  
“So… Was there something you wanted to talk to me about?” Mark asked.  
“Yeah… Well… It can wait… We’ll talk on the bus?”  
“Sure… That’ll be nice” Mark smiled. “So… Are you going to come out now or wait in here a bit longer?”  
“Think I’ll wait… Let him worry a little longer”  
“Isn’t that a little mean?”  
Nicky shrugged. “He needs to know how much he upset me”  
“He knows… Believe me, he knows”  
“I’ll be out in a few. I promise”

Mark nodded and moved to stand up. Nicky leaned over and wrapped his arms around the younger boy. Mark froze, taken by surprise, before visibly relaxing and returning the friendly embrace.  
“Thanks Mark” Nicky whispered in his ear.   
“You’re welcome” Mark replied.  
“Really, this can’t be easy for you”  
“It’s okay…”   
It took all of his willpower to force himself to break the embrace and walk away from Nicky.

***---***

Mark exited the bedroom and was met with the sight of Shane and Kian setting the table for breakfast. Shane looked up and saw him. His eyes immediately filled with hope. The younger boy wasn’t sure what to say to him.  
“Is he okay?” Shane asked.  
“He seems pretty hurt” Mark admitted.  
“Well… Uh… Can you try to get him to come out and eat with us?” Shane didn’t want to say the next part but knew he had to. “And maybe you could stay too… I mean… If you haven’t eaten yet”  
“No, I… Uh… Haven’t yet. I’d be happy to… To stay” he looked at Kian. The blonde was smiling at him. “I’ll just see if Nicky’s-“

“I’m here”  
The three singers turned and found Nicky standing in the open doorway.  
“You hungry?” Kian asked him. Nicky nodded.

Shane stayed by the table, refraining from approaching his lover. Nicky’s eyes still seemed to reflect the hurt Shane had instilled in him earlier. Nicky slowly approached the table and sat down beside Mark. Shane told himself to stay calm, that Nicky was asserting himself.  
The brunette sat down beside Kian and the four singers settled down to eat. For the longest time, none of them spoke.  
Shane reached for the coffee as Nicky went to pick up the milk. Their hands touched, briefly, and they looked up… into each other’s eyes.

“I just realized what this reminds me of” Kian spoke up, disrupting the moment between his band mates. “The video shoot for ‘Fool Again’”  
“When we all got food poisoning?” Mark replied.  
“We were all sat around one table, distracting each other so we could steal food from other’s plates” Kian explained.  
They all laughed at the memory.  
“We never found out who’s food it was that did it either” Nicky added.  
“What about the time Bryan insisted on having a burger with everything and-“  
“They forgot the meat!” Shane finished.  
“You know he still goes on about that” Mark laughed.

The next twenty minutes passed quickly as they reminisced with tour memories and other funny stories. While they ate and talked, Nicky and Shane found themselves reaching for more things at the same time, causing their fingers to constantly brush against each others. By the fourth time, Shane forgot what he was reaching for and gripped Nicky’s hand.  
The blonde didn’t look up. He didn’t even attempt to pull away. He simply used his other hand to pick up the piece of toast he’d been going for. After several long seconds, he curled his fingers, entwining them with Shane’s. He knew he wasn’t ready to forgive the younger boy just yet but he wanted Shane to know it was going to be okay.


	17. Chapter 17

Shane hesitantly knocked on the door to Kian’s room. The blonde was inside his wardrobe and didn’t hear his friend.  
“Ki?” Shane called. “Can I… Uh… Can I come in?”  
Kian stopped his search and stepped back into the bedroom.  
“Where’s Nicky?” he asked.  
“Upstairs” Shane replied. “Re-packing”  
“Why aren’t you?”  
“I… I wanted to talk to you first. I want to apologize for earlier… I was supposed to be making you feel better, making sure you were okay and I… I ended up making things worse, for everyone”

Kian tossed his jacket into the open suitcase on the bed. He folded his arms then turned to look at Shane.  
“I don’t know what you want me to say” he said.  
“Anything at all! I’m sorry… I’m sorry I said the things I did… to you and to Nicky. I mean, I know Nicky’ll forgive me but…”  
“You… You think I won’t?” Kian unfolded his arms.  
“Well, the thought had crossed my mind”  
“Are you daft Shane?” Kian smiled. “We’ve been friends a long time… You really think it’s all going to end over this?”  
“I don’t know”

The younger boy paused and looked at his friend.  
“I want to be mad at you” Kian admitted. “Especially after you used Mark the way you did”  
“You want me to apologize for that too?”  
“I want you to want to… I mean, nothing’s changed, has it? Between the two of you I mean”  
“I still don’t trust him as far as I can throw him, if that’s what you mean”  
“God, do you even hear yourself when you talk?”

“Hey, I am trying to apologize here”  
“I don’t care! How can you say you don’t trust him, especially after he came through for you this morning?”  
“Come on, this is hard enough on me without you making it worse”  
“You’re the one making it worse, Shane. Mark didn’t do anything wrong but you’re the one pretending he did. If you would just *let it go* then everything could just go back to normal”  
“No, it can’t”  
“Why not? Because you won’t let it”  
“Drop it, Ki. What’s going on between me and Mark is just that… Between me and Mark”  
“Not when you drag me, Nicky and even Bryan into it”  
“Kian, please? I… I’m just trying to apologize here. I want you to know I’m sorry and I don’t want us to get into all this again. You’re still my best friend and I don’t like us being at odds like this”  
“Then call a truce with Mark and we won’t have this problem anymore”  
“I didn’t do it when Nicky asked… And I can’t do it now”  
“Can’t or won’t?”  
“Would you stop saying that?”

“Is everything all right in here lads?”  
Both Kian and Shane turned and found Graeme standing in the doorway. Kian nodded in response.  
“Finished packing already Shane?” he asked.  
“Uh, haven’t actually started yet” the brunette admitted.  
“Well Fran wants us out of here by one so… Better get a move on”  
“Will do”  
Graeme nodded his head in understanding then turned and disappeared from sight.  
“I guess I better go then” Shane said to Kian.  
“Guess so” Kian replied.  
“Okay”

Shane turned on his heel and headed towards the door. As Kian watched his friend, a part of him didn’t want the older boy to leave.  
“Shane?” he called.  
The brunette stopped just outside the door. He turned back and looked at the younger boy.  
“What?” he asked; concern at Kian’s almost frantic tone. “What’s wrong?”  
Now faced with actually having to talk to Shane, the blonde froze.  
“Nothing… Never mind… Go pack”  
“Are you sure?”  
“Yeah… It’s fine. It was nothing, really”  
Shane looked at him with uncertainty but Kian simply nodded. The older boy knew something was not right but decided now wasn’t the time to press him for information.  
“Okay…” Shane reluctantly dropped the subject and quietly walked away. He made a mental note to approach Kian later.

By the time he reached his bedroom, Nicky had already managed to fill two suitcases.   
“Nicky!” Shane couldn’t help but laugh. “We’re only going to Belfast for a week. Do you really need to pack so much?”  
Nicky turned to face Shane. The look on his face was answer enough.  
“Right” Shane smiled. “Of course, what *was* I thinking?”  
“It’s not like they’re going to charge me for excess baggage” Nicky said. “Again”  
“No but with all the extra security travelling with us, we’ll have a lot more people on the bus and that means more luggage”  
“But they’re only security… They don’t need to look good”  
“And you do?” Shane said, grinning.  
“You know I do” Nicky pouted.  
“Maybe so… But I also happen to know that you look amazing in anything”  
“Shane-”  
“I’m just saying, you’re the only person I know who could make a potato sack look sexy”

At those words, Nicky’s face hardened. The look in his eyes told Shane he’d not forgotten their earlier disagreement.  
“That may be” he said. “But I want you to know that I’m still mad at you and you can’t sweet talk your way out of it”  
“It was worth a try, wasn’t it?”

Shane pushed one of the suitcases aside, knowing he should be packing his own but that this was much more important. He sat down on the bed and pulled Nicky down beside him.  
“Obviously, I don’t want you to be mad at me” he explained. “But I understand why you are and I don’t blame you for it. I shouldn’t have said the things I did and I am truly sorry for doing it. You know how much I love you and that I would never do anything to hurt you”  
“So why can’t you understand that you’re being angry with Mark is hurting me?”

Nicky question cut through Shane like a sharp knife.  
“I know you used him” Nicky said. “He cares about you and your friendship and it’s killing him that you won’t forgive him. You called him and he came running. You needed him and he was there for you, like he always has been”  
“Nicky” Shane whispered as he reached for the blonde’s hand. “The things I went through because of him…”  
“They weren’t because of him… If anything, it was because of me! You think he’s ‘responsible’ but anything he did, it was because of his feelings for me. Do you really think I like the idea of them hurting you because Mark wanted me?”  
“How can you forgive him so easily if you think that?”  
“Because I don’t believe that… I never did. Mark would never do something like that to you and you know it. And if I have to tell you that every day for as long as it takes for you to forgive him then I damn well will”  
“Whether I want to hear it or not?”  
“Exactly”  
The two singers both fell silent, each lost in their own thoughts. Several minutes passed as they sat together on their bed, Shane’s hand still holding onto Nicky’s.

“I… I guess I should pack” Shane broke the silence.  
“What?” Nicky mumbled.  
“The tour… I need to pack”  
“Right… Uh… I’ll leave you to it then”  
Nicky stood up and made to leave. Shane, still grasping the older boy’s hand, playfully pulled him back towards him again.  
“Shay?” Nicky asked.  
“Stay with me, please?” Shane whispered.

The older boy closed the remaining space between them. He stood between Shane’s knees and placed his other hand under the brunette’s chin. Nicky gently raised his hand, urging Shane to look up at him. Their eyes locked and they stared into each other’s hearts and souls.  
The blonde slowly leaned down and brought their lips together in a gentle yet almost desperate embrace. Nicky’s fingers brushed Shane’s cheek as they reached for his neck, tightening his hold on the younger boy. Shane could feel Nicky’s hand in his hair and he plunged his tongue into his lover’s mouth.

Without missing a beat, Nicky climbed onto the bed. He pushed Shane down onto the mattress, refusing to break the kiss as he manoeuvred his way atop of the brunette’s body, straddling Shane between his thighs. They parted for a second, long enough to allow oxygen into their lungs before resuming their stance.  
Nicky’s position and kisses were intense, desperate and… Shane realized… Possessive. He chose not to resist, curious to see where it would go… Sensing this was something Nicky needed to do.  
A voice inside his head told him to fight back, to gain control but he ignored it. Now, more than ever, was the time to show the blonde just how much he loved and trusted him.

The older boy broke the embrace a second time but, after a moment, instead of resuming, he froze. Shane’s eyes were closed but he felt Nicky’s entire body instantly stiffen and he immediately opened them. Nicky wasn’t looking at him, his eyes were directed towards the open bedroom door. 

Scott was standing in the doorway, staring at them with his usual unreadable yet stoic expression on his face. For the longest time no one spoke. Shane placed his hand on Nicky’s arm to reassure him but the blonde made no indication that he felt the contact. Scott’s eyes roamed from Nicky to Shane and back again, taking in their position and proximity to each other. He raised his eyebrow, muttered something to himself then turned and walked away.  
As soon as he was gone, Nicky collapsed on top of Shane. His entire body was trembling and Shane quickly wrapped his arms around him.

“It’s okay” Shane whispered. “It’s all right”  
“I’m sorry” Nicky sobbed. Shane could feel his lover’s tears seeping through his shirt.  
“Shhhh” Shane soothed the blonde. “Just tell me what’s wrong”  
“He gives me the creeps” Nicky confessed, looking up into Shane’s eyes. “He’s the type of person that he’s been hired to protect us from”  
“He’s a weirdo, sure, but he’s harmless”  
“Didn’t you see the way he looked at us? And what right does he have anyway? We’re in our own bedroom, Shay, we’re making out, on our own bed and he looks at us like we’re doing something wrong!”  
“Well… I am meant to be packing…”  
“Please don’t defend him Shay… I swear, if anything goes wrong on this tour he’s going to be the first person I beat up for answers”

Shane couldn’t hold back a laugh.  
“Don’t laugh at me, it’s not funny” Nicky insisted.  
“I can’t help it sweetheart… How did you get to be this adorable? The thought of you trying to beat anyone up is just… It can’t be done”

Nicky pouted his lips. He tried to be mad but he knew Shane spoke the truth. Nicky had only ever hurt one person in his life, when he was nine, and he had felt so bad about it he’d cried for over an hour after. But these circumstances were different. He knew that, given the chance, he would beat the men who hurt Shane to a bloody pulp without a second thought.

“You’re not a violent person, Nix” Shane explained. “And that’s one of the (many) things I love about you”  
Nicky slowly nodded his head in understanding. He slid off Shane’s lap, off the bed and onto the floor. Shane sat up and looked down at the blonde. They were both quiet for a long time.  
Shane gently placed his hand on Nicky’s shoulder before sliding off the bed himself and sitting on the floor beside the older boy. He moved his hand, draping his arm around Nicky’s shoulder and pulling the blonde towards him. Nicky didn’t resist. He simply welcomed the embrace.

“Do you think we’ll ever get this right?” Nicky asked him.  
“Get what right?”  
“This! Us… A relationship”  
“Who knows? But I think we’re doing an okay job so far. No relationship is perfect, Nix. And who’d want it to be? Could you imagine what it would be like to be in a relationship where everything was good all the time?”  
“Imagine? No… But I’ve dreamed of it…. Of a normal life. One without extra security, constant interruptions, lost memories, rifts in friendships… A life where there isn’t a crazy sicko out there trying to make me his sex slave”  
Nicky’s last few words were almost inaudible as the blonde collapsed in another fit of tears. Shane wrapped both arms around his lover and held him as though his life depended on it… Which, in a way it did.

The older boy was torn between wanting to push the brunette away and a desire to allow himself comfort in Shane’s arms. Too exhausted to fight, the blonde simply cried as Shane held him. The younger boy didn’t say a word. He wanted to but nothing seemed good enough. He didn’t want to lie to Nicky but admitting that he too dreamed of such a life might only upset the blonde further.

*

Shane sensed movement in the doorway and looked up, preparing to snap at Scott. Kian was standing in the hall, watching his friends.  
“It’s Kian” Shane whispered to Nicky.

The older boy quickly composed himself, pulled away from Shane and climbed to his feet. He wiped his eyes, determining there was no point pretending in front of Kian. Nicky ensured both his suitcases were closed then headed towards the door. The younger boy stepped forward and took one of the cases from his friend. None of them spoke as Kian and Nicky disappeared down the hall and Shane finally began to pack his own suitcase.  
He understood Nicky’s frustration at their situation but he was also adamant that the ends justified the means. If the increased security ensured Nicky was safe then, in Shane’s mind, it was more than worth it.


	18. Chapter 18

It was early afternoon by the time the bus, with the five singers on board, began its trek to Belfast. Bryan was playing with his mobile phone, Kian was reading while Mark stared aimlessly out the window.  
Near the back of the bus, Nicky and Shane were sitting side by side, the blonde gazing out the window while fidgeting with his necklace. Shane kept reaching for his lover’s hand but Nicky refused to let him. Each time Shane tried, Nicky would shoot him an uneasy glare before looking over at Scott. The older man was sitting a few rows in front of them with Fran.

Half an hour into the drive, Shane stood up and made his way down to the front of the bus. He dropped into the seat beside Kian but the blonde continued reading. Mark saw Shane and contemplated making the trek to the back of the bus to talk to Nicky. He turned around and looked at his band mate. Nicky had put a pair of sunglasses on, an indication that he wanted to be left alone. Mark held back a sigh and returned to his aimless staring.

“Whatever you came to say, say it now” Kian said to Shane.  
“I didn’t come to say anything to you” Shane replied.  
“Just felt like playing musical chairs?”  
“Not used to being in a coach instead of an actual tour bus… I’m bored”  
“So go ‘play’ with Nicky”  
“I can’t” Shane lowered his voice. Kian slowly lowered his magazine.  
“Why not?” He asked, annoyed at himself for being so curious.  
“No PDA in front of Scott”  
“What? Scott…?”

Shane cast a quick glance over his shoulder to make sure the older man wasn’t eavesdropping.  
“He has a problem with me and Nicky… He nearly had an aneurysm when he saw us making out earlier. I think he’s a homophobe”  
“Has he said anything to you lads?”   
“Well no but… It’s the way he looks at us and… Why, do you know something?”  
“I…” Kian sighed. “I uh I heard him say some… Not so nice things…”  
“What? When?”  
“Before the first concert… He walked into your dressing room and the two of you were-”  
“Kissing, that’s all!”  
“He was pretty disgusted… Called you a pair of faggots”  
“He what?” Shane somehow managed to control the volume of his voice.  
“Billy defended you lads and he stormed off… I don’t blame Nicky for wanting to stay on his ‘good’ side”  
“Why didn’t you say something about this sooner?”  
“I hoped the two of you wouldn’t find out… Yeah, he’s weird and a bit of a creep but he gets the job done. He’s big and scary looking… Besides it’s only for a few more weeks. What are you going to do, fire him because he talks about you behind your back?”  
“He makes Nicky feel uncomfortable”  
“I’m sure lots of things do… You can’t coddle him forever. Man up, Shane. Not everything in this world is hugs and puppies. You can’t always get what you want”

As he spoke, Kian’s eyes shifted from his magazine to Mark. The brunette was gazing out the window. Shane opened his mouth to argue with Kian but the blonde’s eyes had become somewhat unfocused. Thinking he’d lost his friend to a daydream, Shane stood up and made his way back to Nicky.  
As he sat down, he realized his lover had fallen asleep. Shane reached out and took hold of Nicky’s hand. He looked up and watched Kian watch Mark. It wasn’t until the blonde reached up to wipe a hint of drool from his lip that Shane realized just how smitten Kian had become. Shane closed his eyes and quietly prayed things would work out for everyone involved.

***---***

Any hopes they’d had of arriving unnoticed at the hotel were quickly squashed. Up to one hundred fans were eagerly waiting to glimpse the lads. The bus pulled up and Billy and Scott climbed out. Fran stood up and addressed the lads.

“Don’t worry about the luggage; our first priority is to get you all inside safely. Shane, you go first with Billy then Scott and I will follow with Nicky”  
“Aren’t we going to… Mingle?” Bryan asked.  
“You can if you want… The rest of the security should be here in a few minutes, I think they got stuck a few sets of lights back”  
Nicky picked up his overnight bag. Bryan slid open a window and the bus filled with the sounds of screaming fans. The blonde looked over at Mark and grinned.

Fran’s phone began to ring and he quickly answered it. The call was brief and he hung up.  
“New plan” he stated. “We’re going round the back and will use the service elevator”  
“Oh Joy” Kian muttered.  
“But what about-“ Bryan began.  
“Once everyone’s checked in and settled in, you can come down and ‘mingle’… Until then, it’s my job to get you all inside the hotel”  
They all retook their seats and the bus started up. 

A few minutes later they were climbing out of the bus in the underground car park. Fran went on ahead to check everyone into the hotel. Nicky was struggling with his two suitcases and Billy stepped forward to help him. Shane was standing to one side with Kian.  
“Maybe you should’ve had a word with Fran” Shane whispered. “He takes care of room assignments you know”  
“Well, I assumed you’d want to bunk in with Nicky” Kian replied.  
“I meant you and Mark”  
“Shhhhh!” Kian hastily looked around but Mark was still inside the bus.  
   
“Whoa, chill” Shane said. “But, word of advice? If you don’t start controlling your drooling around him, he might catch on”  
“Just stay out of this, Shane. Why don’t you worry about your love life and just leave me to handle mine?”  
“I have a love life Kian… And I’d be happy for you if you had one too”  
“And which one of us has had the most sex this past year? Hmmm?”

Kian turned on his heel and marched off, leaving Shane alone and feeling more hurt that he’d like to admit.

*

It wasn’t long before they were in the elevator, heading up to their rooms. Fran had already given the lads keys and room numbers. Shane, still hurt by Kian’s comment, was secretly happy Kian was given his own room while Mark was sharing with Bryan.  
They reached their floor and all filed out into the corridor. Fran’s room was first, followed by Kian’s then Nicky & Shane’s. Across the hall were Bryan & Mark and several of the security detail.  
As Shane slid the key into the lock, he overheard Fran telling Scott and Billy that their rooms were downstairs. As the two men headed for the elevator, Shane opened the door but stepped aside. He told Nicky to go ahead then turned to Fran. The older lad was looking at him.

“Why are they staying downstairs?” Shane asked him.  
Nicky stepped into their room with one suitcase, put it down then went back out into the hall for his other one. He stopped and waited for Fran’s response.  
“For security reasons” Fran told them. “Thought it best to change the detail a little. If someone is trying to get close to either of you, they won’t know who to target. Scott and Billy spent a lot of time on the two of you in Dublin, so they’ll have a break here. Colin and Malcolm will be assigned to you for the next few days”  
Nicky nodded but Shane didn’t look convinced.  
“It’ll be okay, Shay” Nicky said to him.  
“I know” he replied.

He nodded goodbye to Fran then followed Nicky into their room. Shane closed and locked the door behind him. He turned around and watched Nicky. The older boy pushed his two suitcases aside then removed his jacket, he tossed it on top of one suitcase then he lay down on the bed.  
Shane discarded his own jacket and draped it over one of the chairs before moving to join Nicky.

“So… You okay?” Shane asked Nicky as he stretched out across the duvet.  
Nicky opened his eyes and looked up at his lover. The younger boy reached out and gently stroked Nicky’s cheek. The blonde smiled before reaching up and placing his hand over Shane’s.  
“It’s been a long morning” Nicky stated.  
“I know” Shane replied. “And I’m sorry… I… I never should have said-”

“Shhhh!”  
Nicky reached up and placed his finger to Shane’s lips, effectively silencing the younger boy. “I don’t want to hear it babe”  
“But-”  
“Really, it’s in the past now, let’s not go on about it”  
“Nix…”

Knock! Knock!  
“Lads! Open up!”  
Bryan’s voice boomed out in the hallway. Shane reluctantly climbed off the bed and walked over to the door. He’d barely turned the handle before Bryan was barging his way into their room.  
“We’re going downstairs to ‘mingle’” he stated. “Rest of security’s turned up… You lads gonna come too?” Nicky cast an uncertain look at his fiancé. “It’s cool if you don’t, Scott will stay and keep an eye on you”  
“Scott?” Nicky asked.  
“Bryan, will you give us a minute, please?” Shane asked his friend.  
“Sure”  
The younger boy left the room and closed the door.

The two singers looked at each other. For a time, neither one of them spoke. They both knew they didn’t have to go but each was willing to for the sake of the other.  
“We don’t have to go” Shane stated.  
“I know” the older boy replied. “But if they’ve been waiting out there for hours to see us… It doesn’t seem fair to ignore them”  
“Kian, Bryan and Mark can all go… I don’t think the fans would be too upset. I mean, some of us is better than none, right?”  
“Do you want to do this?”  
“I don’t know… But if our choice is either chat with fans or hang out with Scott…”  
Shane looked at Nicky. The older boy didn’t seem to like either option, being out in a large crowd or baby sat by a weirdo.  
“Let’s just stay here” Shane suggested.  
“No” Nicky insisted as he leaped to his feet. “They came here to see us. So let’s not disappoint them. Fifteen minutes… Then we’ll come back in… The others can stay out there, if they want, but you and me… We’ll come back up here”  
“Are you sure?”  
“Yes” he moved closer to Shane and took hold of the brunette’s hand. “Come on, what’ll it hurt?”

Shane reluctantly agreed. He didn’t really want to admit to Nicky that he’d rather pretend the fans didn’t exist and lock himself away with the blonde. The thought of the two of them alone, all night, made his heart race. He wanted to apologize to his lover for his behavior that morning, even if Nicky wouldn’t listen to him.  
The two singers left the safety of their room and found Mark, Kian and Bryan out in the hall with Billy, Colin and Malcolm. Scott and Fran were further down the hall, standing by the elevator. Fran looked up and saw the couple. He slowly approached them, looking as uncertain as Shane felt.

“Nicky, Shane” he said. “You sure you’re both up for this?”  
“We know we don’t have to do this” Shane stated.  
“But we want to… For the fans… We won’t stay out there long though” Nicky added. “Say twenty minutes? Then we’ll come inside, it’s up to the others how long they stay…”  
“Okay” Fran agreed, still not looking very convinced. “Malcolm, you’re with Nicky. Colin, keep on Shane. Billy, Scott, keep an eye out for the others”

Mark, Kian and Bryan stepped into the elevator with Billy and Scott. Fran remained with Nicky and Shane. The other elevator arrived and the five men all stepped inside. Shane felt Nicky reach for his hand and he quickly entwined their fingers. The blonde cast him a nervous smile and the younger boy resisted the urge to kiss him. He knew Scott couldn’t see them but he wasn’t sure what kind of reception they’d get from Colin or Malcolm.  
By the time they reached the lobby, Mark, Kian and Bryan were already outside. The crowd had been separated by a temporary blockade, leaving a clear path outside the hotel and down to the street. Nicky gave Shane’s hand an affectionate squeeze before releasing it. Shane’s instincts were telling him not to let the blonde go but Nicky had already slipped away and was heading into the crowd.  
The brunette nervously chewed his bottom lip before moving towards the crowd himself. The next several minutes passed in a blur as the five singers, under the watchful eye of their security, posed for photo’s, signed autographs and made small talk with their fans.

Shane was in the process of signing a CD cover for a young woman when something made him stop. A loud noise echoed throughout the crowd and the glass doors leading into the hotel shattered.  
A second gunshot sounded as people in the crowd began to scream, panic and try to run. Shane’s instinct’s kicked in again and his initial thought was ‘Nicky’. He spotted Malcolm hastily pushing the blonde past the shattered glass. He wanted to tell him to be a bit gentler but realized Colin was being just as forceful with him.  
They reached the elevator just behind Nicky and Malcolm. The doors opened and the two singers were forced inside. Shane immediately reached for Nicky and the blonde practically flew into his arms. Suddenly Shane was kissing him, no longer caring what Malcolm or Colin would think. He just needed to hold Nicky, to feel his heart beating and feel his breath on his skin. He needed physical reassurance that his lover was okay.

The elevator doors opened and the two singers were forced apart. Colin and Malcolm began pulling them down a deserted hallway. Alarm bells were ringing in Shane’s head but he wasn’t sure what to do. His voice seemed to have vacated his body and he looked at Nicky. The blonde didn’t look overly scared but confused. Neither one of them asked any questions as they came to halt outside a door marked ‘Conference Room’.  
Malcolm opened the door and ushered them inside.

“Wait here” he told them. “Don’t go anywhere!”  
Colin followed them into the room and closed the door. Shane wrapped his arms around Nicky and the blonde snuggled into his embrace.  
“What’s going on? Why didn’t you take us back to our room?” Shane asked.  
“Sorry for the rough treatment back there” Colin said, his eyes conveying his apology. “We were given strict instructions that if anything were to go wrong; we were to bring you here. Your room might not be safe”  
“What?” Shane gasped.  
“Mal’s gone to check… Your friends will be along in a minute. You might as well have a seat”

Shane turned around and realized they were in a very posh and obviously expensive conference room. He loosened his grip on the older boy and slowly led Nicky over to the table. Without releasing each other, they somehow managed to sit down. Shane’s hand was trembling and Nicky brought it to his lips to kiss his palm.  
Several minutes later, there was a knock at the door and Colin unlocked it. Mark, Bryan and Kian all hurried into the room. There was a flood of questions as everyone asked “What’s going on?”, “What happened?”, “Is everyone okay?”. 

For the longest time, nothing further happened. None of them were allowed to leave the room but they didn’t know what to say to each other so they all sat in silence. More than an hour passed before Fran turned up.

“Lads” he greeted them. “Are you all okay?”  
They all nodded. Kian immediately stood up.  
“What’s going on? Was anybody hurt?” he asked.  
“Someone fired, what we think was, a shotgun into the crowd. Luckily no one was injured… Some very shaken up people outside though… The Garda were called and I was just reviewing the security video…” he trailed off. “Uh, Kian, Mark, Bryan… You don’t need to be here for this…”  
“No,” Shane said. “Whatever you have to say, they need to hear it too”  
“Did you find out something?” Nicky asked. “Was it on purpose?”

Fran walked over to the table and pulled up a chair. He looked each of the lads in the eye before continuing.  
“From the looks of the video, it seems whoever fired that gun was aiming too high to actually hit anyone” Fran stated. “It was meant as a warning for someone”  
“Who?” Bryan asked.

Knock! Knock!  
Malcolm opened the door and a man in uniform entered the room.  
“We found something” he said Fran. “Something you need to see”  
He reached into his pocket and pulled out an evidence bag. Inside was two shell casings.  
“The bullets?” Mark asked.  
“The casings” he replied. “Found across the street. We think whoever fired was in a car and dropped the empty casings in the gutter”  
“Why do we need to see them?” Fran asked.

Officer Tann handed the evidence bag to Fran. The brunette took the bag and examined the items inside. Aside from the two casings, there was also two small pieces of white paper enclosed.  
“They were wrapped around the casings” Officer Tann explained.  
Fran adjusted the bag so he could closer inspect the pieces of paper. Ever the professional, Fran was able to control the gasp that normally would have escaped him.  
“Fran?” Nicky asked. “What is it?”  
“These bullets may’ve missed on purpose but they were obviously meant as a warning message”  
“What makes you say that?”

“Shane,” Fran began, very carefully. The brunette looked up at him. “These two bullets have your name on them”


	19. Chapter 19

What had started as a long morning stretched into a long afternoon and an even longer evening. They all gave statements to Officer Tann but were forced to spend the remaining hours of the day in the conference room. Aside from giving his statement, Shane had barely said a word to anyone. Nicky spent a great deal of time trying to coax a conversation from him but to no avail.  
They all phoned family and close friends to tell them of the incident before any papers could report it. Louis called to check in several times, his last call came while the five singers were eating dinner.

Apart from eating dinner, Shane didn’t move. He simply sat in the chair, staring off into space. He had never been so close to death before. Had their intention been to kill him, they would have succeeded. If he had moved as they pulled the trigger, he wouldn’t be sitting by Nicky’s side right now.  
He knew it was wrong to focus on these thoughts but he couldn’t stop himself. His life had been in someone else’s hands and he hadn’t even known it. Shane slowly turned and looked at Nicky. Another couple of inches and he would’ve been taken away from the blonde.  
Shane had never been one to suffer necrophobia but the realization of how close he’d come to death was beginning to show. Right now, he wasn’t afraid of death; He was afraid of leaving Nicky alone in the world. As he stared at his lover, he tried to picture the blonde without him. Scared, vulnerable, an easy target for Tobey. Shane blinked to clear these thoughts away.

He stood up, somewhat unsteady on his feet, and made his way to the bathroom at the far end of the room. He could feel every pair of eyes in the room watching him. It was a relief to reach the door, stumble inside and slam it shut. His legs gave out beneath him and he fell to the floor. His hands were shaking and he clenched his fists closed. The brunette clumsily moved towards the mirror, his legs not allowing him the ability to support his own weight and examined his reflection. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d looked so pale.   
He reached out and turned the tap on. Cupping his hands under the streaming water, he splashed a generous amount of cold water on his face then turned the tap off. Unsure of what to do next, he backed away from the sink and didn’t stop until he came in contact with the wall. Even through his clothes, the tiles were cold against his back. He took a deep breath then slowly sank to the floor. Water trickled down his face as he buried his head in his trembling hands.

*

Nicky was beyond worried. Shane had barely spoken to him all afternoon and he hadn’t even looked at him when he’d made for the bathroom. The brunette had been in there for almost an hour. Nicky had wanted to go to him immediately but decided to give his love a few minutes to himself, and then he’d been hopeful the younger boy would return to him on his own terms. Each time Nicky had started to make a move towards the bathroom, he would stop and think ‘a few more minutes is all he needs’. Unable to stand it any longer, Nicky stood up and made his way to the closed door.  
He raised his fist and gently knocked.  
“Shane?” he called. “Bab… Shay, are you okay?”  
He didn’t dare turn around, painfully aware that Scott, Malcolm and Colin were in the room and had almost heard him call Shane ‘baby’. The blonde received no response and hastily knocked again.

“Shay?” he began. “Please talk to me”   
Not wanting to cause a scene, he reached for the handle and opened the door. Whether it had no lock or Shane hadn’t chosen to use it, didn’t matter. Nicky was just relieved that he could make contact with Shane.

He stepped into the room and pushed the door closed behind him. The blonde stopped and leaned back against the closed door. Shane was sitting on the floor with his back pressed to the wall. The very sight was like a dagger in Nicky’s heart, his mind having instantly travelled back to the last time he’d seen his lover in such distress; the day Shane had taken the stand to testify against Christian. Nicky would never forget the moment he’d pushed open the door to the conference room and found the younger boy almost cowering against the wall. Seeing Shane in a position that almost mirrored that incident, terrified Nicky.

“Shay, baby, its okay” he whispered.

The brunette looked up and Nicky stared into his lover’s eyes. In that second, he realized Shane hadn’t shed any tears. Was that a good or a bad sign he wondered. Nicky moved towards Shane and slowly dropped to the ground beside him. He matched his lover’s stance, leaning his back against the same wall. He was in the process of reaching out for the brunette when Shane hastily reached out and grasped a fist full of Nicky’s shirt.

Neither one of them spoke as Shane’s fingers tightened around the thin material. The younger boy’s hand was trembling and he looked into Nicky’s eyes. The blonde reached up and placed his hand over Shane’s. Though the younger boy didn’t release his hold, his fingers became less tense. Nicky leaned forward and placed a single kiss on Shane’s forehead.

“I know you’re scared, baby” Nicky began. “But please, please talk to me”  
“What do you want me to say?” Shane whispered. His voice sounded hoarse, foreign… wrong. The very sound practically tore Nicky’s heart in two.  
“Anything honey” Nicky continued. “Whatever you’re thinking or feeling. Tell me, talk to me. Please?” 

Shane’s fingers curled around the material of Nicky’s shirt. He stared down at his hand and watched as he twisted the fabric between his index and forefingers. He blinked but still didn’t allow tears to form in his eyes. Cautiously he lifted his chin and looked into Nicky’s eyes. The blue eyes that stared into his own were almost too much for him to take.  
Shane didn’t want to think, didn’t want to talk. He wanted to feel. Feel in charge, feel loved and safe. He wanted to feel love and life around him. The brunette didn’t even think twice before bursting forward, crushing his lips against Nicky’s and plunging his tongue inside the blonde’s mouth.

Nicky was taken completely by surprise. He opened his mouth to protest but this action simply provided Shane’s tongue with opportunity. He felt Shane’s grip on his shirt soften and his hand was sneaking its way to Nicky’s neck. Unwilling to pull away, Nicky surrendered himself to the moment. For a second, they were back in the elevator and Shane was kissing him like both their lives depended upon it. Nicky’s arms wrapped themselves around Shane’s waist, pulling him closer as they both fought for dominance and possession of the other’s mouth.

After several intense moments, Shane ceased his movements and pulled away from his lover. This action caused both of them to stop, almost gasping for air.  
The older boy reached up and placed his hand on Shane’s cheek, gently caressing the skin and sending shivers down his spine. The brunette leaned into the touch, desperate for physical contact with Nicky.

“Baby,” Nicky paused, fearing he was over-using that word. “Shay, honey… What was that?”  
“I need to feel you” Shane whispered. “I need to touch you”  
“I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere. Touch away”  
Nicky stifled a laugh, realizing how silly those last words had sounded. He saw a small smile creep upon Shane’s lips.  
“I could have died today” Shane stated.  
“But you didn’t”  
“Because they wanted it that way”  
“Don’t talk like that”  
“It’s true though, Nix. They could have killed me and… I… I… wouldn’t have been able to stop it”

“Come here” Nicky said.  
He leaned against the wall and pulled Shane towards him. He wrapped both arms around the younger boy and held him tightly in his arms. Shane leaned in and buried his face in Nicky’s neck. He placed a soft kiss on the exposed skin. Nicky licked his lips as Shane’s lips touched his flesh.  
“Shay, I’m not going to lie to you” the blonde began. “What happened today was beyond scary. It was… Terrifying. You’ve been so caught up in trying to protect me that you neglected to worry about yourself. I kept telling myself I was over reacting, worrying about nothing, that if someone really was after me then they’d know better than to go after you… I don’t know if I want this to be Tobey’s doing or not. If it is him, then it means he’s close. Too close… But if it’s not him, then it means there’s someone else out there, trying to break us apart. But that’s not going to happen-“

“Someone tried to kill me… To take me away from you” Shane interrupted.  
“No, they didn’t… They missed you. They missed on purpose. It wasn’t their intention to kill you baby”  
“But if they had wanted to”  
“Then yes, they…” Nicky almost choked on the words. “They would have succeeded… But they didn’t. You’re here, you’re alive and we’re still together. No matter what, we’ll always be together. I know you’re scared and I… I don’t know how to make you feel better. I don’t know what to do in this situation. I don’t know how to fix this”  
“I don’t know either” Shane admitted. “I am scared. I’m terrified. It never occurred to me that just walking outside our hotel would lead to an assassination attempt”  
“Shay-“  
“I mean it, Nix. That’s what it comes down to. Yes, Fran said they missed on purpose and that the whole point of this was to scare us. Well, it worked. I’m officially scared. I’m scared that next time they won’t miss. Next time, I’ll end up with my brains all over the pavement”  
“There won’t be a next time-“  
“You don’t know that. You can’t look me in the eye and promise me it won’t happen again. We can hope but we can’t guarantee it”  
“So what do you want to do? Never go out in public again?”  
“You know that’s no an option for us honey”  
“Shane, are you going to be able to do the show tomorrow night?”  
“I… I don’t know”

Honestly, he didn’t want to think about it. He buried his face in Nicky’s chest and closed his eyes. The younger boy refused to cry. He’d already admitted he was scared but crying would mean admitting defeat. The brunette also wasn’t ready to confess that the idea of going on stage, in front of an auditorium full of people, was starting to scare him. Any one of those people could have a gun on them, he realized.  
His mind took him back to a conversation he’d had before with Nicky. He remembered how he’d brushed aside Nicky’s worries when the blonde had admitted to fearing for Shane’s life. Shane bit his lip as he recalled Nicky stating, quite clearly, that he feared Christian turning up with a gun and shooting Shane. It had sounded so silly back then…

Shane tightened his hold on Nicky and he wondered if the older boy was having the same thoughts as he. The younger boy didn’t want to bring it up even though he knew Nicky wouldn’t. The blonde wasn’t one to scream ‘I told you so’, especially not at times like this. He wanted to say something though, the silence was, for reasons Shane didn’t understand, unnerving. He opened his mouth to speak then closed it again, worried that Nicky would decide to leave him be, now that he’d talked to him.

“Nix?” Shane couldn’t stop himself whispering.  
“Its okay, Shay” Nicky replied. “I’ve got you and I’m not going anywhere”

***---***

“Can we please get out of here?” Bryan asked for what must have been the two hundredth time.  
“Just be patient” Mark said to him. “This’ll take as long as it takes”  
“But we’ve been here for hours! Look, you’ve got Nicky and Shane… Everyone’s safe and sound… We’ve given our statements and it’s almost midnight. We have a show tomorrow night and have had a long day… Can we please go to bed?”

“Well…” Fran trailed off. He looked at the tired, bored faces of his friends and knew he couldn’t keep them there all night. The bathroom door was still closed. Nicky having followed Shane in there nearly two hours ago.  
“I don’t see any reason to stay here any longer” Malcolm spoke up.

Fran caught sight of the hopeful expression on Bryan’s face and found himself relenting.  
“Fine, okay” he sighed. “Scott, Billy… Will the two of you please accompany these three back to their rooms? Then you can turn in yourselves. Colin, Malcolm, stay here with me. I’ll get Nicky and Shane then you can escort them back upstairs. Now, I know it’s been a long day and I appreciate your patience”  
“Another hour in here and I think I would’ve had a one-way ticket to looney town” Bryan stated.  
“Sorry lads but… I’m out of my depth on this one. I’m doing the best I can”  
“We know you are” Kian piped up. “And we appreciate it. We’re so not paying you enough”  
“I wouldn’t say no to a pay rise, you know”

As the three singers made their way out of the room and out to the elevator, they were followed closely by Scott and Billy. The older lad was sniggering to himself.  
“What is your problem?” Mark asked him as they stepped into the elevator.  
“Oh, nothing” Scott replied. His voice dripping with sarcasm.  
“Seriously man, what IS your problem?” Bryan asked.  
“Hey I just think this was all unnecessary” Scott stated.  
“Scott, don’t” Billy tried to stop his friend.  
“Stop defending them, Billy”  
“Scott, please? You’ll just cause trouble”  
“No” Bryan interrupted Billy. “I want to hear what he has to say”  
“Fine” the older boy smirked. “I just think it would’ve been much easier had the guy done the job properly and shot the little fag. Kill ‘em both for all I care, it’s what they deserve”

Scott had barely gotten his words out before Kian’s fist connected with his nose. The sound of the bone breaking under his fist brought satisfaction to the blonde singer. Scott grabbed at the wall, attempting to support himself. The elevator doors opened and Bryan, Mark and Billy stepped out into the hall.  
“I’ve been wanting to do that practically since I met you” Kian spat. “And your ass is so fucking fired!”

Kian stormed out of the elevator and marched down the hall to his room. Billy moved back into the elevator to help his friend. Bryan and Mark overheard him telling Scott that the older man should have listened to him. As Bryan unlocked the door to the room he was sharing with Mark, the brunette told him to go on a head. Then he hurried to Kian’s door. He knocked several times until the blonde opened the door.

“Can I come in?” Mark asked him.  
Kian nodded. He was still fuming at what Scott had said but he was happy Mark had come to talk to him. He stepped aside and allowed Mark entry to his room. The brunette closed the door and turned to look at Kian. The blonde was clenching his fist.

“Are you okay?” Mark asked.  
“Uh, do you think I could’ve sprained it?” Kian asked, holding up his hand.  
“I… uh… Don’t know. It was a pretty hard punch though”  
“He deserved it though”  
“Didn’t say he didn’t”  
“I just… Couldn’t stand hearing him say those things”  
“Homophobic asshole”

Mark moved around the room. He went into the bathroom and picked up a hand towel. Then he made his way to the mini bar and found a tray of ice cubes. He tipped the ice into the towel then walked over to Kian. The blonde had dropped down onto the bed. Mark climbed onto the mattress beside him.  
The younger boy reached out and took Kian’s hand. He then placed the towel over the blonde’s fingers. Kian felt a small shiver pass down his spine and knew it had nothing to do with the ice.

“Feel better?” Mark asked.  
“Uh, ye… Yeah” Kian stammered. He looked up and saw Mark watching him with concern. “I’m okay… Just stings a little”  
“Oh… Uh… You know, I heard you’re not supposed to over-cool an injury… Hot and cold both help”  
Mark removed the temporary ice pack then took Kian’s hand in his. He raised it slightly and lowered his head. He blew warm breath onto the injured fingers before replacing the ice pack.  
“Is… Is that true?” Kian asked, trying desperately hard to keep Kian junior under control.  
“I don’t know” Mark admitted. “But it sounds like it could be”

“Why did you do it?” Mark asked, changing the subject.  
“He’s a prick” Kian stated. “It wasn’t the first time I heard him talking like that”  
“Really?”  
“Yeah… He just made me so mad. Hearing him talk like that about Shane and Nicky… And you”  
“He mentioned me?”  
“Well, no” Kian admitted. “But if he knew you were gay then I’m sure he would’ve. It’s just… If that’s how he feels about them then he’d feel the same towards you, wouldn’t he?”  
“I guess”  
“I know it wasn’t very professional of me… He could sue my ass”  
“He won’t”  
“How do you know that?”  
“Because then he’d have to admit he got hit for making fun of someone who was nearly killed today… Besides, he’ll still get paid. Fran’ll make sure of that. Shame he was such a prick, he was good at his job”  
“Mark?” Kian began. “You’re… Uh… Kinda hurting my hand”  
“Uh…“ Mark replied. “Sorry… I didn’t realize I was still holding it”  
“It just hurts is all”

Mark released his friend’s hand and stood up.  
“Night Kian” Mark said.  
“You don’t have to go” Kian replied.  
“No, I do… It’s late and Bryan’s probably waiting for me. I’ll… See you in the morning”  
“Yeah… Uh… Thanks for the ice pack”  
“No problem. Sleep well”  
“You too”  
“Good night”  
“Night”

Mark walked to the door, opened it and stepped out into the hall. He’d just closed it when the elevator opened and Fran emerged. He was followed by Nicky, Shane, Colin and Malcolm. Mark continued towards his own room but waited until Nicky and Shane were safely inside their room before going into his.

Bryan was still awake, sitting on his bed, waiting for Mark.  
“How’s his hand?” Bryan asked.  
“Sore… Probably be swollen tomorrow” Mark stated. “Shane and Nicky just got back to their room”  
“How they holding up?”  
“Honest? I can’t remember the last time I saw Shane so scared”  
“Can’t say I blame him. I mean, how would you feel knowing someone purposely fired a gun at you, intentionally missing you?”  
“Yeah… I know… You think he’ll be okay?”  
“I hope so” Bryan climbed under the duvet and laid back, his head resting on his pillow. “I sure hope so”


	20. Chapter 20

Shane had thought he'd be able to relax once he and Nicky had returned to their room but he was wrong. Once they were alone, he couldn't help thinking how easily the situation could have been avoided.  
He didn’t have to agree to go downstairs. They could have stayed in their room, safe and together… Shane hadn’t wanted to go anyway but he’d done it for Nicky. His love had wanted to go so he’d agreed to it. He knew better than to say anything about it now. The fight they’d had that morning felt so long ago but Shane didn’t want to re-visit it. He sank down onto the mattress and turned to look at Nicky.

The blonde checked the door was firmly closed then walked over to Shane. The younger boy hadn’t said a word since Fran had coaxed them from the bathroom. He reached out and placed his index finger under Shane’s chin, urging the brunette to look up at him.   
Nicky closed the space between them by bringing his lips down to caress Shane’s. The younger boy responded with more enthusiasm than Nicky was expecting.  
“I’m sorry” Shane whispered once they’d separated.  
“Shay, none of this is your fault” Nicky reminded him.  
“I know…”

Shane reached out and took Nicky’s other hand in his then he gazed into his lover’s blue eyes.  
“I meant for this morning” he explained. “I’m sorry I got so jealous and… I’m sorry for saying the things I said”  
Nicky gently brushed his fingers across Shane’s cheek and smiled down at him.  
“That doesn’t matter now” Nicky assured him.  
“It matters to me, baby. I want you to know how sorry I am”  
“I know, Shay. I know how bad you feel because I know you. And you should know by now that I forgive you… That I’ll always forgive you… No matter what because I love you”  
“I love you so much that it almost hurts” Shane whispered.

Nicky wrapped his arms around Shane, pulling him into a tight embrace. Shane buried his face in Nicky’s chest. He could feel the older boy’s heart beating, so close to his face and he closed his eyes. He wished they could stay like this forever, in their own safe world. Where no one could hurt them or tear them apart. He felt Nicky kiss the top of his head and he smiled to himself.

They remained like that for some time. Holding each other and whispering words of love through the silence. After what felt like seconds but could have been hours, Nicky pulled away, confessing his need for a shower. He kissed Shane and told him not to wait up; he’d had a long day and needed rest. 

“You know I can’t fall asleep without you beside me” Shane called after him.  
Nicky smiled at the brunette before closing the bathroom door. The blonde moved quickly as he shed his clothes and made his way towards the shower. He turned the tap on and stepped under the flowing water. Nicky closed his eyes and found himself relaxing, wishing he could wash their problems away so easily.  
He’d told himself he’d be quick, eager to climb into bed and hold Shane in his arms. But the water was soothing and he reached for the soap. 

The blonde felt a pair of arms slide around his waist and he jerked away in shock. He opened his mouth to shout but a torrent of water left him gasping for air. He turned and found Shane smiling sheepishly at him. Too relieved to speak, he wrapped his arms around his naked lover and pulled him close for a forceful kiss.

“You scared me, Shay” Nicky said to him.  
“I didn’t mean to” Shane confessed. “I just… Got lonely without you…”  
“Are you ready for this?” Nicky struggled to ask, his eyes taking in Shane’s body. It had been some time since they’d seen each other naked.  
Shane nodded and slid his arms around Nicky’s waist. Their bodies came together under the warm, flowing water and Nicky’s lips sought out Shane’s.

A tiny voice in Nicky’s mind told him they shouldn’t be doing this. Shane was still shaken by the days events and wasn’t in the right frame of mind. But the warm water cascading down their bodies as their tongues explored each other’s mouths and Shane grinding their hips together was more than enough to silence the nagging voice. Shane ceased his actions and tore his lips away from Nicky’s. He stared into the blonde’s eyes and could see the hesitation behind the older boys lashes.

“It’s okay” Shane whispered. He leaned forward and pressed his lips to Nicky’s neck. The blonde groaned and tilted his head back, giving his lover better access to his target. “We both want this”  
“Need this” Nicky gasped.

Shane smiled and kissed his way down the blonde’s neck to his chest. As the younger boy’s tongue teased his nipple, Nicky felt his cock harden. He reached down and his hand gripped Shane’s thigh. Their hardness’s touched and they both moaned.  
“Shay,” Nicky groaned. The brunette stopped and looked up at Nicky.  
“You okay?” Shane asked him. Nicky only managed to nod.

Shane smiled again then reached for the soap. He moved towards Nicky and began to rub the soapy sponge over the blonde’s chest. Nicky looked at Shane as the younger boy lathered his body with foam. The brunette’s fingers worked like magic as they explored every inch of Nicky’s body. The blonde didn’t speak much as he placed all his trust in the younger boy.  
Shane stood behind Nicky, his hands still working the soap. He pressed his body against Nicky’s, his lips kissing his neck as his hand traveled south and took hold of his weeping cock.

“Shane” Nicky gasped. “You don’t have to-“  
“I want to” Shane replied. His other hand touched Nicky’s check, urging the blonde to look at him. He brought their lips together while his hand worked Nicky’s hardness. It wasn’t long before Nicky clenched his fist, closed his eyes, and came in Shane’s hand, calling out his lover’s name.  
He turned around and captured Shane’s mouth with his own. He wrapped his arms around Shane and held him tightly, wanting to convey how much love and affection he felt for the brunette in that one embrace. His kiss left Shane gasping for breath. Nicky reluctantly broke the kiss and coaxed Shane towards the wall. Once the brunette was braced against the tiled wall, Nicky dropped to his knees and took Shane’s hard cock into his hand. Still reeling from the sensations of bringing Nicky to orgasm, he hadn’t noticed what Nicky was about to do until it was too late.

“Nix, no” Shane began. “You don’t-“  
Shane stopped mid-sentence as Nicky’s mouth closed over his hardness.  
“Oh God” Shane groaned. “Nicky… I… I… Oh fuck”  
He looked down and stared at the sight before him, knowing it was one he’d never forget. Nicky, on his knees, his mouth working Shane’s tool as water from the showerhead cascaded over them both. Nicky’s eyes sought Shane’s and they stared into each other’s souls. All rational thoughts left Shane as he felt his cock slide in and out of the blonde’s mouth.

“Nix” Shane moaned. He tossed his head back, hitting the tiles hard but not caring. He couldn’t believe they’d never done this before. He resolved to return the favour to his lover the first chance he got. Shane wanted to make Nicky feel the way the blonde was making him feel right now.  
“Baby, pull away…” Shane whispered. “I’m gonna…”

Nicky tightened his grip and prepared himself. Shane’s cum filled his mouth and he panicked. Nicky pulled away and the brunette’s seed was washed away by the flowing water. He coughed and gasped for a moment then refused to look up at the brunette.

“Nix” Shane began, staring down at the blonde.  
“I’m sorry” Nicky panted. “I… I couldn’t…”

Shane leaned down and wrapped his arms around Nicky then gently pulled the older boy to his feet. Nicky wouldn’t meet his eye so Shane manoeuvred their bodies until they were both standing under the stream of water. He leaned closer and pressed his lips to Nicky’s neck but the blonde tried to stop him. The younger boy wasn’t deterred though. He reached out and turned the water off.

The two singers remained in the shower, neither one of them willing to move. Once the water stopped flowing, a chill swept over them. Shane decided to make the first move. He released Nicky and climbed out of the shower. The younger boy located two towels and draped one around himself before moving back towards Nicky. The blonde stepped out of the shower and Shane wrapped the large, fluffy towel around him. For a moment, as they each wiped the water from their bodies, neither one of them spoke.

Nicky busied himself by drying himself slower than he normally would. When he finally finished the task, he looked up and saw Shane watching him. The brunette was smiling. Nicky didn’t move as Shane moved towards him and pulled him in for another hug. The older boy tried to think of something to say, of another way to apologize for ruining the moment.

“Thank you” Shane whispered in his ear.  
The seductive yet loving tone of Shane’s voice sent a violent shiver down Nicky’s spine.  
“Don’t thank me” Nicky insisted. “I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to ruin it”  
“You didn’t ruin anything” Shane replied. “What you did… I know it couldn’t have been easy for you. I love you”  
“But I didn’t… Do it, properly”  
“You did what you were comfortable with… Which was more than I could ever ask for”  
“Shay-“  
“Shhhhh” Shane placed his finger to Nicky’s lips. “Let’s not take the magic away. Come to bed, let me hold you”

Nicky slowly nodded his head. Shane dropped his towel on the floor and turned then left the bathroom. The older boy slowly followed him. Nicky stopped in the doorway and watched as Shane pulled back the duvet and climbed into bed.  
“Pajama’s?” Nicky asked him.  
“Don’t need ‘em” Shane replied.  
Nicky tossed his towel aside and turned the bathroom light off. He then made his way over to the bed and climbed in beside Shane. The brunette reached out and turned the light off. Nicky snuggled against Shane and the younger boy put his arm around his lover. The two singers lay in the dark, their naked bodies pressed close together.

“Nix?” Shane asked.  
“Yeah?” Nicky whispered.  
“Thank you…”  
“For what?”  
“For giving me a reason to go on… For making my life worth living”  
Shane felt Nicky stirring beside him then the blonde’s lips were pressing against his.  
“Likewise Shay” Nicky whispered into the darkness. “Likewise”

***---***

When Kian awoke the following morning, he couldn’t understand why his hand was tingling. He rolled over, willing himself to fall back asleep. His eyes found the hand towel and the events of the previous day seeped into his brain. For a moment, he wondered how he’d managed to forget. He groaned as he realized he needed to call Fran and explain why he’d fired Scott.  
The blonde pushed that thought aside as he decided that conversation could wait until breakfast. He tossed back the duvet and reluctantly slumped into the bathroom. The singer pushed the door closed, out of habit not necessity, and removed his boxers.

Kian’s fingers were still tingling but he told himself not to worry since he would be giving them a good work out in the shower. As he stepped under the flowing water, he closed his eyes and pictured the way Mark had looked at him the previous night. The younger boy had shown concern, compassion and even admiration. Kian shivered as he’d done when Mark had held his injured hand.  
He hated that he’d allowed the younger boy to leave but he knew, had Mark stayed any longer, then he wouldn’t have been able to control his actions. There was little doubt in his mind that, given the chance, he would’ve kissed him.

Of course he’d not realized it at the time but looking back he wondered how he’d managed to resist. He shook his head to clear his thoughts, scolding himself as he did so. The blonde held his breath as he ducked under the flow of water.  
Mark was his friend, nothing more. He insisted to himself. He’d had this debate many times over the past few weeks… Each one ended with the same outcome. As his hand closed over his swollen organ, he squeezed his eyes shut. He knew he couldn’t go on like this much longer. Realistically it wouldn’t be long before he slipped up and did something incriminating in front of his friend.

Shane had been on his case for some time. The older boy was encouraging him to say something to Mark. It was a strange move for Shane but Kian assumed the older boy had his own agenda. Kian sighed. He knew what Shane was playing at. If Kian made a move on Mark, then it may encourage their band mate to let go of his feelings for Nicky.  
Kian’s fingers massaged his balls. He kept his eyes shut, once again imagining that the hand on his cock belonged to Mark. Once spent, he leaned against the tiled wall. Slightly out of breath and with tears in his eyes, Kian finished his shower and turned the water off. He grabbed a towel and hastily dried himself.

He dropped the towel on the floor then opened the bathroom door and stepped out into the main room.  
“Shit Mark!” Kian cried. He felt himself blushing as Mark’s eyes explored his body.

The younger boy hastily turned his back on the blonde and found himself staring into a mirror. He watched as his band mate hurriedly located some clothes.  
“I’m sorry” Mark said, gazing intently in the mirror.  
“What are you doing here?” Kian growled.  
“I… I came to see how you were doing…”  
“I… Am fine… Why wouldn’t I be?”

Kian finished dressing and told Mark he could turn around. The younger boy did so then moved to sit at the table.  
“You were a bit out of it last night” Mark said. “I just wanted to check on you”  
“Uh, thanks but I’m fine… Ummm, how did you get in here?”  
“Spare key… Fran’s got one for Nicky & Shane’s room; he gave Bryan the one for this room though. That’s okay, isn’t it?”  
“Yeah… yeah it is… I just wasn’t expecting anyone to be standing there”  
“Hence the nakedness”  
“Yeah” Kian felt his cheeks flushing.  
“Don’t be embarrassed… You’ve got a nice body, Ki”

“Do I?” the blonde teased, trying to sound casual.  
Mark laughed. “Lot’s of lads would kill for a body like yours”  
The younger boy suddenly shifted uncomfortably. “I mean, not that I was staring or anything”  
Kian laughed. “Well it was kinda hard not to see… The way I leapt outta the bathroom and all”  
“You weren’t expecting anyone to gatecrash though… I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to barge in… I did knock”  
“Nah, its fine”

Kian turned away from Mark, unable to look at his friend for a moment. It unnerved him a little, knowing that his friend had now seen him naked. He cursed that it couldn’t have been under better circumstances. An image flashed through his mind of both of them, naked and rolling around on the bed. Kian hastily pushed the image aside.

“Uh, how’s your hand?” Mark asked.  
“Kinda tingly… Think I might’ve sprained it” Kian admitted.  
“Ouch”  
“Worth it though”  
“I think there’s a Doctor’s down the block, do you want me to take you?”  
“I’m capable of going on my own” Kian accidently snapped.  
“Sorry, I mean… I know… But, would you like me to go with you?”

The blonde stopped and looked at his friend. Mark was staring at him with such honesty and concern that Kian knew he couldn’t say no. Hell, if Mark had asked him to jump off the roof while looking at him like that, Kian would do it.  
The older boy was contemplating what else he’d willingly do for the brunette when he felt Mark’s hand on his arm. He jumped, slightly startled.

“You okay?” Mark asked. “You kind of spaced out”  
“Sorry” Kian replied. “I didn’t get much sleep last night”  
“I don’t think any of us did”  
“You and Bryan up most the night?”  
“Worried about Nicky… and Shane”  
“Guess neither of them would’ve gotten much sleep… I can’t imagine what they’re feeling right now”  
“Me neither…”  
“Think they’ll be okay for the show tonight?”  
“Shane’s tougher than he looks… They both are. I think they just need some space, and time”  
“I wish there was something we could do to help them”  
“You fired Scott last night, you probably can’t top that”  
“I haven’t told Fran yet”  
“Oh”  
“Yeah”  
“Well… Good luck”  
“Thanks… I’m gonna need it”  
“Just remember, you did the right thing”  
“For who?”  
“All of us… Shane, Nicky… And me”  
“Mark-“  
“Seriously Ki… I want you to know how much I appreciate what you did. I know it was because of what he was saying about them but you stood up for me too… Even when it wasn’t about me and that means a lot”

Without thinking, Mark leaned forward and pressed a hasty kiss to Kian’s cheek.  
“Thank you” Mark whispered.  
In the blink of an eye, he’d pulled away and was heading towards the door.  
“Come on, let’s get some breakfast then we’ll have the Doctor look at your hand”  
“Shouldn’t we tell someone where we’re going?”  
“Bryan already knows… I told him I was taking you to breakfast, a reward for getting rid of Scott”  
“You don’t have to-“  
“I want to, Kian. You’re my best friend and I’d do anything for you, you know that right?”  
“Of course I do”

As Mark grabbed Kian’s jacket, the blonde headed towards the door. Try as he might, he couldn’t wipe the smile from his face.


	21. Chapter 21

Shane’s surprisingly peaceful dream was cut short by the sound of the phone. He reluctantly opened his eyes and groped about in the dark for the receiver. Nicky was stirring by the time Shane managed to make the noise stop.

“What?” Shane moaned, still groggy.  
“Just checking you were awake” Fran sounded rather alert given the time. “Didn’t think you two would feel like joining the rest of us, so I’ve organized breakfast for you”  
“Really? Thanks Fran”  
“I’ll be bringing it in… In a few minutes”  
“Fine, thanks”  
Shane hung up the phone and turned to look at Nicky. The blonde’s eyes were still closed but Shane could tell that he was awake.  
“Breakfast’s on the way” Shane said as he snuggled down beside his lover.

He wrapped his arms around Nicky and nuzzled his face against the older boy’s neck. A soft murmur passed from Nicky’s lips and Shane pressed a kiss to the exposed skin. His tongue gently massaged Nicky’s neck and the blonde giggled.  
“Shay” he began.  
“What?” Shane attempted to sound as innocent as possible.  
“I’m trying to sleep”  
“And I’m trying to play”

Nicky jerked his head away, causing Shane to slip and land face first in the pillow. The older boy laughed, his eyes now open and alight. Shane looked up at him, a mock hurt expression on his face. Nicky took one look into Shane’s puppy dog brown eyes and found himself melting… Had he been standing, he might have gone weak at the knees.  
He propped himself up on his elbow then shifted his position so he was towering over the younger boy. Shane smiled and hooked his hand behind Nicky’s neck, pulling the blonde down for a kiss.

“You have morning breath” Nicky stated.  
“So do you” Shane argued.  
“You also have a morning-“  
Shane captured Nicky’s lips once more, effectively silencing the blonde. He didn’t want to draw attention to his morning erection. He’d thought his days of waking up with a ‘stiffy’ were long gone but these past few days had turned things around.  
Had he not been so intent on distracting Nicky, he probably would have noticed his lover had one too.

“Shay?” Nicky asked. “What’s wrong?”  
“I wonder what it’s like to go an entire day without having to ask or be asked that” Shane replied.  
The brunette stopped, realizing that he’d spoken without thinking. He knew his comment could go either way, depending on what Nicky was thinking or feeling.  
“Yeah, sometimes I think that too” Nicky said. He lay back down beside Shane and nestled himself in the crook of Shane’s arm.  
“I’m sure it’ll happen for us one day” Shane said.  
“Yeah, of course it will” Nicky agreed, his finger gently teasing the younger boy’s nipple. A quiet moan slipped from Shane’s lips. “Are you going to be okay today? The show and everything?”  
“I don’t know baby”

Shane reached up and placed his hand on top of Nicky’s, the older boy ceased his actions. The brunette lifted his hand and draped his lover’s arm across his chest. Nicky tightened his embrace, holding Shane closely and protectively.  
“Sometimes it’s easy to pretend it didn’t happen” Shane admitted. “When I’m here, with you in my arms… The world doesn’t seem like such a scary place but then I remember what happened and… It scares me, Nix. It scares me, so much”  
The blonde nodded in understanding then leaned in and kissed the younger boy’s neck. Shane smiled at the brief contact. Sometimes words just couldn’t be used.

“What are we going to do about tonight?” Nicky asked. “Do you want to postpone?”  
“Yes” Shane whispered.  
Nicky sat up and stared down at the brunette in surprise.  
“Baby? Are you sure?” He asked.  
“I… I want to postpone but we can’t” Shane explained as he also sat up beside the older boy. “I… I’d never forgive myself if I let this get to me like that”  
“Shay, someone tried to shoot you…”   
“No, they… They didn’t. Nix,” Shane reached out once more and took both of Nicky’s hands in his. “They missed me… On purpose…” Shane took a deep breath, attempting to rationalize his thoughts. “Why would they intentionally miss me only to come back the next day and finish me off?”  
“Honey-“  
“Baby, they’ll have expected us to increase security and be more aware of our surroundings and everyone around us… I meant to say, of course I don’t want to go out there tonight but how can I not? We need to show whoever did this that we’re not afraid of them”  
“But we are Shay”  
“They don’t need to know that”

Nicky pulled his hands from Shane’s grasp and climbed off the bed. Shane watched as the blonde’s naked form disappeared into the bathroom and closed the door. The younger boy remained on the bed, unsure of what had just happened. He was contemplating going after the blonde when a knock at the door distracted him. Shane climbed off the bed, pulled on a robe and headed towards the door. Before he got there, it opened and Fran entered the room.

“Hey Shane” Fran greeted him. “I… Just took a guess at what you lads would want. Kian and Mark have gone out and Bryan’s still sleeping… Where’s Nicky?”  
“Bathroom” Shane replied, his eyes scanning the variety of food Fran had brought in. “He’ll be out in a sec”  
“No problems then? Everything’s okay?”  
“We’re fine, Fran”

The older boy examined Shane closely, not really believing his claims.  
“Really” Shane insisted. “Honest”  
“Shane, I’m being paid to keep you safe but we’re friends too” Fran stated. “And you can talk to me. I care about all of you, and I really do want to be sure you’re okay”  
“I know… We know. And I, we appreciate everything you’ve done for us… Paid or not… But seriously Fran… I have no idea how I feel right now or what I’m supposed to be feeling. I had no control over what happened yesterday, none of us did… And shy of never going out in public again, there’s nothing we can do about this… This situation, it sucks but I don’t see any obvious solution. If they’d wanted me dead then I would be by now…”  
“Shane-“  
“Fran, why would they purposely miss me then come after me again to finish me off?” Shane repeated his earlier words to Nicky. “Wouldn’t they just do it properly in the first place?”

“Either way, I’ve rearranged the schedule for this morning… You and Nicky can stay here” Fran said. “Mark, Kian and Bryan can handle the media and promo’s… I’ll spend the morning supervising them while Malcolm, Colin and Graeme remain at the hotel to keep an eye on the two of you”  
“So we’re on hotel arrest?”  
“Something like that… We’ll come back here and pick the two of you up after lunch then head to the arena for sound checks. We’ve also sent a revised security plan to the promoters and issued a statement to the press. All attempts are being made to ensure the public this was a random act and not a planned attack…”  
“The bullets had my name on them”  
“And that piece of information was kept away from the press. Shane, this was done to scare you… If you’re not scared then I admire you but whoever did this could be nearby and I want them to think you’re shaken up by it”

They both fell silent. Shane wondered what was keeping Nicky.  
“Anyway, you should eat” Fran said. “It’ll get cold quick… I’ll stop by and check on you before we leave”  
“Thanks for delivering it” Shane said.  
“No worries”

Fran smiled at his friend then let himself out. He wasn’t about to tell Shane the real reason for him bringing them their food. How could he admit that they were worried someone might try to poison him? It was an extreme measure but he wasn’t going to take anymore chances… Especially when he thought how close it had been the previous day.

*

Shane unpacked the tray and set their meals on the table. He was about to knock on the bathroom door when it opened and Nicky emerged. The brunette picked up Nicky’s robe and walked over to him. The older boy smiled at Shane as his lover stepped closer and wrapped his robe around his body. Their faces were mere inches apart and Nicky couldn’t resist kissing Shane’s lips.

“Breakfast is waiting for us” Shane whispered.  
“I’m starving” Nicky admitted.  
They walked over to the table, sat down and ate in comfortable silence. They were both quiet for the entire meal. Shane broke the silence to relay his conversation with Fran, informing Nicky that they had the morning off. 

“So… What now?” Nicky asked.  
“Uh,” Shane swallowed a mouthful of coffee. “Breakfast”  
“I mean, after…”  
“I… I have no idea”  
“Well, we can’t go out… Or we shouldn’t. If Fran wants it to look like you’re running scared”  
“I trust Fran’s judgment” Shane lowered his voice. “And maybe I’m okay with running scared”

Nicky reached out and placed his hand over Shane’s. He smiled reassuringly at the brunette and Shane couldn’t stop himself returning the smile. The younger boy shifted his hand and took hold of Nicky’s. They both settled as silence filled the room once more.  
Shane looked down at their hands, thinking to himself of all the times his hand had sought out that of his lover’s. No matter how bad things got, as long as he had Nicky’s hand in his he knew everything would work out.

“There’s no shame in being afraid”  
They were both thinking it but neither one of them knew which of them said it aloud. They each looked up and stared at the other.

Shane stood up, pulling Nicky to his feet. He led the blonde over to the bed and sat down on the mattress. He tugged at Nicky’s hand and pulled the blonde to him. Nicky followed Shane’s lead and climbed onto the bed beside him.  
The younger boy brought his other hand up and placed it on Nicky’s cheek.  
“When I’m with you, I’m not afraid” Shane whispered.  
“I’m only afraid of losing you” was Nicky’s whispered reply.  
Shane covered the space between them and brought their lips together in a tender kiss.

“I don’t want to do anything today” Shane explained. “All I want is to lie here in your arms and forget about the world outside”  
Nicky nodded his head in understanding. He placed another kiss on Shane’s lips before wrapping his arms around Shane’s body. The two singers then lay down on top of the duvet and held each other close.

***---***

The morning passed very slowly for Kian, Mark and Bryan. They recorded three television interviews and two radio shows. The three singers were constantly asked the same questions over and over again which they answered without complaint. Kian was asked why his hand was bandaged and pretended he’d accidently closed it in the car door.  
Fran had been less accepting of the truth and had not appreciated Kian’s attempt at taking matters into his own hands. He called Louis and explained the situation but decided not to hire any more security.

If he’d been honest, he would have told Kian that he was relieved to see the back of Scott. He’d known all along what the older man was like but had hired him on his ability to do his job. Of course Fran had not known that Scott’s presence had made his charges uncomfortable. He made sure to reprimand Kian for his actions but knew the younger boy didn’t take it to heart. Fran couldn’t really blame Kian for what he’d done and knew he wouldn’t do it again so he quickly dropped the subject.

When they returned to the hotel, Bryan left to phone Kerry and Mark invited Kian to join him for lunch. The two singers went to a café several blocks from the hotel. As they ordered their meals, Mark was busy typing a text message.

“Not that I’m being nosey or anything…” Kian began.  
“Jade” Mark replied. “Just checking in, making sure she’s okay”  
“She off the crutches yet?”  
“A few more days, I think”  
“Do you… Miss her?”  
“Yeah, I do… She’s like the sister I don’t have… But one I can talk to and… I don’t know, she just… She understands me”  
“And we don’t?”  
“I didn’t mean it like that”  
“Then what did you mean?”

Mark looked up at his friend. Kian didn’t sound angry, just hurt.  
“I don’t know… I just… Sometimes I worry that you and Bryan will get caught in the middle… This whole thing with me and Shane, I mean…”  
“But… You two are getting a handle on it, aren’t you?”  
“Sometimes I feel like we are and others… Other times, I swear Shane looks at me like I’m going to pull a knife on him”  
“He knows you’d never do that” Kian smiled.  
“I’m sure that’s how it felt though… It couldn’t have been easy for him, finding out what I did”  
“Mark” Kian sighed. “I know I’m going to start to sound like a broken record, but you didn’t *do* anything… You just think you did. You have to get past this, forget it ever happened and in time it’ll all just blow over”  
“I just wish… I wish none of this had ever happened”  
“Don’t we all?”  
“I didn’t mean to fall for him”  
“I know”  
“How am I supposed to get past this? I can’t just turn off my feelings for him… Believe me, I’ve tried”  
“Maybe you need to start dating again?”

Mark laughed then reached out and gently petted Kian’s hand. The blonde felt his heart skip a beat and he was thankful Mark wasn’t looking at him; otherwise his band mate would’ve seen him blushing.  
“If only it were that easy, Ki” Mark stated. “But it’s not like the man of my dreams is going to come waltzing through the door”  
“You never know, sometimes love hits you when you least expect it… I mean, look at Shane and Nicky” Kian said. “They weren’t expecting to find love within our band but they did”  
“Yeah” Mark replied. “But lightening doesn’t strike the same place twice”  
“No,” Kian agreed. “It doesn’t”

The waiter brought their meals to the table and the two singers fell silent. Kian felt a slight sense of disappointment at Mark’s words but tried not to show it. He scolded himself for his childish behavior. He needed to get over this crush; the way Mark needed to move on from his feelings for Nicky. If only there was a solution to both their problems at once… 

***---***

Shane reluctantly climbed out of bed and made his way to the door. He peered out the peephole and was surprised to see Fran. The singer opened the door and let him in. Their tour manager had brought lunch with him.

“Didn’t you just leave?” Shane asked him.  
“That was hours ago” Fran replied. His eyes took in Shane’s appearance then swept over to Nicky, who was sitting up in bed, and he smiled. “I see you two had a quiet morning in…”  
Shane felt himself blushing but Nicky simply laughed.  
“It’s not like we could do anything else, really” Nicky replied.  
“Well, so long as the two of you were safe…”

Fran trailed off then turned and walked away, pulling the door closed behind him. Nicky saw the look on his lover’s face and collapsed in a fit of laughter. A few minutes passed before he was able to compose himself and Shane’s face was still a shade of crimson. The blonde climbed off the bed and walked over to Shane. He was still laughing as he wrapped his arms around the younger boy and kissed him.

“If you don’t close your mouth, flies will get in there” Nicky grinned at him.  
“I… Did you hear…?” Shane stammered.  
“Don’t be such a prude, Shay…”   
“But Fran thinks you and I spent all morning in bed…”  
“We did”  
“But… Not doing what he thinks we did”  
“Shay… Who cares what he thinks?” Nicky smiled. 

Shane looked at Nicky and saw the way the blonde was grinning at him.  
“I don’t like when people think that about us” Shane admitted.  
“We’re a couple and we’re engaged…” Nicky explained. “It’s perfectly normal for couples to… Engage in those kinds of activities…”  
“I know”  
“Shay, why does it bother you so? Is it because we’re not having sex?”  
“Nix-”   
“Really Shane… If you and I had spent all morning fucking, would it be okay then for Fran to think that’s what we’d been doing?”  
“No… I… I just…” Shane sighed in defeat. “It’s none of his business what you and I do (or don’t do) in bed together”  
“He was just making a joke…”

Shane turned and placed his arms around Nicky’s neck.  
“I’m sorry, honey” he said to him. “I just… I liked spending the morning in bed with you. I loved that we could just hold each other and… there wasn’t any pressure or need for anything more…”  
“I think my lips are chaffed though”  
“Mine too” Shane smiled. “But it was nice, just holding you and kissing you and being able to tell you how much I love you… And Fran came in and just made it sound so… so…”  
“Dirty?” Nicky teased him.  
“I’m sorry, baby… I’m just… Just…”  
“Being a prude” Nicky grinned.  
“Yeah” Shane admitted.  
“Its okay, Shay… You’re my prude and I wouldn’t change that for anything”

On that note, Nicky leaned forward and kissed Shane. The younger boy returned the embrace with less enthusiasm than he had earlier but Nicky didn’t mind. They separated and the older boy steered him towards the tray of food Fran had delivered.  
“Come on” Nicky said. “Let’s eat then we can shower before going to the arena”  
“Shower together?” Shane asked him, hopefully.  
“What happened to my little prude?”  
“I’ve locked him away for now… But he’ll be back, I’m sure of it”  
“Well… We don’t have to eat first…” Nicky’s eyes darted towards the bathroom.  
“Yes, we do” Shane insisted. “I’m hungry!”  
“Yeah, me too” Nicky agreed.


	22. Chapter 22

Shane was sitting in the middle of the stage, watching the teamsters make the final adjustments to the set. Malcolm and Kian entered the auditorium both carrying trays of coffee. The security guard walked over to Nicky and handed two cups to him. The blonde then made his way over to Shane. He handed one of the cups to his lover and dropped down onto the stage beside him.

“Not long to go” Nicky stated.  
“Yeah” Shane agreed before raising the cup to his lips.  
“It’ll be okay, Shay”  
“You keep saying that-”  
“I have to… One of us has to believe it”

Shane turned and looked out over the empty arena. In less than four hours the entire room would be packed with thousands of fans. He subconsciously rubbed his thumb across his engagement ring. The brunette was still gazing across the empty venue when he felt Nicky’s hand on his arm, breaking his train of thought. He turned and smiled nervously at his lover.

“I know you’re scared” Nicky whispered to him. “But I’ll be right by your side the whole time”  
”I know”  
Shane smiled and leaned his head on Nicky’s shoulder. The blonde sipped his coffee while Shane played with the lid of his cup.  
“There’s like fifty check points out there” Nicky said to him. “And every single person will be searched before being allowed in”  
“That’ll be scary for some of the kids, won’t it?”  
“Yeah but Fran says it’s better to be safe than sorry”

Graeme cautiously approached the two singers and managed to catch Nicky’s eye. He’d not wanted to disturb the couple but had been asked to help clear the stage. The young man didn’t speak but merely indicated for the two of them to get up. The blonde nodded his head in understanding and coaxed Shane to his feet.  
The two singers then started to head towards their dressing room. The brunette slipped his hand into Nicky’s as they walked, cautiously looking around for Scott.

“Uh, Nix?” Shane whispered.  
“Yeah?” Nicky replied.  
“We’re being followed”  
“That’s Graeme, Shay… Remember, he came to our house yesterday while we packed?”  
“Oh” he looked away, feeling bad for not recognizing the young man.  
“It’s okay; they all look the same to me too”  
Shane laughed but was relieved that they hadn’t been overheard.

“Graeme?” Nicky called over his shoulder.  
“Nicky?” he replied.  
“Uh… I was just wondering… Scott have the day off or something?”  
“You haven’t heard?”  
“Heard what?” Shane asked.  
“He was fired”  
“Really?”  
“Yeah… I got promoted as a result though”  
“Uh, congratulations? But… What happened?”  
“Your friend Kian didn’t like him very much, he fired him last night”  
“Oh” Nicky added. “He didn’t say anything…”  
“We haven’t seen him all day” Shane replied.  
“Yeah, that’s right”

By now, the three of them had reached the dressing room. Graeme opened the door, completed a quick sweep of the room then let them in. He said a brief goodbye then closed the door behind him.  
Once he was gone, Shane looked at Nicky and caught the blonde’s eye. The two singers burst out laughing, with relief on both their faces.

“Wow, Kian fired him” Shane stated.  
”Wonder why” Nicky said.  
“Uh, because he was a creep?”  
“There’s gotta be more to it than that”  
“I guess… But who cares? He’s gone”  
Shane took Nicky’s coffee from his hand then placed both cups on the table. He turned and wrapped his arms around the blonde’s neck. Nicky, in turn, placed his arms around Shane’s waist.  
“He won’t be back” Shane added. “No more creepy looks or judgmental comments”  
“There’s still Billy” Nicky replied.  
“What’s he going to do? ‘Nice’ us to death?”  
The older boy laughed.  
“He’s a sweet lad, Shay… Who cares if he’s overly nice? It’s better than being a grade ‘A’ freak” 

Shane leaned forward and kissed Nicky’s lips. The blonde smiled and returned the embrace. He slipped his hand under Shane’s shirt, rubbing his back, and ground their hips together. The younger boy slid his hand into Nicky’s hair and deepened the kiss. He could feel Nicky’s hands on his skin and a shiver slid down his spine. Nicky’s lips left Shane’s and began moving down his face towards his neck. The brunette closed his eyes and lowered his hands. He gripped the base of his lover’s shirt and released it from his belt and pants.  
Nicky followed suit but proceeded to remove Shane’s shirt completely. He dropped it on the floor then continued kissing the younger boy’s skin. Shane took that as a good sign and went the rest of the way, discarding the blonde’s shirt. It joined his on the floor.

Neither one of them knew how far they were going to go but it didn’t stop them. Shane placed his hand on Nicky’s cheek and brought the blonde’s face back to his own. He buried his tongue in his lover’s mouth and gently eased him towards the couch. The couple collapsed on the cushions, Shane’s body covering Nicky’s as their tongues battled it out in each other’s mouths. The blonde lowered his hand and slid it inside Shane’s pants, his fingers coming in contact with the younger boy’s bare ass. The brunette gasped and broke their kiss.  
“Don’t get squeamish on me now” Nicky laughed.  
“Squeamish? Me?” Shane asked.

The blonde managed to flip them over so he was now on top of his lover. Shane stared up at him and Nicky pressed a loving kiss to his lips before leaning back. He reached down and slowly unzipped the brunette’s jeans. He felt a resistance from the younger boy but didn’t stop. Nicky slid his hand inside Shane’s boxers and grasped his hardness.

“Nix” Shane whispered.  
“It’s okay, baby” Nicky replied. “You can use the distraction”  
“But… Not if you don’t wa-”  
“Shhh, I want to, Shay” Nicky said, the sincerity in his eyes filled Shane with a sense of trust and love. “I want to do this properly”

 

The door burst open and Bryan marched into the room.  
“Lads, we’ve got a prob…. Oh” the blonde stopped mid-sentence.  
The couple on the couch didn’t react immediately, both frozen in shock. Shane looked up at Nicky while the blonde looked down at him.  
“I thought you locked the door” Nicky stated.  
”I thought you did” Shane replied.  
They both turned and looked at Bryan. The blonde’s face had turned a deep shade of red and he was now staring up at the ceiling. Both singers burst out laughing. Nicky reluctantly climbed off Shane and the two of them sat up.

A few moments passed before Bryan’s face returned to its normal shade. When he finally managed to meet his friend’s eyes, the two older lads were still laughing. The blonde stared at them for a moment before a smile formed on his own lips. Seeing Nicky and Shane smiling, hearing their laughter, temporarily caused Bryan to forget what he’d just walked in on.

“You were saying?” Nicky asked him.  
“I can’t remember” Bryan honestly replied. “My God it’s good to hear you two laughing again”  
“It feels good to laugh again” Shane admitted. “It’s not something we get to do very often these days”  
“You said something about a problem?”  
“Did I?”  
“I uh I think so… I mean, I didn’t really hear you… Being preoccupied and all”  
“Yeah… I’m sorry. So, so sorry”

“We were just, uh,” Nicky began.  
“Celebrating” Shane finished. “Scott’s been fired”  
“Oh yeah” Bryan agreed. “Who knew Kian could throw a punch like that, huh?”  
“What?”  
“Yeah… Oh, you hadn’t heard?”  
“We were just told Kian fired him…”  
“Kian full clobbered him… Sprained his hand in the process… Got himself a nice bandage”  
“What happened?” Shane asked.  
“Ahhh, you don’t want to hear the details” Bryan said.  
“Yeah, course we do”  
Bryan sighed in defeat. He knew they’d find out the truth eventually so figured he should just tell them himself.  
“He was… Making fun of you two…” he explained. “After the ‘attempted shooting’ yesterday, he said… he called you both fags and said you deserve to be shot”  
Nicky gasped. “He didn’t!”  
“He did”  
“And Kian punched him?” Shane asked.  
“He was standing up for you… Hell, I was ready to do the same but he beat me to it”  
“Wow” Nicky stated.  
“Yeah” Shane agreed. “It… It means a lot that you’d go to those lengths to stand up for us”  
Bryan shrugged. “It’s what friends do, right?”  
“Yeah”

“Anyway… I… Uh… I’m just gonna go and leave you to… Whatever it is you were doing” Bryan backed away and headed towards the door.  
“Bry, you came in here about something” Nicky said.  
“Yeah… But for the life of me, I have no idea what it was”  
The blonde found the doorknob, opened the door and fled. Once they were alone again, the two singers burst out laughing. Nicky climbed off the couch and picked up their shirts, tossing Shane his. He pulled his shirt on then walked over to his coffee.

“The moment’s passed, hasn’t it?” Shane asked.  
Nicky nodded. “You want to find Kian and thank him”  
“I do…”  
“I’d just feel weird, continuing our ‘activity’, knowing that you were thinking about Kian”  
“Nicky!”  
“Well, it’s true!”

Shane pulled his shirt on then stood up. He walked over to Nicky and stood behind him. He slid his arms around the blonde’s waist and rested his chin on the older boy’s shoulder.  
“It probably wasn’t the best time anyway” Shane said.  
“Just trying to take your mind off what’s to come” Nicky admitted.  
“Well it worked… And I’m not as scared as I was before. I don’t know but being here, it seems less scary”  
“That’s the spirit”  
“Just so long as you don’t have to do that onstage to distract me tonight”

“What?” Nicky turned around and looked into Shane’s eyes. His face was alight with an innocent curiosity. “You mean all those screaming girls in the audience wouldn’t want to watch me give you a blowjob?”  
“Are you kidding me? Fans these days will watch us do anything… And I mean *anything*”  
“Really?” Nicky grinned. “So I could sing ‘I’m a little teapot’ and they’d lap it up?”  
“Nicky, my love, you could walk out there with your shirt off, pull up a chair and just sit there for two hours and they’d go nuts”  
“You think we should try it sometime?”  
“Nicky!”  
“Well, not me… I mean, send Kian out there and see what they do…”  
“Honey, you… You’re incorrigible!”  
“That’s why you love me”  
Shane smiled and kissed the blonde one last time.  
“Come on” he reached out and took Nicky’s hand. “Let’s go talk to Kian”

***---***

The five singers were standing backstage, listening to the anxious crowd. Bryan was playing with his earwig while Mark and Kian psyched each other up. Shane was standing a few feet away from his friends, his microphone clutched tightly in his hand. Nicky stood at Shane’s side, his eyes focused on their band mates. He was torn between wanting to join them and staying with Shane. The blonde didn’t know if Shane wanted to be alone or needed words of encouragement.  
They were given the nod and moved towards the stage. The house lights were switched off and the music began to play. The fans screamed even louder. Nicky reached for Shane’s hand but the brunette avoided the contact.

The music stopped and the five singers were silent. It was time for their big entrance, which began with Shane’s vocals filling the arena. But the singer didn’t move. He stood behind the curtain, microphone in hand, with no indication that he planned on moving in the next few minutes.  
Nicky handed his microphone to Kian and swiftly moved in front of Shane. He placed his hand on the younger boys chin and forced his lover to meet his eye. Shane’s entire body began to tremble and he threw himself into Nicky’s unsuspecting arms.  
Bryan grabbed Shane’s microphone while Kian scampered off. Nicky held Shane in his arms and looked at their band mates. He wasn’t sure what else to do. The brunette didn’t say anything; he just clung to his lover as his body shook uncontrollably. A moment later, they heard a voice speaking over the PA system.

“Ladies and Gentlemen, due to a technical malfunction there will be a slight delay in the proceedings of tonights show. We hope to rectify this issue quickly and we apologize for the delay. Thank you for your patience and we hope you enjoy the show”

“Shay?” Nicky whispered. “Baby, are you okay?”  
“I’m sorry” Shane replied. “I… I just froze up”  
“Shane, it’s okay” Bryan assured him. “Just, take your time…”  
“But we can’t go out there without you” Nicky told him.  
“We won’t” Bryan added. “I mean, we *could* but we’re not going to”

Shane nodded his head in understanding but continued to cling to the older boy. Nicky remained in his place, his arms around Shane, and looked to his friends for suggestions on what to do next. Both Kian and Mark shrugged.  
“Come on” Nicky said.  
He then proceeded to lead Shane away from the stage and into the main corridor. Fran and Malcolm were both waiting there. Nicky waved them back and the two men kept their distance. The blonde steered Shane towards a chair and forced him to sit down. Fran tossed a bottle of water to Nicky and the singer handed it to Shane. The younger boy’s hand was shaking as he attempted to remove the lid.

“What happened?” Nicky asked. He dropped to his knees, now at eye-level with Shane.  
“I don’t know” Shane admitted as he managed to open the stubborn bottle. “I’ll be okay. I think I just need a minute here”  
Nicky reached up and placed his hand on Shane’s cheek. The brunette glanced up and met his lover’s worried eyes.  
“Really” he insisted. “I’ll be okay, Nix. It’s already passing”  
“Nobody’s going to hurt you, honey”  
“I know”  
“I mean it; there were security guards with hand held metal detectors and everything… Bags were searched; some people had cameras confiscated… Which they were quite pissed about… But there are no weapons here, you’re perfectly safe”  
“Oh Nicky… You don’t tell someone they’re ‘perfectly safe’… In the movies, that’s when everything starts to go wrong”  
“This isn’t a movie, Shay”  
“If it was, at least I’d be able to fast forward to the good bits”  
Nicky smiled then gently kissed Shane’s cheek. The brunette had another mouthful of water then took several deep breaths. He climbed to his feet and smiled at Fran and Malcolm. Fran gave him a nervous ‘thumbs up’ and Shane nodded in return.

The two singers then made their way back to their band mates. Kian, Mark and Bryan were anxiously waiting for them.  
“That was quick” Bryan said.  
“Shhhhh” Kian elbowed him.  
“I’m sorry” Shane said to them. “I didn’t mean for that to happen”  
“We know” Kian replied. “Are you okay now?”  
Shane nodded. “We’re here to put on a show… So… Let’s do it”

Bryan gave the nod to one of the teamsters who then hurried away. A moment later, the houselights went out again. Shane and Nicky collected their microphones then followed their friends to the curtain. All they had to do was step past it, and the show would be underway. They stood listening to the band replay the intro music. Shane looked at Nicky then leaned forward and kissed him. He broke the embrace as the music came to an end. With a nervous, excited smile on his face, Shane raised the microphone and began to sing.  
The five singers burst through the curtain and onto the stage. The sight before them was mesmerizing. The arena that had stood empty mere hours ago was completely full. Thousands of people filled the seats, screaming or singing along to the song.

As the song came to an end, Shane began to gravitate towards the side of the stage. Kian noticed and, being closest, moved towards him. The brunette stopped when he felt Kian at his side. Bryan spoke to the crowd, telling them how wonderful it felt to be back in Belfast. As he spoke, Kian and Shane moved to the back of the stage and were joined by Nicky.  
Shane’s nerves were still on hand but he appeared to be in control when not left on his own. Kian moved towards Bryan and interrupted his banter with the audience as Nicky and Shane slinked back to the darkened section of the stage.

“It’ll be over before you know it” Nicky encouraged him.  
“I don’t want to be wishing the time away” Shane admitted. “I love doing this… Seeing all their faces light up when we start each song”  
Nicky smiled. He reached out for Shane but stopped himself.  
“I can do this, Nix” Shane insisted.  
“I know you can” Nicky replied.  
“So… What are we waiting for?”


	23. Chapter 23

The five singers were sat around a table in the hotel bar. Graeme, Malcolm, Colin and Billy were sitting at a table several feet away. Shane and Nicky sat with their backs to the wall; under the table, Shane was holding Nicky’s hand while nursing a beer in his other. The blonde was proud of Shane’s determination and he, along with the other lads, was relieved the show had been such a success. 

“It was close, lads” Shane told them. “I did start to worry that I wouldn’t be able to go out there”  
“But you did” Bryan stated, lifting his glass in a form of a salute.  
Nicky smiled at his lover and gently squeezed his hand. He leaned forward and whispered in Shane’s ear.  
“I’m really proud of you” Nicky said.  
“I hate that I’m glad it’s over” Shane admitted.  
Nicky nodded his head in understanding then leaned in and kissed the younger boy.

The blonde then raised his glass and finished his drink. He was contemplating having another but decided against it. Shane was only halfway through his; Mark and Bryan were onto their third but Kian was drinking water.  
Nicky questioned Kian’s drink choice but the younger boy shrugged him off. Bryan and Mark were engaged in conversation so Nicky shifted closer to Shane. The brunette took another sip from his beer as Nicky spoke to him.

“You okay here?” Nicky asked him.  
“Yeah” Shane replied. “You?”  
“I am… I uh I was wondering if you… Maybe wanted to go upstairs…?”  
“You don’t want another drink?”  
“Rather be with you… We can drink with the lads another night”

Shane downed the remaining contents of his glass and placed it back on the table. He then climbed to his feet. His hand was still clutching Nicky’s and he pulled the blonde to his feet too. Their three band mates all stared up at them, surprised by the sudden movements of their friends.  
“We’ll… Uh… See you in the morning” Shane said to them.  
“Yeah” Nicky added. “Good night”

Malcolm spotted the two singers and, having already finished his drink, he stood up. He made his way over to the couple then followed them from the bar. He didn’t say much during the walk to the lift. The three of them then made their way up to their floor. Malcolm walked them to their room and, after a quick check of the room, bid them goodnight.

“Mal, you should go back to the bar” Nicky said to him.  
“I’m meant to stay near you” he replied. “I can go back to my room and read”  
“No” Shane said. “Fran’s in his room so it’s not like we’re alone up here”  
“At least go for one more drink… It’s still early” Nicky encouraged him.  
“Well, since you talked me into it” Malcolm agreed. “One more drink but I’ll be knocking on your door when I come back up to make sure everything’s okay”  
“Sounds fair”  
“Night you two”  
“Night” the couple replied in unison.

Malcolm closed the door then Shane moved forward and locked it. Nicky removed his jacket and tossed it on top of his suitcase then kicked off his shoes. Shane followed his lover’s lead and discarded his own jacket.  
For a moment, neither one of them moved. They simply stared at each other with matching expressions of nervous excitement. Both singers knew where this could lead and, for some reason, neither of them wanted to be the one to initiate it.

“We could order a bottle of wine?” Nicky suggested. Shane shrugged.  
“I don’t really feel like wine right now” Shane admitted.   
Nicky made a nervous laugh.  
“This was kinda easier when it just happened…” he said.  
“We don’t…” Shane stammered. “Have to do anything, you know… We can just talk or whatever”  
“Do you *want* to do… Stuff?”  
“Do you?”  
“Whatever you’re comfortable with, Shay”

The younger boy walked over to the bed and sat down. Nicky hesitated for a moment then followed him. He sat down beside the brunette and reached for his hand. Their fingers entwined and Shane looked up into his lover’s eyes. He leaned forward to kiss Nicky but the blonde stopped him.

“We shouldn’t force these things” Nicky said to him. “I… I know how much it bothers you that I can’t remember being with you”  
“No-” Shane tried to interrupt but Nicky stopped him.  
“Shay, it annoys me too and maybe I’m just being selfish here but I don’t want to… To do it again until I can remember the first time”  
“What if you never remember?”  
“Things are coming back to me, Shay. It’ll come back too… Eventually”

Shane reached up and placed his hand on Nicky’s cheek. The blonde subconsciously leaned in to his touch.  
“I hate that they took it away from us” Shane whispered.  
“In a way, it could almost be a gift” Nicky said. Shane cocked his eyebrow in confusion. “I could have two ‘first times’, Shay… How many other people in the world can say that?”  
“But you don’t want that… Do you?”  
“I guess I don’t really know what I want…” he paused. “Aside from you”  
This time when Shane leaned in to kiss him, Nicky allowed it.

“Nix, baby, you know I’d give you a second ‘first time’ in a heartbeat” Shane said to him. “But we shouldn’t have to analyze it from every angle beforehand. If it’s meant to happen, then it will. Maybe in a week or a month from now… We’ll look at each other and just *know* that’s what we’re meant to do but for now… For now, I‘m happy just to have you beside me”

“Shay, honey…” Nicky began. “I know nothing ever seems to go right for us but… When it does, it cancels out all the bad stuff” he hesitated. “And I… I have to tell you that… That I’m okay with the way we are. I… A part of me actually appreciates that our relationship isn’t based on sex and never has been. I mean, who knows? In a few years time, we might be going at it like bunnies every day but right here, right now… I love that we’re together because we want to be… Because we love each other and we want to be together… Not because we’re looking for late night booty calls”  
“I need you in my bed because I love you… Not because I love having sex with you” Shane said.  
“Exactly” Nicky agreed, relieved his lover could see the point he was attempting to make.  
“Not that I didn’t love having sex with you, baby” Shane added. Nicky smiled. “But I wasn’t expecting to come up here now and do it”  
“You weren’t? But you rushed out of the bar with me…”  
“I did… But not for that reason. I left with you because I wanted to be here, alone, with you. Not down in a crowded bar with all those strangers watching our every move”

Nicky gently stroked the back of Shane’s palm.  
“I just…” he sighed. “I feel like, it’s always one step forward then two steps back for us”  
“It won’t always be like that” Shane said.  
“We must be the most dysfunctional couple on the planet…”  
Shane leaned forward and kissed him, effectively silencing him.   
“I’m tired of talking everything through, honey” Shane said. “We just need to take it one day at a time. No more overanalyzing, okay?”  
Nicky nodded his head before moving forward and returning the gesture.

***---***

Malcolm returned to the bar and joined his co-workers and friends. He’d known Graeme for several years and had worked with both Colin and Billy on other occasions, so he felt comfortable calling them all friends. Graeme gave him an odd look upon his return but he explained that Shane and Nicky had insisted he return to the bar.  
The hour passed quickly and he went back upstairs to check on his charges. Shane answered the door, assured him they were fine and told him it was okay to go back downstairs. Knowing there was no show the next day, he decided to return to the bar. He found Graeme, Colin and Billy now sitting at the table with Kian, Mark and Bryan.

“Back again?” Billy asked.  
“No, I’m just a figment of your imagination” Malcolm joked.  
“Not much of an imagination there” Colin piped up.  
“That’s so cool” Bryan cut in as Mal pulled up a chair.  
“What is?” Mark asked.  
“That they take the piss outta each other, like we do”  
“With a job like ours, it’s nice to have a laugh every once on a while” Graeme said.

“So… Do you like… have to take a bullet for someone?” Bryan asked.  
“Well, it’s more our job to stop a bullet before it can be fired” Billy replied.  
“I got shot once… Wasn’t pleasant” Colin added.  
“What? What happened?” Mark enquired.  
“I was working in a bank… There was a robbery and I got caught in the crossfire. Lucky, no one else was injured though”  
“Wow” Mark replied.  
“Shit” Bryan added.  
Colin shrugged. “Part of the job really. I mean, you always know there’s a possibility but you never really expect it… Look at the other day, a few inches lower and Shane-” he trailed off.  
“Yeah, pretty scary stuff” Bryan said.

Kian pushed his empty glass aside and stood up.  
“On that note, I’m calling it a night” he said.  
“Are you feeling okay?” Mark asked him.   
“Yeah, just tired is all… I’ll see you all in the morning”  
He bid them all goodnight then walked away. The blonde made it out of the bar and across the lobby but then he heard someone call his name. He stopped and saw Mark approaching. Kian stepped into the lift and held the doors open for his friend.  
“You calling it a night too?” he asked him.  
“No,” Mark replied. “I wanted to make sure you were okay. You don’t seem yourself. You haven’t for some time now”  
“I’m fine, Mark” Kian insisted.  
“Your hand hurt?”  
“A bit… Is your leg okay?”  
“Almost as good as new”

By now the doors had closed and the lift was beginning its ascent to their floor. Mark reached out and placed his hand on Kian’s non-injured arm. He looked into his friends eyes.  
“Ki, if something was wrong… You’d tell me, right?” he asked.  
“Of course I would” Kian replied.  
“So why weren’t you drinking down there?”  
“Didn’t feel like it”  
“That’s a lame ass excuse”  
“It’s the truth, Mark… I’m just not in the mood for alcohol”  
The brunette didn’t look convinced but before he could say anything more, the lift stopped and Kian stepped out. Mark followed him.

“Aren’t you going back to the bar?” Kian asked him.  
“Not until you tell me what’s wrong” Mark said.  
“There’s nothing wrong”  
“What did I do, Kian?”  
“What?”  
“You… You’re acting different around me and I… I want to know why. What did I do to make you hate me?”  
“I don’t hate you, Mark”  
“I know Shane has it in for me right now but I… I can’t lose you too”

Kian reached out and took hold of Mark’s hand.  
“You haven’t lost me, I’m right here” Kian said to him.  
“I’ve noticed a change in you… But I can’t figure out why”  
“Maybe I’m just… Finally growing up?”  
“Something is definitely wrong here, Ki. And I’m going to find out what… One way or another”  
“Good night, Mark”

The blonde released his friend’s hand then walked away. He fumbled with his key before sliding it into the lock. The singer managed to maneuver his way into his room; as he pushed the door closed, he caught sight of Mark still waiting for the lift to return. Kian sighed and leaned back against the closed door.  
He was going to have to find a better way to deal with his problem. Mark was always very perceptive and if he wasn’t careful, the brunette *would* find out what was troubling him.  
But what could he do? Shy of telling Mark that it wasn’t his fault but every time he looked at him, he wondered what he looked like naked or that every time he saw Mark lick his lips in nervous anticipation, he just wanted to lean over and run his own tongue across Mark’s sweet lips. Or the brunette was now the star of his nightly jerk-off.  
“No” Kian insisted to himself. “You’ll tell him no such thing”

The blonde had already decided to lay off the alcohol from fear of doing something reckless while under its influence. Now all he has to do is hold his tongue and try not to do anything without thinking on it first.  
It was hard enough keeping his eyes on the floor when they were in the change room together. He bit his lip and clenched his fist in frustration. The blonde wanted, needed to talk to someone and hated the fact that his ‘go-to’ friend was the one he had the ‘issue’ with. Sure, he could talk to Bryan he reasoned but then he risked Bryan knowing the truth and as much as he loved his band mate he also knew Bryan was terrible at keeping secrets.  
“What the hell am I going to do?” He said. The blonde didn’t want to trouble Shane or Nicky about it either. They had enough on their plates to worry about without having to concern themselves with Kian’s love life.

He turned the light on and walked over to the mirror, taking a moment to examine his reflection.  
“Well, you’ve really fucked this one up… Haven’t you?”

***---***

The brunette awoke in a cold sweat. His heart was racing as he fought to catch his breath. He sat up in bed, his hands shaking, as he tried to calm himself down. His nightmares had been getting less frequent but recent events seemed to have stirred them up again.   
The singer had been relieved that he hadn’t had a single nightmare since telling Bobby they’d returned. Shane felt tears form in his eyes as he remembered his emotional moment as Bobby’s graveside. He buried his face in his hands and silently told himself to calm down.  
The younger boy was too engrossed with settling his nerves that he didn’t notice his lover wake up beside him. It wasn’t until he felt Nicky’s arms around him that he realized the blonde was no longer sleeping. He jumped, startled by his fiancé’s sudden embrace, but quickly relaxed in his arms.

“It’s okay, Shay” Nicky whispered.  
“Didn’t mean to wake you” Shane replied.  
“Shhhhh”

The blonde leaned back, lying down again. He pulled Shane down with him, still holding his lover in his arms. The brunette allowed it, settling himself back down in Nicky’s safe embrace. They didn’t speak, neither one feeling the need to do so. Instead, they lay in the dark, holding onto each other. It didn’t take long for Nicky’s breathing to become slow and even, Shane knew the blonde had drifted back to sleep but he himself was still wide awake. He wasn’t ready to go back to sleep but he wasn’t afraid to either.  
Shane nestled down under the covers; burrowing closer to the blonde. He bit his lip, feeling slightly anxious, but still closed his eyes. A long time passed before he drifted back to sleep but the rest of the night remained nightmare free.

***---***

The rest of their time in Belfast passed quickly. Shane was still on edge but was able to soldier on and make it through the remaining shows without any major issues. Mark had taken to keeping his distance from Kian but was still worried about his friend. He’d come close to questioning him again but changed his mind at the last minute. He had resolved to find out what was wrong with the blonde but, for now, hoped whatever issue Kian had, his friend would leave it behind when they left Belfast.

By the time of the last show, Shane and Nicky had managed to go out in public several times without their friends or Shane being convinced someone was going to leap out and pull a gun on them. The brunette had continued to have nightmares but he had chosen not to talk about them and Nicky didn’t push by asking about them. They would just lie awake together in the dark and whisper how much they loved each other.  
Their last night was the worst one so far. Nicky had been having a hard time falling asleep when Shane awoke in a panic. Try as he might, the brunette just couldn’t ignore the fact that they would be getting on a plane the next day and travelling to Glasgow. Nicky attempted to reassure his lover but quickly gave up, deciding Shane needed his chance to vent his fear and panic which would, hopefully, release all the worry from his system.

The younger boy’s mind was put at ease once they reached the airport and he could see, with his own eyes, the private plane on the runway. Mark and Bryan were ahead of them, Kian was trailing behind and the members of the security detail were spread throughout the group.  
Fran was walking with Kian, Malcolm and Graeme were already on the plane, Colin was keeping pace with Nicky and Shane while Billy was placed at the back of the pack. Their luggage was all on board and the singers eagerly stepped onto the plane.  
Shane held Nicky’s hand tight as they located their seats. The blonde placed their bags in the overhead locker before sitting down beside his lover. Shane quickly reached for Nicky’s hand once again. The older boy smiled at Shane and offered him a comforting kiss.

“It’s less than an hour flight, baby” Nicky assured him.  
“I know” Shane replied.  
“You’ve never been afraid of flying before”  
“Well, I’ve never had people trying to kill me before either”  
“Shay-” Shane shook his head then squeezed Nicky’s hand.  
“I’m just being paranoid, honey”  
“I know you are” Nicky replied. “But we’re only in Glasgow for five days… And this is the only flight for the whole tour… Until it’s time to go home anyway”  
“The tour’s barely started and we’re talking about home already”  
“Shay, we’re nearly halfway through… After Glasgow, it’s only Newcastle, Manchester and Birmingham before we finish in London”  
“That’s only two venues so far with another five to go, it’s hardly half way”  
“I was just trying to make you feel better, baby”

“Well…” Shane began with a slight twinkle in his eye. “You do know there are other ways you can make me feel better, right?”  
“I thought you liked hearing my reassuring voice?” Nicky asked.  
Shane didn’t bother to respond; instead he lifted his other hand and slipped it behind the blonde’s neck. He then pulled Nicky to him and brought their lips together in a gentle kiss. Without missing a beat, the older boy parted his lips and welcomed his lover’s eager tongue.

Bryan turned around in his seat and leaned over the backrest, looking down at his two friends.  
“Are you two going to be doing that for the whole flight?” he asked them.  
The couple separated and looked up at him. There was an amused twinkle in his eye.  
“You’re just jealous” Nicky teased him.  
“In your dreams, Nix…” Bryan replied.  
Nicky opened his mouth to add another retort but Shane placed his hand on the blonde’s cheek and pulled Nicky’s attention back to himself.  
“Baby, you can argue with Bryan later” Shane said to him.  
“Well the two of you can snog later too” Bryan joked.  
“I’d rather snog now… And later” Shane replied.

The younger boy stood up straighter and turned back around to take his seat.  
“You two are no fun anymore” he quipped.

Nicky leaned in to kiss Shane but the brunette stopped him. The older boy gave him a questioning glance. The expression on Shane’s face had changed so suddenly.  
“What?” Nicky asked him. “What’s wrong?”  
“Nothing” Shane replied. “Just… He’s right, you know?”  
“What?”  
“Bryan… What he just said. We are no fun anymore. I miss the way things used to be”  
“Shay-”  
“Not you and me, though… I just meant, with Bryan and Kian and Mark… I still find it hard to look at Mark without getting mad, Kian’s going through… God knows what, right now, and won’t talk to anyone about it, even me… And Bryan… Well, I’m sure he misses Kerry and Molly… And we’re not doing anything to keep him distracted”  
“What exactly are you trying you say here?”  
“Nothing… Just, don’t worry about it”  
“I’m going to worry, Shay… Please, just tell me?”  
“I think we need to start acting like a band again… Not us and them… Nicky, baby, I love spending time alone with you. Sometimes that’s what gets me through the day but I didn’t realize that we were neglecting our friends in the process”

Nicky thought for a moment. He realized Shane had a point. The two of them had spent most nights in Belfast in their hotel room or out as a couple. The only time they spent with their band mates was during the sound checks and the actual concerts.  
“You’re right” Nicky said to him. “I didn’t realize either”  
Shane sighed then stroked the back of Nicky’s hand.  
“It’s easily fixed though” Nicky added. “We’ll just make sure we make time for the lads”  
“And tell them we’re sorry for ignoring them”  
“They’ll understand… We all had a shock, when we got to Belfast and now it’s in the past and we can put it behind us, right?” Shane nodded. “They know what happened got to you, it got to me too… But they’re our friends and they know what we’ve been through”

The plane began to move and Shane tightened his grip on Nicky’s hand. The blonde smiled at him then leaned forward and kissed him.  
“It’s okay” Nicky whispered. “We’ll be there before you know it”  
Shane nodded his head but didn’t release his hold on Nicky’s hand. The older boy continued to smile at his lover. He reached up and placed his hand on Shane’s cheek then directed the brunette’s head to his shoulder. Shane followed Nicky’s lead and leaned against the older boy.  
The plane continued to taxi down the runway and Shane closed his eyes. He wasn’t tired but he didn’t want to think about the flight ahead. As long as his eyes were closed, he could shut out the rest of the world and imagine that he and Nicky were the only two people in existence. When he felt Nicky’s fingers stroking his palm, he wondered if his fiancé was pretending the same thing.


	24. Chapter 24

Their arrival at the hotel was completely opposite to the one they’d had in Belfast. The street wasn’t filled with fans so the cars were able to pull up to the curb with no delays. Bryan and Mark climbed out of the first car while Nicky, Shane and Kian emerged from the second one. Fran took the lead and went to check them in while the singers collected their luggage and made their way inside. Shane cast uneasy looks up and down the street but Nicky grabbed his hand and forced the brunette’s attention back to him.  
The five singers and their entourage entered the Lobby and milled about in the entrance, waiting for Fran to return. Several minutes later they were in the elevator travelling up to their floor. Once in the hall, Fran began to distribute the room keys. This time Billy was on their floor along with Graeme but Malcolm and Colin were on the floor above. First from the lift was Fran’s room, then Nicky & Shane’s followed by Graeme’s. Across the hall were Billy’s and the two for Kian, Mark and Bryan.

“Lads?” Fran asked. “Up for a change or is everyone still okay with the same arrangement as before?”  
Mark made to open his mouth but Kian beat him to it.  
“I’m happy on my own” Kian said. “In fact, I prefer it”  
Fran was holding up a key which the blonde immediately grabbed from his hand. Their tour manager pointed to the room the key belonged to then Kian dragged his suitcase towards it. Without any further issues, the remaining lads all separated and disappeared inside their allocated rooms.

*

Bryan unlocked the door to the room he was sharing with Mark and the two of them went inside. The blonde dumped his case just inside the door, Mark almost tripped over it.

“Bryan!” he groaned.  
“What?”   
“I nearly stacked it”  
“Again?”  
“Stop dropping your suitcase where I can trip on it”

“Geez,” Bryan stated. “What’s up with you? Why so cranky all of a sudden?”  
But the blonde already knew the answer.  
“It’s Kian” Mark admitted.  
“What about him?” the older boy decided to play ignorant.  
Mark sighed and sank down on the bed.  
“I… I was hoping to bunk in with him” Mark confessed. “I’d hoped to talk to him… Try to find out what’s bothering him so much”  
“He really doesn’t seem himself”  
“It’s not like him to not want to share a room with one of us either”  
“Maybe he just needs some space?”  
“How much more can we give him though? He’s been spending even less time with us than Nicky and Shane”  
“But at least we know why Shane and Nicky aren’t hanging with us”  
“Too busy being all ‘couple-y’ I’d say”  
“That… And I think that thing in Belfast affected Shane more than he’s letting on”  
“Well, I should think so… I mean, someone tried to shoot him”  
Bryan snapped his fingers; his eyes alight as an idea occurred to him.  
“Maybe that’s it!” he exclaimed.  
“What?” Mark asked, confused. “What’s it?”  
“Kian’s weird behavior! Didn’t it only start once we got to Belfast?”  
“Uh, not really… I mean, he’s been a bit ‘off’ for awhile now, why?”

“What if he’s in love with Shane and he’s scared too because of what almost happened back there?” Bryan theorized.  
Mark couldn’t hold back a laugh and once he started, he found he couldn’t stop. Bryan stared at him for the longest time, his face masked with a serious expression.  
“What?” he asked.  
“Kian… in love with Shane?” Mark asked, still laughing. “I think you’ve finally lost it, Bry”  
“Well you’re in love with Nicky! Why can’t Kian love Shane?”  
“Kian’s straight, Bry… And trust me; he’s not in love with Shane”

When Mark turned and looked at Bryan, he saw the older boy smiling at him.  
“You really thought I was serious, didn’t you?” he asked Mark.  
“You jerk! That wasn’t even funny”  
“Maybe not, but you laughed”  
“Because it was so ridiculous”  
“Hey it cheered you up… Look, if the ‘Kian thing’ is bothering you so much, why don’t you just go talk to him already?”  
“I’ve tried but he keeps brushing me off. He won’t talk to me”  
Bryan shrugged his shoulders.  
“Maybe you’re the problem” he said. Mark looked at him. “You know, maybe you did something to piss him off? And that’s why he’s mad at you?”  
“I don’t think I did… When I asked him he said I hadn’t”  
“Well, I don’t know what else to say here, Mark… But he can’t avoid us forever. He’ll slip up and talk to one of us eventually”  
“I’m just worried about him”  
“You care about him”  
“Don’t we all?”  
“I meant you *care* care about him…”  
“Again, don’t we all?”  
“Mark, you can be so thick sometimes”  
“Look whose talk….” Mark slowly trailed off as Bryan’s words seeped into his head. 

“Wait! Now you’re saying you think I have a thing for Ki?”  
“You don’t?”  
“No!”  
“You sure?”  
“Yes!”  
“Huh… Well, sorry I… Guess I jumped to the wrong conclusion there”  
“Yeah, you did”

Mark stood up and walked over to his suitcase. He picked it up and carried it back to the bed. He laid it atop the mattress and opened it. As he rummaged through his belongings, Bryan moved towards the TV and switched it on. The brunette stopped his searching and looked over at his friend.

He wasn’t sure where Bryan had gotten an idea like that and he shook his head in disbelief. He tried to imagine himself with Kian, remembering how he’d walked in and accidently seen his friend naked. Sure, Kian had a good body but the older boy was straight. He laughed at the thought then wondered if he should tell Kian about it. He reasoned his friend would probably find it as funny as he did.

Mark resumed his rummaging and made a mental note to bring Kian in on the joke next time they talked. He hoped a good laugh would cheer his friend up otherwise; he had no idea what else to do for his band mate.

***---***

Once inside their room, the two singers dropped their suitcases and Nicky headed straight for the window. He opened the glass door and stepped out onto the small balcony. He walked over to the railing and leaned against it, looking down at the street below. A moment later, he felt a pair of arms around his waist and he turned around. Nicky wrapped his arms around Shane’s neck and smiled at him.

“See, we’re here now” Nicky said to him.  
“We are” Shane replied.  
“The flight wasn’t so bad, was it?”  
“I’m still glad it’s over though”  
“I still don’t understand… Why were you so scared of getting on that plane?”  
“I don’t know” Shane shrugged. “I just… Felt like I couldn’t do it”  
“You’ve never been afraid of flying before though”  
“Yeah, I know”

Nicky placed one hand on Shane’s cheek and gently stroked the skin with his thumb. The brunette smiled at the affectionate gesture before leaning forward and kissing his fiancé.

“You know there’s no show tonight” Nicky said to him.  
“We still have to go to the SECC for a sound check” Shane replied.  
“But after that?”  
Shane laughed.  
“You think we’re actually going to finish on time?” he asked the blonde.  
“I’m hopeful” Nicky admitted.  
“Then what do you have in mind?”  
“Dinner… Maybe a movie?”  
“Wait, you mean you wanna… Go out?”  
“Sure, why not? We can sit in the back row and make out”  
“What are we, teenagers?”  
“Come on, Shay… Don’t tell me my little prude is coming back”  
“Is that my new nickname, baby?”  
“Do you want it to be?”

Shane playfully knocked Nicky’s hand away, smiling at his lover. The blonde pouted for a moment before leaning in to kiss Shane. The couple exchanged tender kisses for the next few minutes until the younger boy began to draw Nicky back towards the doorway. Without breaking the embrace, Shane maneuvered the blonde inside and pushed the door closed. Then he led Nicky towards the bed. Neither one was paying attention to where they were headed. Shane pushed his lover onto the edge of the mattress. He misjudged the distance and before he could react, both singers were lying on the floor.  
Nicky laughed and looked up at Shane. The younger boy stared down at the blonde beneath him and couldn’t hold back a laugh of his own. He reached up and brushed his hand through Nicky’s hair.

“Oww” Nicky laughed. “My head”  
“I’m sorry, baby” Shane replied.  
“Nothing ever goes right for us, does it?” Nicky said, smiling.  
“Nope” Shane grinned in response.  
The brunette rolled off his lover and lay on the floor beside him. Nicky turned onto his side and looked at Shane. He reached out and placed his hand on the brunette’s stomach. The younger boy then placed his own hand on top of Nicky’s and entwined their fingers.  
“Sometimes it’s nice to be crazy random though” Shane said to him.  
“Yeah” Nicky agreed. “It is”  
“You really want to go out tonight, don’t you?”  
“I just think it’d be nice, you know?”  
“I thought we were going to spend more time with the others?”  
“We will… Just not tonight”  
“I’m sorry, Nix but no… We’ll do the whole ‘normal-couple’ thing another night, I promise. But tonight, I’m going to enjoy a night with our friends”  
“Shay-”  
“We’re not going to finish the sound check at a decent hour anyway… We wouldn’t have time for a proper date. When we do go out, I want to do it properly”  
“Properly? Like flowers and chocolates?”  
“I mean, in our own time and when we don’t have to rush… Tonight we’ll stay with the others…”

Nicky nodded his head in understanding. He looked up at Shane and smiled.  
“They’ll still come with us, you know” Nicky said.  
“What?”  
“Security… You don’t want to go out because the security lads will follow us. It’s their job, baby, and they’re keeping us safe”  
“I know… I just feel weird about it. Wait, how did you know that’s what I was thinking?”  
“Because I know you”  
“Sometimes you scare me”  
“Shane!”  
“If you start quoting my thoughts, I’m going to get worried”  
“Come here, you” Nicky laughed and wrapped his arms around the brunette.

***---***

“I swear we spend more time running sound checks than we do actually performing” Bryan stated.  
“The glamorous perks of being a pop star” Kian replied.  
“More like boredom”  
“Then find a way to entertain yourself”  
“How?”  
“I don’t know…”  
“Why don’t you pass the time by trying to decide what to do to pass time?” Mark suggested.  
“Don’t you start, Marky” Bryan replied.  
“Just trying to help”

Shane walked across the stage and sat on the ground beside Kian. The younger boy was staring down at his hands and didn’t bother to acknowledge Shane’s arrival. The brunette looked up at Bryan. The blonde was typing a message on his phone, cursing each time he pressed the wrong key.

“Where’s Nicky?” he asked, not looking up from his phone.  
“Talking to Priscilla” Shane replied. “He thinks he’s got a step wrong and it’s driving him crazy”  
“Is it wrong?”  
“You think I can tell?”  
“Any of us even care?” Mark spoke up. “It’s not like any of us are going to become professional dancers anytime soon”  
“What?” Bryan asked, mockingly. “You mean after our singing careers are in the crapper? Coz I, for one, expect my singing voice to outlast my dancer’s rhythm”  
“I plan on singing till I’m old and grey” Shane agreed. “I’ll be in a wheelchair in a nursing home before I give up singing”

“When did it become a requirement for boy bands to dance anyway?” Mark asked.  
“Isn’t it the first commandment in the boy band Bible?”  
“It’s not like Boyzone could dance”  
“But they still gave it a go”  
Shane smiled, remembering their very first dance lesson. He wondered if they would ever live it down and hoped there hadn’t been any cameras in the room at the time. Thinking back, he couldn’t remember seeing any but realized that he wasn’t really sure.

“You lads remember that time we tried to re-enact their ‘So Good’ video?” Shane asked, laughing out loud.  
This comment was enough to rouse Kian from his mood and resulted in him smiling at Shane.   
“We never would have tried that had we been sober” Kian stated.   
“You mean we weren’t?”  
“God no”  
“But… We can all remember it, can’t we?”

“I don’t know” Mark said, scratching his head. “I remember we were pretty tipsy. Weren’t Ro and Stephen with us too?”  
Bryan snapped his fingers in remembrance.

“Yes!” He exclaimed. “It was when we were on tour with them. Ro, Steo and Shane were there too… In Ro’s hotel room. We weren’t trashed but were close to”  
“I remember, Ro was taking the piss out of Shane for his dancing, so we all got up and tried to show ‘em up” Mark added.  
“Yeah and we gave up after trying to set fire to the hotel room to ‘complete the video effect’” Nicky finished.

The blonde had finished his consultation with Priscilla and joined his friends in time to catch the gist of the conversation. He stopped and sank to the floor beside Shane.   
“Man, we’ve sure had some good times” Bryan said.   
“Lucky the good ones out-weigh the bad” Shane added.   
“Duh, we wouldn’t do it otherwise”  
Shane caught Nicky’s eye.  
“Shit” Bryan cursed, his face flushing. “Sorry lads. I wasn’t… I didn’t mean…”

“Its okay, Bry” Nicky said, smiling at the blonde as he reached for Shane’s hand. “And we totally agree with you. I mean, isn’t that why we’re all here?”  
“Yeah, but I-“  
“Don’t, just let it go”

Kian sighed and looked from Nicky and Shane to Bryan.   
“Jesus Christ” Kian snapped. “Can’t even make a simple comment without you making it about the two of you!”  
He climbed to his feet and, without a backward glance, stormed off. Mark and Bryan exchanged a look while Nicky and Shane looked on in confusion.  
“What was that all about?” Shane asked them.  
“We have no idea” Bryan admitted.  
“He’s been like that for awhile now but he won’t tell us what’s wrong” Mark added.  
“Maybe I can talk to him…” Shane suggested. “I mean, it can’t hurt, can it?”

“Break’s over, lads!” Fran called as he approached them. “Back to it. I want to be out of here at a decent time tonight”  
“Don’t we all?” Bryan replied.


	25. Chapter 25

Later that night, the five singers were in the cocktail lounge of the hotel. Bryan had somehow managed to talk Kian into playing the piano while he sang vocals. Mark was watching them and occasionally joining in on the odd chorus or two. Nicky and Shane were at a nearby table with Fran.  
The room wasn’t overly crowded. The patrons weren’t bothered by the presence of the five singers, most of them being unaware of who the lads actually were.

Kian couldn’t help laughing when Bryan forgot the lyrics to a particularly easy song. His laughter caused him to slip and miss several notes himself. Both Nicky and Shane joined in when Mark began laughing at his two friends.  
The younger boy had been watching Kian all night, partially awaiting another outburst. But the blonde seemed content to play the piano and have a laugh with his friends. Mark shifted his gaze away from Kian and noticed that Shane was watching the blonde too. The older boy looked up and his eyes met with Mark’s.  
For a brief moment, they were connected by their mutual concern for their friend. Several seconds passed before the mask returned to Shane’s face and the older boy resumed looking at Mark the way he had been for the past several weeks.  
The hard look in Shane’s eyes tore through his heart. Mark knew, felt, that he deserved to be treated in this way but deep down, it still hurt him. They had once been so close… Before Shane had taken the one thing Mark wanted above all else.

The brunette cast his gaze towards Nicky and he felt another painful stab to his heart. The blonde was laughing, his eyes twinkling by the light of the candle on the table, as he smiled at Shane. Mark continued to stare as Nicky placed his hand on Shane’s neck and pulled the younger boy towards him. Right before their lips met, Mark looked away and found his gaze drifting back towards Kian.

The older boy was, again, laughing at Bryan. Mark, in spite of himself, couldn’t help smiling at the sight. His friend had such a nice smile, one that Mark hadn’t seen much of these past few weeks. He hadn’t realized just how much he’d missed seeing it.  
Mark placed his glass on the table and moved closer to the piano. Without thinking, he slid onto the bench beside Kian, his hand accidentally brushing his friend’s thigh in the process. He immediately noticed a change in the blonde and looked at him, questioningly.

“Something’s definitely wrong with him” Nicky stated.  
“What?” Shane replied as his picked up his glass.  
“Kian” Nicky said, watching Shane drink his cocktail. “Whatever’s bugging him, it’s getting worse”

Shane looked over at the three lads around the piano and instantly noticed the way Kian was subtly shying away from Mark. He held back a sigh. He wasn’t sure what to say exactly. He couldn’t lie to Nicky but he couldn’t tell him the truth either. If he admitted to knowing what was really wrong with Kian, then Nicky would want to know too.  
“I’ll try talking to him” Shane said. “I didn’t get a chance earlier and… He seemed pretty mad”  
“He was just over reacting though… Wasn’t he?” Nicky asked.  
“Of course he was”  
Shane looked at his lover and saw the look of uncertainty on his face. He shifted his body then reached out and placed his hand on top of Nicky’s.  
“I just… I don’t understand why he’s so angry all the time” Nicky said. “I mean Bry just made a simple comment and Ki practically flew right off the handle”

“Are you sure you don’t know what’s wrong with him?” Fran spoke for the first time, looking at Shane.  
“Why would I know?” Shane asked. Fran shrugged his shoulders.  
“The two of you are close; I thought maybe he might have said something to you is all”  
“He was so mad though… at us” Nicky whispered.

“Hey” Shane said, urging Nicky to look at him. “He didn’t mean it. He’s obviously upset and… He’s just… I think he’s lonely”  
“What?”  
“Bryan’s got Kerry & Molly… And I’ve got you but Ki… Well…”  
“There’s nothing wrong with being single”  
“I know that but still… Nobody really wants to be alone”

Shane saw movement out the corner of his eye and looked up. Kian was walking away from the others and Bryan had taken his seat in front of the piano. He quickly noted that the younger boy wasn’t heading for the bathroom or the bar so he climbed to his feet. He told Nicky he was going after Kian, kissed him hastily on the lips and hurried after his friend. He caught up to him in the Lobby and stopped him.

“Ki,” Shane began. “What’s going on?”  
“Nothing” Kian snapped.  
Shane reached out to touch his arm but Kian recoiled.  
“Kian” Shane whispered. “Please? Talk to me”

The blonde sighed and crossed his arms in front of his chest. He looked around and saw Billy exit the lounge. The security guard spotted them and stopped, watching them from a distance. Shane tried again. He slid his arm around Kian’s shoulder and led him over to a nearby couch. The two of them sat down but neither one of them spoke. Several minutes passed before the tension began to seep from Kian’s body.  
Shane looked at him, expectantly, and removed his arm from Kian’s shoulder. He placed his hand on his friends arm, offering a silent reassurance.

“We’re all worried about you” Shane stated. He kept his voice low to ensure passer-bys couldn’t eavesdrop.  
“I’m fine” the blonde insisted.  
“No, you’re not. The way you snapped at the sound check-“  
“I’m sorry” Kian interrupted him. “Okay?  
“I wasn’t after an apology, Ki. I just want to know what’s wrong”  
“Nothing”

The older boy cast a quick look around then leaned closer to whisper in his friend’s ear.  
“It’s Mark, isn’t it?” Shane asked.  
From the look in Kian’s eyes, Shane knew he’d guessed correctly.  
“You still haven’t told him?”  
The blonde singer closed his eyes and shook his head.  
“You have to say something” Shane urged him. “You can’t go on like this. I’m surprised he hasn’t noticed yet… The way you practically flinched when he sat down next to you. He’s going to get suspicious and start asking questions. You should just come out and say-”

Kian’s eyes flew open and he grabbed Shane’s hand in his. He stared into his friends eyes, blinking back tears.  
“I can’t” Kian whispered. “There’s no point anyway”  
Shane raised his other hand and brushed aside a tear from Kian’s cheek.  
“What do you mean there’s no point?”  
“I already told you… He doesn’t… I’m not… It’s not gonna happen”  
“You don’t know-“  
“Yeah, I do, Shane” he paused then took a deep breath to calm himself. “Listen, thanks for not saying anything but I think its best if you just forget you ever knew, okay? Please?”  
“Kian…”  
“I mean it, Shane. I just… Just have to put it behind me and move on. If he can get over his feelings for Nicky then I’m sure I can get over him”  
“He… He’s over Nicky?” Shane asked, curious but doubtful. Kian shrugged.  
“I… I don’t know. But I mean… He will be… Someday, right? It… It’s not like anything’s ever gonna happen there so…” he sighed. “I’ll be okay, Shane. Thanks for the chat, really, but this is just something that I have to handle myself right now”  
“But you’re not handling it, Ki”  
“Can’t you see I’m trying though?”  
“I see you trying… And failing. Maybe you should just tell him and be done-“  
“NO! I… I can’t. He doesn’t see me that way Shay. And I… I can’t make him… Anymore than he could catch Nicky’s eye”  
“But he had me standing in the way… The only thing stopping you from telling him is you”   
“What difference would it make in the long run?” Kian asked. “I don’t want a pity fuck from him… I just want him and I… I don’t even know why. I don’t understand where these feelings came from but I just know they won’t go away”

Shane reached out and wrapped his arms around Kian. The two singers remained like that for some time. Neither one of them moving or talking, just holding onto each other. At one point, Fran approached them and bid them goodnight before disappearing. The next time they were disturbed was by Nicky.  
The older boy hadn’t wanted to interrupt but he was accompanied by Colin. He told Shane to stay as long as he was needed then he went upstairs with Colin. Billy was still by the door to the lounge but had a drink in his hand.

It took some time before Kian released Shane and wiped his eyes. He immediately felt stupid and apologized to his friend. The brunette brushed off the apology.  
“Do you feel better now?” Shane asked him.  
“Yeah” Kian nodded. “I think so”  
“Good”  
“I really don’t know what came over me just then though…”  
“Sometimes it’s good to have a shoulder to cry on and a sounding board for your problems… But I don’t know if we really achieved anything…”  
“We did… I swear, I won’t snap at you or Nicky again”  
“Forget it, Ki. We’re all entitled to a little grumpy time”  
“You should probably go on up… Nicky’ll be wondering where you are and Billy looks like he’s about to fall asleep standing up”  
Shane laughed and hugged Kian.  
“Remember, next time you need to talk just come straight to me. Night or day… I’m always here for you… No matter what”  
“Thanks Shay”

The brunette stood up and nodded to Billy. The older boy hurried over and the two of them headed for the elevator.  
“Everything okay there?” Billy asked him.  
“Getting there” Shane replied.

***---***

Shane unlocked the door to his room and went inside, closing it behind him. The light was still on and Nicky was sitting on the bed. The brunette tossed his jacket onto the couch then walked over to him and placed his hand on his shoulder.

“Hey honey” Shane greeted him. He leaned down and placed a kiss on Nicky’s lips. The brunette noted a lack on enthusiasm from his lover.  
“Is something wrong?” he asked him.  
“Uh, no?” Nicky replied,  
“Come on, what’s wrong? You’re not upset that I spent so much time with Ki, are you?”  
“No! It was good, wasn’t it? Is he doing better?”  
“Seems to be, a little anyway”  
“Good. I’m glad”  
“So what’s wrong?”

Nicky looked up at Shane and the brunette immediately sank down onto the bed beside his lover. The blonde sighed.  
“Maybe I’m just over reacting but...” Nicky trailed off.  
“What?” Shane asked. “Come on, the suspense is killing me”  
“I think someone’s been in our room”  
“Uh yeah… The cleaner”  
“No… Someone else”  
“Why?” Shane quickly became serious. He placed his hand on Nicky’s cheek and urged the blonde to look at him. “What’s wrong? What did you find?”  
“No, it’s nothing like that… Just… Things have been moved. My suitcase; your brown jacket; my shaving kit; the cleaners aren’t supposed to touch stuff like that…”  
“You’re sure you didn’t move anything?”  
“Well, no… But I just… I feel uneasy about it”  
“Did you tell Colin?” Shane asked.  
“No” Nicky admitted. “I didn’t notice at first. He’d left before I realized”  
“You want me to call Fran?”  
“I don’t know. Do you think I’m over reacting?”  
“I trust your judgment, baby. But do we really want to go running to him over something that might end up being nothing?”  
“It just creeps me out… Thinking that someone might have been in here, going through all our stuff”  
“Maybe we just have a nosey cleaner?” Shane suggested. “She was probably looking for photos of us to sell to a tabloid”  
“You think?”  
Shane shrugged. “What else could it be?”  
“Tobey”  
“Nicky”  
“I’m sorry Shay but” Nicky’s hand began to shake, his body trembling. “It was the first thing I thought of when I realized someone had been in here… I thought it was him, coming for me…”

Shane wrapped his arms around Nicky and held him close in a protective embrace.  
“Shhhhh” he soothed him. “It wasn’t him, baby. You’re safe here, with me. I won’t let him hurt you”  
“I won’t let him hurt you either” Nicky whispered.  
“I know”  
“I’m scared, Shay”  
“Shhhh”  
“He’s out there, somewhere… Just waiting to come and take me away from you”  
“And I’m going to do everything I can to make sure he doesn’t. And Fran, Billy, Colin, Graeme, Malcolm, Bryan and Kian will all stand with me. He’ll have to get through a hell of a lot of people to get to you”  
“He escaped from prison, Shay… Coming after me will be the easy part for him”   
Shane wasn’t sure what to say next. He wanted to reassure his lover but he knew Nicky too well. The blonde would have an excuse for everything right now. He considered putting him to bed but didn’t think Nicky would be too keen on the idea of sleeping right now… And fooling around was out of the question unless... 

Shane placed a kiss to Nicky’s forehead then another. The blonde looked up and was given a kiss on the cheek. He knew what Shane was up to and was torn on how to react. A part of him wanted to push his lover away but another part wanted to pull Shane close and never let him go.  
When Shane’s lips touched his, his decision was made. He wrapped his arms around the brunette and plunged his tongue into the younger boys’ mouth. Shane froze; momentarily surprised by Nicky’s sudden actions but he made a quick recovery.

“I don’t want to think about him anymore” Nicky whispered.  
“Neither do I” Shane confessed.  
“I want to make new memories with you and not be afraid of the bad ones anymore”

The younger boy placed his hand on Nicky’s cheek and gently trailed his finger down the soft skin to the blonde’s lips.  
“Tell me what you want me to do” Shane whispered.  
“Whatever you want to do to me” Nicky replied.  
“I promise, I’ll do whatever you ask me to”  
“Touch me. Anywhere and everywhere”  
“Are you sure?”  
Nicky nodded his head, his eyes locked with Shane’s.  
“Yes. I need this” Nicky explained. “I need the hands on me to be yours, not his”  
“It’s only a memory, honey” Shane said.  
“But you’re not. You’re here, with me, right now… And I want to feel your hands on me. Please?”

Feeling slightly hesitant, Shane nodded his head. His hands reached for the base of Nicky’s shirt and he slowly removed the fabric from his lover’s body. He wrapped his arms around Nicky’s waist, his lips seeking out the sensitive skin at the blonde’s collarbone. He could feel Nicky’s heart beating as the heat from his body seeped through Shane’s shirt.  
“I love you” Nicky whispered in Shane’s ear.

***---***

Shane’s mobile was ringing, loudly. He cursed whoever was calling him and reluctantly pulled himself away from Nicky’s warm embrace. The singer stumbled across the room and picked up his jacket. He searched the pockets and located the phone, hoping to answer it before Nicky awoke.

“Hello?” his voice laced with sleep.  
“There had better be a good explanation for this!”  
“Gina?”  
Shane rubbed his eyes to try and wake himself up. He pulled his phone away from his ear to check he’d definitely picked up his phone and not Nicky’s.  
“Yes, it’s Gina” Georgina’s worried voice came through the phone. “And this had better be your identical twin or something because I don’t have time to get to Glasgow and shove my heel up your ass right now”  
“G… I’m sorry but I have no idea what you’re talking about”

Nicky was finally stirring. Shane had been going to tell him to go back to sleep but now he was considering passing the phone over to him. The blonde was giving him an adorable confused look.  
“Today’s paper” She explained. “You haven’t seen it?”  
“Your call woke me up… I was sleeping”  
“You near a computer?”  
“I can be”  
“I’ll give you the website address then you ring me back!”  
“Okay”

Shane walked over to his bag and pulled out Nicky’s laptop. The older boy had climbed out of bed and helped him plug it in. Gina told him what website to load then hung up.  
“She was mad at me for something” Shane explained to Nicky.  
The older boy just smiled and kissed him.   
Nicky navigated the controls and quickly loaded up the internet browser. Shane told him which website to visit and a moment later the brunette dropped his phone.  
“Nicky, I swear that’s not what it looks like!” Shane insisted.

The blonde bent down and picked up Shane’s phone. He quickly placed the phone on speaker then dialled Georgina’s number. She answered it on the first ring.  
“So what’s your excuse?” She asked Shane. “I swore if you ever hurt him, I would be first in line to ring your neck. Honestly though, I’m surprised at you, Shane. I mean of all people to cheat… And with him?”  
“Morning G” Nicky said.  
“Nicky! I’m so sorry. How are you holding up?”  
“I’m fine, Gina. How are you?”  
“You’re fine? Aren’t you upset or mad or…?”  
Nicky laughed as he took hold of Shane’s hand. The brunette was still staring at the photos on the web browser.

“G, do you really think Shane would cheat on me?” Nicky asked her.  
“I… Well, no but-” Gina stammered.  
“Do you really think Shane would cheat on me with Kian?”  
“No”  
“Sweetie, those pictures are totally taken out of context. Kian was upset last night and needed someone to talk to. Shane went out to make sure he was okay”  
“Then why does it look like they’re kissing?”  
“Shane’s whispering in his ear so no one can hear what they’re saying. Didn’t you read the article?”  
“It just says Shane was seen canoodling with a band member who isn’t his fiancé”  
“Yeah, it says canoodling because no one heard a word of the conversation. They had to just make up shit to go with it”  
“Shane told you all this?”  
“No, I looked at the pictures and drew my own conclusions”  
“And what does he have to say for himself?”

“Speaker phone, Georgina” Shane spoke up.  
“So you weren’t snogging Kian last night?”  
“Why would I snog him when I have this sexy young man in my bed every night?”  
“You didn’t answer my question”  
“No, I didn’t snog Kian”  
“Are you sure?”  
“I am one hundred percent positive. Nicky was telling you the truth, those photos are misleading”  
“Thanks for the heads up though. I better ring Louis”

Nicky reached for his own phone and heard Gina ask to be taken off speaker so she could talk to Shane. The blonde phoned their manager and explained the situation. Louis assured him that it would be taken care of and Nicky hung up. By the time he’d finished his call, Shane was already off the phone.

“So? What did she want to say, off speaker I mean?” Nicky asked him.  
“She was just giving me another warning” Shane answered.  
“Another?”  
“Well, technically it was the same one as before”  
“Which was?”  
“That if I ever do anything to hurt you, she’ll make sure my life isn’t worth living”  
“That’s a pretty big threat”  
“Big words for such a tiny girl… But you forget, baby. If I ever hurt you or lost you, not having you in my life *would* make my life unbearable”

Nicky smiled and planted a firm kiss on Shane’s lips.  
“Still, I’m very glad to hear you didn’t cheat on me with Kian” Nicky said to him.  
“Well, it was touch and go there for a second” Shane replied. “I mean the way he was clinging to me and crying… It took all of my self-control not to jump him in the lobby”  
“Shane!” Nicky giggled.  
“I was going to bring him up here for a three-way but thought you were probably going to be asleep and I wouldn’t have wanted to wake you…”  
Still laughing, Nicky playfully slapped Shane’s arm.  
“Stop it you” he said.  
“I’m just teasing…”  
“Well don’t… Besides, one of us has to go over and tell Ki what’s happened”  
“You’re going to make me go, aren’t you?”  
“You don’t have to… But then I’ll tell Georgina you were mean to me”  
“Fine” Shane sighed and wrapped his arms around Nicky. “I’ll go but it’s still early and Ki will have his phone off”  
“So?”  
“So I need to shower first and we’ll have just enough time for you to join me”  
“You need to shower… To make yourself pretty for your other lover?”  
“How long are you going to play this game for?”  
“Oh at least a week”  
“If I didn’t love you so damned much…”  
“You’d have sex with Kian and-“  
“STOP! Do not finish that sentence. That is one mental image I do not want in my head! Ever!”


	26. Chapter 26

Shane stopped outside Kian’s room and raised his hand to knock. The moment passed and he quickly moved away. The singer continued on to Fran’s room and knocked on his door instead. Several minutes passed before the door opened. The older man looked surprised to see him.

“Shane?” he greeted him. “You’re up early”  
“Just on my way to see Kian” Shane replied.  
“Well he’s not here”  
“I know. I uh was wondering if I could talk to you for a minute”  
“Sure, come in”

Fran stepped aside and opened the door wider. Shane moved into the room and allowed the door to swing shut behind him.  
“Is something wrong?” Fran asked.  
“No… I… Maybe” Shane admitted.  
“Did something happen?”  
“I might just be making a big deal over nothing but… Nicky said something to me last night and it’s got me thinking…”  
“Okay?”  
“Nicky thinks someone was in our room, moving our stuff around”  
“What? Is he sure?”  
“No, he’s not one hundred percent sure… He just said that his suitcase had been moved and his shaving kit. And he’s sure it wasn’t him that did it. And I know it wasn’t me”  
“And housekeeping isn’t meant to touch personal items”  
“Exactly; I told him that in this case maybe it *was* housekeeping, just having a snoop around”  
“Do you think that’s who it was?”  
“Honestly? I don’t know. I don’t even think anything was moved but he seems to think there was…I just, I wasn’t sure if I should say anything to you or not. I don’t want to scare him but I don’t think we should ignore it either”  
“I’ll tell the lads to keep an eye out and be more thorough with their room checks”  
“Do you think someone could have gotten in?” Shane asked him.  
“I’m not going to lie to you, Shane. There is a possibility here”

Shane nodded his head in understanding.  
“Well, I’d better hurry back then” he said. “If someone could get in, I don’t want Nicky to be alone if they come knocking”  
“Why are you bothering Kian so early?” Fran asked. “The two of you had quite the chat last night”  
“Yeah, that’s kinda the problem”  
“Problem?”  
“Uh, someone got photos of us and our conversation… They didn’t actually hear the conversation so when they sold the photos to a tabloid, said tabloid had to make up a story to go with it”  
“That doesn’t sound good”  
“Trying to make the public believe that I’m being unfaithful to Nicky, with Kian… No, it’s not good at all”  
“Well I hope you sue the fuckers”  
“I’m sure Louis’s doing just that as we speak but right now, I have to go and give Kian the heads up”  
“He doesn’t know yet?”  
“That he’s just been outed, despite the fact that he’s straight? Nope”  
“Then, good luck with that”  
“Thanks Fran” Shane couldn’t keep the sarcasm from his voice.  
“I’ll talk to you later then?”  
“Hopefully... Oh and can you not tell Nicky about this? I don’t want him to know that I told you about the ‘supposed’ break in”  
“Uh, okay. If you think not telling him is the right thing to do”  
“I just don’t want to scare him, Fran”  
“Sure, okay”

Shane thanked the older boy then let himself out. He returned to Kian’s room and, this time, actually knocked. Several minutes passed but the door remained closed. He raised his hand and knocked louder.  
“Kian?” he called. “It’s just me”   
The brunette knocked again but still received no answer.  
“Kian”

The door opened and the brunette immediately thought his friend looked much better than he had the night before.  
“Can I come in?” Shane asked him.  
“Sure”

Kian moved away from the door and allowed Shane to enter the room. He pushed the door closed then looked at his band mate, expectantly.  
“What’s up?” Kian asked.  
“Uhhh” Shane paused.  
“Come on, out with it”  
“You seem much… Chipper”  
“I actually managed to get a decent amount of sleep last night”  
“Good to know. All refreshed for the show tonight?”  
“Shane, why are you here? Is something wrong with Nicky?”  
“No! Why would you think that?”  
“Why else would you be knocking on my door at 7am?”  
“Well…”

Shane trailed off. He moved further into the room and dropped down onto the couch. He looked up and realized Kian was staring at him. His friend’s eyes were filled with worry.  
“Look, it’s not *that* big a deal but…” Shane paused. “It’s about you so you should probably be one of the first to know”  
“Know what?” Kian asked.  
“You remember that talk we had last night?”  
“Oh God. What did you do?”  
“Nothing!”  
“You didn’t say anything to him, did you?”  
“I’m not even talking to him right now. Why would I say anything?”  
“Well, I’m sorry but you’re talking in circles, probably just so I won’t be able to understand whatever it is you’re trying to tell me”  
“Kian, someone snapped some photos of our talk and they’re in today’s paper”  
“And? So?”  
“So I had Georgina on the phone to me at 6am threatening me”  
“Georgina? Threatening you?” Kian smirked.  
“Yeah, she wanted to know how I could cheat on Nicky… With you”  
“WHAT?”  
“I just told you. Photos of us from last night, in today’s paper”   
“What the fuck? We were just talking… Where did they get an idea like that?”  
“Well, the angle of some shots did seem rather… Incriminating… Like when we were whispering to each other so no one could hear us”  
“How did they even get them? I mean, the Lobby was practically empty. Surely we would have seen if someone was taking pictures of us”

Shane shrugged his shoulders.  
“Look, I just wanted you to hear about it from me” Shane said. “We’ve already called Louis but I have no idea what he’s going to do. If we issue statements and try to justify it then people will probably think we’re lying. As it is, we haven’t done anything wrong”  
“You think we should just ignore it and hope it goes away?”  
“I don’t know”  
“Well we can’t just do nothing. The last thing I need is people thinking I’m gay”  
“Do you think I want people believing I’d ever cheat on Nicky?”

The older boy’s eyes widened in shock as a thought crossed his mind.  
“Oh God!” he gasped.  
“Shane, what’s wrong?” Kian asked, immediately worried about his friend.  
“Tobey… If he sees those pictures, shit!” Shane exclaimed.  
“What?”  
“He’s obsessed with Nicky, Ki. If he thinks I’m hurting Nix then he’ll become even more determined to get Nicky away from me”   
“Shane, no. Don’t even go there”  
“But it’s true, Ki”

Shane was on the verge of a panic attack when there was a knock at the door. Kian walked over and opened it. Fran was standing in the hall. He greeted the blonde as he stepped into the room, a newspaper clutched in his hand.  
“Thought you might want to see for yourself” Fran said to Kian.  
He handed the paper to the blonde and the younger boy sat down on the edge of the bed, flicking through the pages until he found the one he was after. He examined them for a moment then looked up at his two visitors.

“It’s not so bad” Kian said to them. “I mean, in context they’re really very innocent”  
“But the article with it, not so much” Fran replied.  
“Well, it’s more derogatory towards me… Suggesting I’m trying to lure Shane away from Nicky. They’re not saying that Shay’s actually cheating”  
“They’re mostly just implying it”  
“Oh” Shane spoke up, the sarcasm returning to his voice. “Well that makes me feel so much better”

***---***

After leaving Kian’s room, Shane contemplated going to Bryan and Mark’s but decided against it. He argued with himself, reasoning that waking them would make an even bigger fuss about something that was really a non-issue.  
It was only one paper and the images weren’t sinister, only the words that accompanied them.  
Shane continued on to his own room. Bryan and Mark would find out in an hour or so anyway, since it was bound to be brought up at breakfast. The brunette unlocked the door and went inside. He was surprised to find the room empty.

“Nicky?” he called. “Baby, you here?”

He made his way to the bathroom and found it empty too. The singer couldn’t recall Nicky saying he was planning on going anywhere. He wondered if the blonde had decided to go see Bryan and Mark. He turned and was heading back to the door when he spotted his love out on the balcony.  
Shane picked up his jacket, pulling it on as he opened the glass door and stepped outside. The cold air hit him instantly and he pulled his jacket tighter to stave off the chill.

Nicky was sitting down, staring vacantly off into the distance. Shane cautiously approached him.  
“Baby, are you okay?”  
The blonde didn’t respond; he simply continued staring. Shane moved closer and placed his hand on Nicky’s shoulder. The older boy flinched, startled by the sudden touch.  
“Jesus, Shay” Nicky gasped. “How long have you been standing there?”  
“Not long” he leaned down and gave Nicky an apologetic kiss. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you… I thought you knew I was out here”  
Nicky shook his head.  
“Lost in your thoughts?” Shane asked.  
“I guess” Nicky replied, looking away from the brunette and staring down at his hands.  
“Hey,” Shane dropped into the empty chair beside Nicky’s. He reached out and took hold of the blonde’s hand. “Honey, what’s wrong?”  
“Nothing”

Shane stared at the older boy, waiting for him to say something more. He placed his other hand on top of Nicky’s and held it tightly. The singer nervously bit his bottom lip, hesitant to say what he was really thinking.  
“You… Uh… You know those photo’s were completely innocent-“  
Nicky’s gaze shot up and he stared into Shane’s eyes. His lips broke into a wide grin as he glanced at Shane with a bright genuine smile.  
“Of course I do” Nicky said, smiling at his love. “Shay, I’m not an idiot”  
“I didn’t mean… I… I… wasn’t-” Shane stammered.

Nicky raised his other hand and gently stroked Shane’s cheek. The younger boy leaned into the touch as Nicky’s intense gaze held his own.  
“I know you would never do that to me” Nicky stated.  
“Nix-”  
“Seriously, Shay… If you were going to cheat on me, would you have waited this long?”  
“Nicky!”  
“And I would expect better taste, I mean… Kian? You could at least try Robbie Williams or Brad Pitt”  
“Nicky!”  
The blonde was still grinning at him but Shane was feeling slightly shocked.  
“Shane, I love you and I know that you love me” Nicky insisted. “I know you’d never do anything to hurt me and I would never do that to you either”  
Shane nodded his head in understanding.

“Come on, out with it” Nicky said knowing Shane was holding back.  
“I just… What were you thinking about? When I came out here a minute ago” Shane replied. “You were miles away”  
“I was thinking about you”  
Shane snorted. He saw the smile vanish from Nicky’s face, replaced by an expression of hurt and quickly apologized.  
“I’m sorry, Nix…” Shane said. “It’s just, that sounded so cheesy”  
“Cheesy or not, it was the truth Shane”  
“Honey, I-“  
“I was remembering what you did for me last night” Nicky explained. “I’m sorry if that sounds cheesy or lame but it mattered and it meant something to me. I’m sorry if it didn’t to you”

Nicky pulled his hand from Shane’s grasp and stood up. He turned his back on the younger boy and marched back inside. The brunette was still sitting in the chair, wondering what had just happened when the door slammed shut. He stared at Nicky through the window; his hands were starting to feel the cold now they weren’t holding Nicky’s. He pushed them into his pockets and stood up. The singer hurried inside and closed the door, shutting the cold air out.

“Nicky, I’m sorry” Shane said. He folded his arms across his chest, fighting off the chill from outside. “It meant a lot to me too”   
The older boy refused to look at him so he bravely moved a little closer to him.  
“We didn’t plan for it, it just happened” Shane continued. “And that’s a part of what made it so… Special”  
He sat down on the bed beside Nicky and reached out for him but the blonde shrugged him off.  
“I know you were scared and just wanted to be… Comforted and distracted. You wanted to forget about Tobey and I did everything I could think of to make it better for you. You didn’t even flinch, you weren’t hesitant… You were… You were you. And you looked at me with such love and trust. Nicky, you looked so beautiful that, I swear, you took my breath away”  
Nicky slowly turned to look at Shane.  
“When I was out on the balcony, I was thinking…” Nicky paused. “I was wishing…” he stopped, his cheeks flushing. “I was regretting… Not letting you make love to me last night “   
“Oh Nix” Shane whispered.  
He reached for Nicky and the blonde didn’t fight it. Nicky slid into Shane’s arms and buried his face in his lover’s chest. Shane’s hand sneaked around Nicky’s waist, the other resting on the base of his neck. The brunette pressed a kiss to Nicky’s temple.  
“Last night was perfect” Shane insisted. “We didn’t have to go any further than we did”  
“But we could have” Nicky replied.  
“We wouldn’t have though”  
“How do you know that?”  
“Because it wasn’t the right time”

“Is my little prude coming back?” Nicky whispered.  
“Yeah baby” Shane agreed. “I’m suddenly feeling the need to go and do some macho stuff”  
Nicky laughed. “Macho stuff? What’s that?”  
“I have no idea! What do regular guys do when they feel like doing something manly?”  
“Go to the gym, watch football?”  
“How about we just go and eat breakfast instead?”  
“Good idea”

***---***

Bryan and Mark were already in the restaurant enjoying their breakfast when Kian and Fran joined them. Kian was carrying the newspaper and Fran was on the phone. Kian pulled up a chair beside Bryan and dropped the paper on the table.

“Morning” Bryan greeted him.  
“Hey” Kian replied.  
“You okay?”  
“You mean you haven’t heard yet?”  
Kian pushed the paper over to him. “Page eight”

Bryan picked up the paper and opened it. He flicked through the pages until he reached the one Kian had indicated. His jaw dropped. Mark watched him, unable to see the paper.  
“What?” Mark asked. “What’s wrong?”  
“And you said I was way off” Bryan teased Mark.  
He turned the page over to Mark.

“Way off?” Kian asked. “Way off what?”  
“Bryan thinks you’ve got a thing for Shane” Mark said.   
“What? Bryan!”  
“I was merely speculating”  
“Well stop then”

“Have they seen this yet?” Mark asked. Kian nodded.  
“That’s how I found out, Gina saw it. She rang Shane and started abusing him” Kian said.

Mark picked up the paper and examined it more closely. He noted his band mates had been wearing those clothes the previous night so they photographs were recent. He looked at each one carefully, ignoring the captions underneath. Any one of them could easily be taken out of context and obviously had been for the sake of the article.  
His eyes fixated on small sections. The way Shane’s hand was touching Kian’s arm; the tears on Kian’s cheek; Shane’s lips so close to Kian’s ear. The brunette had tuned out Bryan and Kian’s conversation, fixating on the images in front of him. For the briefest moment he felt a surge of jealousy, his fingers tensing around the paper and he just wanted to reach into the photograph and pulled Shane away from Kian.

“Mark?” Bryan asked. “Are you okay?”  
The brunette looked up and saw both Kian and Bryan staring at him.   
“What? I… I’m fine” Mark replied.  
He glanced down at the paper and saw one of his fingers had torn through the page. Hoping no one else had noticed, he closed the newspaper and put it down. He picked up his fork and tried to resume his meal.

“Lads” Fran had ended his phone call and was now sitting at the table with them. Mark hadn’t noticed him and wondered how long he’d been there. The older boy nodded his head towards the door and the three singers looked to where he was indicating. Shane and Nicky had just entered the restaurant.  
They walked over to the table and joined their band mates.

“Morning” Bryan greeted them.  
“Morning” They replied in unison.  
“So, I hear you’ve got a new boyfriend, Shane” Bryan leaped right in.  
“I don’t need a boyfriend, I’ve already got a fiancé” Shane replied.  
“You’ve seen the paper then?” Nicky asked. Bryan and Mark both nodded.

“It’s just tabloid fodder” Shane said. “Fuck ‘em…”   
Shane took hold of Nicky’s hand and raised it to his lips, softly kissing the back of his palm. Nicky smiled at the brunette, his heart skipping a beat. He always secretly loved it when Shane kissed his hand.  
“They can print all the misleading pictures they want” Shane continued. “It won’t change anything here”  
“What about the public and fans who would have read it by now?” Fran asked him.  
“They can believe what they want to believe”  
“Shane’s right” Kian said. “It’s just a fucking tabloid”  
“But Ki… People are gonna start thinking you’re gay” Bryan stated.  
“Well, like Shane said, people can believe what they want to believe… But at the end of the day, who really cares?”


	27. Chapter 27

As Bryan collected his shopping bag from the cashier, he cast a sideways glance at his friend. Mark had been very quiet all morning and Bryan was becoming concerned. Sure, Mark wasn’t an overly talkative person but he always had something to say to Bryan.  
The two singers left the store in silence and continued down the street. The older boy checked his phone and replied to a message from Kerry before noticing the time.

“It’s getting late” Bryan spoke up. “You want to stop somewhere for lunch or go back to the hotel?”   
The brunette shrugged his shoulders. “I can eat now”  
“There’s a pub around the corner, wanna go there?”  
“Yeah, sure, whatever”  
The two of them made their way to the pub Bryan had spotted earlier. They went inside, Bryan ordered meals while Mark went to find a table. The blonde joined him a moment later and placed a beer on the table in front of him.

“So…” Bryan stated. “What happened?”  
“What? When?” Mark asked.  
“What’s gotten into you? What happened to make you go all weird on me?”  
“I’m not acting weird”  
“Marky, you’ve barely said ten words to me since breakfast. You didn’t even tell me what to order for you for lunch”  
“When have I ever had to tell you what to get me?”  
“That’s not the point. It’s not like you to be so sheltered from me. What’s got you so upset?”  
“Nothing”  
“If you don’t want to tell me, fine… But don’t lie to me. I know something’s wrong”  
“Bryan-”

The blonde took a long swig from his drink then turned his full attention to Mark, an expression of concern plastered upon his face.  
“Look,” he began. His voice was firm yet gentle. “I was watching you this morning, when Kian showed us the paper. Why did you react so strongly to what you saw?”  
“I didn’t”  
“Mark, please? Tell me”

The younger boy shifted in his seat, feeling uncomfortable under Bryan’s intense gaze. He looked at the floor, his hands, the table, anywhere but at his friend. He finally looked up when he felt Bryan’s hand on his.

“Mark” Bryan said.  
“Did anyone else notice?” Mark whispered, admitting defeat. He should have known he wouldn’t be able to get one over on Bryan. They knew each other too well for that.  
“No, just me”  
“Well, what did it look like to you?”  
“For some reason, you seemed mad or hurt… Were you?”

Mark took another mouthful of beer before drawing in a deep breath.  
“I know they’re only photos and that Shane and Kian are friends, nothing more… But when I looked at them… I just… Just felt so mad, angry”  
“At Shane?” Bryan asked. “Or both of them?”  
“Shane, mostly… I… I saw him with his hands all over Kian and couldn’t understand why”  
“Why what?”  
“Why his hands were on Kian… I mean, I know Ki was upset, you could see it plain as day in one of the photos. But for some reason, it just felt so wrong. It’s like… Like Shane crossed a line”

He looked up at Bryan and could see the blonde’s mind working a mile a minute. He knew his friend was about to spit out his theory.  
“You saw the pictures and your heart reacted”  
“What?” Mark asked.  
“You’re still in love with Nicky. You saw Shane embracing someone else and you immediately wanted to protect Nicky”  
“But I know Shane & Kian didn’t betray Nicky… That there’s nothing to ‘protect’ him from”   
“That doesn’t matter. You love Nicky and Nicky loves Shane… But Shane with another man would hurt Nicky… It doesn’t matter who the other man is. In this case it was Kian… So we know it was completely innocent but in your heart, you saw Shane doing something that could hurt Nicky”  
“That’s ridiculous, Bryan”  
“Well do you have a better suggestion?”  
“No but what you’re saying doesn’t make any sense”  
“Fine… You were jealous because you only ever want whoever Shane wants”

Mark’s fingers began to curl, his hand quickly folding into a fist. He took a slow deep breath and told himself to count to ten.  
“Bryan” Mark stammered.  
“You wanted another suggestion” Bryan said. “I asked you yesterday if you liked Kian and you laughed it off… Today you see a photo of Kian with Shane and suddenly you’re experiencing feelings of jealousy”

“Look, I told you what was bothering me” Mark stated. “Let’s just drop it now, okay?”  
“Mark, I didn’t mean to upset you” Bryan said.  
“Like I said, just drop it”

The brunette pulled out his phone and climbed to his feet.  
“I have to call Jade, check in and see how she’s doing” he said. Without another glance at Bryan, Mark turned and walked away. The older boy let out a sigh. He hadn’t meant to hurt Mark’s feelings. He’d only been trying to help and now he might have made it worse.

***---***

Nicky and Kian also spent the morning together. They walked around the city for a time, neither one in the mood to shop. Shane had chosen to stay at the hotel but Nicky suspected he didn’t want to be seen out in public with Kian. He knew Shane didn’t have an issue with Kian but he was very weary of what the public and press thought.  
The two singers managed to talk each other’s ears off all morning yet neither of them mentioned the photos. Nicky was also kind enough not to mention Kian’s odd mood swings or ask what was wrong.  
They returned to the hotel before lunch. Kian declined Nicky’s invitation to join him and Shane and the couple didn’t see him again until it was time to leave for the concert.

Nicky was the first to notice that something wasn’t right between Mark and Bryan but he didn’t say anything, choosing not to draw attention. He caught up to Mark on the way to the dressing rooms and pulled him aside.

“Mark? Is everything okay with you and Bryan?” he asked, cutting straight to the point.  
“It’s fine, why wouldn’t it be?” Mark replied.  
“You just seem… I don’t know… Sad”  
“I’m alright, Nix. We… Uh… had a little disagreement but it’ll blow over”  
“Do you want to talk about it?”  
“You want to braid my hair and paint each others nails too?”  
“Mark!”  
“I’m sorry, Nicky” Mark reached up and gently rubbed his temple. “It’s been a long day”  
“When hasn’t it been?”  
“Look, I uh have to go… Get ready… I’ll see ya out there?”  
“Course. See you in a bit”

Nicky gently petted Mark’s arm smiled at him then turned and walked on down the hall. The younger boy watched him go and sighed. Pushing aside thoughts he knew he shouldn’t be having, he turned and walked towards his own dressing room. He opened the door and stepped inside. Bryan was waiting for him.

“Mark, please? I’m sorry” Bryan stated before the door had finished closing. “I didn’t mean to push you… And I… Never should have said what I did… About Shane and Kian and you and… Just, please don’t be annoyed at me anymore”  
“I’m not annoyed or mad, Bry” Mark said. “I just…” he shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess, maybe, Nicky’s still a touchy subject for me”  
Bryan nodded. “I understand. And I promise, I won’t say anything more about it”  
“Good”  
“So… You forgive me?”  
“Like I could stay mad at you”  
“Thanks Mark” 

Unable to resist, Bryan reached out and pulled Mark into a hug. The brunette returned the embrace and Bryan smiled in relief. There was enough unease between his friends, the last thing he wanted was for Mark to feel alienated from him too.

***---***

The concert went well that night despite the tension amongst the band members. Mark had forgiven Bryan but still felt weary around him. He tried to keep his distance from Nicky and Kian, in case Bryan was watching him; Shane was still keeping his interaction with Mark to a minimum so the younger boy spent most of the show playing off the crowd and joking with Bryan.  
Kian was keeping a low profile too, hoping the fans in the audience hadn’t believed the lies that had been printed in the paper. It hadn’t really bothered him since he’d known the story wasn’t true but, in the back of his mind, he couldn’t help fearing what some of the fans may think. The last thing he wanted was to be lynched by fans who thought he was trying to break Nicky & Shane up.

It was a welcome relief to return to the dressing room after the show and collapse. Bryan asked Mark to join him for a drink when they returned to the hotel but the younger boy declined. Once in the cars and on their way back to their hotel, Bryan extended the invitation to Kian who accepted. Fearing what Bryan might say to the blonde after a few beers, Mark changed his mind and decided to join them.

Shane and Nicky chose to skip drinks and stay in their room. Their car was held up in traffic and by the time they reached the hotel, their band mates were already in the bar. Malcolm escorted the couple up to their room. He unlocked the door and went inside, completed a preliminary check then exited.  
Nicky went inside but Shane hung back, wanting to speak to Mal.

“Is there a problem?” Malcolm asked him.  
“Maybe” Shane replied. “But… Not with you…”  
“So, what is it?”  
Shane paused; he was beginning to have second thoughts about saying anything but he’d already mentioned it to Fran. He decided it was better to have another set of eyes keeping track of their room.  
“Nicky thinks someone’s been in our room” Shane admitted.  
“Like, the cleaner?”  
“No… Maybe… He just, he thinks someone’s been going through our stuff. I told Fran this morning but I don’t know what he’s going to do about it”  
“Well, thanks for telling me. Did you want me to do another sweep of the room?”

“Shane!” Nicky screamed.  
The younger boy pushed past Malcolm and into his room; the security guard following behind him. Shane hurried inside and looked around. The bathroom door was open and he made his way over to it. Nicky was standing in the middle of the room, his eyes wide with shock and his hand over his mouth.   
Shane ran to him and wrapped his arms around him. Nicky was trembling and Shane tried to sooth him. The blonde nodded towards the sink and Shane turned to see what had him so spooked.

Malcolm was examining the scene. The sink was filled with red and pink rose petals. Scrawled across the mirror was the word “Soon”. He reached into the pile of rose petals and discovered an envelope. Malcolm held it up and noticed it wasn’t sealed. He opened it and pulled out a piece of paper. It was a picture from the day’s paper of Shane and Kian.   
“He doesn’t love you like I do” Malcolm read aloud.   
Shane hadn’t seen Nicky this shaken and upset for quite some time; the sight scared him. Though not as much as the one which had been left for them to find. Malcolm ushered the two singers back into the room and told them to sit down. Shane led Nicky over to the bed and urged him down onto the mattress while Mal pulled out his phone and called Fran.  
Their head of security arrived mere seconds later. Mal opened the door for him then the two lads made their way into the bathroom. Fran closed the door.

Shane stared at the closed door, wondering what they were saying that they didn’t want him or Nicky to hear. He was tempted to follow and open the door but he couldn’t bring himself to release Nicky. The blonde was clinging to him like his life depended on it; Shane held his lover equally as tight.

“It’s Tobey” Nicky whispered. “I know it is”  
“Not necessarily” Shane tried to reason with Nicky.   
“Well who else would do something like this?”

Shane bit his lip. He didn’t want to say it out loud but he knew who his number one suspect was. As though reading his mind, Nicky pulled away and looked into Shane’s eyes.

“No” Nicky insisted. “It wasn’t him”  
“Nicky-” Shane began.  
“Mark didn’t do this, Shane”   
“I know you want to believe that-”

Nicky severed all contact with Shane. He stood up and moved away from the brunette.   
“Because it’s the truth” Nicky insisted.  
“Think about this logically, Nicky” Shane tried to reason. He reached out but the older boy just moved further away.  
“I am” Nicky replied. “I’m the one thinking logically here, Shane. I mean, can you even hear yourself? Listen to what you’re saying!”  
“I know what I’m saying. And it makes sense! He had motive and opportunity… No one would think twice about him being in our room…”  
“And how would he get a key? When would he have had time to get in here? You’ve been here most of the day and he was with Bryan… Then we were all at the concert together”

The bathroom door opened and Fran stepped into the main room. He saw Shane sitting on the bed and Nicky on the opposite side of the room. Not wanting to get involved, he didn’t comment on their positions.  
“Hotel management is on their way up” he explained. “They’ll want to talk to both of you, of course, then we’ll see about making alternate arrangements for the night. One of you can stay with me and the other…”  
“I’ll stay with Kian” Nicky spoke up.  
“Nicky” Shane tried to argue, not wanting to be apart from him tonight. 

“Well, for now I suggest making sure nothing’s been stolen” Fran said. “Then we’ll move you once management and the Garda have taken statements”  
“Can’t we stay in just one hotel without the Garda being called?” Shane asked.  
Fran smiled, sympathetically, at the couple. Then he went back into the bathroom. Nicky moved towards his suitcase and began to search through his belongings. Nothing appeared to be missing but he couldn’t really remember what he’d brought with him and what he’d left at home.  
Shane remained on the bed, not wanting to get too close to Nicky. He knew the blonde was mad at him and didn’t want to provoke him any further. It frustrated him that Nicky couldn’t see the bigger picture. Of course Mark was the guilty party here.  
Rose petals and a note wasn’t Tobey’s style. His calling cards tended to have a more graphic and sickening twist.

“Nicky?” Shane began.  
“No, I really don’t want to hear it” Nicky replied, turning his back on his lover.

There was a loud knock at the door which effectively silenced the two singers. Fran appeared and opened the door. The hotel manager was accompanied by two officers. Fran ushered the three of them in and they began introductions. The sight of the Garda uniforms made Nicky feel uneasy, remembering the last time he’d seen them so close. He moved back towards the bed and sat down beside Shane. The brunette reached for his hand and the older boy didn’t pull away.

One of the officers accompanied Fran into the bathroom while the other officer began to question the two singers. They were more interested in Nicky’s statement, given that he was the one who’d made the discovery. When asked if either of them suspected who was behind it, Shane bit his lip. Nicky could sense the tension in his lover’s body but before either of them could answer the question, the bathroom door opened once more. The expression on Fran’s face was one both Nicky and Shane were almost too afraid to question.

“I’m sorry, lads” Fran said to them.  
“What?” Shane asked. “What is it?”  
“We found something…. Else… In the sink… Under the rose petals…”

Shane instantly tightened his grip on Nicky’s hand as Officer Connell held up an evidence bag. Nicky didn’t want to look but his eyes were drawn to it. Inside was a pink vibrator. The sight of it sent the blonde into a panic. The color appeared to drain from his face and his hands began to shake. Shane wrapped his arms around his fiancé and held him as tightly as he could. Tears spilled down Nicky’s cheeks as he clung to his lover for comfort and reassurance.   
The brunette felt sick to his stomach; not just for obvious reasons. There was no doubt in his mind now that Nicky was right. Mark wasn’t responsible for this. There was no way he could have known the meaning behind an item like that.

It took some time for Shane to calm Nicky down. He was more than happy to leave the hotel room and relocate to Fran’s. The older lad escorted the couple to his room before leaving them with Graeme. Nicky was still visibly shaken but hadn’t said a word apart from answering questions from Officer Connell. Once they were locked away in Fran’s room, Nicky threw his arms around Shane and buried his face against the brunette’s neck.

“It’s okay” Shane whispered. “It’ll be okay”  
Nicky didn’t respond. He was still too shaken and a part of him was still upset with Shane for his earlier accusation of Mark. But the blonde wasn’t in any mood to fight with his lover. Right now, he was content to remain in Shane’s arms… Where he knew he was safe and loved.  
Shane wanted to apologize but didn’t feel it was the right time. He hoped that Nicky knew he was sorry but he wasn’t going to ease his guilt until he’d apologized.

“He’s getting so close” Nicky sobbed.  
“It’ll be okay, we’re safe now” Shane assured him.  
“Safe? We’ll never be safe… Not at the rate we’re going…”  
Nicky trailed off and Shane remained silent, unsure of what to say next. Several moments passed before Nicky lost it again.  
“Why?” he cried. “Why is he doing this? He’s just… Just playing with us but why? Why drag it out?”

“It’s his way of reminding you that he’s still out there”   
Both Nicky and Shane turned towards the door. Graeme was looking at them with a grave expression upon his face. The couple exchanged a nervous glance.  
“It’s obvious he’s got some serious problems but… For some reason, he’s not ready to make his move yet. He’s biding his time and keeping you on alert at the same time”  
“But why do something like that?” Shane asked. “Why not lay low and come when we least expect it?”  
“Because you’re always going to expect it... At least while it’s fresh in your mind. And he’s not going to wait months to make a move. He wants to get to you and he won’t give up till he’s succeeded”


	28. Chapter 28

With Graeme’s words weighing heavily on their minds, the two singers sat down and waited for Fran to return. Shane pulled out his phone and considered calling Kian but decided against it. He didn’t want to drag their friend’s into this mess any more than they needed to be. Shane put his phone away and reached for Nicky’s hand but the blonde was having none of it.  
The younger boy held back a sigh. He knew this was bad but the last thing he wanted was for Nicky to shut him out. The blonde had suffered enough already and Shane didn’t want him to pay any more.

“You’re still mad at me” Shane whispered.  
“Yes, I am” Nicky snapped.  
“Nicky, I’m sorry” he began but the older boy cut him off.  
“I’m just over it, Shay. You made your point but… just… Grow up! I’m sick of this… This constant vendetta! I get it, okay? You don’t like that Mark has feelings for me, to be honest; I’m not so crazy about it myself”  
“So you agree-“  
“No, I don’t agree with you! I don’t like that Mark cares for me and I can’t do anything to help him. But that doesn’t mean I condone your behavior. How could you possibly think that he would do something like that to us?”  
“Because of what he did to me”  
“He didn’t do anything to you, Shane”  
“I know he did! He tried to take you away from me”  
“I have tried to be patient with you but I just… I don’t know how much longer I can take it. You can’t keep blaming him for something he had no control over”  
“Why do you keep defending him? He hurt both of us here, Nix”  
“And he feels awful…”  
“Of course he feels awful; his plan didn’t work. You’re with me, not him… What is it about him, Nicky? Do you get some kind of thrill out of knowing that he put me through hell because he was… Is… In love with you”  
“How dare you-“

“Lads! Nicky, Shane!” Graeme’s voiced echoed around the room and brought the couple’s argument to an immediate halt.  
At that moment, the door opened and Fran stepped into the room. The tension between his charges made him begin to feel uneasy. He looked to Graeme but the younger man shrugged his shoulders. Fran wasn’t sure what he’d just walked into and he didn’t know if he wanted to find out.

“Is everything okay in here?” Fran asked them.  
“I think they just need a time out” Graeme explained.  
“Well, neither one of you will be returning to your room tonight. You’re both welcome to stay here but-“  
“I’m staying with Kian” Nicky spoke up.  
“Has anyone told him or Bryan and Mark what happened here?” Fran enquired.  
“No” Graeme replied.”I can go down to the bar and get them”  
“Nah, leave them. Let them enjoy their night, we’ll fill them in come morning”  
“Have you got a key for Kian’s room?” Nicky asked Fran. He nodded. 

Shane felt torn. He didn’t like the idea of spending the night apart from Nicky and it hurt him how quickly Nicky jumped at the chance to get away from him. In hindsight though, if they didn’t take a time out soon, their previous argument would, most likely, continue. The brunette admitted defeat, knowing that Nicky would be just as safe with Kian as he would be with him… Maybe even more so, as whoever was after them wouldn’t know that Nicky was with Kian.

Fran handed a key to Nicky and the blonde nodded his thanks. Shane watched as his love picked up his bag and immediately headed towards the door. He took a deep breath and forced himself to move just as Nicky reached the doorway.

“Nix, wait” Shane called.  
The brunette hurried across the room to the older boy’s side. He reached up and placed his hand on Nicky’s cheek.  
“I’m sorry” he whispered.   
“Are you really, Shay?” Nicky replied.  
“Yes, I… I didn’t mean what I said”  
“Sometimes I just can’t be sure”  
Nicky brushed Shane’s hand aside and reached for the doorknob.  
“I love you” Shane insisted. “I’ll miss you”  
“It’s one fucking night, Shane”

The younger boy took a step back, feeling like he’d been punched in the stomach. He remained motionless as Nicky opened the door and disappeared from sight. Graeme followed the blonde, catching Shane’s eye and giving him a sympathetic look. Shane moved without realizing, towards the bed and sank down on the mattress.  
Fran looked at Shane then to the closed door and back to his charge. He wasn’t really sure what to do in this situation but hoped that some time apart might be good for the couple.

*

Nicky unlocked the door to Kian’s room and made his way inside. He switched the light on and dropped his bag in the corner. Graeme followed him into the room and closed the door behind him. He watched for a moment as the blonde circled the room, unsure what to do with himself.

“Are you okay?” Graeme’s voice cut through the silence.  
Nicky turned around and looked at the older lad.  
“I’m… Yeah… I think so” Nicky replied. He sat down on one of the beds and looked up at Graeme. “You don’t have to stay here”  
“I don’t think you should be alone right now”  
“I’m sure Kian will be up soon… He’s been having a lot of early nights lately”  
“Maybe so, but I think I’ll keep an eye on you until he gets here”  
“Would it help if I called him?”  
“Are you trying to get rid of me?”

“No… I’m sorry… It’s just, I’m not used to this” Nicky confessed. “Being followed and having my every move being watched”  
“It’s for your own good” Graeme replied.  
“Didn’t do much good earlier… Or the other day when Shane was nearly shot”  
“You really love him, don’t you?”  
“Of course I do. Why would you even ask me that?”

Nicky watched as Graeme shrugged his shoulders and sat down on the couch.  
“You got pretty mad at him back there” Graeme stated.  
“All couples are allowed to fight” Nicky insisted.  
“I know… But you two seem to fight a lot… I guess, under the circumstances though it seems pretty reasonable”  
“I think we’re afraid for each other” Nicky admitted. “I’m scared something’s going to happen to him… Like before… And I won’t be able to help him… again”  
“And he’s doing all this to protect you… Because he’s scared of losing you”  
“Yeah”  
“It must be hard”  
“It is… But I love him and nothing will ever change that”

“Can I ask you…?” Graeme trailed off and averted his eyes.  
“What?” Nicky replied, looking at the older lad’s face. For some reason Graeme wouldn’t look at him.  
“Are you scared?” he whispered.  
“I’m terrified” Nicky confessed. He reached across and picked up one of the pillows from the bed, hugging it to his chest. “I can’t… I can’t really explain it though. I mean, I’m… I’m scared for both of us but… I feel like we’re just… Just fighting what’s inevitable… You said yourself that he won’t give up until he’s gotten to us”  
“But that’s why I’m here… And Fran and everyone else… To make sure that doesn’t happen. If he gets within ten feet of you, we’ll catch him”  
“And back there? In our hotel room? You didn’t catch him then… I mean, how did he even get in?”  
“He’s a criminal, Nicky… It’s scary when you think about what they’re capable of” 

“In a way, I’m lucky” Nicky stated.  
“Because you have Shane?” Graeme asked him.  
“Well, that too… I just meant that… I know he’s coming for me… I know what he wants to do to me”  
“And that makes you lucky?”  
“No, just… He’s done it all to me before but I can’t remember it”  
“You blocked it out?”  
Nicky shook his head. “Amnesia”  
“Wow”  
“It’s like a gift and a curse at the same time” Nicky continued. He wasn’t sure why he was opening up like this to the older lad but he couldn’t stop himself. “I can’t remember the awful things he did to me… But, at the same time, I’ve lost memories of Shane and our friends and other really important things… Memories that I want back, more than anything but… But if it means those bad memories will come back too…” Nicky shrugged. “I just don’t know if I can live with both”

Graeme slowly nodded his head. He understood where the younger lad was coming from. A part of him felt, genuinely, sad for the blonde. He’d barely lived and his life was already filled with pain and fear.  
Nicky reached up and wiped a few stray tears from his eyes. He tried to shrug them off but Graeme had already seen them. For some reason, Nicky wasn’t embarrassed at crying in front of the older lad. He shook his head, trying to push his admission aside.  
Graeme took the hint and changed the subject.

**--**

Kian and Mark walked quietly down the hallway. It was very late and they were trying their best to be quiet. Neither of them could remember how many drinks they’d had and both were swaying from side to side. Mark was holding onto Kian’s shoulder to balance himself.

“You’re…. Sure?... Can stay… You?” Mark slurred his words.  
Kian nodded his head but the action made him feel dizzy so he stopped.

The blonde knew what Mark had been trying to say. Kerry had turned up in the bar to surprise Bryan. The blonde had immediately excused himself and escorted her up to the room he shared with Mark. Kian had remained in the bar with his band mate and the drinks seemed to keep on coming.  
With Kerry in Bryan’s room, Mark had wanted to give them some privacy. He asked, while they were both still sober, if he could stay in Kian’s room that night. Had Kian been completely sober, he probably wouldn’t have agreed… Or he would have but he would have avoided alcohol for the rest of the night.

Now the two singers were stumbling down the hall. Kian was very aware of Mark’s hand on his shoulder, could feel the heat radiating off it, burning through his shirt and setting his skin on fire. It was a challenge to remember to put one foot in front of the other. He immediately wished he’d stopped drinking hours ago.

“’m sorry” Mark whispered in his ear.

Kian nearly jumped out of his skin. He’d not realized how close Mark’s lips were to his face. The brunette was leaning heavily against him but it felt too good to push him away.  
“Sorry?” Kian asked. “Why?”  
“Was mad” Mark replied. “Those photos”

Kian shook his head. Those damned photos! He longed to hunt down whoever took them and punch them, like he’d done to… to… He couldn’t remember the persons’ name but it didn’t seem important right now.

“I know” Kian replied. “I didn’t… I wouldn’t… I mean… Shane?”  
He knew he wasn’t making much sense but he hoped Mark would understand him.  
“Never” Kian continued. “To Nicky… and Shane”  
“I know” Mark replied. “Sorry… was… jealous”

Kian thought he must have misheard the younger boy. He turned to say something and tripped, sending both of them to the floor. Mark landed on top of the blonde; Kian’s body was pinned beneath his.  
For a moment, the blonde’s breath caught in his throat and he couldn’t speak. Every thought in his head and each drop of his blood all travelled south and converged between his legs. From his position beneath Mark, he knew that the younger boy could feel it too. Kian wasn’t sure what to do. He couldn’t move and his brain seemed to have vacated his body.

Mark stared down at the blonde beneath him. Their bodies were pressed so tight together. The younger boy could feel Kian’s hardness pressing against his own and nervously licked his lips. He reached up and gently brushed his finger along the blonde’s cheek. Their faces were centimeters apart; Kian knew that this was his chance. He leaned closer, bridging the gap between them. 

The sound of his phone ringing was enough to bring him to his senses. Mark shifted his weight, releasing the older boy and averting his eyes. Kian struggled to remove his phone from his pocket. Cursing whoever was calling him, the blonde punched the answer button before snapping into the phone.

“What?” he demanded.  
“Where *are* you?”  
The voice that greeted him wasn’t familiar and sounded very agitated.  
“Huh? Who is this?” Kian replied.

One of the doors along the hall opened and a lone figure stepped out into the hall. Kian and Mark, who were both still on the floor, looked up.  
Graeme pulled the door to and turned around. He immediately spotted the two singers on the ground.

“Kian, Mark” he greeted them  
“What were you doing in my room?” Kian demanded as he struggled to get to his feet.  
“Waiting for you to get back… Are you drunk?”  
“So what if I am?”

“Okay” Graeme said, sighing. He slid his phone into his pocket then walked down the corridor towards the two lads. Kian was looking at him with an unreadable expression on his face. He reached out and grabbed the blonde’s arm, forcing Kian to look at and focus on him. “You have to listen to me”  
Mark was on his feet now, watching them closely and feeling very confused.  
“Nicky’s in your room” Graeme stated. “Someone got into his room and left a surprise for your friends”  
“Are they okay?” Mark asked.  
“They’re fine, a little shaken up though… But we had to move them, for their own piece of mind as much as for security. Shane’s in with Fran but Nicky insisted on staying with you… I’ve been in there with him most of the night. He’s asleep right now but I’m not meant to leave him alone…”

Kian and Mark exchanged a look. If Nicky was in Kian’s room then it didn’t leave anywhere for Mark to sleep unless he shared Kian’s bed. They both seemed to have realized this at the same moment.

“Uh” Kian began. “Listen, Graeme… Kerry turned up a little while ago and is staying with Bryan in his and Mark’s room… Mark was going to sleep with… Sleep in my room but if Nicky’s in there then…”  
“Hey, no worries” the older lad replied. “Mark, you can crash with me”

He finally released Kian, assured that the younger boy had heard and understood everything he’d just said to him. He looked from one to the other.   
“Well, it’s late and I’m beat” Graeme stepped around the two lads and headed to his own room. “You coming?” he asked Mark.

Mark looked from Graeme to Kian and back again. A part of him wanted to check on Nicky but if the blonde was asleep then there wasn’t anything he could do for him.  
“He’ll be okay” Kian assured him. “If he wakes up I’ll tell him you were worried about him”  
“No,” Mark replied. “Don’t tell him… Just, keep an eye on him, okay?”  
“I will”

Kian watched as Mark nodded his head then followed Graeme down the hall. The two lads then disappeared inside the older lad’s room, the door silently closing behind them. Kian made his way to his own room and quietly unlocked the door. He went inside and closed then locked the door behind him.  
The blonde turned around and spotted Nicky, fast asleep, on the spare bed. He walked over and switched the light off, not wanting it to wake the older boy. Kian kicked off his shoes and pulled off his jacket, shirt and jeans before climbing into his own bed.  
He lay awake in the darkened room, staring into the blackness. He was suddenly wide awake and not even feeling the slightest bit drunk. 

His heart was pounding in his chest. He’d come so close to making the biggest mistake of his life. Had his phone not rung, he would have kissed Mark. There was no doubt in his mind. He knew that he would have done it and once he’d gone there, he’d never be able to take it back.  
His body was starting to betray him once more. He could remember what it felt like to be pinned beneath the younger boy. In their drunken state, who knows how far they might have gone? Mark had to have known what Kian had been about to do and he hadn’t tried to stop him.  
Kian blinked back a fresh wave of tears that seemed to have come from nowhere.  
Of course Mark had been just as drunk as him. Maybe the younger boy hadn’t known what was on Kian’s mind… Maybe Mark had been drunk enough to pretend that Kian was actually Nicky and that was why he hadn’t tried to fight it.

The blonde rolled over and could just make out the outline of Nicky’s body in the opposite bed. He was really starting to understand how Mark felt now; what it must be like for Mark, seeing Nicky with Shane… Kian could share in Mark’s heartache.  
The younger boy was still head over heels in love with Nicky… And Kian was dangerously close to being head over heels for Mark. 

**--**

Shane didn’t say much while Fran made endless phone calls and was in and out of the room all night. The brunette sat on the couch with the TV on and watched as Fran ran back and forth and answered calls and returned calls and hung up on various people.   
He didn’t pay any attention to what was on the screen before him; he focused more on what Fran was saying and who he was talking to.  
By the end of the night, he hadn’t learned anything useful. No one had any leads. No one knew who had been in his and Nicky’s room; how they had gotten in or when they had come or gone. 

Shane’s favorite moment had been when Fran had gotten into an argument with someone from hotel security. It had been both exciting and terrifying to witness. The head of security had admitted the cameras had been off for maintenance between 2pm and 7pm so they had no video footage of the hall outside their hotel rooms.  
Fran completely lost it, threatening everything from moving to a different hotel to suing every person on security’s payroll. Once he kicked him out of the room, Fran collapsed on his bed.

The younger lad wasn’t sure what he was supposed to say or do. He chose to do nothing, leaving Fran a few minutes to collect himself. After a few deep breaths, Fran managed to compose himself and got up. He walked over to Shane and apologized to him.

“None of this is your fault” Shane said to him.  
“We chose this hotel because it had the best security” Fran explained. “This shouldn’t have happened! I don’t understand how it did…”  
“Fran” Shane began.  
“No” Fran continued. “How could they turn their cameras off and not tell us? Anyone could have just walked in off the street”  
“They knew which room was ours”  
“Exactly”  
“They must have been watching us or known somehow… Could they have hacked the hotel’s computer system?”  
“I don’t know… But even if they did, you’re not registered under your real names”

“But everyone else is, right?” Shane asked.  
“Security yes but none of you lads” Fran explained.  
“Then how did they know? How could they have figured out which room was ours?”  
“I don’t know, Shane… I’m sorry but I have no idea… But I will find out”

“Fran, come on… We’re only here for a few more days. How can you possibly figure it out before we have to move on?” Shane asked him.  
“I don’t know” Fran replied. “But I’m going to try”


	29. Chapter 29

The first thing Nicky did when he awoke the following morning was reach out to touch Shane but the younger boy was not beside him. Within three seconds the events of the previous night came rushing back to him and he closed his eyes again. Shaking his head and burrowing further beneath the duvet, the blonde couldn’t face another day. He wasn’t ashamed to admit that he was scared; he’d said as much to Graeme last night. Someone had been in their hotel room. Someone had purposely left *that* for him to find. Someone who knew exactly what that meant to him. There was no doubt in his mind that Tobey was behind it… Whether he’d done it personally or had someone act on his behalf, Nicky wasn’t sure but he did know that Tobey was in some way responsible.

Nicky squeezed his eyes shut tighter and clenched his fists. He was still furious at Shane. He couldn’t believe that Shane thought Mark was the guilty party. Sure, he’d realized that he was wrong but the damage had already been done.  
The blonde opened his eyes and looked over at the other bed. Kian was still asleep. He slowly sat up, being careful not to make any noise that would awaken his band mate, and climbed out of bed. He crossed the room, went inside the bathroom and closed the door.

*

The sound of running water woke Kian. He sat straight up in bed, looking around in confusion and wondering who was using his shower. When he saw the unmade bed beside his, he remembered that Nicky had spent the night in his room. The blonde sighed and lay back down. His head was pounding and he couldn’t think straight.  
A wave of memories crashed over him and he clenched his fists closed. He was going to have to talk to Mark; play the ‘drunken’ card and hope the younger boy didn’t get mad at him.

Kian was still rubbing his head and praying for his headache to go away when Nicky emerged from the bathroom. The older boy wasn’t his usual self. Nicky’s hair was not styled properly, still wetly plastered to his head. His shirt hadn’t been ironed either. Kian tried to remember what the older blonde had been wearing the previous day, it wasn’t like him to wear the same thing two days in a row… Whatever had happened must have really shaken him.

“Hey Ki” Nicky said as he sat down on Kian’s bed.  
“Hey” Kian replied. He reached out and placed his hand on Nicky’s arm. “Are you okay?”  
“I guess…” 

When Nicky didn’t elaborate, Kian’s curiosity got the better of him and he was forced to press the issue.  
“What happened?” he asked. “Graeme didn’t tell us any details”  
“Us?” Nicky replied.  
“Uh… I was in the hall with Mark… See, Kerry turned up to surprise Bryan and I told Mark that he could crash in here… We were on our way back when Graeme called me and said something had happened and that you were in here”  
“So where’s Mark?”  
“He stayed with Graeme”  
“Oh, okay”  
“But that’s not the issue here… What happened to you? Is Shane okay?” 

“Yeah, it’s all okay, I guess” Nicky replied. He stared down at his hands while nervously playing with a loose thread on the duvet. “Someone broke into our room and left… a surprise for me”  
“By ‘someone’ you mean…?” Kian asked. Nicky nodded his head.  
“I’m sorry, Nicky” Kian said, gently squeezing his friend’s arm.

“Thanks, but it’s not like it’s your fault”   
“There’s more, isn’t there?” Kian said. “There’s a reason you’re in here and Shane isn’t, right?”  
“Yeah” Nicky confessed. “We had a… Disagreement”  
“You want to talk about it?”  
“Not really… He knows he was wrong but the damage is already done”  
“Nicky-”  
“It’s no big deal… We’ll sort it”

Kian could tell from the tone of Nicky’s voice that his friend wasn’t really sure.  
“Sort what?” Kian asked. “Come on, Nix. You crashed in here last night for a reason. The least you can do is tell me what it was”  
Nicky sighed then shook his head.  
“I’m sorry, Ki” the older boy began. “You always seem to get stuck in the middle”  
“You know you can trust me, right?”  
“Of course… It’s just… It’s Shane… and I… I don’t know how much more I can take”

That wasn’t what Kian had been expecting to hear. He looked up at his band mate but didn’t say anything. Nicky wouldn’t meet his eye so Kian didn’t push him. He squeezed the older boy’s arm again, letting him know he was there for him.  
“I know he’s just as scared as I am” Nicky continued. “But that’s no excuse for… For the way he’s been acting and… and thinking”  
“Nicky, I’m sorry but I have no idea what you’re talking about” Kian said.

The older boy shook his head again.  
“You wouldn’t believe me anyway… I don’t want to believe it” Nicky continued. “I just… When I found that… Stuff… in our room and I… I knew who had done it… Why they’d done it… But Shane…” Nicky finally looked up and meet Kian’s eye. “Shane thought Mark had done it”  
“What?” Kian’s cry of outraged shock was louder than he intended it to be.  
“I know” Nicky said, now nodding his head. “I know that there was no way it was him… I mean, Mark would never do something like that”  
“Damned right he wouldn’t…. But I thought Shane was getting better with… with the whole Mark situation”  
“I did too”  
“So… What does this mean?”  
“What do you mean?”  
“What do you mean what does this mean?”  
“Kian!”  
“Sorry… I just meant…What do we do now? Do we tell Mark that Shane still doubts him or not? Should we make this worse for them? I… I don’t think I want Mark to know that… It’ll just make him feel worse than he already does”  
“You know… He was acting odd yesterday…”  
“What? So now you think he’s guilty too? Just because he was having an off day?”  
“No! I never said that… I was just saying…”  
“He had a fight with Bryan about something is all”  
“Okay… I believe you… And I swear, I never once thought it was him… I know Mark wouldn’t do that to us”

“I know too” Kian said. He slowly eased his grip on Nicky’s arm. “So, you really do think it was Tobey?”  
Nicky nodded his head. “Yeah… He uh… He left something of a calling card… And that was what made Shane realize he was wrong about it being Mark”  
“Well, so long as he knows he was wrong and can admit his mistake”  
“Don’t you get it, Ki? That’s exactly the problem” Nicky stated. “The fact that his first suspect *was* Mark. Shane shouldn’t be thinking like that… Not anymore… He’s supposed to be working through it… He knows, even if he won’t admit it, that Mark didn’t do anything wrong… That he never meant to hurt us… But Shane still thinks he is… Shane’s convinced that Mark’s still in love with me and wants to break us up”

The younger boy averted his eyes.  
“He is still in love with you, Nicky” Kian admitted. “I can see it whenever he looks at you”  
Nicky wiped fresh tears from his eyes.  
“You mean… Like you love him?” Nicky asked.

Kian‘s entire demeanor changed in a flash. He went from sad and hurt to angry and defensive.  
“What are you talking about?” Kian demanded. “What did Shane say to you? I knew he couldn’t keep his mouth shut”  
“Nothing… No.. Ki… It wasn’t Shane” Nicky replied. “I’m not an idiot, okay? I have eyes! I know Shane & I have had a lot going on but it doesn’t mean we’re oblivious to the world around us…”  
The older boy reached out and placed his hand on top of Kian’s.  
“I’ve seen the way you look at him” Nicky stated. “You’re falling for him, aren’t you?”

As Kian looked into Nicky’s eyes, he couldn’t hold back the tears. He started crying and didn’t even try to stop. The older boy smiled, sympathetically, at his friend before wrapping his arms around him in a tight embrace.  
“I screwed up” Kian sobbed. “I never should have… I don’t even know how it happened”  
“Hey, it’s okay” Nicky assured him.  
The younger boy pulled away and looked at his friend through tear-filled eyes. He reached up and tried to wipe the tears away.  
“I didn’t mean to” Kian insisted. “I didn’t want to… To feel this way about him”  
“You shouldn’t be ashamed”  
“Like he shouldn’t be ashamed of how he feels about you?”  
“That’s different, Ki… I don’t return his feelings”  
“And you think he could ever return mine? He’s still too hung up on you”  
“I’m sorry, Kian… Really… But that… That’s not really my fault” Nicky tried to explain. “I never encouraged him… I never wanted him to feel that way about me”  
“How can I make it stop?”  
“I… I don’t know… But why would you want to? Don’t you want to be with him?”  
“I don’t want to play second fiddle to you. No offense, Nix but I know he can’t return my feelings until he’s over you”  
“And maybe he needs someone else to come along and help him get over his unreciprocated feelings?”  
“I don’t want a pity fuck either”

Kian leapt up and climbed off the bed. He began to pace up and down the room.  
“I didn’t mean it like that, Ki” Nicky tried again to explain.  
“I… I don’t expect you to understand, Nicky” Kian stated. “I know you hate that he cares for you… And that you want him to stop… I just… I don’t want to be gay, okay?”  
“And you think I did… Do?”  
The younger boy stopped his pacing a shrugged his shoulders.  
“It’s just that… I never… I’ve never wanted another lad before… And maybe I never will… I don’t know… It just… I know how I feel about him but…”

Nicky didn’t say anything, waiting for Kian to continue. The younger blonde had trailed off and didn’t appear to want to carry on the conversation. Nicky maintained his silence and watched Kian closely.  
In a way, he understood what his band mate was going through. Every thought and feeling he was experiencing was something Nicky himself had once thought or felt. Sure, the circumstances were a little different but the basic elements were there.

“I don’t know what you want me to say” Nicky confessed.  
“Don’t say anything, okay?” Kian replied. He sank down onto the bed, not looking at the older boy.  
“But… Can I just ask…?” Nicky paused. “Why do you think you screwed up?”

Kian groaned and buried his face in his hands. His response was so muffled that Nicky couldn’t understand a word of it.  
“Ki?” Nicky reached out and took hold of one of Kian’s hands, pulling it away from his face. “Say it again… But slower, okay?”  
“I can’t be falling for him… He’s our friend and our band mate…”  
“Shane and I were friends… Band mates… And we fell in love”  
“Yeah but everyone can see that that was meant to be… Mark and I… It would never work… Not the way you and Shane do”

“Oh yeah” Nicky replied, sarcastically. “Because we’re such a good example of a perfect couple… We’ve had to cope with kidnappings and assaults and death threats and-”  
“I know… I know… The circumstances of your relationship isn’t exactly perfect but… But if you weren’t meant to be together then you never would have lasted this long. What you two have is solid and… and… it’s just… Right…”   
“Kian-”

Knock! Knock!

Nicky stopped and looked to the door. Kian shook his head then stood up. Instead of walking towards the door, he turned and went into the bathroom. Nicky heard the door close then lock and he sighed. He wondered if anything he’d said to his friend had helped him at all.  
The blonde slid off the bed and walked over to the door. He looked through the peephole and saw Shane standing in the hall with Fran. Nicky reached down and gripped the doorknob.

When Shane’s eyes met with Nicky’s, his first instinct was to pull the blonde into his arms and never let him go but there was something stopping him. Shane could see the look of hurt disappointment lingering in his lover’s eyes.

“Morning Nicky” Fran greeted him.  
“Morning” Nicky replied.  
“You sleep okay?”  
“Kian doesn’t really snore, if that’s what you mean”  
It wasn’t but Fran didn’t press the issue.  
“Where is Kian?”  
“Bathroom”  
Fran peered up and down the hall.  
“You mind if we come in?” he asked Nicky.  
“Oh, right… Sorry”

Nicky stepped aside, holding the door open for Shane and Fran. Once inside, Nicky pushed the door firmly closed, making sure it was locked.  
“We have to talk about what happened” Fran said, jumping straight to the point.  
“What’s to talk about?” Nicky asked.

Fran indicated for both his charges to sit down. Nicky dropped onto the bed he’d slept in. Shane moved towards him before changing his mind and sitting down on Kian’s unmade one.  
“Safety has been breached” Fran stated. “And I take the security and safety of each and every one of my charges very seriously”  
“Obviously, that’s what we’re paying you for”  
“Our entire security detail will need to be re-evaluated. All our carefully laid out plans will need to be restructured. Every aspect of security needs to be checked and rechecked”

“You don’t think someone we’ve hired is behind this?” Shane asked.  
“I can’t be sure” Fran replied. “I sincerely hope not. They’re a good bunch of lads whom all appear to be good at their jobs and very dedicated”  
“If it was one of them, don’t you think they would have done something more drastic?”  
“Honestly? Yes… Something petty like this would just be a way of blowing their cover. If one of them were behind this, they wouldn’t reveal themselves until the time was right”

“So… What do we have to do?” Nicky asked.  
“That’s up to you” Fran said, looking from Nicky to Shane.  
“What do you mean?”  
“Do you want me to fire them all and hire an all new security detail? Because all you have to do is say the word and they’re all gone”  
“What? No” Nicky replied.  
“We can’t do that, Fran” Shane added.

“Okay, that’s a start” Fran continued. “Are there any you don’t trust or don’t feel comfortable around?”   
“No” they replied in unison.  
“Well, there was that one…” Nicky said.  
“Gone already… Kian took care of that” Shane replied.  
“Where is he now? He got fired; maybe he’s the one who did this?” Nicky thought out loud. “You know, to get back at us for firing him?”  
“Wouldn’t he have gone after Kian then?” Shane asked. “And he wouldn’t have known the meaning behind the pink-”  
“You’re right” Nicky cut him off before he could finish. “Unless he was in on it from the start and now that he’s been fired, he’s still trying to get the job done”

Fran shook his head.  
“Scott’s long gone” he said. “He definitely wasn’t behind this… Besides, I went through the security tape from the lobby and he didn’t appear at all. Scott wasn’t in this hotel yesterday”  
“But lots of other people were”  
“Okay, lads… I know this is going to be hard for the two of you but you have to try not to worry about this anymore. That’s my job, okay? You just have to worry about the tour and your concerts. It’s my job to worry about your safety and security, okay?”  
For the first time since Shane entered the room, his eyes met with Nicky’s. Neither one of them spoke though.  
“Now… Sleeping arrangements” Fran continued. Both lads turned and looked at him.

“They can both stay here” Kian’s voice made all three of them jump. None of them had seen or heard him exit the bathroom. “That is, of course, if Nicky wants Shane here”   
The look that passed between Kian and Nicky did not go unnoticed by Shane. It hurt him a little, wondering what Nicky had said to Kian while they’d been alone the previous night.

“I don’t know if that’s such a good idea” Fran replied for the couple.  
“What? You don’t trust me to look after them?” Kian asked.  
“It’s not that”  
“Then what? We’re only going to be here for a couple more days anyway… Surely it’s the best solution for now”

Fran didn’t respond, thinking it over. Shane looked at Nicky, hopefully. He didn’t want to spend another night away from his lover and hoped the blonde would agree.  
“I don’t see any other solution” Nicky replied. “As much as I’d like to pack my bags and run away, we can’t… Even changing hotels probably won’t make any difference. Tobey’s just fucking with us. He wants to remind me that he’s out there and can get to me… I hate to say this but I don’t think he’ll do anything to hurt me… He… He wants me alive and in one piece for… For…”   
Nicky trailed off but the others knew exactly what he meant. 

“If you want them to stay with you then just say so” Kian said to Fran. “You think you can do a better job than I can-”  
“It’s nothing like that, Kian… But the reason I’m here is for their protection”

“How about you include us in your discussion?” Shane interrupted. “I mean, it is *our* safety you’re so concerned about”  
“Shane-” Fran began.  
“I want to stay here, with Kian” Nicky stated.  
“And I want to be wherever Nicky wants to be… If he’ll let me” Shane added.

For a moment, their eyes met. Fran looked at each of them then released a sigh.  
“Ideally,” he said. “I’d prefer one of you with me and the other with another member of security”  
“Well, what exactly can they do that Kian can’t?” Shane asked.

As he stared at the three lads, Fran knew he wasn’t going to win this one.  
“Okay, fine…” he reluctantly agreed. “Until we move on to Newcastle, you can all stay here”

Fran’s phone began to ring and he reached for it.  
“I’ll check in with you after breakfast” he said before answering the phone. He turned and left the room, the door closing silently behind him. Nicky, Shane and Kian all sat in silence, none of them knowing what to say.

Without warning, Nicky began to cry. His own words echoed in his head. Mostly the unsaid ones about Tobey and his intentions. They all came crashing down at once and he couldn’t hold back the tears any longer. Shane was by his side in an instant, his arms wrapped around the blonde and holding him close. They stayed like that for quite some time as Shane whispered soothing words to his love. Kian watched them, not saying anything. He didn’t want to intrude on this moment between his friends. Nicky was upset and Shane was all he needed to ease his pain.


	30. Chapter 30

Mark awoke with a dry throat and a pounding headache. He tried to groan but no sound passed his lips. It was a struggle to open his eyes. Once he finally managed that simple task, he looked around in confusion. The singer wasn’t in his hotel room. Yes, he was in a hotel room but it wasn’t his own. The furniture was arranged differently and lacked a table plus his and Bryan’s suitcases were nowhere in sight.  
He slowly sat up, immediately wishing he hadn’t attempted it so soon after waking, and looked around for some sign as to whose room he was in.

The bathroom door opened and Graeme emerged. His hair was damp and he was towelling it dry. Mark stared at him in confusion. The older lad glanced over and saw him. He smiled at him.

“Oh, good, you’re awake” Graeme said.  
“Uh… I…” Mark had trouble forming a legible sentence.

Graeme nodded towards the bedside table. Mark turned and found a bottle of water waiting for him. He reached out, opened it then downed nearly half the bottle in one attempt. He coughed and spluttered for a moment. Graeme hurried over to make sure he wasn’t choking.

“I’m okay” Mark waved him away. “Uh… What am I doing here?”  
“You don’t remember?” Graeme asked.  
The question sent his mind racing while his stomach dropped, making him feel ill.  
“Oh God” he groaned. “We didn’t…? I mean, you and I?”

Seeing the look on Mark’s face nearly sent Graeme into a fit of laughter. He tried to suppress it but failed. The older boy then felt awful for laughing at the singer.  
“Uh, no” he replied. “We didn’t”  
“Thank god” Mark sighed in relief as he sank back against the headboard.  
“Gee, thanks”  
“No, I didn’t mean it like that! I just… I can’t remember anything and I would feel really bad if I slept with someone and had no memory of it later”  
“So… You must be pretty confused then, huh?”  
Mark nodded his head.

“You,Kian & Bryan all went drinking last night” Graeme filled him in.  
“That part I figured out on my own” Mark replied.  
“Anyway, Kerry turned up and the happy couple basically booted you from your room. You were going to stay with Kian but… Someone broke into Nicky & Shane’s room yesterday so we had to relocate them. Nicky ended up in with Kian and Shane stayed with Fran… Basically, you’re here because I happened to be in the right place at the right time and had a spare bed for you”

“Is Nicky okay?” Mark asked. “And Shane? What happened?”  
“They’re fine. They weren’t in the room at the time. But Fran’s going nuts trying to figure out what happened and how they got in etc …He’s called a meeting for us security lads so we can rethink all the security protocols”  
“What do you think happened?”  
“I have no idea… But I was hired to protect your friends and I don’t like it when things like this slip by me”  
Mark nodded in understanding.

“Anyway, I have to go…”  
Graeme walked over to his suitcase and finished getting dressed. He went back into the bathroom and put the towel aside before returning. He picked up his phone and his key then headed for the door.  
As he reached out to open it, he turned back and looked at Mark. The younger boy was still sitting in bed, looking at him.  
“Listen,” he said to the singer. “You’re welcome to stay here for as long as Kerry’s here… Or even after she’s gone home”  
“Thanks” Mark replied.

With his hand still on the doorknob, Graeme continued to look at Mark.  
“What?” Mark asked him. “What’s wrong?”  
“Nothing” he replied. “So… You really have no memory at all of last night?”  
“No… Nothing… Which is weird, I usually can piece together most of it but” he shrugged his shoulders. “Well, hopefully I didn’t do anything I need to apologize for”  
“Yeah, hopefully”

With a wave goodbye, Graeme disappeared out the door. Mark watched him go, reluctant to get out of bed and confused as to why he couldn’t remember anything. All he could figure was that he’d been drinking something he wasn’t accustomed to and had too much of it.  
He looked at the clock and realized he needed to get moving if he was going to meet the other lads for breakfast. The brunette climbed out of bed and went into the bathroom. A quick shower before returning to his room would do him a world of good.

**--**

Nicky, Shane and Kian were already downstairs when Bryan and Kerry joined them at their table. They were both smiling and looking happier than the others had seen them for some time. Shane realized no one had told them what had happened the previous day.

Nicky leapt to his feet and hugged Kerry. She grinned as she returned his embrace.  
“Kerry,” Shane began. “What are you doing here? Not that we’re not happy to see you”  
“I had to talk to Bryan and didn’t want to do it over the phone” she replied.  
“Oh, this sounds serious” Shane said.  
“No, it’s fine… Where’s Mark?”  
“Yeah, shouldn’t he be here already?” Bryan spoke up. “He crashed with you, didn’t he?” Bryan looked at Kian as he spoke.  
“Sorry about that, by the way” Kerry added.

“Uh, Mark didn’t stay with me” Kian told them.   
“Did you two get into another fight?” Bryan asked them. “Cause Mark’s been on edge for the past few days and-”  
“No, it’s nothing like that” 

“Mark couldn’t stay with Ki last night” Nicky began. “Because I did”  
“What?” Bryan exclaimed.  
Kerry didn’t speak, looking from Nicky to Shane then back again.  
“It’s complicated” Shane said to them. “Someone was in our room during the concert last night and Fran thought it best if we not stay there… I crashed with him and Nix stayed with Ki”  
“So… You two are okay? You’re not fighting or anything?” Kerry asked.  
“We’re okay, Kerry” Nicky replied.

The two singers told their friends the full story while they waited for Mark to make an appearance. The brunette finally turned up and took his seat at the table. After greeting everyone, he realized that Kian wouldn’t meet his eye. Fearing he’d done something wrong, he made a mental note to apologize to him as soon as they were alone together.

“Mark, we’re glad you’re finally here” Bryan said. “Kerry & I have an announcement to make”  
Nicky’s eyes lit up and he looked at Kerry.  
“You’re pregnant!” he blurted out. Bryan’s face fell as Nicky stole his moment.

The older lad immediately realized what he’d done and quickly apologized.  
“I’m sorry, Bryan” he said as he stood up and leaned over to hug Kerry again. “I just… When you said ‘announcement’ and you were both grinning and I… It just slipped out”  
“Its okay, Nicky” Kerry replied as she stood up. “You’re right, I’m pregnant”

There were hugs all around as they all celebrated Bryan and Kerry’s happy news. For the remainder of breakfast, no one mentioned or even thought about Tobey or how close he’d been the day before. For the hour that followed, they were all able to pretend their lives were normal and were happy to celebrate with their friends.

As they were finishing up, Fran entered the restaurant and asked to speak to Nicky and Shane. The couple agreed and followed him from the room. Bryan and Kerry were still happy and cheerful and Kian decided to leave them be. He excused himself and returned to his room. Mark watched him leave, wanting to follow him but not sure what to say to him. He let the opportunity pass him by and stayed in the restaurant with his friends instead.

*

The rest of the morning was hard for Nicky and Shane. Fran had pulled them aside to bring them into a security meeting. They joined the older lad and the other members of their security in Fran’s room.  
Fran was at the table, a notebook open in front of him and a pen in his hand, Colin sat in the chair opposite him; Nicky and Shane were sitting together on the bed Shane had slept in the previous night. Malcolm and Billy were on the couch, Graeme sat on Fran’s bed.

Fran went through every single plan they’d already devised to keep their charges safe then looked to everyone in the room and asked for better suggestions.  
“I’m not happy about this” he said. “I don’t like that they managed to get past us. We failed to do our jobs yesterday and I’m not going to let that happen again”  
“Fran, take it easy” Nicky tried to reassure their friend.  
“No, he’s right” Malcolm said. “I messed up. I should have searched the room better… If I’d just turned the light on…” he looked at the couple on the bed. “You shouldn’t have had to find that… I’m really sorry”  
Nicky waved his hand, indicating that it was okay. He didn’t blame Malcolm in any way. Nor did he believe that any of the people in Fran’s room were responsible for what happened.

Shane looked around the room, trying to determine if any of the lads looked uncomfortable or smug. He didn’t want to think that one of them had done it but since Mark was no longer a suspect, Shane was starting to question the people who worked for them.  
His main suspect now was Malcolm… Despite the apology, Shane didn’t understand how the older boy could miss something like that. He was starting to believe that Malcolm was involved in some way… Even if he hadn’t been the perpetrator, he most likely knew who was.

Fran was still talking but Shane hadn’t heard a word of it. Nicky knew the brunette had tuned out and nudged him, trying to get him to pay attention. His lover smiled at him, sheepishly, and then turned his attention back to Fran.

The meeting went on for quite some time and even Nicky found his concentration wavering. He knew it was wrong and that he needed to pay attention. That all of this was to keep him safe but the reality was sometimes too overwhelming. His hand was shaking and he reached for Shane’s, taking comfort from the brunette’s touch.

After what felt like hours, Fran sent the couple on their way, saying they would continue without them. Taking Nicky’s hand, Shane led the blonde from the room. Once out in the hall, they both stopped and looked at each other.  
They were completely alone for the first time in weeks. They could go wherever they wanted and do whatever they felt like doing. Nicky held onto Shane’s hand and started to lead him down the hall, towards the stairs. The couple moved in silence, Shane didn’t question where they were going.

A moment later, Nicky opened the door and the couple found themselves by the pool. Kerry and Bryan were there but they kept their distance. Nicky and Shane made their way over to some lawn chairs and sat down in the sun. Other hotel guests were roaming and lounging by the pool but none of them paid any attention to the two singers.

“I’m sorry” Nicky said. “But I didn’t want to go back to Kian’s room…”  
“Me neither” Shane replied. “We’ve been cooped up too long as it is”  
“Feels weird, not having anyone watching us… Security, I mean”  
“I think Fran was hoping we’d stay inside”  
“We are inside… Well, inside the hotel anyway”

The blonde turned and looked across the pool. Bryan and Kerry were laughing together. The sight brought a smile to Nicky’s face.  
“They’re so happy” Nicky stated, nodding towards the happy couple.  
“They have good reason to be” Shane replied.  
“I’m really happy for them”  
“Me too”

Shane stood up and moved to sit on the same lounge chair as Nicky. He placed his hand upon the blonde’s knee and they both looked over at their friends.

“And what about us?” he asked.  
“What about us?” Nicky replied.   
“I know I messed up, by blaming Mark for what happened yesterday… I upset you and you were already upset… I shouldn’t have added to that. I love you and I should have… Should have been more considerate…” he trailed off then gave a nervous cough. “God, Nicky… What I’m trying to say is… I was a jerk and I’m sorry. I should have taken you into my arms and held you and reassured you… We shouldn’t have been apart last night… I barely slept at all…”  
Nicky reached down and placed his hand on top of Shane’s.  
“We were both on edge, Shay… I’m sorry I pushed you away. I was just so mad at you and… And so fucking scared that I… I wasn’t thinking straight and hearing you say those awful things about Mark… Well, you pushed me over the edge”  
“You know how I feel about him, Nix”  
“Yeah but it doesn’t mean I agree or condone it… I can’t keep turning a blind eye, Shane. If you can’t work through this … Then we should just quit now. You’re not going to be able to keep working with him, not if you really hate him as much as you let on”  
“I don’t *hate* him, Nix… I just… I don’t know what I feel, okay?”  
“I just want us all to be friends again. I want things to go back to the way they used to be…”

Shane nodded his head. He leaned over and placed a kiss to Nicky’s lips.  
“I know. I do too” he admitted. “But it’s going to take some time” 

“You wanna go for a swim?” Nicky asked, nodding towards the pool.  
“No time” Shane replied as he shook his head. “We’ve got lunch then an interview”  
“An interview?”  
“About the tour and stuff… With OK Magazine”

Nicky looked apprehensive. He was suddenly weary of holding an interview with the one magazine that had hounded them during Shane’s trial. He remembered the arguments that had followed their last offer of an exclusive.

“I know what you’re thinking” Shane said to him. “But this is about the tour”  
“Shay, it’s OK Magazine” Nicky replied. “You know as well as I do that they don’t really want to talk about the tour”  
“Then why are Mark and Kian and Bryan coming along too?”  
Nicky didn’t know what to say to that.  
“They’re sending a photographer to the show tomorrow night as well. This interview is with ‘Westlife’, not us… If they ask something you don’t want to answer then don’t”  
Nicky nodded his head.

“Now come on” Shane stood up. He pulled Nicky to his feet then the two of them walked away from the pool.   
“If they ask you questions about the trial, are you going to answer them?” Nicky asked him.  
“I don’t know yet. Honestly, I thought I’d just wait and see how it goes”  
“If they ask me, do you want me to answer?”  
“Nicky, baby, I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to do. Just do whatever you feel is right, whatever you’re comfortable with”  
“I love you” Nicky whispered in Shane’s ear.  
“I know and I love you too” Shane replied.

“Shay?” Nicky began.  
Shane stopped, halfway down the stairs and turned back to look up at Nicky.  
“If Kian’s not in his room… Can we maybe skip lunch and stay in?” he asked.  
“How about we order room service?”  
“I like the sound of that”  
“Knew you would… And if Kian is there, we’ll make him go join Bryan, Kerry & Mark”

They started moving again, this time with more speed and a sense of urgency. Shane unlocked the door to Kian’s room and the couple went inside. The younger boy wasn’t there. Happy with this turn of events, Shane wrapped his arms around Nicky and kissed him.  
Seconds later, they collapsed on the bed. Their kisses became longer and more intense. They fumbled and giggled as they struggled to remove their shirts. Shane’s heart was beating frantically as he leaned forward and softly kissed his lover’s chest. Nicky wrapped his arms around Shane’s waist and pulled him close. They held each other, staring into their lover’s eyes before exchanging sweet, tender kisses.  
Shane could feel Nicky’s heart beating against his chest and knew his love could feel his, beating just as rapidly.

“I could stay like this forever” Shane whispered.  
“I wish we could” Nicky replied.

The brunette lay down on top of the duvet, pulling Nicky down with him. They lay, side by side, on the bed. Shane’s arms around Nicky’s waist and the blonde’s head resting upon his chest. When Nicky looked up and his eyes met with Shane’s, they smiled at each other.   
For that one, brief moment everything was perfect.


	31. Chapter 31

The five singers all met in the hall outside their rooms. Kerry was with Bryan and they were accompanied by Fran. Since Bryan wanted Kerry to come with them, it was decided they should travel in three cars. Fran had called ahead and the cars were waiting down in the car park for them.  
They, somehow, managed to squeeze into one lift and made their way down to the cars. Billy and Graeme were waiting for them. Mark caught Graeme’s eye and the older lad smiled at him. The brunette couldn’t help returning the smile.

“Okay,” Fran said. “Y’all know the drill… Bryan & Kerry, you’re in the first car with Billy… Nicky & Shane, you’re in the second car with me… Kian, Mark, you’re with Graeme”  
“Why do we all need security escorts?” Kian asked.  
“Because I said so” Fran replied.  
He moved towards one of the cars, indicating for Nicky and Shane to follow him.

Kian remained where he was. He needed to talk to Mark and this would have been the perfect time. However, Kian hadn’t planned on needing a babysitter. Mark saw the annoyed expression on his friends face and didn’t know what to say.  
It was obvious that Kian didn’t want to be around him. That he was annoyed for being assigned to the same car as him. As Mark climbed into the back seat, he was suddenly relieved to have Graeme’s company.  
Kian was the last to be seated and he settled into the backseat without a word to anyone else. He didn’t utter a single world during the drive, he wouldn’t meet Mark’s eye either. The younger boy wanted to say something to his band mate but didn’t know how to start. He wanted to apologize but he didn’t know what he was apologizing for.  
Not wanting to get into anything right then and there, Mark kept his silence.

*

The interview went off without a hitch. Bryan was his usual self, only more cheerful thanks to Kerry’s news and the fact that she was there, listening in and watching the interview with Fran, Billy & Graeme. Nicky & Shane even managed to put aside all thoughts of the previous day’s incident to give an entertaining interview. They could all see that something was off with Mark & Kian but they hid it from the prying eyes of the press.

They were in a lavish hotel suite, all seated on comfortable couches and armchairs. Bryan was lying on the floor, Mark in an armchair while Kian sat beside Shane on the couch. Nicky was also on the floor, sitting in front of Shane and leaning back against his legs. Shane’s hand was resting on the blonde’s shoulder, gently stroking the back of his neck.

The interviewer was easy to talk to and really enjoyed speaking with them. It was a nice change to be able to focus completely on the band and the tour. Nicky and Shane even exchanged the occasional secret smile.  
Questions were asked and funny stories were told. When the interviewer raised the issue of Shane’s court case, the brunette waved it aside and stated that he wouldn’t answer any questions about it.

Fran watched the way his charges interacted with each other and the interviewer and couldn’t help smiling. Even at a time like this, they knew when to have fun and when to act professional. A photographer was called in to take some candid shots of them to accompany the article and before long, they were done.

With no show that night and no other plans for the remainder of the day, they all headed back to the hotel to amuse themselves. Bryan and Kerry went out to dinner and a movie. Kian stayed in his room, Nicky tried to coax him into joining them for dinner but the blonde declined.

Nicky knew something was wrong with Kian and voiced his concerns to Shane.  
“I don’t think he got the chance to talk to Mark” Nicky said. “They need to talk about it”  
“It’s none of our business, Nix” Shane insisted. “You know what Kian’s like, anyway. He’ll talk about it when he’s ready”  
“I just feel so bad for him… He doesn’t deserve to be alone”  
“Just give it time, they’ll work through this themselves… Don’t go getting involved, okay?” Nicky didn’t say anything.  
“Okay?” Shane pressed him.  
“Okay, fine” Nicky reluctantly gave in.

*

Later that night, as Nicky and Shane were leaving the hotel restaurant, the blonde happened to look in the direction of the bar.  
“Hey, look” Nicky nodded towards the door.  
Shane followed his line of vision, wondering what had caught Nicky’s eye.  
“What’s Mark doing down here on his own?” Shane asked.  
“Uh, I don’t think he’s alone” Nicky replied.

They watched as Mark turned away from the bar with two drinks in his hands. Nicky moved closer, not wanting Mark to see him but hoping that this meant the brunette had managed to get Kian out of his room.  
By now, Nicky was standing in the doorway of the crowded bar. Shane saw Mark first and waited to see who he was buying drinks for. They both watched as their band mate sat down at an empty table.  
“Should we-?” Nicky began. He trailed off when he saw someone sit down beside Mark and pick up one of the drinks.  
“Graeme?” Shane asked. “Since when did they start drinking together?”  
“Well, like you said before… It’s none of our business”

Nicky grabbed Shane’s hand and the two of them walked away. When they reached Kian’s room, Shane unlocked the door and they both went inside. Their band mate was sitting on his bed, watching TV. Nicky and Shane exchanged a look.   
By silent agreement, they decided not to tell Kian what they had just witnessed. No matter how innocent it may have been, they both knew the knowledge would hurt their friend too much.  
Nicky kicked off his shoes and jumped onto the other bed, Shane immediately followed him. The three of them then settled down and enjoyed a quiet night in, in front of the TV.

**--**

Mark and Graeme had dinner in the hotel bar then went for a walk before stopping in at another bar down the street. The singer enjoyed spending time with the older boy. As irritating as it was being followed by security everywhere, he hadn’t expected to befriend the security team. Fran was different since he’d worked with them before.  
It felt good to get out with someone who wasn’t in the band, had all different stories to tell and enjoyed hearing what Mark had to say.

When they returned to their hotel, Graeme offered up the spare bed in his room for Mark. His only other option being to go down to reception and book a room of his own, Mark accepted the older boy’s invitation.  
It was very late by then but neither one of them felt very tired. They helped themselves to the mini bar and their conversation carried on. At times, Mark couldn’t help wondering if Graeme was flirting with him. A thought that made him feel excited and terrified at the same time.

“Graeme?” Mark began. Their conversation had hit a lull and the brunette had been looking for the right time to ask this.  
“Hmmm?” the older boy raised his drink and had another swig.  
“Why did you keep asking me how much I could remember from last night?”  
“Mere curiosity”  
“That’s all?”  
“Yes, Mark” Graeme smiled at the singer. “That’s all”  
“Oh”  
“You seem disappointed”  
He shrugged his shoulders.  
“It’s just…” Graeme paused. “I’ve never had that happen to me… Whenever I go out drinking, I can always remember everything and… Although, sometimes I wish I could forget the dumb things I’ve done… I like knowing that I can remember…”  
“It never happens to me, either” Mark said. “At least I don’t think it does…”  
“Could someone have… I don’t know… Slipped something into one of your drinks?”  
“You think someone slipped me a roofie or something?”  
“I… I don’t know… I’m just asking”  
“I’m sure I must have been with Kian all night… He would have seen…”

“Did you talk to him at all?” Graeme asked.  
“No” Mark replied. “I’m starting to think something might have happened… The way we kept avoiding each other, that’s not normal”  
“What if he did something to your drink?”  
“Are you kidding me? Kian? Do something like that? No way! And why? Why would he do that?” 

“I don’t… I shouldn’t…” Graeme trailed off. He suddenly looked very uncomfortable. “Just forget about it, okay? I’m sorry I mentioned it”  
“Mentioned what? Come on, what do you know?” Mark asked.  
“It’s just… I was in Kian’s room last night, looking after Nicky, and it was getting really late so I called Kian to find out where he was”  
“Okay”  
“I was on the phone and I stepped out into the hall… and he was out in the hall… Obviously on his way back to his room… And you were with him… The two of you were… on the floor”  
“What were we doing?”  
“Just sitting there... I uh I got the distinct impression that my phone call had interrupted something…”  
“Between me and Kian?”  
Graeme shrugged his shoulders.  
“I’m sorry, I knew I shouldn’t have said anything”

“No, it’s okay” Mark assured him. “I’m sure it was nothing… I mean, it’s Kian… We’re friends and he’d have no reason to do anything like that…”  
Something clicked in the brunette’s mind and he gasped.  
“Oh God” he groaned. “What if someone *did* put something in my drink then I threw myself at Kian? It would explain why he hasn’t spoken to me all day! I must have come onto him and, him being straight and all, he pushed me away and that was when you came out and saw us… And now he hates me for trying to get into his pants”  
“Mark, I think you’re being too hard on yourself”  
“But it makes sense… I can’t remember anything and… And he probably thinks I’m avoiding him because I’m hurt that he rejected me” 

Mark closed his eyes to hold back his tears. Graeme reached out and placed his hand on the younger boy’s shoulder. He felt awful for bringing it up and making Mark feel this way.

“What am I going to do?” Mark asked.  
“You’ll just have to talk to him” Graeme replied. “Wait till the morning and go talk to him. Tell him the truth, that you don’t remember any of it and that if you did something to upset him then you’re sorry”  
Mark nodded his head. In theory it was a good idea and sounded easy enough to do.  
“Wow, could you imagine what might have happened if I’d staying in his room last night?” Mark asked. “He probably would have castrated me in my sleep”  
“You really think he’d do something like that?”  
“Well, no… I’m just saying though… It’s lucky I was here, with you”  
“Yeah” Graeme smiled, sadly, at Mark. “I guess it was”

**--**

The following morning, Mark did exactly as Graeme suggested. Once he’d showered and dressed for the day, Mark went straight to Kian’s room. He knocked on the door, waiting nervously for the blonde. The door opened and Shane looked at him. The older boy didn’t say anything.

“Uh, morning” Mark began. “Is Kian up yet?”  
“He went for a walk” Shane replied.  
“No, I didn’t” Kian’s voice came from the other side of the room.

Mark stepped past Shane and into the room. Kian was standing in the doorway to the bathroom. He suddenly appeared very nervous.

“Can we talk?” Mark asked the blonde.  
“Uh… Sure” Kian replied, somewhat hesitantly.

Mark looked around the room. Shane was refusing to look at him while Nicky was still in bed. He appeared to be sleeping but Mark knew Nicky just wasn’t a morning person. He quickly looked away, fearing Shane would yell at him for staring.

“In private, maybe?” Mark suggested.  
“Okay” Kian replied. “I’ll be back soon” he said to Shane.

The two singers then made their way out of the room.  
Shane watched them go. Once the door had closed behind them, he moved over to the bed and kissed Nicky’s forehead. The blonde smiled then raised his hand and pulled Shane to him for a proper kiss.  
The younger boy leaned into the kiss, shifting his body so he could join Nicky. He climbed on top of the blonde only to have Nicky move. Shane rolled over and landed on the bed beside Nicky.

“Hey” Shane greeted him.  
“Hey” Nicky replied, smiling.  
“What’s going on?”  
“Mark came to talk to Kian”  
“Good, maybe it’ll help Ki get out of this funk he’s been in”  
“Yeah, maybe…”  
“Well, something happened and they need to talk about it”  
“What? What happened?”  
“I don’t know exactly… Kian tried to tell me… He was really upset and kept insisting that he’d messed up but he didn’t say how… And we never actually finished the conversation”  
“What do you suppose it was?”  
“I have no idea… But maybe he’ll tell us when he gets back? You know, if he’s in a better mood”  
“Maybe…” Shane reached out and slowly slid his hand underneath the duvet and stroked Nicky’s chest. “What do you think we should do in the meantime? You know… To pass the time until he comes back”

Nicky smiled and slid his own hand down to join Shane’s. He grabbed the younger boy’s hand in his and looked into his lover’s eyes.  
“Can you maybe just… Hold me, for a while?” he asked.  
“Sure, Nix” Shane replied.  
He placed a kiss on Nicky’s forehead then shifted his position. He moved closer to the blonde and wrapped his arm around him. Nicky smiled and snuggled into the embrace, nuzzling his face into Shane’s neck.

“I love you” Nicky whispered before closing his eyes.  
“And I love you” Shane replied.

*

Once out in the hall, the two singers stopped walking and looked at each other. Mark suddenly felt very nervous. He looked around and found the hallway deserted for the time being but that didn’t mean it was going to stay that way. He’d wanted the chance to talk to Kian alone, away from Shane’s evil glare and Nicky’s eager ears but he wasn’t sure where to go.

“Uh, Mark?” Kian began, practically reading Mark’s mind. “We’re uh kinda limited for choice here…”  
“Graeme’s still in his room” Mark said. “And Nicky & Shane are in yours…”  
“Maybe we should go up to the roof? The pool won’t be open yet so it should be empty up there”

Mark nodded in agreement then led the way to the lift. They waited for it to arrive then climbed in. Kian pressed the button and they were on their way. Neither one of them spoke during the trip. The doors opened and Kian led the way outside and over to the closed off pool. He’d been correct in assuming it was empty.  
Kian looked around and saw a few lawn chairs over by the wall. He started towards them and Mark followed. Still neither one of them broke their silence. Once they were sitting down, they looked at each other, both filled with anxious nervousness.

“Look, I’m just going to come out and say it…” Mark began.  
Kian closed his eyes, willing the younger boy to let him down gently.  
“I’m sorry” Mark said to him. “I’m sorry for whatever it was I did to upset you”  
Kian opened his eyes and looked at his friend in confusion.  
“You… Upset me?” Kian asked.

Mark wouldn’t look at him as he continued.  
“I have no idea what happened the other night” Mark admitted. “I swear, it’s all blank… I know we went out drinking and… Given the way you were avoiding me yesterday, I’m assuming I did something wrong… That I said or did something that upset you”

Kian’s heart had been beating a mile a minute. As Mark began to speak, it had leapt into his throat and nearly choked him. Once he’d finished speaking, it had sunk to the pit of his stomach.  
Mark had no recollection of what had happened. He didn’t remember how close they’d come to kissing… The younger boy had spent the previous day avoiding him because he feared he’d done something wrong.

“Please, Kian? I need you to forgive me… For whatever I did… I’m sorry I avoided you but I… I wanted to apologize… I just, didn’t know what to apologize for”  
“It’s okay” Kian managed to say.  
“Really?”  
“Yeah, really… It’s fine… You uh you didn’t do anything” Kian paused, his mind racing. “I uh I was avoiding you yesterday because… I… Because I was thinking the same thing…”  
“What?” Mark asked.  
“Yeah… I must have drunk way too much too and uh… I was afraid *I’d* done something to upset *you* and wasn’t sure how to apologize to you”

Mark laughed, his face breaking into a smile of relief.  
“Really?” he asked. “Oh, that’s such a relief… So we both spent all day yesterday avoiding each other for absolutely no reason at all”  
“Seems like it” Kian said.  
“Man, we’re such idiots”  
“Tell me about it”

Mark leaned over and hugged his friend, still laughing to himself.  
“So… We’re all good? No hard feelings or anything?” Mark asked.  
“Nope… It’s all good… We’re all fine” Kian replied.  
“Great… That’s really great… I’m glad we had this talk and got it all sorted out”  
“Yeah, me too”

The younger boy leapt to his feet.  
“So, are you coming?” Mark asked.  
“I uh I think I’ll hang around here awhile longer” Kian said. “Give Nicky and Shane some time alone… I think they feel uh restricted… Having me in the room with them”  
“It’s your room, what do they expect?”  
Kian shrugged his shoulders.  
“I don’t mind… If they need ten minutes alone for some dry humping then I’m happy to give it to them” Kian said.

“They asked you-?” Mark began.  
“No!” Kian cut him off.  
“Phew… That would be an awkward conversation”  
Kian laughed.

“You go on ahead” he said to Mark. “I’ll be along soon”  
“Okay” Mark replied. “I’ll see you at breakfast?”  
“Absolutely”

Kian watched Mark’s retreating form, waiting until he was out of sight, before allowing himself to breathe again. A part of him was devastated that Mark couldn’t remember what had almost happened between them but the other part of him was relieved. He’d come so close to making the biggest mistake of his life and now he’d been spared.  
He’d learnt his lesson now… He would need to exercise better restraint around the brunette even if it killed him.


	32. Chapter 32

Bryan and Kian were kicking a soccer ball back and forth on stage, under the watchful eye of Malcolm. The older blonde had sent Kerry home earlier that day and was missing her. Kian was dealing with his own conflicting emotions over what had happened with Mark that he was happy for the distraction. The brunette was in the corner, reading the newspaper.  
The interviewer from OK magazine was there along with a photographer. Both were engaged in conversation with Fran.

Mark looked up when he heard a familiar laugh. He glanced around and spotted his two band mates. Shane was giving Nicky a piggyback ride; the blonde’s arms were around Shane’s neck and his eyes were twinkling. Mark watched, with sadness in his own eyes, as Nicky leaned over and placed a kiss to Shane’s cheek.

“It’s good to see them so happy” Bryan said, blocking the oncoming ball with his foot.  
“Yeah” Kian agreed. “It is…”  
“I mean, even after what happened the other night… They’re still going strong”  
“I don’t think anything will ever come between them”

Kian glanced over at Mark. He saw the look on the younger boy’s face. In that moment, Kian began to feel even more conflicted. He felt so happy for Nicky and Shane, admiring their ability to carry on but he also felt sorry for Mark. It was clear that he was still totally smitten with their blonde band mate.

“Hey, Mark” Bryan called out.  
He sent the ball flying in the brunette’s direction. Luckily, Mark looked up in time to see it coming and duck out of the way. He collected the ball and kicked it back over to his friends.

“Come join us” Bryan said to him.  
Mark looked at his two friends, both waiting for his answer. He then turned and looked at their other band mates. Shane had dropped Nicky onto one of the benches and was now kneeling on the floor in front of him. Their arms were around each other and Nicky appeared to be dominating the embrace.

Mark dropped the newspaper on the floor and slowly made his way over to Kian and Bryan. The three of them resumed the game and Mark tried to keep his mind off what was happening around him.  
The photographer snapped a couple of photos of them but when he turned to sneak a photo of Nicky & Shane, he was intercepted by Fran.

“I’m sorry, that’s off limits” Fran stated.  
“They’re members of the band” the interviewer argued.  
“Yes, they are”  
“And we have jurisdiction to interview and photograph *all* the members of the band”  
“Correct… And you’ve already interviewed and photographed them. You’re here on a strictly professional level and may photograph them while they’re working. Right now, all five members are on break and, therefore, are off limits”  
“You didn’t intervene when we were focusing on these three”

Shane and Nicky, having heard the commotion, used it to their advantage and slipped away. Shane grabbed his lover’s hand and the two of them sneaked down the hall. They didn’t stop walking until they reached their dressing room. Once inside, Shane locked the door then went to join the blonde on the couch.

“Do you think we did the right thing there?” Nicky asked. “Walking away like that?”  
“Yeah, I’d say so” Shane replied. “Besides, didn’t you see Billy?”  
“No… Where was he?”  
“He was the one who indicated for us to get out of there… and he followed us back here too”  
“So… He’s right outside the door?”  
“Well, he’s in the hallway…”

Nicky sighed and shook his head.  
“Is it too much to ask for just five minutes of peace?” he groaned.   
“Hey, it’s okay” Shane replied. He reached over and placed his hand upon Nicky’s arm.  
“You know, I was almost having fun out there? Like… There was nothing wrong and all was right with the world… Why is it that every time we have a moment of pure happiness, something comes along and ruins it?”  
“Well… In truth, we did know the photographer was going to be here. Granted, Fran didn’t have to make a scene... He could have let them take our photos but… I’m glad he didn’t”  
“I’m just getting so sick of it… It shouldn’t be this hard”

It was Shane’s turn to sigh. This was an argument they’d had before and one they were bound to have again and again. He didn’t say anything though, instead he chose to remain silent and see what his love would do. The blonde was, clearly, frustrated.

Shane watched Nicky closely but the blonde was staring at the closed door. Without warning, the older boy turned and lunged at Shane. He pinned his lover beneath him and kissed him deeply. The brunette was thrown off guard but fell in quickly. He wrapped his arms around Nicky and returned his fierce kisses.  
Nicky took control. He trailed his hands down Shane’s body and lowered the zip of his pants. He tried to slide his hand inside the brunette’s boxers but Shane stopped him.

“Nix, what are you doing?” Shane asked him.  
“What does it look like?” Nicky replied.  
“Nicky…”  
“Shane” Nicky sighed. “We’re actually alone and we have time…”  
“This isn’t like you. We don’t do stuff like this”  
“Well maybe we should?”

Shane attempted to sit up, pushing Nicky aside. The older boy looked hurt at Shane’s rejection.  
“Nicky,” Shane’s voice was gentle. “We’re not like most other couples… We’ve managed to stay together all this time because we love each other and our relationship isn’t based on sex”

Nicky stood up and walked across the room. He stopped and looked at Shane’s reflection in the mirror. The brunette looked hurt and confused.

“I’m sorry, Nix” he stood up.  
Their eyes met in the reflection of the mirror.  
“Really, really sorry” Shane said. He moved towards the blonde and reached out for him. Nicky moved away from the embrace.  
“Nicky, please?” Shane said to him. “I’m sorry, okay?”  
“You’re sorry” Nicky snapped. “You’re always sorry… We’re always apologizing to each other and walking on eggshells and…”  
“Nicky, stop” Shane said. “Just stop it, okay? I don’t want to fight with you. Not right now and not about this”  
“Well we need to talk about it eventually”

“What exactly do you want me to say?” Shane asked.  
“I… I don’t know… I don’t care… Just…” Nicky trailed off.  
“You want the truth?” Shane paused for a moment. He wasn’t sure if he should say what was on his mind. He took a deep breath. “I don’t want a repeat of yesterday”  
“Yesterday? What…?”

The blonde looked confused. He tried to remember what had happened the previous day. When he did, he slowly looked up into his lover’s eyes.  
“I… I thought you enjoyed it” Nicky said. His voice was low, confused, hurt.  
“I did” Shane replied. “But it… It’s too much… Of not enough”  
Shane averted his eyes, not wanting to see the expression on Nicky’s face. He could picture it though, clear as anything, and it still hurt.

“Too much…” Nicky said. “Not enough? What…?”  
“Don’t you get it?” Shane asked. He still couldn’t bring himself to look at his love. “You throw yourself at me and we’re all over each other… Things are good and… And I get really, really into it… And it’s like… Like you’re teasing me with the promise of something more… Then, at the last second, you snatch it away”  
“Shay-”

The brunette blinked back angry tears; he refused to let them fall. Balling his hands into fists, he looked up and turned around to finally look at the older boy.  
“Don’t you understand? How hard it is for me?” Shane continued. “That whenever I’m with you, no matter where we are or even if we’re alone… Sometimes, when I look at you, all I want to do is throw you up against the wall or onto the nearest bed or even that fucking couch and have se… Make love to you”

Tears were rolling down Nicky’s cheeks. The brunette wasn’t yelling but his words were cutting through the older boy’s heart like a chainsaw. Nicky took a deep breath but it did him little good.

“I thought you understood” Nicky managed to whisper.  
Shane had been so good to him. The memory loss and lingering effects of his kidnapping… Shane had remained by his side and so accepting of him. What he was saying now was hurting Nicky more than he could admit.  
“And I thought *you* did” Shane replied

Knock! Knock!

The two singers stopped talking immediately. Shane made his way over to the door while Nicky turned his back, wiping his tears away. The brunette unlocked and opened it. Fran was standing in the hall with Billy.  
“Can I come in?” Fran asked.  
“Sure” Shane replied.  
He stepped aside and allowed Fran entry into their room. Billy remained in the hall, keeping watch.

Once inside, Fran took one look at his charges and realized he’d interrupted something. Something serious. Shane’s arms were folded across his chest, Nicky’s back was turned. Fran caught sight of Nicky’s reflection and noted the blonde had been crying.

“I’m sorry, I seem to have interrupted something” Fran stated. “I just wanted to check on you both, make sure everything’s okay?”  
Shane nodded his head.  
“I also wanted to apologize for what happened out there. I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to do in that situation and I took it upon myself to…”  
“It’s alright, Fran” Shane cut him off. “We understand why you did what you did”  
It was Fran’s turn to nod.

“So, is everything okay in here?” Fran asked them. He looked from one to the other. Neither one of them moved or spoke.   
“Cause I gotta say” he continued. “I was warned, when I took this job, to be weary when entering rooms you two are in… You know, from the awkwardness of walking in on two people making out?”  
Shane looked over at Nicky but the blonde wouldn’t meet his eye.  
“Because I swear, every time I open a door around here… You’re at each other’s throats, not in them”

“Thank you for your concern, Fran” Nicky spoke up. “But we’re fine”  
“Fine?” Fran replied. “Look, I know this is none of my business but this” he pointed back and forth between the two singers. “This is not ‘fine’”  
“You’re right” Nicky said. “It is none of your business”

The blonde walked across the room and picked up his jacket.  
“I’m going for a walk” Nicky stated. He turned and stormed out of the room.  
Shane and Fran watched him go. Billy’s head appeared around the doorway.  
“I’ve got this” Fran said. “You go with him”  
“Okay”

He vanished, leaving Shane and Fran alone in the dressing room.  
“You can tell me to butt out too if you want” Fran said to the singer.  
“No, it’s okay” Shane replied. “None of this is your fault…”   
“Do you want to talk about it?”   
“Do you really want to hear about it?”  
Fran laughed.  
“I guess not” he said. “Sorry”  
“It’s just hard, you know?” Shane said. He walked over and sank down in one of the chairs. “I mean, after everything we’ve been through and how hard it’s been to get this far…”  
“What you and Nicky have… It’s complicated”  
“I feel like… All we ever do is fight… And we keep having the same fights… Again and again and again”  
“All couples do… It’s just that you two can’t really compare with other couples”

“I know… And it sucks beyond belief. I just wish we could be normal. I know that… For the longest time, I was the one holding us back… I was scared to let him in, for him to know the truth… I was kidnapped and raped and tortured… And he knew all that but the last thing I wanted was for him to know *exactly* what happened… When I finally opened up and told him, everything I didn’t want him to know, we got through it. He stood by me and told me how much he loved me… And I knew he meant every word of it”  
“So… What’s changed?”  
“Oh God… Fran, I can’t talk to you about…about it”  
“So, sex, huh?” 

Fran moved over and pushed the door closed. The last thing Shane needed was for prying ears to come along.  
“Is that why you two are always fighting? You’re fighting about sex?” Fran asked.  
“Not always… But yeah, sometimes” Shane confessed. “I love him so much and I want to show him just how much… But… He…”  
“He doesn’t want to”  
“Something like that”  
“Well, is there someone you can talk to? Someone who’s not me, who can help you through this? Someone close to you or him or…?”  
“Yeah” Shane’s eyes actually lit up. “Yeah, there is… Thanks Fran”

“Uh, Shane?” Fran asked.  
“Yeah?”  
“Are you going to… Go after him?”  
Shane shook his head.  
“No, I’m not crazy… When he’s ready to talk or forgive me, he’ll come back”  
“Well, good luck with that”  
“Thanks Fran”

**--**

Once free of the dressing room, Nicky wasn’t sure where to go. He ended up walking the halls for about ten minutes then returned to the main auditorium. His band mates were nowhere in sight, which he was thankful for. The blonde climbed down off the stage and walked out onto the floor.  
He passed rows and rows of empty seats before moving up into the elevation. He kept walking until he was about halfway up and dropped down into one of the many empty seats.  
The blonde could feel Billy’s eyes on him but he ignored it. Truthfully, he was getting used to being followed everywhere and was starting to build up a tolerance. A part of him was glad that Billy was tailing him today instead of Graeme.

Nicky wasn’t aware of how much time passed while he was sitting there, under Billy’s watchful eye. He was lost in his own thoughts when he heard the security radio beeping. He looked up as Billy reached for and answered it. The blonde didn’t meet his eyes but listened closely as Fran’s voice came through the small speaker.

“I can confirm we are still within the building” Billy said.  
“Shane wants to know where you are” Fran informed him. “He really wants to talk to Nicky”

Billy looked up at the blonde. The singer finally met his eye but didn’t say a word. Nicky simply shook his head.  
“Sorry, Fran… I can not reveal our exact location. I don’t want to get caught in the middle of this but… Nicky doesn’t want to speak to Shane right now”  
“Okay, I’ll relay the message… Are you good? Do you need someone to relieve you?”  
“I’m fine, Fran… We’ll be in touch”  
Billy put the radio aside then moved closer to Nicky. He sat down in the row of seats behind the blonde singer.

“You think I’m being petty and childish, don’t you?” Nicky asked him.  
“It doesn’t really matter what I think” Billy replied.  
“Maybe not but I wanna know”  
“I think you’ve been sitting here for the better part of an hour and you’ve been thinking and stressing and worrying all that time”

Nicky nodded his head. He couldn’t see Billy but knew the older lad was watching him.  
“Thanks for not telling him where I was” Nicky said.  
“No problem” Billy replied. “But you’re gonna have to talk to him eventually”  
“I will… I just… Need some time”  
“How bad was it? If you don’t mind me asking”  
“Probably not as bad as I’m making it out to be… I just thought… I thought that he understood”  
“And he doesn’t?” Billy had no idea what Nicky was talking about but he thought it best to let the singer vent some of his problems.  
“Or maybe I’m the one who doesn’t understand” Nicky continued. “I just don’t know anymore… And I’ve just been sitting here, all this time, thinking about it again and again”

The older lad wasn’t sure what to say or do so this time he chose to stay silent.  
“I don’t know what I’m supposed to do” Nicky confessed. “I don’t know what he expects me to say… I don’t know what I *want* to say to him”

Nicky sighed and leaned forward in the seat. He buried his face in his hands and rubbed his eyes.  
“I don’t understand why everything has to be so hard” he said. “Sure, it can’t always be sunshine and puppies but it seems like every time I turn around, it’s thunderstorms and rabies”  
Billy managed to cover his laugh with a cough.  
“Okay, so I’m not good with analogies or metaphors, sue me”  
“I’m sorry” Billy apologized.

“What am I going to do?”  
“I’m afraid I can’t tell you that”  
“What would you do?”  
“I… I don’t know your situation or all the details… I can’t make a decision with only half the story… And I don’t expect you to tell me it either… I think you need to think about some of your other arguments and rate them on a scale of 1 to 10… Then add this one and see what you come up with… I mean, are we talking about a kind of argument that some couples would or could break up over?”

Nicky slowly turned around and looked at Billy for the first time since this conversation started.  
“Yeah, I think it is” he said. “I mean, I love Shane… Okay? I have no doubt in my mind that I’m meant to be with him but… The longer this goes on, the more we argue and fight and disagree… I keep saying this but… We seem to take two steps forward then… Sometimes it’s only one step back and other times it feels like three or four… And I know that I’m the problem”  
“Nicky-”  
“No, I am… All of this is happening because of me… We’re happy and everything’s fine then something like the other night happens and I freak out because I know Tobey is getting closer and closer then Shane gets upset and we get into an argument… It’s the same thing again and again and it’s the same fucking fight all the time!”

“Did you ever stop to think that Tobey’s doing it on purpose? To drive a wedge between the two of you” Billy asked him.  
“What?”  
“You said yourself that whenever you’re happy and things are going well, Tobey makes his presence known and you and Shane are pushed further apart… Look, when Fran hired us, he told all of us the details of what happened to you and to Shane. We all know why we’re here and we’re doing our best to protect you, both of you… But you’re right when you say that it’s all about you”  
“I didn’t mean-”  
“Nicky, you *are* the main focus for Tobey. He’s only after you… You’re the one he wants, not Shane…”  
“Then why didn’t he kill Shane when he had the chance? Those bullets missed him on purpose”  
“Maybe he doesn’t want him dead… Not yet anyway”

“Can we please stop talking about this?” Nicky asked. Billy’s words were making him feel uncomfortable. Because they made sense? Because he was touching a nerve? Nicky wasn’t sure but he knew he wanted the security guard to shut up.  
“I’m not trying to upset you, Nicky” Billy replied. “I’m just telling you what I think… Which is what you asked me to do”

Nicky didn’t say another word. He simply stood up and walked away.

*

The blonde didn’t get very far before he ran into Bryan and Kian. His band mates were chasing each other through the rows of seats on the arena floor. He wouldn’t have noticed them if Kian hadn’t crashed into him, sending both of them to the ground.  
Bryan managed to catch himself before he tripped over his two friends. He offered a hand to Nicky and helped him up while Kian disentangled himself from the row of chairs he’d landed under.  
“Sorry Nix” Bryan said. “We didn’t see you… Where did you come from?”  
“Up there” Nicky pointed up to the section of seats. Billy was just reaching the base of the stairs.  
“Where’s Shane?” Kian asked, looking in the direction the older blonde was pointing.  
“How should I know?” Nicky snapped.

Their band mate then turned on his heel and stormed off. Billy gave the two singers a sympathetic nod then hurried after his charge.  
Neither of them spoke. Nicky didn’t really want Billy around him anymore but he couldn’t send him away, he was contractually obligated to stay within sight of a member of security. All he could do was hope to come across Malcolm or Colin and ask to switch.

He wasn’t sure where he was going but as he rounded the corner, he spotted Mark. The brunette was deeply engaged in a conversation with Graeme. Nicky stopped walking and stared at the two of them. Mark looked up and he smiled at his band mate. Nicky waved then started walking towards them.  
Yes, he was anxious to be rid of Billy for awhile but he didn’t want to be around Graeme either.

“Nicky,” Mark greeted him. “I was hoping to find you… Or Bryan and Kian”  
“Why? What’s wrong?” Nicky asked.  
“Nothing” Mark laughed.  
“Then why…?”  
“I’m bored, okay?” the brunette shrugged his shoulders. “I was hoping to talk someone into a game of Foosball”

Nicky looked at Mark then over at Graeme and Billy. He’d been looking for a distraction and this seemed like an ideal solution.  
“Sure, Mark” Nicky smiled. “I’d like that”  
“Great, let’s go”

The two singers turned and headed off down the corridor. Graeme and Billy fell in step behind them. By the time they’re reached their destination, Billy had disappeared, leaving Nicky alone with Mark and Graeme.  
The older lad checked in with Fran on the radio before settling down in the corner to watch the two singers play a friendly game.


	33. Chapter 33

Shane wandered aimlessly around the venue, hoping to ‘bump’ into Nicky but the blonde was nowhere to be found. He wasn’t worried for the older boy’s safety as security constantly assured him that Nicky was within sight of one of them at all times. However, Nicky refused to reveal his location.

The brunette had returned to his dressing room after his talk with Fran and closed the door. Colin was outside as Shane had asked for some privacy. He’d immediately called Kath, his therapist, and told her about his fight with Nicky. The singer felt bad for unloading it all on her but she was the only one he felt could help him. His other option being Georgina but he wasn’t willing to drag her into this. A part of him felt Nicky would call her anyway if he felt the need to talk to someone about it.  
They spent a long time on the phone. She listened to everything he said and, ever the professional, she didn’t need to pry answers from him. They’d always had a good rapport, Shane felt comfortable talking to her about sensitive issues. By the time he’d ended the call, he felt better and went looking for Nicky.

It was frustrating him that the blonde didn’t want to see him. In a way, he understood Nicky’s reasoning though. Shane had called Kath and was feeling better for talking it out but he was sure Nicky had spent the time bottling up his feelings and was getting ready to explode.  
Shane hoped to find the older boy before that happened. If Nicky were about to lose it, the only person who should have to feel Nicky’s angry wraith was Shane. 

He was running out of places to look. When he bumped into Kian and Bryan, they weren’t much help. His band mates could tell something wasn’t right and asked if he was okay but Shane brushed their concern aside. What was happening between him and Nicky wasn’t any of their business and the last thing he wanted was for more people to know that he and Nicky had gotten into, yet another, fight.

Shane turned and looked at Colin. The older lad shook his head.

“You know, I could take the radio from you” Shane said to him.  
“What good would that do you?” Colin replied.  
“Well, if I talk into the radio and Nicky is within earshot of a radio then he’ll hear me”  
“You want to apologize over a radio?”  
“I never said I was going to apologize…”  
“Then why are you looking for him?”

The brunette stopped walking. It was a good question. Yes, he knew he needed to find Nicky. He needed to talk to him… But he wasn’t sure what he was going to say to him. He wasn’t even sure if he was going to be the one to apologize. Yes, he was sorry for the way he’d said what he had but he wasn’t, exactly, sorry for saying it.

“Shane?” Colin started to say. “I think you should stop”  
“Stop?” Shane asked.  
“Stop looking for Nicky… Give him some space… Give yourself a little space… And some time… If I may be so blunt… Ever since you started this tour, for as long as I’ve been working for you lads, I don’t think the two of you have spent *any* time apart”  
“Sure we have”  
“I’m not talking about the other night… I mean, just normal day to day stuff. The two of you are always together and… I think you both need a time out”  
“We just had a fight”  
“Lots of couples do… They don’t make up half an hour later, they go off and vent or get angry then take time to calm down and sort it out… Don’t push him or yourself, okay?”

Shane didn’t say anything. He turned and started walking again. The singer tried not to think about what Colin had said to him. It was none of his business anyway so why should Shane listen to what he had to say?

**--**

Nicky leaned forward, his fingers gripping the handles and he slammed the tiny ball into the goal. 

“Score!” he exclaimed. The blonde threw his hands up in the air and spun around on the spot. “Match point… I win!”  
“Best three out of five?” Mark asked.  
“Hey, you lost fair and square”

“He’s right” Graeme spoke up. “You really suck at this game, Mark”  
“And that’s why I need the practice… Come on, Nicky… One more game?”

Nicky laughed.  
“Fine” the blonde agreed. He turned and looked at Graeme, who was still sitting in the corner. “You want to play too?”  
“You think you can take both of us?” Graeme asked.  
“Of course”

“And when we beat you, then what?” Graeme wanted to know.  
“Not gonna happen” Nicky replied.  
“Is that a challenge?”  
“It would be, if you had a hope of actually taking me”

“Oh, you’re going down!” Mark stated.  
“Bring it on” Nicky grinned and laughed.

The three lads were so engrossed in their discussion, that none of them saw the door open then close a moment later. 

“What gives?” Colin asked Shane.  
“Huh?” Shane replied.  
“You’ve been looking for Nicky for the past hour, you finally found him and now you’re just walking away?”  
Shane sighed.  
“Yeah, I am just going to walk away”  
“Why?”

Shane shook his head and sighed once more. He reached up and ran his hand through his hair.  
“I didn’t want to interrupt, okay?” Shane said. “And you know why?”  
“No” Colin replied. “Why?”  
“Because seeing him in there, with Mark & Graeme… It made me realize that… I can’t remember the last time I heard Nicky laugh”  
“Shane-”  
“No, just leave it… okay? Nicky deserves to be happy for once and right now, I’m so confused and angry and God knows what else… That I’m actually okay with the fact that the only person capable of cheering him up right now is Mark”

With those words hanging over his head, Shane started down the hall again. He needed to find Bryan and go get a beer.

**--**

Bryan didn’t ask any questions. He simply grabbed his jacket, told Kian where they were going then followed Shane down the street to a secluded bar. Once inside, Shane ordered drinks then they sat at the bar and drank in silence.  
The brunette had his phone on the counter in front of him but didn’t receive a single call while he was with Bryan. The younger boy knew something was wrong but he also knew that if Shane wanted to talk about it, he would.

By the time they finished their drinks and were heading back to the venue, Shane’s mood seemed to have improved. Not by much but it was enough. They returned to the arena and went to see what was on offer for dinner. When they arrived, Nicky was there with Mark and Kian.  
Shane picked up the nearest edible food and sat down in the chair opposite Fran. Bryan made his selection and went to join his band mates.

“Shane” Fran greeted him.  
“Fran” Shane replied.  
“You two didn’t make up yet, did you?”  
“What gave it away?”  
“Uh, the fact that you’re sitting here with me… Instead of over there with him?”  
“I don’t want to talk about it, okay?”  
“Okay”

*

Nicky pushed his uneaten food around his plate. He wasn’t hungry and his spirits seemed to have dropped. He’d been in a very happy mood after managing to beat both Mark & Graeme on the Foosball table but now reality was seeping back in. The blonde looked over at his lover but Shane wouldn’t meet his eye. The younger boy was sitting with Fran; the two of them seemed to be battling an awkward silence.

“Come on, Nix” Bryan said to Nicky. “What gives?”  
“Huh?” Nicky replied.  
“You and Shane… What’s going on?”  
“We had a fight, okay?”  
“What about?”  
“None of your fucking business!”

Nicky’s voice was louder than he intended it to be. He looked at his band mates, Kian and Mark were gaping at him. His eyes darted to the other table and met with Shane’s. He slammed his fork down on the table, stood up and stormed out of the room.  
Once Nicky was gone, all eyes turned to Shane.

“Don’t even THINK about asking me” Shane snapped at them.

“I don’t get it” Mark whispered once Shane stopped glaring at them. “I was with Nicky this afternoon and he seemed fine”  
“I went to the pub with Shane, he said he needed a drink but didn’t say why” Bryan informed them. “He didn’t say anything though… I mean, yeah it was obvious something was wrong but I didn’t ask him”  
“What do you suppose it was?” Kian asked. “I mean, they barely even looked at each other… Do you think they broke up?”  
“No… No way” Mark replied.  
“How can you be sure, though? I mean, they did before…”  
“That was different circumstances though… Shane hid the fact that they were engaged. I mean, what could they fight about now that’s as serious as that?”

The three singers all fell silent. None of them could think of an answer and now they were all worried. Was it possible; could their band mates have broken up? And, if that were the case, why hadn’t they told them about it?

“What should we do?” Bryan asked. Kian and Mark both looked at him. “We have a show to do in a little over an hour… If they’re not talking to each other, the fans are going to notice”  
“We can’t get involved” Kian said. “We don’t know the whole story”  
“Well, we can’t just sit back and do nothing” Mark said.  
“I don’t think we have much of a choice”

It was Bryan’s turn to slam his fork down on the table in frustration. He turned and looked at Shane. The brunette was looking at him.   
“You two better find a way to fix this” Bryan said to him. “Or I’ll have to give both of you a swift kick up the-”   
“Bryan!” Kian cut him off.

His appetite completely gone, Shane pushed his plate aside. He stood up and quietly left the room. The older boy didn’t look back.

“Nice one, lads” Fran said to them.  
“It’s not our fault” Kian replied.  
“I thought you were all meant to be friends?”  
“We are!”  
“Then why is it that when two of your friends are upset, all you can think to do is make them feel worse?”  
Fran pushed his empty plate aside and walked away. The three singers all averted their eyes, fearing that Fran was right.

**--**

That night’s concert wasn’t one of their best. Aside from one of the microphone’s not working during one set and Kian breaking a string on his guitar, Nicky and Shane didn’t speak to each other at all. Both singers even went out of their way to avoid standing near the other. Bryan & Kian did their best to lighten the mood but it was obvious to the fans in the audience that something wasn’t right.

By the time the five singers stepped off the stage, Shane felt terrible. He knew it was his fault they were all in such low spirits. He never should have said what he had to Nicky but now that he had said it, he didn’t know how to take it back. As he followed the older boy back to their dressing room, he tried to think of something to say to him.  
Malcolm was outside the dressing room, waiting for them, and he ushered them both inside.  
Neither one of them spoke as they hurriedly changed their clothes and made their way back to their band mates.

The part that hurt the most was when Nicky asked to switch cars with Kian. Shane was already in the back seat and he watched as Nicky exchanged words with their friend then Kian approached the car. Shane didn’t say anything, he simply lowered his head and stared down at his hands while Nicky climbed into the other car with Mark and Bryan.

“Shane, come on” Kian began. “Maybe you should talk about it”  
“I don’t want to” he snapped.  
“So what are you going to do when we get back to the hotel? Are the two of you going to kiss and make up or do you plan on dragging this out for the next few days?”  
Shane shrugged his shoulders.

“What happened? I hate seeing the two of you at odds like this” Kian said.  
“And why didn’t you tell us?” he continued. “I mean… maybe we could have helped?”

“No, you couldn’t have” Shane said. His voice was low, defeated. “It’s my fault… and kinda his fault… Look, lets’ just say that we’re both to blame and Nicky and I need time to sort it out…”  
“Shane-”  
“I’m sorry… I’m sorry I snapped earlier and just then… And I’m sorry I messed up the show tonight… It won’t happen again, okay?”  
“Shane, I don’t give a damn about tonight’s show… I’m worried about you and Nicky”  
“Well… Don’t be… You know us… We’ll sort it… We’ll work it out”  
“And if you don’t?”

Shane looked up and met his friend’s eyes.  
“Then it won’t matter will it?” Shane said. “That’ll be the end of it… The end of me & Nicky and the end of Westlife”  
For one brief moment, Kian feared that Shane was telling the truth… And what scared him more was that he believed him.

*

Nicky was sitting in the back of the other car, staring aimlessly out the window. He knew that his actions had hurt Shane as much as they hurt him. The blonde wasn’t used to travelling in a separate car. In fact, he wasn’t used to be separated from the younger boy.  
He felt so childish, knowing that he actually missed Shane. It hadn’t even been an entire day and he was already pining for his love. Sure, they’d spent time a part before… Like when Nicky would go shopping with Kian or Shane would hang out with Bryan but that was different. At the end of those times, they were happy to see each other and talk about what they’d done.

Something landed on his hand, snapping him from his thoughts. Nicky looked down and realized he’d started crying. He blinked away his tears, relieved it was night time and the inside of the car was dimly lit.  
Bryan was sitting beside Nicky. He reached out and placed his hand on top of his friends’, it was his way of saying ‘It’s okay, I’m here for you’. Nicky looked up and Bryan gave a slight nod of his head. 

This actually made him feel even worse. He’d snapped at Bryan right before the show. In fact, he snapped at all of his band mates and he felt terrible about it especially since he still hadn’t apologized.  
Nicky wanted to say something then but feared his voice would give him away. He didn’t want his friends to know he had been crying.

“Nicky-” Mark began to say.  
Bryan coughed and shook his head. The younger boy took the hint and immediately fell quiet. The three singers remained in silence for the rest of the drive back to the hotel.

The cars pulled into the underground parking lot and everyone climbed out.  
“I’m hitting the bar” Bryan stated. “I need a drink”  
He reached out and grabbed Nicky’s hand.  
“You need one too”

Shane didn’t move or speak. He watched as Bryan and Mark began to lead Nicky towards the lift. Kian stood by Shane’s side, obviously conflicted.  
He wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do in a situation like this. The last thing he wanted to do was take sides but since he didn’t know all the details, he wasn’t in any position to say who was right and who was wrong.  
Nicky was being taken care of by Bryan and Mark. Was Kian meant to stay with Shane?

By now, the lift doors had closed and their band mates were gone. Shane started towards the lift and pressed the call button. Fran was talking with Colin and Malcolm; Billy and Graeme had already gone ahead with Nicky, Bryan and Mark.

“So… What do you want to do tonight?” Kian asked Shane. His mind made up.  
“I don’t need a babysitter, Ki” Shane replied.  
“I know that… I just…”  
“Seriously, Ki… Just go, be with the other lads… I kinda just want to be alone right now anyway”  
Kian hesitated.  
Fran, Colin & Malcolm had caught up to them and all stood waiting for the lift.  
“Are you sure?” the blonde asked his friend.  
“Yeah, I’m sure” Shane said to him.

The doors opened and they all piled inside. When the doors opened in the Lobby, Kian stepped out and the doors closed once more. The remaining occupants reached their floor and exited. Colin and Malcolm retired to their rooms, leaving Shane with Fran.

“You didn’t talk to him, did you?” Fran asked.  
Shane shook his head. “I wanted to… Not that I really know what to say”  
“I don’t know what I’m supposed to say to you now…”  
“Just… Say it’s okay for me to stay in your room tonight”  
“Shane….”  
“Please? Nicky clearly needs some distance from me and it’s the most logical solution”  
“Well, okay… If that’s what you want”  
“Yeah… Yeah it is”

**--**

Nicky enjoyed drowning his sorrows with his band mates. In the back of his mind, he knew it was wrong to be out having a good time without Shane but he pushed those thoughts aside. Bryan was still in high spirits and Kian & Mark were getting along better than they had the previous day.  
The older blonde couldn’t help noticing the way Mark & Graeme interacted with each other. He wondered if his band mate was aware of how flirtatious the older lad was being.

Some of the patrons had started dancing in front of the bar, forming a make-shift dance floor. Kian grabbed Nicky’s arm and pulled him towards it, urging him to have some fun. He kept his drinking to a minimum, hoping he’d be able to talk to Shane before going to bed. He eventually lost track of the time and before he knew it, the bar was calling last drinks.

Nicky looked around, he and Kian were the only ones from their entourage still in the bar. Billy was sitting outside, still on alert and doing his job. Nicky took pity on him and lead Kian from the emptying bar.

“Sorry” Nicky apologized. “I know, it’s been a long day and all”  
“No problem” Billy replied. “Fran’s giving me the day off tomorrow anyway”   
“Lucky you” Kian piped up.  
“Hey, we don’t have a show tomorrow…” Nicky said. “So, technically we have the day off too”  
“Fantastic… I plan on sleeping all day” Kian replied.

The three lads headed for the lift. Kian and Nicky said goodnight to Billy and made their way to Kian’s room. Being as quiet as possible, Kian unlocked the door and they went inside.  
The room was dark. Not wanting to disturb Shane but having no other option, Kian turned the light on. The room was empty.

“Shane?” Nicky whispered.

“Over here” Kian said.  
The younger lad walked over to his bed and picked up a piece of paper.  
“Crashing in Fran’s room, Shane” Kian read aloud.  
“What if he’s been kidnapped and was forced to leave that note so we wouldn’t go looking for him?” Nicky asked.

Kian pulled out his phone. There was a text from Fran.  
“It’s legit” Kian told Nicky. “Fran confirmed it, like three hours ago”   
“Why would he text you and not me?”  
The younger boy shrugged his shoulders.

Nicky decided to drop the subject. It was late and he didn’t want to talk about it now.  
“I’m beat” he said. “I’m gonna hit the shower”  
“I’m going straight to bed” Kian replied.

The older boy went into the bathroom and closed the door. Kian peeled off his clothes and climbed into his bed. He turned the light off and closed his eyes. Sleep failed to take him so he lay in bed, staring up at the ceiling, wishing himself to sleep.  
He was still awake when Nicky emerged from the bathroom. For reasons unknown to himself, Kian pretended not to be awake. He listened as Nicky moved about the room then climbed into his own bed.  
For the longest time, the two singers lay in the dark, in silence. Just as Kian opened his mouth to say something, he heard a noise; followed by another. That was when he realized his band mate was crying.

It wasn’t until that moment that it occurred to him just how serious a fight his friends had gotten into. His heart went out to Nicky but his voice seemed to have failed him.   
In a decision he’d come to regret, Kian rolled over and closed his eyes once more. Choosing to ignore his friends’ heartache, the younger boy slowly fell asleep.


	34. Chapter 34

In the morning, Kian awoke before Nicky. He looked over at his friend and immediately felt bad for not helping him the previous night. The blonde climbed out of bed and went into the bathroom. He closed the door and moved towards the shower.  
The younger boy wondered if he should say something to Nicky. He tried to reason with himself. Nicky had believed him to be asleep, the older boy wouldn’t have cried like that if he’d known Kian could hear him… Unless he’d wanted to be heard.   
But Kian had tried several times to talk to Nicky during the night and he’d refused to open up. He’d given his friend a chance and Nicky had shut him down. Kian told himself not to feel guilty but he couldn’t help himself.

Once he’d showered and dressed, he left the bathroom. Nicky was still asleep. Kian checked his watch. He wasn’t sure who was on the first shift; he opened the door and went out into the hall. The blonde walked down the corridor and knocked on Fran’s door.  
It opened and he was greeted by a very grouchy Shane. The brunette didn’t appear to have slept at all. He wasn’t very happy to see Kian but the younger boy chose to write it off as him being sleep-deprived.

“Hey” Kian greeted him.  
“Whatever” Shane replied.  
“Shane, come on… What happened?”  
“I don’t want to talk about it”  
“Neither does Nicky” he paused. “I mean it; I’m worried about you two. I hate seeing you fight”  
“It’s a completely normal thing to do”  
“I know… It’s just… You look like Hell. You clearly didn’t sleep last night and I don’t think Nicky did either… Can’t you just kiss and make up already?”  
“I wish it was that easy, Ki… I really do”

With those words hanging in the air, Shane closed the door in his friend’s face.

*

Kian was staring at the closed door when something else caught his attention. A door down the hall opened and Mark came out. It was early; too early for the brunette to usually be awake. He was about to say something to him but stopped. There was something about the way his friend was moving, like he was trying to be stealthy… Like he didn’t want to be seen.  
That was when it occurred to Kian that Mark wasn’t coming out of his own room. The brunette quietly walked down the hall and stopped outside the room he was sharing with Bryan. He pulled out the key, unlocked the door and went inside.   
He didn’t see Kian. 

The blonde went back to his own room. He unlocked the door and stepped inside just as Nicky was waking up.

“Hey” Kian greeted him.  
“Morning” Nicky replied.  
“Nix… Can you remember who has the room next door to Fran?”  
“Huh?” Nicky yawned. “What?”  
“The rooms out in the hall… Who’s bunking next to Fran?”  
“Uh… Graeme, I think… Why?”  
“No reason”

Kian moved towards the kettle. He needed coffee. He hoped that would be enough to shake the uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach. Why would Mark be sneaking out of Graeme’s room so early in the morning? More importantly, why was he nervous about being seen?

**--**

Bryan was still asleep when Mark returned to their room. The brunette quietly pulled back the covers and climbed into his bed. He’d just gotten settled when he heard his roommate begin to stir. He kept his eyes closed, pretending to be asleep.  
He was so tired that he actually did fall asleep.  
The next time he opened his eyes; Bryan was up, showered, dressed and sitting on the couch watching cartoons. Mark yawned then stretched as he sat up and looked at Bryan.

“Morning sleepyhead” Bryan greeted him.  
“Hey” Mark replied, stifling another yawn.  
“Sleep well?”  
“Why wouldn’t I?”  
“Just asking”  
“No, you’re not… I know that tone… Come on, out with it”

Bryan shifted slightly on the couch then turned to meet Mark’s eye.  
“Look, I’m sorry I kicked you out when Kerry came to visit” he began.  
“I totally understand why you did and it’s all okay” Mark cut him off.  
“I’m just saying… I don’t want to have to worry about you too”  
“Worry? About me?”

The brunette kicked back the duvet and crawled to the end of the bed, moving closer to his friend. Bryan’s words were confusing him.  
“It’s hard enough with Nicky and Shane being all erratic… I don’t need you going AWOL too”  
“I’m not going AWOL… I swear”  
“Then where were you last night?”  
“What? Now you’re spying on me?”  
“Mark, no…” Bryan sighed. He wasn’t doing very well at this. “I just… I got up to pee during the night and noticed you weren’t here… And, given the circumstances… I know you weren’t with Kian and I don’t like the idea of you being out, late, alone…”  
“I wasn’t alone”

The younger boy replied a little too fast. Under other circumstances he would have realized that Bryan was speaking with genuine concern for him. Mark wasn’t sure why he was being so defensive though. He wasn’t ashamed of his new friendship with Graeme… Or was he?  
“You were… With someone?” Bryan asked.  
“Not like that” Mark replied. “I was drinking with Graeme and we stayed up, talking… Time got away from us and we crashed… I woke up about an hour ago and thought I should get back here before anyone started thinking something was going on when it isn’t”  
“I’m sorry, okay? I guess I shouldn’t have been so nosey”  
“I appreciate that you’re looking out for me but I’m fine”  
“And I’m forgiven?”  
“Always”  
“Thanks”

Mark couldn’t help returning Bryan’s infectious smile. The brunette climbed off the bed and made his way into the bathroom, pushing the door closed behind him. Once alone, he leaned against the door and let out a small breath. He hadn’t realized how close an eye Bryan had been keeping on him. For a moment, he wondered if he should have told his friend the truth.

**--**

For the next few days, Nicky and Shane continued not speaking to each other. Nicky spent a great amount of time with Kian while Shane busied himself with Fran or Bryan. He also spent a great deal of time on the phone, though Nicky had no idea who he was speaking to. The separation was driving both of them crazy but neither one wanted to be the first to give in.

Shane was relieved when it was time to move on to Newcastle. His suitcase was packed the night before and he was one of the first to awaken come morning. Fran was busy all morning, making last minute arrangements and making sure all the singers were packed and ready to leave. He also oversaw to the collecting of room keys and check-out of the hotel.  
The band members and security guards were crowded around the bus, waiting to be on their way. Shane felt someone fall in-step with him but didn’t look to see who it was. Instead, his eyes were focused straight ahead.  
Once he approached the bus and handed his suitcase over to be packed inside, his eyes fell upon Nicky’s suitcase and he realized the blonde must already be on the bus.

“He misses you” Kian’s voice was so close to Shane’s ear that the singer nearly jumped from fright.  
Shane looked up and saw Nicky watching him through the window. Their eyes met for a brief moment before they both averted their gaze.  
“And you miss him” Kian continued having witnessed the awkward exchange of eye contact.

Shane didn’t say anything. He didn’t even look at his friend, choosing instead to continue towards the bus. Once at the door, he stepped on board then stopped in the middle of the aisle. There were too many seats to choose from.  
Nicky was already seated about halfway along the right side; Mark was a few rows in front but on the left. Shane didn’t fancy sitting near the brunette but he wasn’t sure how close or far away from Nicky he should stray.  
He was holding up the rest of the entourage who also wanted to take their seats.

Keeping his head bowed, he moved down the aisle towards the back of the bus and sat down on the right, next to the window. From here he found himself staring at the back of Nicky’s blonde head. He saw Nicky twitch and hastily looked away.

Shane knew it was wrong to be so mad at Nicky but the blonde’s words still hurt. He often replayed their argument in his head, over and over again. It was also proving difficult to be angry with his lover when he knew neither of them were wrong. He didn’t want to be the first to apologize as he believed what he’d said to be true… But he also knew that Nicky felt exactly the same way. Shane had no idea how to resolve this fight and he knew Nicky was in the same boat… which is why they hadn’t kissed and made up yet. Neither one of them knew how.

Kian stepped onto the bus with Bryan. Neither one of them looked happy with the seating arrangements. Shane saw them exchange a look but no words before Kian dropped into the seat next to Nicky. Bryan started up the aisle and Shane assumed he’d spend the next two hours bugging Mark.  
No such luck, Bryan walked straight past the brunette and straight for Shane who immediately began shaking his head. Bryan’s only response was to grin and nod.  
Thankfully, he sank into the empty seat beside Shane and didn’t say a word.

It wasn’t long before everyone was on board and settled in for the drive. The engine started and they were on their way. Shane stared out the window, watching the buildings pass them by. He wasn’t looking at his watch but they were well out of the city before Bryan broke his silence.

“Shane…” He began.  
“Wow, Bry… That must be a record” Shane replied.  
“I am capable of sitting quietly, I’ll have you know”  
“Okay… Guess I’ve just never seen it is all”  
“I kept my mouth shut the whole time we were in court for your trial”

The silence immediately came back.  
The court case and Shane’s involvement was something they just didn’t talk about anymore. It was still fresh in all their minds but out of respect for Shane (and Nicky) they tried their best not to mention it in conversation.

“Shit” Bryan cursed. “I’m sorry”  
“Don’t be…” Shane replied, his voice very low. “It happened and you’re right… You were quiet then”   
“I’m really not going about this the right way”  
“No, you’re really not”  
“Shane-”  
“I know what you’re trying to do and it’s not going to work” Shane continued before Bryan could interrupt him. “You’re going to lecture me about how bad things are between me and Nicky and try to convince me to rectify them… Don’t get me wrong, Bry. I want to fix this but… I just don’t know how… I don’t know if I can”  
“Well, you know what the best part is of a three hour drive? Neither of you can get away”

Bryan grabbed Shane’s hand and pulled him to his feet. He then marched down the aisle of the bus just as Kian was pulling Nicky from his seat. The sudden commotion caught everyone’s attention.

“Bryan, let me go” Shane argued.  
“Kian, stop” Nicky insisted, attempting to break free of his friend’s grasp.  
“No” Bryan insisted. “We’re sick of this and want the two of you to sort this out”  
“And we’re not taking no for an answer” Kian added. 

Mark was watching from his seat but hadn’t made any attempt to help Nicky and Shane or Kian and Bryan. He was considering making a move when someone slid into the seat beside him.

“You know, it’s pretty cool how far you’re all willing to go to help each other out” Graeme said to Mark.  
“Yeah, years of friendship does come in handy from time to time” Mark agreed.  
“You’re not going to help?”  
“Kian and Bryan have got it covered”

Fran had been halfway out of his seat before he realized what was actually happening. Knowing this was something they had to settle for themselves, he sat back down but kept his eye on the singers. He watched as Bryan and Kian escorted Nicky and Shane to the back of the bus.  
Colin was sitting in the second row from the back and stood up, moving a few rows forward. There wasn’t going to be much privacy on the bus but he felt that keeping out of earshot was a good start.

Following their friend’s insistence, Nicky and Shane both sat down and looked up at their conspirators.  
“Neither one of you is going back to their seats until you’ve sorted this” Bryan said.  
“Are you wacked? We’re not going to talk about this here… in front of everyone” Shane replied.  
“Which is why you’re at the back of the bus and we’re going back to the front. It’s been days, lads…. And we’re sick of it. You’re both miserable and moping about… We’re all suffering and so are our concerts. I’m surprised the press hasn’t caught on yet”  
“It’s only a matter of time before the press does figure it out and announce to the public about your breakup” Kian added.  
“We haven’t-” Shane tried to argue.  
“Really?” Bryan snapped. “You don’t talk to one and other; you’ll barely even look at each other and when was the last time the two of you even so much as held hands? Because I’ve got to tell you… This *looks* like a breakup to me”

“So you two are going to sit here for the next two hours and talk” Kian continued. “Then you’ve got two options…. Kiss and make up or end it. Either way, before you get off this bus, you will have made a decision”

Nicky averted his eyes, gazing down at his hands which were folded in his lap. Shane was glaring at Kian and Bryan’s retreating forms. He was mad yet impressed at the effort their friends were going to for them. Bryan reached his seat and turned back to look at the couple.  
He stared Shane down for a moment before mouthing the word ‘talk’. He then swung around and dropped into his own seat. Shane looked down and placed his hand on the empty seat that separated him from his blonde lover. He was hopeful that Nicky would bridge the gap by placing his own hand on top of or beside Shane’s.

They both sat in silence for some time. Shane was, once again, replaying their argument in his mind. He may not have meant for his tone to be so harsh but a part of him really had meant what he’d said to Nicky.   
Nicky shifted in his seat, attempting to make himself more comfortable. He was more than willing to wait this out. The last thing he wanted was to talk about this, especially not right now and in front of their friends.

“So… We’re not going to say anything… At all?” Shane said.  
“That’s right” Nicky replied.  
The older boy watched as Shane began to retract his hand. It was so tempting to reach out and grab hold of it. He wanted to tell Shane that he missed him and still loved him. He wanted Shane to know that this wasn’t the end for them… That Nicky didn’t want to break up with him. He longed to lean over, kiss Shane and erase all memory of their fight. But that wasn’t going to happen.

The silence was starting to consume them once again.  
“Kian said you miss me” Shane tried again. He wasn’t sure why he was putting in more effort than Nicky.  
“You’re saying you don’t miss me?” Nicky replied.  
“Of course I do… I just… I’d like to know if you miss me as much as I miss you”  
“Oh so suddenly it’s a competition now?”

Nicky’s voice travelled down the bus. Colin, Kian and Bryan all turned around and looked at them. Kian shook his head but Shane wasn’t sure who he was directing this at, himself or Nicky.  
“Is Kian right?” Shane asked, still looking down the aisle at Kian. Bryan and Colin had already turned back to their own devices. “Is this a breakup?”

The blonde didn’t reply. His gaze was also fixated upon something happening along the bus. Graeme and Mark were sitting together, their faces very close while they exchanged private words. It was clear they were whispering back and forth which made Nicky wonder what it was the two of them were trying to hide.  
The entire entourage on the bus was aware that something was wrong between Nicky & Shane, especially now that Kian and Bryan had singled them out. Surely what was happening between himself and Shane was equally as private (if not more personal) as what Mark and Graeme were whispering about.

“Nicky?” Shane whispered. “Are we breaking up?”  
“I…” Nicky stammered. He still wouldn’t look at Shane. “I can’t do this”  
The blonde climbed to his feet, preparing to make a run for it. Shane was quicker and already blocking the aisle. He was on his feet, with his arms around Nicky before the older boy could move more than two steps.  
“Nix” Shane said. “Please?”

Nicky broke free of Shane’s grasp but didn’t attempt another getaway. He sank back down in the seat. The brunette saw Kian watching them and flipped him off. They weren’t making any progress at all and he was prepared to blame Kian for it.

“Come on, Nix” Shane said. “Talk to me, please?”  
“You’re not talking to me” Nicky replied. “So why should I start?”  
“Fine… I’ll start… I miss talking to you and laughing with you. I miss waking up next to you… I miss the jokes we share onstage. I… I miss you”  
Nicky folded his arms across his chest.  
“Shane… I don’t want to talk about this right now” Nicky said. “Not here and not in front of everyone”  
“They can’t hear us”  
“That doesn’t matter… This is important and we need to talk about it but not like this”  
“Then what do you suggest we do? Bryan’s not going to let us off this bus until we’ve sorted this out”

Nicky looked to the front of the bus, waiting for just the right moment. Every few minutes, Bryan would turn around and see if they were talking. It was nearly time for his routine check. As soon as the blonde started to turn his head, Nicky reacted.  
He turned, looking at Shane for the first time, then leaned forward and kissed him.

The brunette hadn’t been expecting it but he immediately went with it. He wrapped his arms around Nicky, pulling the older boy to him and deepening their kiss.  
Nicky was about to pull away, convinced that the ploy had worked, given Bryan’s enthusiastic squeal, but he couldn’t. Shane’s arms were around him, holding him close and protectively. That small, intimate gesture was enough to break through the blonde’s anger.  
Shane loved him.  
There was no doubt in his mind of that. He loved the younger boy too. No matter how mad or hurt he was, he couldn’t change how he felt. He finally managed to break the embrace, moving away from Shane and not making eye contact with the brunette.

Shane was confused. He didn’t understand why Nicky had done what he had. Before he could say anything, Fran was standing in front of them.  
“Shane, can I talk to you for a minute?” he asked. “I need you to… uh… Look over these papers for me”  
Fran held up a folder.  
“Uh, I’ll leave you to it” Nicky stood up and moved past Fran. The older lad sat down in the seat Nicky had vacated. The two of them watched as the blonde made his way along the length of the bus and sank down into a seat near the front.

“What did you want me to look at?” Shane asked.  
“Ummm, nothing” Fran replied.  
He opened the folder but it was filled with travel documents and itineraries. Nothing that would need Shane’s input.  
“Then why…?”  
“I’m sorry, Shane but I thought it best to separate the two of you before a fight… or argument broke out”  
The younger lad didn’t say anything. He just pretended to be interested in what Fran was holding, all the while trying not to look at Nicky.


	35. Chapter 35

If Bryan or Kian had any suspicions about Shane and Nicky’s reconciliation, neither of them let on. They both took it at face value that their plan had worked. It wasn’t until the five singers were standing in the corridor outside their rooms that Bryan and Kian realized they’d been had, when Fran broached the subject of room assignments,  
For a moment, none of them moved or spoke. All eyes seemed to focus on Nicky and Shane. The older of the two was the first to speak.

“I want to stay with Bryan” his voice was low and almost unsure.  
“But we thought-” Kian began but Fran quickly cut him off.  
“It makes sense to separate them for the time being… We should have done it sooner”  
“Fran, are you-?” Kian tried to argue but Fran cut him off again.  
“Bryan, are you okay with that?”  
Their band mate simply nodded then held his hand out for one of the keys.

“I’d like to be on my own, if that’s okay” Mark stated. Fran didn’t hesitate to hand one of the keys to the brunette.  
Nicky was very curious as to Mark’s reasons for wanting to be alone and when he saw the expression on Bryan’s face, he knew the blonde was curious too. Bryan wanted to say something but decided not to. He shouldered his bag then walked towards his room as Fran turned his attention to Shane and Kian.  
“Last room… Are you two okay to share?” Fran asked. “Because… Well, Kian if you want to be alone too then I’m happy to uh if Shane wants to stay with me, he can”

Shane bowed his head, averting his eyes. He knew Fran hadn’t meant to sound condescending but Shane couldn’t help feeling that the older lad had just volunteered for babysitting duties.  
He wasn’t sure what to say. Truthfully, he wanted to stay with Fran but he didn’t want Kian to feel that he was abandoning him.

Kian watched as Mark walked down the hall to his own room and a part of him wanted to follow him.  
“I could use some alone time too” Kian said. “Especially since you two cramped my style last time” he was smiling as he said these words but there was something behind his eyes that Shane couldn’t quite read. He watched as Kian took the key from Fran and went into the room beside Mark’s.

Fran delegated the rest of the rooms to their security detail then followed Shane into the room they would be sharing for the next three nights. He closed the door behind him then walked straight into Shane. The brunette had barely taken two steps into the room before stopping.

“Uh, Shane?” Fran began. “Is there a problem?”  
“What?” Shane replied.  
“Are you just going to stand there for the rest of the afternoon?”  
“Oh… Sorry”

The younger lad finally walked over to one of them beds and dropped his suitcase beside it. He then threw himself down upon the mattress and stared up at the high ceiling. Fran was confused, he hadn’t seen Shane this low before and was suddenly worried for him.  
“Shane, are you okay?”  
“I’m fine”  
“Well you’re sure not acting like it”

Shane rolled over, placing his back to his friend. Fran shook his head then walked over to the bed. He sat down next to the singer.  
“Talk to me” Fran said. His tone was reassuring yet slightly demanding at the same time. “Or I’ll just have to go next door and get Nicky… Is that what you want?”  
Shane rolled back over.  
“I know the two of you are going through a rough patch… And after that, out in the hall, the other lads know you didn’t really kiss and make up. What is it going to take to get the two of you back on speaking terms?”  
“I don’t know Fran… And that’s what really hurts”

*

Bryan wasn’t sure why Nicky had jumped at the chance to bunk in with him. The thought actually scared him a little bit. The last time the two of them had shared a hotel room was when Shane had been kidnapped.  
That was a time they never talked about. They all just tried to pretend it never happened, that the memories weren’t still there, eating away at them…

“You two didn’t really make up, did you?” Bryan asked as he collapsed on the couch.  
Nicky was sitting on one of the beds. He looked up at Bryan and slowly shook his head.

“Oh Nicky” Bryan sighed. “I’m sorry we tried to force the two of you into it”  
“It’s okay… I know why you did it”  
“You’re not mad, are you?”  
“Do you think I’d be here if I was?”  
“I don’t know. You and I haven’t shared a room for years”  
“I’m sorry... if you don’t want me here-”  
“NO, that’s not what I meant, Nicky… Really”  
“It’s just that… I wanted a break from Kian and I… I don’t think I’d be comfortable sharing with Mark”  
“You mean, because Shane would be angry and jealous?”

Nicky shook his head.  
“I didn’t even think of that. Shane *would* be pissed though” Nicky smiled but it was a sad smile. “I just don’t know if I could be around him like that… And how would Mark feel? I could never feel that way about him but if I shared a room with him… Would I be giving him the wrong idea?”  
“I’m sorry, Nicky” Bryan swung his legs around and sat up properly in the seat. “It never occurred to me… How hard things must be for you”  
The older boy shrugged his shoulders.  
“It’s a lot harder right now. I don’t want to do anything to upset Shane but just talking to Mark seems to get Shane’s back up…. And, right now, I feel like I can’t talk to Shane so I better not talk to Mark either…And with only five of us in the group… I feel like I’m not doing my job properly”

Bryan sat quietly for a moment. He had no idea what to say to Nicky.  
“Is there anything I can do to help?”  
“Letting me stay with you helps”  
“I meant something more productive”  
“I don’t know, Bry…”   
“Maybe the two of you just need to sit down and talk this out… Away from prying ears and eyes”  
“We will… Eventually”  
“You sound pretty sure of yourself there”  
“Of course, I love him Bryan and nothing’s ever going to change that”

**--**

Despite Nicky’s certainty, he and Shane didn’t exchange any words for the rest of the day. The concert that night went off without a hitch and the five lads were in fine form. Of course fans in the audience noticed the way Nicky and Shane avoided each other but they still sang along to all the songs and had a good time.  
In the cars on the way back to the hotel, Bryan tried to talk to Nicky while Kian attempted to get through to Shane. It was very frustrating as their band mates were both being so stubborn.

“It’s no good” Kian said to Bryan after they’d entered his room.  
“Nicky’s insisting they’ll work it out” Bryan replied. “But neither one of them seems to want to make the first move”  
“Which is fucked because the separation is clearly driving both of them crazy”  
“I don’t know what else we can do”  
“Leave them be? Let them sort it for themselves? Maybe the time apart is doing them some good. I mean, for as long as they’ve been a couple, they’ve barely gone a few hours without speaking to each other (circumstances not withstanding)”   
Bryan nodded in agreement.

“I’d better go, I don’t want to leave Nicky on his own” Bryan said. “Well, I think Graeme’s with him but you know what I mean”  
“Right. Night Bry”  
“Night Ki”

Bryan left Kian’s room and headed back to his own. The door to Mark’s room opened and his band mate came out.  
“Hey Mark” Bryan greeted him.  
“Oh, hi”  
“You heading out?”  
“Just going down to the bar”  
“Alone?”  
“I’m a big boy! I can take care of myself”

Before Bryan could respond, Mark stormed off. The blonde shrugged and continued on to his own room. He unlocked the door and went inside. Nicky and Graeme were playing a card game.

“Hey, you’re back” Nicky greeted him.  
“Did you want us to stop?” Graeme asked.  
“Nah, you’re fine”  
“Say, what time is it?”  
“After midnight, why?”  
“Crap, I told a friend of mine I’d meet him down at the bar…”  
“You’re losing pretty bad anyway… Might as well call it a night” Nicky piped up.  
“If you say so” Graeme smiled. “I’ll see you lads tomorrow”

“Night Graeme” Nicky said as the security guard headed for the door. “Have fun with your friend”  
“Oh, I intend to” he winked at the blonde before disappearing out the door.

“Bryan, what’s wrong?” Nicky couldn’t help notice the look on his friend’s face.  
“Nothing, I guess I’m just grasping at straws”  
“You look like you want to rip someone’s head off”  
“It’s fine, Nix… Really… Don’t worry about it”  
“Okay…. But if it starts to bother you more, you can talk to me about it”  
“I know and I will, okay?”  
“Okay”

Nicky began to pack away the cards while Bryan went into the bathroom and closed the door. The older boy wanted to ask more questions but chose not to. If something was bothering Bryan that much, he’d say something… Wouldn’t he?

**--**

The following day, the five singers found themselves with a morning off. Kian and Shane ventured out together; Mark disappeared on his own while Bryan and Nicky went shopping. Even Fran had the morning to himself which he used to check in with Tash before catching up on some much needed sleep.  
When he awoke from his mid-morning nap, Shane had returned from his morning sojourn and was sitting on the couch, reading a book. Fran assumed this meant Shane still hadn’t rectified things with Nicky.

“Hey” Fran yawned.  
“Morning sleepyhead” Shane replied, not looking up from his book.  
“How was your morning?”  
“More productive than yours”

Fran’s phone began to ring. He fumbled for a moment as he reached for it. Once in hand, he checked the caller ID. It was Malcolm.

“This is Fran” he greeted Mal.  
“Hey Fran” Mal replied. “Uh… Are you alone right now? That is, is Shane with you? If he is, remain calm”  
“Okay”  
“So, he is with you?”  
“Yes”  
“Fran, there’s been an accident”

*

Shane didn’t pay much attention to his roommate so he was caught off guard when Fran started to pull him out of his seat.

“Hey, what gives…?” Shane asked.  
“Were you even listening to me?” Fran replied. From the look on the brunette’s face, it was obvious that he hadn’t been.  
“I have to go out for a little while. Some… Issue…. At the venue. I’m going to drop you off with Colin first”  
“I’m fully capable of walking down the hall on my own”  
“I know but I wouldn’t be doing my job if I let you run rampant through the hotel”

Fran pushed Shane out the door and they walked down the hall together. He knocked on the door and waited for Colin to answer. When he did, Fran gave him the slightest nod and Colin caught on immediately.

“Need a babysitter, huh?” Colin joked.  
“I know you’re off the clock…” Fran replied.  
“Nah, it’s cool. Come on in, Shane”  
The brunette shook his head, totally oblivious to the silent exchange. He walked past Fran and into the room.

“I’ll be in touch” Fran whispered. “Just… Don’t let him catch on”

**--**

The driver dropped Fran off at the hospital entrance and hurried inside. He didn’t get very far before he heard someone call his name. Fran turned and saw Bryan coming towards him.

“Bryan, what’s going on?” Fran asked.  
“He’s okay” Bryan replied.  
They fell in step and the younger boy led Fran through a series of hallways.  
“There’s no need to panic… You didn’t tell Shane, though, did you?”  
“You seriously think I’d be here alone if he knew?”  
“Good point”  
“I’m going to ask again… What happened? Mal didn’t say-”  
“We weren’t watching where we were going and Nicky got clipped by some jerk on a motorcycle. It was definitely an accident though”  
“Are you sure?”  
“Yes, the lad stopped and he called the ambulance… They’ve already taken a statement and it’s all above board”  
“And Nicky’s okay?”  
“He… He will be…”  
“Bryan?”  
“Well, when he fell, he landed on his arm and it aggravated a previous injury….”  
“Bryan!” Fran was getting impatient.  
“He sprained his wrist, okay?”

Bryan stopped walking and nodded towards an open door. Fran peered inside and saw Nicky sitting on one of the beds, Malcolm was with him. The Doctor finished talking then turned and walked towards them. He nodded to Bryan and Fran as he moved past them. Nicky looked up and smiled at Fran and his band mate.

“Hey Fran” Nicky greeted him.  
“Well, you sure know how to give a lad a heart attack” Fran replied.  
“I didn’t do it on purpose”  
“I know” he smiled. “How are you feeling?”  
“I’m fine… A few scratches and bruises”  
“And your wrist?”

Nicky raised his arm and showed their head of security the bandage.  
“It’s just a sprain” Nicky assured him. “A few days… a week or so and I’ll be as good as new. Well, as good as I was before”

Malcolm had moved away to give Bryan and Fran more room to talk to Nicky but the blonde singer noticed.  
“And can you tell Mal to stop blaming himself?” Nicky said to Fran. He was smiling at Malcolm as he spoke. “I keep telling him it wasn’t his fault. I stepped off the curb without looking. It was my mistake and my fault”  
“He’s right” Bryan added. “I saw it. There was nothing you could have done”

“It’s my job to keep you safe” Mal replied.  
“And you have” Nicky said. The older lad just shook his head in disbelief. “I don’t blame you for this in anyway because it wasn’t your fault… And you need to believe that too”

“Mal, a word?” Fran said. “Outside?”

The two of them left the room, leaving Bryan with Nicky.  
Once out in the hall, Fran turned and looked at the older lad. Mal didn’t say anything, he simply stared down at the floor.

“You know as well as I do that accidents happen” Fran said.  
“Nicky could have been killed” Malcolm replied.  
“And that’s not your fault. These things happen”  
“Twice now, Fran… That’s twice that Nicky’s been in my care and I’ve let him down. First in the hotel when I failed to check the room… And now this. I’ve always been good at my job”  
“And that’s why I hired you. Because I trust that you’ll always do your best”  
“I think I need to resign”  
“Mal!”  
“I’m serious, Fran…” 

“Malcolm, I… I can’t believe I’m hearing this. It’s your job to protect people and at the first sign of trouble, you’re ready to throw in the towel and go home?”  
“Shane will have my head for this” Mal replied. “When he finds out that I let this happen to Nicky… He already hates me from that last incident”  
“And lucky for you, I’m the boss and what I say goes. Shane isn’t your problem, he’s mine. So just keep your focus and make sure nothing like this happens again”

Fran turned and headed back into Nicky’s room. The blonde singer was attempting to put his jacket back on. Bryan took pity on his friend and finally helped him.  
“Did you bring a car?” Nicky asked. “I want to get back to the hotel”  
“You should rest before the show tonight” Bryan said.  
“Have you been cleared to do tonight’s show?” Fran wondered.  
“Yeah, it’s just my wrist…. I just won’t be able to switch hands with the microphone is all”

Fran didn’t look convinced but he relented.  
“I told the driver to wait outside” he said. “I’ll call him and tell him to meet us”  
“Great” Nicky grinned then headed for the door. Malcolm was waiting for him.

Bryan caught Fran’s eye and they exchanged a look. They were both, clearly, wondering the same thing. How was Shane going to react when he found out?

*

Malcolm sat in the front with the driver while Fran squeezed into the back seat with Bryan and Nicky. None of them spoke during the short drive back to the hotel. They pulled into the underground car park and climbed out of the vehicle. The group made their way inside and up to their floor.   
Nicky went straight to his room with Malcolm while Bryan went with Fran. The older lad knocked on the door to Colin’s room. When it opened, Shane greeted them.

“Fran, you’re back” Shane smiled. “Everything all sorted at the venue?”  
“Shane, I lied to you…” Fran replied. “Can we come in?”  
“Uh, sure”

Shane stepped aside. He hadn’t noticed Bryan until the blonde followed Fran into the room. His heart leaped into his throat and he felt a mild panic attack beginning. His first reaction was that something terrible had happened to Nicky but Fran and Bryan were being too calm for anything to be seriously wrong.

“Shane, the reason I left you here with Colin was that I had to go to the hospital” Fran began.  
“Nicky? Where is he?” Shane demanded to know.  
“He’s fine, Shay” Bryan spoke up.  
“I was told not to tell you because Nicky didn’t want you to get upset” Fran continued.  
“Upset… What happened?”  
“Nicky got clipped by a lad on a motorbike. He’s okay, a few scratches and a minor sprain on his wrist but he’s going to be fine. I had to go and collect him and Bryan but Nicky didn’t want you there” 

“He didn’t want to see me?” Shane trailed off.  
The brunette sank down on the couch, the thought tearing at his heart.

“He didn’t want you to cause a scene, Shane” Bryan explained. “We were with Malcolm when it happened and Nicky was worried that you would try to blame him”  
Bryan moved towards his friend and sat down next to him.  
“All he talked about the whole time was you. He really wanted you there but he was scared of how you’d react… It was a minor incident that we’re hoping has gone unnoticed but if you’d been there…”  
“I would have caused more trouble” Shane finished. “When can I see him?”

“He’s in our room” Bryan said. “Malcolm’s with him”  
The blonde reached into his pocket and pulled out his room key. He handed it to Shane. “I’ll be in your room when you’re done”


	36. Chapter 36

Shane stood in the hall outside Nicky’s room, attempting to collect himself and his thoughts. He turned and saw Bryan and Fran going into Fran’s room. The blonde grinned and gave him the thumbs up.  
Shane took a deep breath as he slid the key into the lock before opening the door. He stepped into the room and found Nicky sitting on the couch. Malcolm was sitting at the small table, flicking through a newspaper.

“Get out” Shane said to Malcolm. “I need to talk to Nicky”

The security guard stood up but didn’t say anything. He looked over at the blonde and Nicky nodded his head. Mal shrugged his shoulders and moved towards the door.  
“I’ll be out in the hall if you need me” he said before stepping out of the room.

Shane waited until the door had fully closed behind Malcolm before turning his full attention to Nicky. The blonde stood up and looked at him. He watched as Shane’s eyes scanned down to his arms. Nicky carefully removed his jacket and tossed it onto the couch. Shane’s gaze rested on the white bandage and his expression appeared to soften.

“It’s just a sprain” Nicky explained. Shane nodded his head.  
“Bryan told me” he replied. “Does it hurt?”  
“Not really… Comes and goes”

The brunette moved closer, one step at a time. He wasn’t sure if Nicky would stop him or move away but the blonde let him approach. Shane stopped just shy of his lover and slowly extended his hand. He reached out and took Nicky’s injured wrist. Slowly and carefully, he raised the older boy’s hand to his lips and gently kissed it. He then looked up and his eyes met with Nicky’s.

Shane’s heart began to beat faster as he reached out with his other hand and placed it upon his lover’s chest. The blonde’s heart was beating as erratically as his. It was Nicky’s turn to make a move so he reached up with his uninjured hand and gently brushed his thumb across the brunette’s cheek.

“I’m sorry, Nicky” Shane whispered. “I’m sorry about everything”  
“I know” Nicky replied, his voice equally low. “I’m sorry too”  
“Can you forgive me?”  
“Maybe… Can you forgive *me*?”

Shane lowered his eyes. He wanted to say something but feared it would just incite another argument. The brunette reached up and took hold of Nicky’s hand, pulling it away from his cheek.  
“Nix…” Shane began. “Baby…”

The older boy misread Shane’s actions and immediately tried to pull away. The brunette wasn’t as willing to let his lover go.  
“Nicky” Shane tried again. “Come here”

Shane took Nicky’s hand in his and began to move towards the bed. Realizing his mistake, the younger boy quickly diverted their path and led Nicky over to the couch. He then indicated for the blonde to sit down.  
Nicky didn’t say a word but he did as Shane silently asked. They then sat side by side on the couch, Shane’s hand still holding onto Nicky’s.

“I want us to forgive each other, Nix” Shane said. “I want you to forgive me but we have to talk about it first…If it leads to another argument, then so be it but this isn’t just going to magically go away”  
Nicky slowly nodded his head.  
“I’m going to go first, okay?” Shane asked. Nicky nodded his head once more.

Shane kept a firm hold on the blonde’s hand, his finger sought out Nicky’s engagement ring and the younger boy held back a sigh of relief. They’d barely spoken to each other for days yet neither one of them had dared remove their engagement ring.

“I’m sorry, Nicky” Shane said. “I’m sorry for the things I said to you and for the way I said them. I don’t know how to fix this… I wish I did but we can’t just click our fingers and have everything the way it was before. Nicky, you have to know how much I love you and how much I want to be with you”  
“I love you too, Shay” Nicky whispered.

“Okay, so maybe I did mean some of the things I said to you” Shane continued. “But I never meant to say it so harsh or bluntly… We keep saying this again and again but we’re not like normal couples. What’s ‘normal’ for us… it… it shouldn’t be. But no matter what life throws at us, we’ve stayed together because we love each other. Nicky, baby, I do want to have sex with you”   
He saw the look of panic that flashed through his lover’s eyes but he quickly continued.   
“But I’m not saying it has to be right this second… We’ve been together for nearly two years and in that time, we’ve had sex once. Just once… And, I know that for the longest time, I was the one holding us back. Those first few months that we were together, I could see it in your eyes, how much you wanted to be with me but I just wasn’t ready…”  
Tears were beginning to form in Shane’s eyes but he blinked them back, maintaining eye contact with Nicky.  
“And yet you stood by me and you held me and you loved me… You never once pushed me for more. You never asked for more than I was willing or ready to give you”

Shane took a deep breath.  
“Until now, I never realized how much I was asking of *you* back then. You were so patient and… and loving and… you were the perfect boyfriend… But now that you’re the one who’s suffering and holding us back… Why am I not willing to give you the same courtesy?”

“Shay” Nicky reached up and wiped the tears from his lover’s eyes. “It’s because I didn’t know what I was missing out on… But you do. I understand where you’re coming from, Shane… I really do. We had one night together, a night that you can remember and I can’t. In my mind, I still don’t know what I’m missing out on because I don’t remember what having sex with you was like… But you can. And I’ll bet you think about it, every time you look at me”  
Shane closed his eyes and nodded his head, almost ashamed to be admitting such a thing to Nicky.

“Look at me” Nicky whispered.  
He placed his hand under Shane’s chin and urged the brunette to meet his gaze. Shane reluctantly opened his eyes and found himself staring into Nicky’s intense blue eyes.  
“I love you, Shane” Nicky whispered.

The blonde then leaned closer, bridging the gap between them and capturing Shane’s lips in a deep, tender kiss. At first Shane didn’t react, he was still too shaken. Then his mind shouted at him and he snapped to attention. Nicky was kissing him, Nicky was forgiving him.  
Shane wrapped his arms around Nicky and held him close while returning his lover’s kiss with as much enthusiasm as he could muster. Eventually they had to part as the desire for oxygen became too strong. They separated, still holding each other close as they panted for breath.

“I love you, Nicky” Shane whispered. “More than I can ever show you”  
“Maybe *I* can show *you*” Nicky replied.

Shane opened his mouth to question the blonde but Nicky silenced him with a kiss. He then stood up, pulling his lover up with him. Each time Shane attempted to break the embrace, Nicky held even tighter. Within seconds they were by the bed and Nicky was pushing Shane down onto it.

“Nicky… What?” Shane asked once he was able to draw breath.  
“Shhhhh” Nicky placed his finger on Shane’s lips. “Don’t talk… Just lay back and… Enjoy”

The brunette was apprehensive. He was suddenly nervous about Nicky’s intentions. The older boy climbed onto the bed beside him then leaned down and claimed his lips once again. It felt so good to be so close to Nicky again that it took a moment before he felt what the blonde was up to.  
He managed to stop Nicky before his hand could penetrate Shane’s underwear.

“Nicky?” Shane gasped. “I didn’t… I don’t… This isn’t…”  
The blonde laughed and Shane felt a slight shiver pass down his spine. If felt so good to hear Nicky’s sweet laughter once again.  
“Please Shane?” Nicky whispered in his lover’s ear. “I want to do this for you”  
“No… I can’t let you…It’s too soon”

Shane’s body was betraying him. His skin was tingling where Nicky’s breath teased him and his cock was stirring at the prospect of being touched.  
“You want this” Nicky said. “I know you do”  
“I don’t want to lose you again” Shane stated.  
“Shay, what you said to me before is the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me and I want to show you how much I appreciate it”  
“But you don’t have to do *this*”  
“I know I don’t”

Before Shane could think of another argument, Nicky had pulled down his pants and boxers enough to free his engorged cock. It was already seeping with pre-cum, having not been touched or teased for several days.

“Nicky!” Shane tried once last time to stop Nicky from giving him a hand job but his pleas were ignored as Nicky leaned down and took Shane’s weeping hardness into his mouth.  
The shock was almost enough to send Shane over the edge then and there but he managed to compose himself. He opened his eyes and watched as his cock slid in and out of his lover’s mouth.

“Nicky” Shane pleaded. “Love you… I love you… I love you”  
He didn’t know what else to say. His mind had shut down and his entire body felt like it had turned to jelly… Except for his cock which was still rock hard. He resisted the urge to thrust, trying his best to remain very still. His eyes locked with Nicky’s and he feared his heart was going to explode along with his cock.

His orgasm was approaching fast and he gripped the duvet, clasping his hand into a fist and biting his bottom lip to stop himself screaming out loud. He meant to warn his lover but he was writhing about in ecstasy and his orgasm took him by surprise.  
Stream after stream of his salty seed spurted from his hardness and straight down Nicky’s waiting throat. The blonde managed to swallow more this time than his first attempt but some spilled from his mouth and trickled down his chin.  
He let Shane’s now limp member fall from his lips then leaned back to admire his handiwork. Shane was still panting for breath, lost in the high from his orgasm.

Nicky slowly moved back up Shane’s body until their faces were mere inches apart. He stared down at the man he loved and smiled at him.  
“I love you, Shane” Nicky said to him.  
Shane opened his eyes and grinned back at his lover. He reached up and slid his hand behind Nicky’s neck. Then he covered the space between them and slowly licked the traces of his own cum from Nicky’s chin.

For Nicky, it was the most beautiful thing Shane could have done at that moment and he felt his body begin to tremble. The brunette wrapped his arms around Nicky and pulled the older boy down beside him. They both lay together on the bed, their bodies pressed close together.

“Thank you” Shane whispered before placing a kiss to Nicky’s forehead. “I can’t believe you… What were you thinking?”  
Nicky looked up and met Shane’s hazel eyes.  
“I’m not ready to have sex, Shay” Nicky replied. “But I don’t want to deprive you of it either”  
“Nicky-”  
“I don’t want us to fight like that again, Shane… I want us to be together and I’m willing to do anything to make it so”  
“I would never force you to do anything you don’t want to or are not ready for”  
“I know. I wanted to do this for you and I promise I’ll do it again and again and again for as long as we both want to… You know, until I’m ready for us to start fucking”  
“Oh Nicky” Shane sighed before tightening his hold on his lover. “I’d be happy to spend the rest of my life doing that with you” he smiled. “But I’m going to continue to look forward to the day when I can take you in my arms and make love to you all night”  
It was Nicky’s turn to smile.

The two singers lay in each other’s arms for the longest time. Shane wondered how much time had passed and hoped Bryan wouldn’t come looking for them. He was beginning to think that Nicky had fallen asleep when the blonde’s voice broke through his pondering.

“Was I any good?” Nicky whispered.  
“What?” Shane asked, confused by his love’s question.  
“When we had se… When we made love the first time… Was I good?”  
“Nicky, baby, you were incredible”  
“Really?”  
“And truly… When I held you in my arms and we stared into each other’s eyes… I was inside you and you were looking at me with so much love and trust in your eyes… I swear, it was one of the most amazing, most incredible feelings I’ve ever experienced”

“I’m sorry I can’t remember it” Nicky whispered.  
“I’m sorry too” Shane replied.  
“What if I never get my memories back?”  
“You will, baby… You will”

A few minutes passed and Nicky nodded off to sleep. Shane slowly slid out from under the blonde, being careful not to wake him. He stood up and readjusted his clothes. Once he was fully dressed, the younger boy made his way across the room and quietly slipped out the door.

*

When Nicky awoke from his nap, he was surprised to find himself alone on the bed. For the briefest moment, he feared it had all been a dream… That Shane hadn’t really come to him and they hadn’t really made up.

“Oh Shane” Nicky whispered.  
“Baby, I’m right here” Shane’s voice came from the other side of the room. “I thought I’d be back before you woke up”

Nicky sat up and found Shane standing by the door. In his arms was an exquisite bouquet of roses. The brunette walked over to the bed and sat down beside his lover. He offered the bouquet to Nicky, placing a kiss on the blonde’s lips as he did so.  
The older boy held the roses in his arms and stared at Shane, completely lost for words.

“Shay…” Nicky stammered. “What…. Why….?”  
“Because I love you” Shane replied. He nervously averted his eyes, suddenly feeling very foolish. “God… Its lame, isn’t it? I shouldn’t have-”  
“Shane, they’re perfect”

The blonde leaned forward and kissed his love once more.  
“I love them” Nicky insisted. “They must have cost a fortune…”  
“I just… You did such an amazing thing for me and I… I wanted to… To say thank you but I… I wasn’t sure how and-”  
Nicky cut him off by kissing him again.  
“Shay, you’re mumbling” Nicky laughed.  
“I can’t help it if you make me incoherent” Shane replied.  
“God, I missed you”  
Shane wrapped his arms around Nicky  
“I missed you too”

**--**

“Do you think they killed each other?” Bryan asked Fran for what felt like the twentieth time. “I mean, it’s been nearly two hours”  
“They had a lot to talk about” Fran replied. He grabbed the remote from the singer’s hand and switched the TV off.

“Hey, I was watching that” Bryan argued.  
“No, you were channel flicking and it was driving me nuts”  
“Well, I’m sorry… I’d go back to my own room but I stupidly gave Shane the key”  
“Why don’t you go see what Mark or Kian are up to?”  
“Maybe I should go check on Nicky? We have to leave for the venue soon”

Bryan was halfway to his feet when the door opened and Shane entered the room. He was holding Bryan’s key in his hand so he walked over and handed it back to the blonde.

“Thanks Bry” Shane said to him.

The brunette didn’t say anything else. He just continued past his band mate and went straight into the bathroom. Bryan and Fran exchanged a look as the bathroom door closed.

“I don’t get it…” Bryan said. “Did they make up or not?”  
Fran shrugged his shoulders.  
“I guess I better go check on Nicky” the blonde said. “Thanks for letting me hang out here”  
“No problem”

Bryan left the room and hurried down the hall to his own room. He slid the key into the lock and pushed the door open. The room was empty but he could hear the shower running in the bathroom. He pushed the door closed and walked over to his suitcase. Something in the corner of the room caught his eye and he turned around.  
On the table was a large bouquet of roses. He walked over to have a look but he couldn’t find a card. 

The shower stopped and Bryan was still examining the roses when Nicky stepped out of the bathroom.  
“Bryan?” Nicky greeted him.  
The younger boy turned around and looked at his band mate.  
“Nice flowers” Bryan stated.  
“Aren’t they just?” Nicky agreed.  
“They look expensive”

“Bryan…” Nicky fixed him with a knowing grin and a twinkle in his eye… A twinkle Bryan hadn’t seen for days. “Of course they’re from Shane”  
“How do you know? There’s no card” Bryan accidentally let slip that he’d been snooping.  
“Because he handed them to me himself”  
“So… You two are okay now?”  
“Yeah, Bry… We’re back on track”  
“You mean it?”  
“I do”

Bryan grinned then pulled Nicky into a hug.  
“That’s awesome, Nicky” Bryan said. “I’m really happy for both of you”  
“And for the band too no doubt”  
“Well, that’s just a given of course… But I really hated seeing the two of you fight”  
“I did too”

“Does this mean that tonight’s show is going to be one of our best yet?” Bryan asked.  
“If it’s not, the first two rounds are on me” Nicky replied.


	37. Chapter 37

Fortunately for Nicky, that night’s show was one of their best which meant the blonde didn’t have to make good on his wager with his band mate. Shane did buy the first round as an apology for the one mishap that had been his ‘fault’.   
During Kian’s speech, Shane had been standing with Nicky and watching his lover’s eyes twinkle as he laughed at one of Kian’s attempted jokes. Without thinking, and without realizing his microphone was still turned on, Shane had leaned over and told Nicky how beautiful he was.  
This was met with excited cheers by the crowd and a rather embarrassed Shane had guiltily apologized to Kian and the fans. This was met by much laughter from Nicky and Bryan but the show continued without any further issues.

Once in the bar, the drinks started flowing and the singers all let loose. Shane was the first to retire for the night and headed upstairs with Fran. Nicky followed soon after, accompanied by Billy.   
The blonde was woken up in the middle of the night by Bryan crawling into bed. 

They all awoke the next morning with mild hangovers. Bryan stayed in bed until lunchtime, sleeping the morning away. This didn’t stop Shane from coming in, joining Nicky and ordering room service for breakfast.  
The couple sat on Nicky’s bed and enjoyed a relaxing breakfast together. Bryan’s snoring didn’t even put a dampener on their spirits. Graeme was on duty but he remained out in the hall, reading a book and giving them some privacy.

The morning passed way too quickly and before they knew it, the singers were heading to the venue for their last show in Newcastle. Shane was careful not to pay Nicky any compliments during the show, not wanting a repeat of the previous night.  
They returned to the hotel but both Nicky and Shane opted to skip drinks and head upstairs. Shane stayed in Nicky’s room, holding the blonde in his arms until he fell asleep before returning to his shared room with Fran.  
He found it strange that they’d both made the decision to sleep apart despite the fact that they’d made up. Neither one of them had raised the subject but it hadn’t become an issue between them.

Shane fell asleep that night, dreaming of what it would be like once they reached Manchester the following day. He and Nicky would be back in the same bed and everything would be okay.

**--**

Mark was ready to crawl into bed when there was a knock at the door. He crossed the room, opened the door but wasn’t entirely surprised to find Graeme standing out in the hall. The brunette stifled a yawn.

“Graeme?” he asked. “What are you doing here?”  
“We have to talk” Graeme replied. “Can I come in?”  
“Uh… Sure”

Mark stepped aside and allowed the older lad to enter his room. He let the door slide closed behind him then indicated for Graeme to sit down on the couch.  
“I’m sorry if my being here has…” Graeme paused. “Mark, I…”  
“Graeme, do we have to talk about this now? It’s late and…”  
“Yeah, we do… Because we haven’t yet… It’s been days and you’re acting like nothing happened between us”  
“Because nothing did happen”  
“I kissed you, Mark… And when we were in Glasgow, I kissed you again”

Mark didn’t say anything. He simply stared down at the floor.  
“I thought it was what you wanted… We keep flirting with each other and I’ve seen you checking me out… I’m attracted to you and… And I can see it in your eyes that you’re attracted to me too… I mean, why else would you have kissed me back?”  
“Graeme…”  
“When we got here, you asked for your own room and you were looking at me when you said it… I thought that you were giving me a signal, some kind of secret message but whenever I tried to come and see you, you weren’t answering the door”

“I don’t know what you want me to say” Mark admitted.  
“Then I’ll be as succinct as possible… I want to have sex with you, Mark. I want to throw you down on that bed, shove my hard cock in your ass and pound you like there’s no tomorrow…”

These words were having their desired effect on Mark. Graeme noticed the way the brunette’s hand twitched, moving ever so slightly towards his groin. He saw the look in Mark’s eye that suggested he was picturing everything Graeme had just said to him.

“I can’t” Mark said, his voice low.  
He refused to meet Graeme’s eyes as he stood up and walked towards the door. He opened it and indicated for the older man to leave.  
“I’m sorry but I can’t” he said again. “Please, just go”  
“Mark… I don’t understand”  
“Of course you don’t… But please, just leave”

Graeme stood up and moved towards the door. He stopped just shy of the brunette and whispered in his ear. “I want you, Mark… And I’m not going to give up on you” and then he was gone.

Mark locked the door from the inside then moved back to his bed. Twice now Graeme had kissed him and twice Mark had stopped it from going any further. He'd spent the night in the older man's room and still he'd been reluctant to follow through on anything. He knew he must have been crazy for doing so. Graeme was a very fit, very attractive lad. On more than one occasion, Mark had fantasized about the older lad doing those things to him and to hear Graeme speak of it was almost torturous.

He lay down on the bed and stared up at the ceiling. His cock had hardened at Graeme’s words and was still erect but he refused to touch it.  
It had been months since he’d been with another man… Since he’d had a man’s hands or lips on his cock and it was painful. He longed and craved for such intimacy but the last time he’d been taken in by a sexy stranger, Shane had gotten hurt… 

Mark could feel tears forming in his eyes and he closed them, not willing to let them fall. Shane had been kidnapped and Nicky had been assaulted… And it was his fault. He was the one to blame… If depriving himself of human contact was the only punishment he could muster for himself then so be it…

He wriggled out of his pants and shed his underwear as well. He lay on top of the duvet, allowing the cool air in the room to ease the tension in his hardness.  
The brunette hadn’t even touched himself for months. Was it because the only hands he wanted on his body were Nicky’s? And he knew he would never have them?  
He tried to tell himself that not being with Nicky, because of his actions, was punishment enough but he didn’t want to believe that…

Nicky and Shane were both still suffering from the lingering effects of Mark’s actions and, for as long as they suffered, he would make himself suffer.

**--**

On the bus on the way to Manchester, Nicky sat beside Shane, holding his hand and sharing an occasional kiss. Bryan sat in front of them, fast asleep. Kian had his nose buried in a book and Mark was finding excuses to stay away from Graeme.

They reached the hotel and were given their room assignments. Mark was back to sharing with Bryan while Kian was granted his own room. Nicky and Shane found themselves assigned a room with Fran. When the couple tried to argue with him, he lay down the law.  
Fran was adamant that the only way Nicky and Shane would share a room would be if they bunked with a member of the security team. End of story.  
The couple reluctantly agreed to these terms since they wanted to be together and didn’t feel comfortable sleeping in the same room as any of the other members of the security detail.  
Nicky didn’t have a problem with Colin or Malcolm but he feared what Shane would say or do if he suggested having Malcolm as a room mate. The blonde singer knew that Shane still partially blamed Mal for the two prior incidents but Nicky had already forgiven the security guard.

**--**

Ryan stifled a yawn and gently massaged his shoulders. He looked at the computer screen and scanned some of the fan photos from the previous night’s Westlife concert. He was starting to have second, third or possibly tenth thoughts about Christian’s plan of revenge. He’d spent time with the singers, gotten to know the couple and he didn’t feel either of them deserved the kind of punishment Chris was planning on subjecting them to.

He turned the computer off and left the room. As he walked down the hall, he passed the room where Tobey was sleeping. He really disliked the escaped prisoner and hated that Chris was harbouring him in his home.

Ryan continued down the hall and into the kitchen. He could hear voices coming from the other room and moved towards the door. The lawyer wasn’t keen on eavesdropping but he was curious who the voices belonged to.  
He recognized Nathan and Elliot’s voices and was about to join them when he heard one of them say Shane’s name.

“How much do you reckon he’ll pay us?” Nathan was asking.  
“More than last time I’m sure” Elliot replied.  
“We were just lucky we didn’t get caught last time”  
“Hopefully we’ll have the night off again next time he gets caught”  
“Chris isn’t going to get caught, not again... He’ll kill Shane first”

“Really?” Elliot asked. Ryan could hear the surprise in his voice.  
Nathan just laughed.  
“That was his plan all along… Once Shane was too far gone to be of any use, Chris was going to have him killed”  
“How do you know that?”  
“Because he told me so”  
“And why would he tell *you*?”

Nathan laughed again then lowered his voice. Ryan moved closer, straining his ears to hear what he had to say.  
“Because I was his back up”  
“You mean…?”  
“Yep… And, I was under orders to shoot him if he tried to escape”

Ryan held back a gasp and stepped back, not quite believing what he was hearing.

“And what’s with that idiot lawyer Chris is keeping around?” Elliot quipped.  
“Apparently they were fuck buddies back in college” Nathan replied. “Ryan’s been his little lapdog ever since”  
“So he has no idea what’s going on around here?”  
“Nope” Nathan laughed again. “He’s so gullible; he actually believes the bullshit Chris has been telling him”

Ryan backed away, not wanting to hear any more. His mother had always told him he could be too naïve some of the time but he’d never been called gullible. Hearing the tone in Nathan’s voice and the way both he and Elliot were laughing at him, made him feel sick to the stomach.  
He also couldn’t believe that Chris had lied to him. His lover had insisted that he’d been wrongly accused. There had been no evidence tying him to Shane’s kidnapping and Ryan had wanted, so badly, to keep Christian from going to prison.

 

“Hey”  
A voice from behind startled him and Ryan spun around. Christian was standing in the doorway, smiling at him.  
“Are you okay? You look like you’ve seen a ghost…” he said.  
“I’m fine” Ryan managed to squeak out.  
“Are you sure?”  
“Yeah… I’m fine… I… Uh… Was just heading off to bed”  
“I’ll be there soon”  
“Okay”

Ryan quickly hurried from the room, leaving Christian very confused. He shrugged it aside and walked over to where Ryan had just been. He could hear voices coming from the next room and stepped inside. Elliot and Nathan looked at him.

“What are you two talking about?” he demanded.  
“Nothing” Nathan replied.  
“We’re just chatting” Elliot added.  
“Tell me you didn’t say anything that would have upset Ryan”  
“Ryan?”  
Nathan and Elliot exchanged a look.

“He was standing in the Kitchen, I’m sure he was listening to what you were saying” Christian stated.  
“We were just talking… about your vendetta against Shane” Elliot confessed. “And how gullible your lawyer boyfriend is”

“You fucking bastards” Christian snapped. “How much could he have heard?”  
Nathan shrugged his shoulders.  
“I’ll have to find out how much he knows”  
“And?”  
“And if there’s even the slightest chance that he’s going to try and warn Shane what I’m up to… We’ll have to take care of him”  
“How?”  
“By any means necessary”

**--**

Their time in Manchester was uneventful compared to their last few stops. Nicky’s arm healed and the couple seemed happier than ever. Mark was happy to be sharing a room with Bryan as it limited the time he spent with Graeme, the older lad had taken the hint and kept his distance but he still wasn’t ready to give up on Mark completely.

Bryan was becoming concerned about Mark again. He’d noticed several shifts in behaviour and wanted to question his friend, make sure he was okay, but he feared another argument would just ensue.  
By the time they reached their third show at MEN Arena, Bryan decided to confront his friend. As they sat in their dressing room, waiting for the show to start, Bryan gently broached the subject.

“I noticed you and Graeme have stopped spending time together” Bryan ventured.  
“I didn’t realize you were keeping tabs on me” Mark replied.  
“Mark, your mood has been up and down like a yo-yo for more than a week and I’m getting worried”  
“Well, don’t be… I’m okay, really”  
“I know it’s none of my business but… Did something happen between the two of you?”

Mark wanted to snap at Bryan, tell him it *was* none of his business and keep his nose out of it but he also longed for someone to talk to.  
“No” Mark whispered. “Not exactly”  
“You want to talk about it?” Bryan asked.  
“Yes” Mark replied, his voice still low. “But you won’t want to hear about it”   
“Try me… I’m your friend, Mark and you can tell me anything, you know that”

“Graeme’s a really great lad” Mark admitted. “He’s fun to be around and easy to talk to… Not to mention easy on the eyes…”  
“And he doesn’t feel the same…?”  
“No, he does… And…” he sighed. “That’s kind of the problem…”  
Bryan didn’t say anything; instead he waited for Mark to continue.  
“There’s definitely a… an attraction there but I… He’s here to protect Nicky and Shane, not hook up with me”  
“You know, he’s not assigned to watch them twenty four hours a day… He’s allowed to let his hair down and have fun… Oh”

Bryan trailed off.  
“And that’s what you’re worried about… That he’s just looking for some ‘fun’ and nothing more” Bryan added. “Like the last time someone used you for… Fun”  
Mark slowly nodded his head.  
“Oh Mark”

Bryan reached out and placed his hand on Mark’s arm.  
“I’ve seen the way he looks at you” Bryan admitted. “And I don’t see any indication that he just wants to use you”  
“Even if he doesn’t... Do you see us lasting past the end of the tour?”  
“Maybe not but there’s a good two weeks left, that’s still time for you to test the water and see where the two of you might end up”  
“I don’t even know if that’s what I really want…”

Mark trailed off and Bryan understood what his friend was trying not to say. The fact was, Mark still wasn’t over Nicky. A part of him felt that he never would be.  
“Mark, I know you don’t want to hear this… But you’re never going to have him” Bryan said. “Nicky is never going to return your feelings… But Graeme can… Or… Maybe he does just want to use you for sex but maybe it’s time you let him… You can’t become a celibate prude just because the one lad you want to fuck doesn’t want to fuck you”

Mark’s eyes hardened but he didn’t snap at Bryan. A part of him understood that his friend was just trying to help him… And maybe he did have a point.

Knock! Knock!

The door opened and Kian popped his head in the room.  
“Not interrupting am I?” Kian asked.  
“Nothing important, just discussing Mark’s sex life is all” Bryan replied.  
“Bryan!” Mark exclaimed, his face turning beet red. For some reason he was mortified rather than angry by Bryan’s statement.

“So… Little Marky’s getting laid” Kian said. His voice faltered but Mark took it as nerves, seeing as they were about to go on stage.  
“Maybe” Mark replied, not meeting Kian’s eye.  
He stood up and started towards the door, Bryan quickly followed him.

The three singers walked down the hall and to backstage. Nicky and Shane were waiting for them with Colin and Malcolm. Shane’s arm was around Nicky’s waist and the blonde was nuzzling his face into his lover’s neck.  
The new arrivals all stared at their band mates;   
Bryan smiled, so happy their fight was now in the past.  
Mark saw them but once he pushed the pain aside, he no longer saw Nicky and Shane but himself and Graeme… His arm was around Graeme while the older boy kissed his neck. The visual brought a smile to his lips.   
Kian’s reaction was much the same as Mark’s except in his mind, it was he who was holding Mark while the brunette nuzzled at his neck. Then he remembered the conversation he’d walked in on between Mark and Bryan and the image faded.  
He still wanted Mark, as badly as ever but knowing that he’d missed his chance… It broke his heart more than he would ever admit.


	38. Chapter 38

After that concert in Manchester, Nicky pulled Fran aside and asked him for a small favour. He wasn’t really expecting the older lad to agree to his terms but was very surprised when Fran said yes.  
There was no show the following night so the lads broke off into smaller groups for dinner and a fun time out.   
Setting Nicky’s plan into motion, Fran declared that it was his night off so he was going to the movies. He’d had enough of being at attention all the time and was craving a mindless, monotonous outing at the cinema. Colin decided to go with him as did Kian.  
Bryan and Mark headed out for dinner, drinks and some clubbing. Malcolm accompanied them. Graeme had the night off; Billy was on Nicky and Shane duty.

Fran played his part perfectly, finding an excuse to get Shane out of their room for a half hour before sending him back. The brunette was completely oblivious and was taken by surprise when he returned to their shared room and almost didn’t recognize it.  
Dinner was waiting for him, candles had been lit and placed around the room plus he could smell the faintest hint of incense though it could have just been Nicky’s aftershave.  
He stood in the middle of the room, looking around in awe and trying to remember the last time he and Nicky had shared a romantic evening alone. As he wracked his brain, Nicky stepped out of the bathroom and smiled at him.

Shane was muttering to himself and appeared deep in thought so Nicky walked around behind the younger boy and wrapped his arms around Shane’s waist. He then placed a kiss to his lover’s neck. These actions snapped Shane back to attention. He spun around and wrapped his arms around Nicky’s neck.

“I can’t decide which is more beautiful” Shane whispered. “The room… Or you”  
“God, I’ve missed this” Nicky replied. “Us, alone… Together… I wish we could stay like this all night”  
“Me too but our dinner would get cold”  
Nicky laughed then reluctantly released Shane. He helped the brunette out of his jacket and tossed it aside. He led Shane over to the small table and urged him to sit down.

“Uh, Nicky?” Shane asked. “As incredible as this is… Ummm… What about our security detail?”  
Nicky smiled and finished pouring out two glasses of wine.  
“All taken care of” Nicky replied. He stood up and walked over to Fran’s bed, scooped up a small object then returned to the table. He held it out for Shane to see.

“It’s a radio” Shane stated.  
“Exactly” Nicky said. “Billy has the other one… He’s been instructed not to bother us unless we miss one of the scheduled check-in times. I have an alarm set and everything. It’ll sound every twelve minutes and all we have to do is pick up the radio, press this button and assure him that everything’s fine. If we miss one, he’s to assume something’s gone wrong and come check on us”  
“That seems a bit… Much?”  
“Would you prefer him to be in here with us… maybe on the couch with a book and his headphones?”  
“Why would he need headphones?”  
“So that he doesn’t have to hear us going on about how much we love each other”  
“I love you more than life itself”  
“And I love you more than Superman is strong”

They both laughed then raised their glasses in a toast. Shane took a sip just as a noise sounded from across the room.  
“First check-in” Nicky smiled. He picked up the radio.

“Six Fifty Four check in” Nicky said into the speaker.  
“Check” was Billy’s response.  
“Oh yeah, cause that’s not going to get annoying” Shane stated. In his defence, he was smiling.

Nicky didn’t say anything. He just put the radio down and picked up his fork.  
“To us” Nicky said.  
“And our first night alone” Shane agreed.

For the first few minutes, they ate in silence. They stayed quiet up until the next check-in. Nicky didn’t know why Shane wasn’t saying anything but he didn’t want to ask him either. By the time the third check-in was complete, Shane was able to break the silence and even managed to make Nicky laugh.

The conversation flowed easily after that and Shane even took the radio for the next check-in. As the evening passed, Shane actually started to forget about the fact that they had to maintain contact with Billy. He was just enjoying the time he had alone with Nicky.  
In truth, his mind had started to wonder during dinner. He couldn’t stop thinking about the blowjob Nicky had given him back in Newcastle and he was wondering if Nicky had orchestrated this evening so he could do it again.  
Shane felt guilty that his mind was racing with thoughts of sex but he couldn’t help himself. He was, after all, a hot blooded male with a very sexy fiancé. His cock stirred several times during the meal… As he watched Nicky eat, the way his tongue would taste the food he was about to consume and the way the wine slid down his throat when he swallowed it.

He hoped that Nicky didn’t notice the way he stared at him but a part of Shane felt that the blonde knew… And was possibly even doing it on purpose.  
But he didn’t want Nicky to feel obligated. Yes, the older boy had stated that he wasn’t ready to have sex yet but that he was willing to find other ways to make it up to Shane. As much as Shane craved physical and sexual activity with his lover, he wanted Nicky to know that he was willing to wait for it.

They finished eating and Nicky pulled Shane to his feet. Music began to play and Shane wondered where it was coming from. Before he could figure it out, he was in Nicky’s arms and the two of them were slow dancing together in the middle of the hotel room.  
Had they been any other, normal, couple then Shane would have thought Nicky was attempting to seduce him. But he knew better. The blonde was simply showing him how much he loved and cared about him.

Shane was disappointed when the song ended as he wasn’t ready to let Nicky go. The blonde felt so good in his arms and Shane hated to think when they would next have the chance to be alone like this.

“Come on, let’s take this over to the bed” Nicky whispered.

Shane’s heart began to pound as Nicky took him by the hands and led him over to their bed. The blonde pushed him down on top of the duvet then crawled on after. He lay down beside Shane and pressed his body up against his lover’s.

“Nicky, I don’t know if we should do this” Shane said to him.  
“You… You don’t want me to?” Nicky asked.  
“Of course I do but… When you did it for me last week, it was amazing and… you took my breath away… But I don’t want you to feel that it’s something you have to do”  
“I planned this whole romantic evening because I… Because we can’t have sex but this is something I *can* do for you”

Nicky placed a kiss to Shane’s lips before moving down his body.  
This time was just as mind-blowing as the last. The only difference being when Shane had been forced to pick up the radio and check-in with Billy. He found it difficult to be very coherent when Nicky’s teeth were scraping the underside of his hard cock.  
Nicky’s actions affected Shane’s brain more than he realized as he failed to let go of the radio when he was finished. As his orgasm began to build, he closed his hands into fists and accidently pressed the speaker button. This went unnoticed by both Shane and Nicky but at least Billy knew his charges were okay.

Once Shane managed to catch his breath, he noticed the growing bulge in Nicky’s pants and saw fit to return the favour.   
As they both lay on the bed, staring up at the ceiling and panting for breath, Shane leaned over and kissed Nicky. No words were exchanged between them. They simply didn’t need any.

*

The two singers showered, separately, then crawled into bed together. Nicky settled himself in Shane’s arms and rested his head on the brunette’s chest. Fran still hadn’t returned but the radio was now sitting on the bed side table. They continued to take turns checking in and couldn’t understand why Billy sounded like he was laughing each time they spoke to him.

“Nix?” Shane asked quietly.  
The room was dark so they couldn’t see each other but Shane was gently stroking his fingers through his lover’s hair.  
“Hmmmm?” Nicky replied. He was content and sated in Shane’s embrace.  
“How much do you remember?”

Nicky’s body tensed for a moment but as Shane stroked his hair, it passed and he reminded himself to relax.  
“Not much” he confessed. “Bits and pieces really… A quick flash here and an image there. Some bits are clearer than others”  
“Do you want to start talking about it? Maybe see if we can ease some of the better memories out?”  
“So we can start having sex you mean?” his tone was harsher than he intended.  
“Nix, I want you to remember what we had… What the moment was like when I came inside you… Don’t you want to remember the moment you told your parents we were engaged?”  
“Of course” Nicky whispered.  
“Maybe I can talk you through it… Just the good memories… And they might start coming back”

“Sometimes I have dreams” Nicky admitted. “Sometimes you’re in them and sometimes you’re not… If you’re not, then Tobey is… But I can never tell what is a dream and what’s a real memory”  
Shane didn’t say anything but continued to stroke Nicky’s hair.  
“I remember… Those photos that you showed me, the ones that Tobey sent you… It came back to me… After I saw that pink vibrator… He beat me and threw me on the table… I remember him pulling at my clothes but I hurt too much that I couldn’t stop him. The room was freezing and I couldn’t stop shaking… I wasn’t really aware of what he was doing and then I… I felt… I felt something being forced inside me and it hurt like hell”  
Tears were spilling down Nicky’s cheeks and he clung to Shane.  
“I can remember the flash of the camera and how much I wanted it all to stop… I thought I was going to pass out from the pain…Then Tobey was in front of me” Nicky swallowed. “He dropped his pants and told me to… To… I tried not to but he grabbed my hair and when I… The pain… I screamed and he forced himself into my mouth…”  
Nicky trailed off. 

“Oh Shane” he sobbed. His entire body was trembling but Shane held him and kissed his forehead. The brunette whispered words of love in his ear and managed to calm him down.   
“He came in my mouth” Nicky sobbed. “And I nearly choked… Then he just left me there… watching me while the vibrator was… was…”

“Shane” Nicky cried.  
“It’s okay” Shane whispered. “I’m here and you’re safe. It’s all over now. I love you”  
“I just kept hoping I would pass out and it would all stop…. What got me through it… was thinking of you. I just kept thinking about you and how much you loved me and how I had to survive or I’d never see you again”

“Nicky, you’re the bravest person I know” Shane insisted. “For you to survive that and come back to me in one piece… Thank you, Nix, for telling me all that… I know it couldn’t have been easy for you…”  
“I did it for you, Shay. You know I’d do anything for you”  
“And I’d do anything for you too because of how much I love you”  
“Can you keep saying that to me, Shay? Please? Until I fall asleep…”

“Of course” Shane replied.  
He placed a kiss on his lover’s forehead then continued to whisper words of love in Nicky’s ear until the blonde drifted off to sleep.

*

Fran sneaked back into the room much later than he first anticipated. He didn’t turn the light on but his eyes adjusted quickly to the darkened room, thanks to several candles that were still burning.  
The security guard walked over to his suitcase and found his pyjamas. He quickly changed into them then blew out the remaining candles. He walked over to his own bed and climbed in. Through the darkness, he peered at the couple asleep in the other bed and saw that Nicky’s eyes were open.

Not wanting to wake Shane, Nicky kept his voice low.

“Thanks Fran” he whispered.  
“No problem” Fran replied. “Any dramas here?”  
“Nothing we couldn’t handle”  
“Billy didn’t slack off?”  
“Don’t think so… Fran?”  
“Hmmm?”  
“Do we have to keep sharing with you when we get to Birmingham?”  
“Can we talk about this tomorrow?”  
“Sure… Night Fran”  
“Goodnight Nicky”

It never once occurred to Fran to ask Nicky why he was still awake.

**--**

It was late the following morning when any of the lads awoke. Shane had woken up early but decided he was more comfortable in bed so chose to stay where he was. He drifted back to sleep, happy that Nicky was still beside him.  
Fran’s body clock told him he should be working and he roused from his slumber. The older lad didn’t give his room mates a second glance as he climbed out of bed and stumbled into the bathroom.

Nicky heard Fran stir and he awoke. He watched, silently, as Fran went into the bathroom and closed the door. The blonde knew Fran would be in there for some time… Sure enough, Nicky heard the sound of running water and grinned. He wasn’t sure why Fran refused to invest in an electric razor though he was happy that the noise didn’t travel… This meant that Fran wouldn’t be able to hear anything… and Shane was still sleeping.

The blonde singer carefully shifted his position. He moved his hand down the length of Shane’s body then stopped. Moving slowly and carefully, he lifted the duvet and hoped the brunette wouldn’t notice.  
As predictable as always, Shane was sporting a morning arousal. Nicky cast a quick look towards the bathroom and paused. Fran hadn’t even turned the shower on yet so there was still time… But did he dare?  
His fingers were trembling. His mind jumped back to the previous night, remembering what he’d told Shane. The blonde swallowed, nervously, and a quick flash of a memory jumped into his mind. For a brief second, the hard cock in front of him wasn’t Shane’s and he could taste Tobey in his mouth.  
It made him feel sick to the stomach and he forced it back. He knew he didn’t have to do this, that he had nothing to prove but he was overcome by a strong feeling of determination.  
He hadn’t counted on Shane waking up and witnessing his inner turmoil.

Shane’s eyes blinked open and he was greeted by an unusual sight. Nicky’s face was mere inches away from his morning arousal. The brunette forced himself to stay very still, not wanting to alarm the older boy.

“I can do this” Nicky whispered. “For Shane… It’s what he wants”  
“Nix” Shane whispered. His voice wasn’t loud enough to startle Nicky but did draw attention to the fact that he was awake.  
“Shay… I… I wanted to surprise you” Nicky replied. “Was going to be my way of… Of waking you up”

“Baby,” Shane began, meeting Nicky’s gaze and not looking away. “While I’m really loving this new, more adventurous, side of you… You don’t have to push yourself like this… Not for me”  
“Yes, I do” Nicky confessed. “Because if I don’t, Tobey wins”  
“But this is too much, Nix… You’re not ready”  
“Shane-”  
“Don’t you remember…?” Shane said. “When we were still rehearsing for the tour, you could barely stand to be alone with me. You… You flinched whenever I touched you and… And now… I don’t want this to push us apart rather than bring us together” 

Nicky licked his lips and smiled up at the brunette.  
“I love you, Shane” Nicky insisted. “And what you said to me last night… Well, you had a point. I need to work past this and… When the memories come back, I want something to keep me grounded, to keep me close to you”

Before Shane could say another word, Nicky went down on him.

*

Fran was about to climb into the shower when he realized he’d left something in the other room. He pulled his pants back up, walked over to the bathroom door and opened it. From his position in the doorway he could see Nicky and Shane.   
Nicky’s back was to Fran, his head bowed, from the way he was moving up and down, Fran was pretty certain what Nicky was doing to Shane… Given the way Shane’s hand curled through the blonde’s hair and the slight moans that the younger boy was making.  
It took about ten seconds for him to see the couple, realize what they were doing, and close the door. He leaned back, suppressing a laugh. He knew his charges would be mortified if they knew he’d seen them. Fran couldn’t stop laughing as he stripped off his clothes and climbed into the shower.


	39. Chapter 39

While the band members enjoyed a quiet lunch together, Fran assembled the security team for a meeting. He outlined a new schedule and discussed several other issues that had arisen. When they were finished, he dismissed them but asked Billy to remain behind.

“Was there any problems last night?” Fran asked Billy.  
“No, nope it was fine” Billy replied.  
“Nothing you want to report or add?”  
“I promise you, Fran… Everything was, good. I’ll admit, I didn’t personally watch them all night”

Billy quickly explained the system he and Nicky had worked out.  
“It might not have been perfect but…” Billy finished. “I think it was for them”

Fran raised an eyebrow in confusion.  
“Oh Fran… Don’t make me say it”  
“Say what?”  
“Nicky didn’t want me in the room… He got rid of you too… Then went out of his way to organize a romantic dinner and gushy music…”  
“They wanted to be alone… It’s perfectly understandable, if not very practical at a time like this”

“Fran, if I tell you something… Do you promise you won’t tell them?” Billy asked.  
Since Fran had his own secret, he nodded his head.  
Billy then went on to explain Shane’s slip up with the radio. This was met with laughter on Fran’s part and the security guard then shared his own story with Billy. The two of them laughed at their own misfortune.

“Maybe it’s time we let them have their own room again” Billy suggested. “It doesn’t seem fair… I mean, we watch and follow them every waking moment of the day… And this is what they’re reduced to? Sneaking blowjobs while you’re in the shower?”  
“I know, Billy” Fran agreed. “I know it’s not fair but it’s for their own safety”  
“But I feel bad for them… They’ve got no privacy anymore… We should help them”  
“We will… Somehow”

*

Fran was forced to call another meeting after lunch but this time they all assembled in one of the hotel’s conference rooms. The five singers and their security team sat around the large table, waiting for Fran to start.  
Nicky and Shane exchanged nervous looks. The last time they’d all been together in a conference room was after the shooting. Reaching under the table, Nicky grabbed Shane’s hand and held it tightly.

“I apologize for the formality” Fran addressed them. “But it was much easier than cramming into one of our rooms or telling you all individually…”  
“What is it, Fran? Is something wrong?” Bryan asked.

“No, Bryan… Not quite ‘wrong’ but… I’m just going to jump straight to the point here” he looked around the room at the five band members. “I was contacted by the record label today, ticket sales have been better than anticipated and they want to extend the tour”

“What?”  
“How long?”  
“Where to?”  
“More shows?”

All their voices seemed to meld together as one. Fran held up his hand to silence them.  
“The wheels have already been set in motion” he continued. “Venues have been booked and ticket agencies are on standby to release new shows”  
“But when? And where?” Kian asked.

Fran opened a folder and scanned through a few pages.  
“Two more dates in London” he explained. “Which is easy enough… Before going back to Belfast for two or up to four more then finishing back in Dublin”

The five lads started talking and discussing it. Fran paid close attention to Nicky and Shane, who seemed to be having their own whispered conversation.  
“I’ve already spoken to our security team here and we’ve all extended our contracts for as long as we’re needed”

“We don’t really have a say in this, do we?” Kian asked.  
“No, Kian” Fran admitted. “You don’t… But Shane and Nicky do”  
All eyes in the room seemed to focus on the couple.  
“Us?” Shane asked.  
“It all comes down to what you’re willing to do… What you’re comfortable with”

Shane wasn’t keen on returning to Belfast so soon but he liked the idea of finishing the tour where they started. There was something very appealing about ending the tour in the city they lived… Shane was already envisioning the closing night, where he could jump straight into his car and drive home.  
He was also slightly excited at the prospect of extending the tour. Despite the mishaps and some near-misses, it had felt good to be out on tour again.

“It’s up to you” Bryan said, looking at Shane then at Nicky.  
“Can we have some time to think about it?” Shane asked.  
“What’s to think about, Shay?” Nicky replied. “If our fans want to see us, I say let’s do it”  
“Are you sure, Nix?”  
“I’m positive… Unless, you don’t-”  
“I’ll do anything for you, you know that”

“Then we’re in” Nicky spoke for both of them.  
“Me too” Kian added.  
“And me” Both Mark and Bryan said.

“Excellent” Fran opened the folder again and took out several pieces of paper. “Now start signing”  
He pulled his phone from his pocket.  
“I’m going to call the label and get the wheels turning even faster. Don’t you lads worry about a thing. It’ll all be taken care of… That’s it, end of meeting”

On that note, they were dismissed. They quickly signed the contracts then began to disburse. Kian remained behind to offer his assistance. Bryan and Mark went their own separate ways while Nicky and Shane decided to visit the hotel pool. They were accompanied by Malcolm.

“You are okay with this, aren’t you?” Nicky asked as they sat by the pool.  
“This?” Shane replied. “Oh, the tour? Yeah, of course”  
“You just… Didn’t seem too excited”  
Shane shrugged his shoulders.  
“You’re scared of going back to Belfast, aren’t you?”  
“I didn’t think I would be… But yeah”  
“Don’t worry, Shay… I’ll keep you safe”  
“I know you will” Shane smiled and reached out for Nicky’s hand. Despite the smile on his lips, inside, the brunette was terrified.

**--**

Mark knocked on the door and waited nervously in the hall. A few moments passed before the door opened and he was greeted by Graeme.

“Mark” the older boy’s face lit up and he stepped aside, ushering Mark into the room.  
“Hey” Mark replied as he stepped past Graeme.  
The two of them moved towards the couch and Graeme indicated for Mark to sit down but the brunette declined.

“So… What are you doing here?”  
“I… Uh… I’ve been thinking… About the tour and everything…”  
“What about it?”  
“Well… You all signed on for an extra two weeks”  
“Yeah… We did”  
“Why?”  
“It’s a good job, the pay is great…”  
“That’s all?”

Mark nervously paced around the couch while Graeme looked on. His face was covered with an expression somewhere between confused and amused. He moved away and stepped towards the younger lad. As Mark paced, Graeme stepped into his path and grabbed hold of the brunette.

“You want me to say I’m staying on for you?” Graeme asked him.  
Their eyes locked for a brief moment before he leaned closer and captured Mark’s lips in a deep kiss. The younger lad froze but quickly recovered. He wrapped his arms around Graeme’s waist and parted his lips, deepening the kiss.  
They remained locked in a tight embrace for several moments until Mark pulled away. He stared up at the older lad, unsure of what to say.

“I’m willing to see how far we can take this” Graeme whispered to Mark.  
“I… I am too” Mark replied.

There was a knock at the door.  
“This’ll have to wait” Graeme added. “I’m on the clock in five minutes”  
He moved away from Mark and hurried to the door. He opened it and spoke to someone out in the hall. Graeme returned to Mark’s side a moment later.

“I’ve got tonight off” he said. “Maybe we can do something after the show tonight?”  
“Sure, I’ll stop by then” Mark replied.  
“Can’t wait”

Graeme kissed him once more. Mark returned the kiss with more enthusiasm than before. They separated and Mark reluctantly headed to the door. Just as he was about to open it, Graeme wrapped his arms around him and pushed him up against it.

“I wish I could have you now” he whispered.  
“Tonight” Mark replied. “I’ll make sure it’s worth the wait”

With those words lingering in the air, Mark opened the door and slipped out into the hallway. As he walked towards his own room, he wondered if he was making the right decision.

**--**

Before they knew it, it was time to pack up and move on to Birmingham. The bus trip was uneventful and seemed to pass in the blink of an eye. The five singers climbed out of the bus and made their way up to their floor, accompanied by their security detail. Fran was in charge of room keys and handed them out. He pulled Nicky and Shane aside and handed them their key.

“What, no babysitter this time?” Shane asked him.  
“Here” Fran handed him a radio. It was the same one they’d used the night Fran had left them alone in Manchester. “Billy and I talked this over and we think it’s time you two have your own room again. You’re more than welcome to crash with me but... Well, I think it’s time you had some privacy again”  
“Are you sure?”  
“Just make sure the radio is within sight at all times… We’ll check in as well but… You’re both adults and…” he trailed off.

“Thanks Fran” Shane smiled.  
“Yeah” Nicky agreed. “Thanks”

Malcolm led the couple down the hall. He took the key from Shane and unlocked the door. He went inside and did a sweep of the room. Once he was sure it was clear, he came back out and let them go in. Nicky dragged his suitcase over to the foot of the bed and dropped it, Shane followed suit.  
The blonde took the radio from Shane then walked over to the glass door. He slid it open and stepped outside. The sky was clear and the sun was shining so Nicky closed his eyes and let the warm breeze brush over him.  
Shane smiled and followed his lover outside. He stepped up behind Nicky and wrapped his arms around his waist. The blonde smiled and leaned back into Shane’s embrace. 

The younger boy leaned in and pressed his lips to Nicky’s neck. This action sent a slight shiver down his lover’s spine. The blonde slowly turned around and wrapped his arms around Shane’s neck. He was still clutching the radio in his hand so Shane reached up, took it off him and placed it on the small table.

“It feels weird to be alone” Nicky confessed.  
“I know” Shane agreed. “I kinda got used to having Fran around”  
“Do you want to call him on that?” Nicky nodded towards the radio.  
“Nah” Shane said. “I’d much rather do this”

He leaned forward and captured Nicky’s lips in a deep kiss. The blonde didn’t hesitate to return the gesture. He parted his lips and accepted Shane’s probing tongue. Their bodies moved together, pressing against each other and the brunette could feel himself getting excited.

“Nicky” Shane said in between kisses.  
“Mmmmm?” Nicky replied.  
“I think we should stop”

Shane reluctantly pulled away from the blonde, placing some distance between them. He wasn’t really sure why he felt the need to do so. Nicky pouted at him before moving back inside. Shane stopped long enough to collect the radio then followed Nicky back into their room. He closed the door and watched as the older boy sank down onto their bed.

“Nicky, please don’t pout” Shane said as he sat down next to him.  
“Well, what am I supposed to do?” Nicky asked. He crossed his arms in front of his chest.  
“I’m sorry, baby but we have to meet downstairs soon and… We don’t want to… That is… I…”  
“You don’t want to get all worked up if we’re not going to follow though”  
“No… Yes… I mean… No”  
“Shay”  
“Nicky, this past week has been amazing… I love how much progress we’ve made and how much you’ve been willing to do for me but…”   
“But I don’t have to give you a blow job every time you get turned on”  
“Exactly”  
“I thought you liked it”  
“I do, baby… I really do… But I don’t want you to start feeling obligated”  
“You know I don’t feel that way… I know you and I know you only want me to do what I’m comfortable with”  
“Right”  
“Pleasuring you makes me comfortable”  
“No, it doesn’t… And don’t try to convince me otherwise”  
“Shane” Nicky said.  
“You need to let me return the favor” Shane whispered. “Let me show you how much you mean to me”  
“I’m not ready for-”  
“I don’t mean that… Just, I don’t want this to be all about me. Let me love you back, okay?”  
“Okay”

There was a knock at the door. Shane stood up and crossed the room. He opened the door and spoke briefly to Fran. The brunette returned to Nicky’s side a moment later.  
“The sound check has been cancelled” Shane told him. “We’ve got the night off”  
“So… Double the amount of work tomorrow then?” Nicky asked.  
“Something like that”

“We should go out” Nicky stated.  
“What?” Shane asked.  
“A date… You and I should go out on a date”  
“Seriously?”  
“Why not?”

Shane could see the excitement on Nicky’s face and the twinkle in his eyes. The very sight brought a smile to his lips and he couldn’t bring himself to say no to him. He reached for the radio.

**--**

“Mark, its okay” Graeme’s voice was reassuring and gentle but the younger boy refused to look at him.  
“Please, talk to me” he tried to coax him.

Mark shrugged and pushed Graeme away. He sat up and climbed off the bed, walking across the room and sinking down on the couch. Graeme had to bite his tongue to stop himself from saying something he shouldn’t. There was something about Mark, sitting naked on the couch that made him smile.

“It’s okay, really” Graeme said once more.  
He stood up and followed Mark across the room. He slowly sank down onto the couch beside the brunette and placed his hand on Mark’s knee.

“I’m sorry” Mark said. “I thought I could do this”  
“What is it?” Graeme asked. “What’s wrong? Please, tell me”  
“I can’t keep doing this to you… I can’t have sex with you… I know you want to and we were supposed to and I chickened out and you were so nice about it and that you say you understand but I can’t keep this up… I can’t mislead you like this anymore”  
“Mark”  
“I’m sorry, Graeme…”

Tears were rolling down his cheeks and he couldn’t stop them. Graeme wasn’t sure what to say. He took his hand off Mark’s knee and wrapped it around his shoulder.

“In Manchester… You said you wanted to see where this could go and I said I did too”  
“You’re saying you lied?”  
“No… I do want to do this… It’s just… I haven’t been with… With another man for nearly a year”  
“You haven’t had sex for a year?”

Mark shook his head. He wouldn’t meet Graeme’s eye.  
“Why not?” Graeme wondered. “You… You’re a good looking lad, you must have fans throwing themselves at you all the time”  
“Yeah, female fans who don’t know I’m gay”  
“I’m sorry, that was a stupid thing to say”

“I feel like such an idiot” Mark said. “This is the second time I’ve been naked in a hotel room with you and I’ve let you down”  
“Well… As long as it’s not me… I might develop a complex or something” Graeme replied.  
Mark smiled. “It’s not you… I promise you that”  
“Then what is it?”

“I’m in love with Nicky”  
Mark said it so firmly and without hesitation. It took Graeme by surprise.  
“What?” Graeme asked. “Nicky? As in… Nicky?”  
“Yeah” Mark confessed.  
“Does he know? Does Shane know?”  
“Yeah… They both know… They’ve known for awhile… Graeme, I really do like you and I really… Really want you but… I feel like I’m not over him… That I’ll never be over him and… While I still have feelings for him, I feel like I can’t be true to you”  
“So you’re saying that you can’t have sex with me because I’m not Nicky?”  
“Well…” Mark hesitated. “When you say it like *that* it sounds stupid”

“Come here”  
He reached out and wrapped both arms around Mark. The younger lad coyly looked up and into his eyes.  
“We all have baggage” Graeme said to him. “Exes and one’s that got away… People we regret sleeping with, people we regret not sleeping with… Nobody’s perfect… No relationship is perfect… But I swear, I can do things to you that by the time I’m done you won’t remember your own name, much less be thinking of Nicky’s”

Mark swallowed hard. The look of lust in Graeme’s eyes caused goose bumps to appear on Mark’s arms. He licked his lips, trying to think of something to say. He watched as Graeme leaned in, closing the gap between them. Mark moved in to meet the kiss but the older lad was quicker. Before the brunette even realized what had happened, Graeme had leaned down and taken Mark’s cock into his mouth.

The younger boy groaned and threw his head back. His heart was pounding and his mind was racing. He felt like he was no longer in control, that his entire body had submitted itself to Graeme, without any hesitation at all.  
He resisted the urge to thrust his hips. He wanted to prolong the sensations flowing through him.

Mark whimpered as Graeme released him, his cock still hard and weeping.  
“Trust me, Mark” Graeme whispered to him. His breath on Mark’s hardness made the younger lad bite his lip. “I’ll take care of you”

Graeme looked up at the singer but Mark’s eyes were closed. He smiled and shifted his position. He pushed the brunette down onto his back, so he was lying along the couch then he slid between his legs. Mark opened his eyes just as the older boy took hold of his balls.  
Mark continued to bite down on his bottom lip. It took all of his willpower not to scream in ecstasy. It had been too damned long since he’d had someone else’s lips on him and Mark groaned. It was somewhere between frustration and anticipation. The tears he’d shed earlier reformed and he closed his eyes again.

He reached up, his hand closing over the back of the couch. He needed something to hold on to… Something to keep him grounded. For Graeme’s mouth was working a mile a minute.  
All doubts left his mind and he silently cursed for denying himself such pleasure for so long. He was suddenly grateful the older boy hadn’t given up on him.

As Mark started to thrust his hips, he opened his eyes and stared down at the man between his legs. Graeme looked up and their eyes locked.  
Mark’s mind immediately started imagining all the things he wanted Graeme to do to him…

By morning, the older boy would have done them all.


	40. Chapter 40

Since Nicky always got what he wanted, he and Shane went out to dinner then saw a movie. Colin, their chaperone for the evening, kept his distance but Nicky could still feel him watching them. The blonde reached out and took Shane’s hand in his own. The two singers walked down the street, laughing and having a good time.  
As they walked, Nicky took the time to reflect on the evening. Shane had been the perfect gentlemen all night. In truth, Shane had been the perfect gentleman all along. He truly was the best thing to ever happen to Nicky and he loved him with all his heart.

Colin walked them back to their floor, completed a sweep of their room then bid them goodnight. They thanked him for a job well done and a successful night then locked the door after he left.  
Shane stifled a yawn and shrugged out of his jacket. He tossed it over the couch and kicked off his shoes.

“Do you mind if I hit the shower?” Nicky asked him.  
“No, go ahead” Shane replied.  
He was tempted to ask Nicky if he could join him but decided against it. The last thing he wanted was to ruin a perfect evening.

Nicky went into the bathroom and closed the door. Shane moved about the room, surprised at how much of a mess they’d made in the short time they’d been there. He started to pick up some of their belongings and place them back in the suitcase. The brunette grew bored of this very quickly so he took off his shirt and removed his belt. Then he sat down on the couch and waited for Nicky to emerge from the bathroom.

By the time Nicky reappeared, Shane had drifted off to sleep. Nicky gently shook him and he snapped to attention.  
“Hey sleepyhead” Nicky said. “Shower’s free”

Shane stretched then stifled another yawn. He stood up, kissed Nicky on the cheek then moved towards the bathroom. The blonde watched him go then switched on the bed side lamp. He turned off the remaining lights then shrugged off his robe and climbed into bed. He propped himself up with the pillows and waited for Shane to reappear.  
He heard the shower switch off and he wriggled out of his boxers, dropping them on the floor beside the bed.

Shane emerged from the bathroom, dressed only in sweatpants and climbed into the bed beside the blonde. Nicky immediately moved towards Shane and wrapped his arms around him. The younger boy smiled then leaned down and pressed a kiss to Nicky’s forehead.  
Not satisfied, Nicky moved up and claimed Shane’s lips. He closed his eyes and explored his lover’s mouth with his eager tongue. Shane went with it. He wrapped his arms around the blonde’s naked chest and pulled him closer.

“Shane?” Nicky whispered.  
“Yeah Nix?” Shane replied.  
“Can you tell me more? About our first time together?  
“What do you want to know?”  
“Everything”  
Shane tightened his grip on the blonde and Nicky looked up at him  
“Please?” Nicky whispered.

“We took it slow” Shane began. His voice was low, soft. He ran his hand up and brushed his fingers through Nicky’s blonde locks. “There was no rush… We knew we had all night”  
Nicky closed his eyes, trying to picture it in his mind.  
“We were both nervous… I mean, I know I was terrified but you looked at me with so much love and trust in your eyes… So I kissed you… I kissed your lips and your cheek… your chin… your neck… everywhere I could reach before I took off your shirt”  
Nicky kept his eyes closed; he could ‘see’ Shane removing his shirt.

“I asked you to take my shirt off… you climbed into my lap and unbuttoned it” Shane licked his lips. “Then you… You kissed your way down my chest… We held each other and I could feel your heart beating so close to mine… Then you lie down on the bed and I” Shane swallowed. “I took your pants off”  
“You were so beautiful that I froze” Shane smiled. “And you thought something was wrong… You started to panic so I had to tell you what I was thinking”  
“Which was?”  
“That you were the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen”

Shane’s voice was barely louder than a whisper. He stared down at the blonde in his arms and he was transported back to that night. As he looked at Nicky, he could see the blonde’s naked body on display for him… and only him.  
“You took off my pants and… your ring scratched me” he reached down and gently squeezed Nicky’s nipple. “Right here”  
The nub hardened under Shane’s fingers and Nicky gasped.

“Once we were naked, we held each other and… and we were both hard. Our” Shane took a deep breath. “Our cocks were touching and… I asked if you wanted me to suck you”  
“And did I?”  
“No” Shane shifted his position and pulled Nicky towards him. Their bodies touching; Shane could feel the heat radiating from the blonde. He wondered if he should stop but he knew he couldn’t. It was still so fresh in his mind and the words flowed from his mouth so easily. He loved that Nicky was hanging on his every word. “You said you wanted to know what it felt like to have me inside you”

Nicky felt a shiver down his spine. He wasn’t sure if it was the way Shane said it or the words that he used but Nicky licked his lips. His eyes were closed and he tried to visualize the scene his lover was describing to him.  
“I said I didn’t want to hurt you” Shane continued. “And you said you trusted me”

“You lie down on your back and I…” Shane took a deep breath. “I prepared you… We took our time, paced ourselves. I was ready to stop the second you asked me to… But you never did… You just… You trusted me and that trust never wavered… By the time I had three fingers inside you, you were moaning and begging for more”

Nicky opened his eyes. He rolled onto his stomach and looked down at Shane. The brunette was staring at him. Nicky reached up and placed his hand on Shane’s cheek. The younger boy smiled then placed his own hand on top of Nicky’s.

“You opened a condom and put it on me” Shane continued. His voice was still low and gentle, their hands still touching. “You kissed me then I… I slid my cock inside you”  
Nicky was trying to picture it in his mind.  
“You started pleading… Begging me for more… I… I started to thrust and you… You moaned and moved with me. We didn’t talk; we just stared into each other’s eyes. I held your hand and we… I held your cock in my other hand and stroked you until you came… Watching you come, made me come and I… It was like time stood still… We were together in a way we never had been before”

“You licked my… Your hand was covered in” Nicky started. “And you licked it off”  
“I did” Shane replied.  
Nicky nodded his head. “I remember that… It’s not much, just an image but I wasn’t sure if it had really happened or if it was just a dream”  
“It was real, baby… I swear”  
“Thank you” Nicky whispered. “For telling me all that”

Before Shane could say anything else, Nicky leaned over and kissed him. Shane’s body was tingling at the memory of their love making and he was sporting the beginnings of an erection. The blonde deepened the kiss and Shane could sense something had changed between them.  
Nicky started to trail kisses along Shane’s jaw and down his neck. His hand slid down to touch his growing hardness. Shane realized his mistake. By telling Nicky of their past experience, he was now aroused at the memory of it and Nicky would feel the need to ease his discomfort.  
The blonde’s hand stroked Shane’s shaft as his lips caressed the younger boy’s neck.

“Shane?” Nicky whispered.  
The brunette didn’t reply, his voice having vacated his body the second Nicky’s fingers had closed over his hardness. Nicky took the initiative. It was his turn to shift his position and he moved closer, climbing on top of Shane and rubbing their cocks together.

Once Nicky climbed on top of Shane, the brunette froze. It had been a long time since Nicky had lain naked beside him… much less on top of him. Nicky’s hand wrapped around both cocks, the friction of both pressing together caused Shane to groan.

“Nicky” Shane panted. “What are you doing?”  
The blonde leaned down so his chest was pressed against Shane’s.  
“I’m giving you what you want” Nicky replied before moving in to kiss him.  
Shane diverted his head, moving away from Nicky’s attempted kiss.

“What are you…?” Shane stammered. “Nicky, I didn’t tell you all that just to-”  
“I know” Nicky whispered. “I asked you to tell me about our first time so I’d know what to do”

“Do? Nicky… I don’t understand”  
“Shane… I want you to let me love you”

Shane had never been more confused. What Nicky was saying to him wasn’t making any sense. The brunette opened his mouth to protest but Nicky was relentless. Despite his confusion, his body was trembling with anticipation.  
Their lips came together and Shane wrapped his arms around Nicky, holding him tight and kissing him as passionately as possible. He squeezed his hand, a sliver of pre-cum slid down Shane’s length and the brunette whimpered.

“Nix” Shane started. “No, it’s too much”  
“Shhhhh” Nicky whispered. “I love you, Shay”   
“I know” Shane whispered, his breathing more ragged than he would have liked.

Nicky placed a series of soft kisses along Shane’s jaw and down his neck. All the while, his hand continued its teasing of both their members.

“Shay” Nicky whispered. “I want us to be together”  
“Nix” Shane managed to reply. “You’re not ready…”  
“But there’s another way…” Nicky ceased his actions and stared down into his lover’s eyes. “Shane… Let me make love to you”

Shane’s heart began to pound. All the blood in his body seemed to travel straight to his groin as Nicky’s words echoed about in his head. Was Nicky serious? Did he really want to do that? Why hadn’t they thought of it sooner? Was Shane ready for something like that? Was Nicky?

“Are you sure?” Shane asked.  
The look on his face was a serious one. This was clearly not something to joke about and Shane wanted to be certain that Nicky was very sure and very aware of what he was saying.  
“I am” Nicky replied. He stared deep into Shane’s eyes. “If you’ll let me”  
“Oh, Nicky”

Shane didn’t know what to say so he reached up, cupped Nicky’s cheek with his hand and kissed him. He tried to convey as much love, respect and passion into that one kiss as he possibly could. It seemed to work for the blonde was reluctant to pull away. When he finally did, he looked at Shane with a nervous smile on his face.

“Shay?” Nicky whispered. “I don’t think I have any…”  
“In my bag” Shane replied. He was only guessing what his lover was after.

Nicky slid out from under the covers, crossed the room and began to rummage through Shane’s suitcase. His hands were trembling while he searched. Shane sat up and watched him closely. His heart was hammering in his chest. He could feel his palms beginning to turn sweaty from nervous excitement.  
The blonde eventually found what he was looking for and, his legs shaking, he returned to the bed and climbed under the duvet.

“I’m not really sure what I’m supposed to do” Nicky admitted.  
“I trust you completely, Nix” Shane confessed.

Shane’s entire body was tingling and he told himself to remain calm. As nervous as he was, he was sure it was going to be much worse for his lover.  
He reached out and took one of Nicky’s hands. The brunette raised it to his lips and gently kissed it. Nicky smiled down at him and gently squeezed his hand.

Nicky struggled to open the bottle of lube; his hands were shaking with nerves. Shane reached out and helped him. Nicky thanked him with a kiss. He coated his finger and Shane quickly rolled onto his stomach.  
The blonde wished his hand would stop shaking and told himself that it was going to be okay. He gently eased his finger inside Shane and bit his lip when he heard Shane cry out.

“I’m sorry” Nicky whispered.  
“Its fine” Shane replied. “I’m okay”

They couldn’t see each other’s faces. Shane was sure that Nicky was terrified of hurting him. Nicky was convinced Shane would freak out. Both of them were correct in knowing what the other was thinking.  
Shane gripped the sheets with his hand as Nicky’s finger entered him for the first time. Images filled his head and, for the briefest moment, he thought he was going to be sick. Faces flashed through his mind as he remembered all the things that had been done to him. He told himself to focus… That the person touching him was the man he loved.

“Shane?” Nicky whispered.   
The brunette nodded his head. It was all the encouragement he needed and Nicky inserted a second finger.

Nicky hated not being able to see Shane’s face. He was certain that he was causing his lover pain but the brunette simply nodded his head once more. Shane had been violated so many times and Nicky had never dared suggest doing this. The last thing he wanted was for Shane to think of him doing the unimaginable things those bastards had subjected him to.

“Please, Nicky?” Shane whispered.  
He slid a third finger inside and slowly worked the brunette’s opening. Nicky couldn’t see it but Shane’s cock was weeping with excitement. The younger boy wanted to reach down and touch himself but he was too busy gripping the sheets with his fingers.

He wasn’t really sure what to expect next when Nicky suddenly removed his fingers. Shane immediately felt empty and he cocked his neck, attempting to look at his lover. Nicky was struggling to remove a condom from the packaging. Shane rolled onto his back and reached out once more to help him.

His mind took him back to their first, and only, night together. He thought of everything he’d just told Nicky, of how he’d talked him through it and that they’d taken it slow… And how he’d had Nicky put the condom on for him.  
Shane reached out and took the condom from the blonde. He tore it open then, without saying a word, he leaned down and slid the prophylactic over his lover’s hardened tool.   
Nicky stared down at Shane and when the brunette looked up at him, their eyes locked. The older boy leaned forward and kissed him.

“Are you ready?” Nicky asked him. Shane nodded his head.  
“Do you want to…? Lie back down” Nicky stammered.  
Shane slowly lay down on his back, his legs apart, and he gazed up at Nicky.  
“Is that… Uh… Are you comfortable?” Nicky asked.  
“I want to see your face” Shane whispered.

Nicky moved closer and positioned himself just right. He was about to enter his lover when Shane reached out and grabbed his hand.  
“Wait” Shane insisted.  
“What is it?” Nicky asked. His eyes filled with concern.  
“Sorry… Just, gimmie a sec”

Shane took a deep breath and squeezed Nicky’s hand tightly. It suddenly seemed so much more real. He could envision exactly how Nicky must have been feeling their first time together. He wondered what his lover was feeling now.

“Nicky, are you okay?” Shane asked him.  
“It’s so… Surreal” Nicky replied.  
Shane grinned and nervously bit his bottom lip then stared directly into the blonde’s blue eyes and nodded his head.  
“I’m ready” Shane whispered. “Just… Don’t let go of my hand”  
“I won’t” Nicky assured him.

The blonde leaned forward and kissed Shane’s lips. He reluctantly pulled away then, with one hand still clutching Shane’s, he used his other to guide his cock to Shane’s entrance. Their eyes locked, fingers entwined, as Nicky pressed his hardness into his lover.  
Shane’s eyes began to fill with tears as the pain shot through him in an instant.

‘It’s Nicky’ Shane told himself. ‘Nicky’

“That… That’s it” Nicky whispered. “I… I’m right here”  
“Nicky” Shane replied.  
“I’m sorry…”  
“What…?”  
“Does it hurt?”  
“No, it’s… It’s okay”

Shane reached up, and pulled Nicky down towards him. The blonde slid his other arm around Shane and held him there. Their bodies were connected, as one, neither one of them moving. Shane’s hazel eyes stared deeply into Nicky’s blue ones. Their faces were inches apart so Shane leaned in, closing the space between them and covering Nicky’s lips with his own.  
There was something so beautiful about being so close to his love, that Shane gave in and allowed his tears to fall. 

“Shay, I’m so sorry” Nicky said after misreading the brunette’s tears.  
“No, Nicky” Shane whispered. “It’s beautiful… You’re beautiful”  
“Are you… Should I…?”

Shane nodded his head in acknowledgment. Nicky leaned in and carefully kissed his love’s tears away. He slowly pulled out of Shane then slid back in. The brunette winced but smiled. Nicky returned the gesture then continued to thrust his hips. Shane groaned and squeezed his lover’s hand tightly.  
They stared into each other’s eyes before Shane took control. He pulled Nicky to him and claimed his lips in a passionate kiss. Their tongues melded together as their bodies connected as one. Nicky continued to buck his hips, the two singers building up a rhythm. Shane’s cock was trapped between their bodies, the friction of their love-making working him to climax.  
It wasn’t long before he felt his body tense and he shot his load all over Nicky’s chest. The excitement of seeing his lover come… Of knowing *he* was the one responsible for Shane’s climax, sent Nicky over the edge and he too came.

They collapsed on the bed in an exhausted heap, both panting for breath. Their hands were still clasped together and Shane looked down at Nicky. He watched a bead of sweat trickle down his lover’s neck and Shane’s heart swelled.   
Nicky grinned back at him and Shane knew he would remember this moment for the rest of his life. 

“I love you” Shane whispered.  
“And I love you” Nicky replied.

They fell silent, each lost in the memory of what they’d just done. Nicky’s hands were still shaking as he reached out to touch his lover’s cheek.  
“Was it…?” Nicky asked. “Are you…? I don’t know what I’m supposed to say”  
“It was perfect, Nix” Shane whispered. “You were perfect and it was… Amazing”  
“Like last time?”  
Shane smiled and kissed Nicky.

“Is that why you wanted to go out tonight?” Shane asked. “Why you asked me about our first time together? Were you planning this all along?”  
Nicky nodded, shyly.  
“Shane, I felt terrible that we couldn’t take things further. And I know you keep saying it’s okay and you’re being respectful and all but… I wanted to do this for you… I thought that if you’d let me make love to you then it would be a first time for both of us but it won’t take anything away from our first time… And when my memory comes back, I’ll be able to remember both of our firsts”  
Shane smiled and kissed his love.  
“It was beautiful, Nix” Shane said. “A moment I’ll treasure forever”  
“Me too” Nicky replied.

“Come on, I need a shower” Shane said to him.  
The brunette climbed out of bed then he held his hand out to Nicky. No words were exchanged as the two singers made their way into the bathroom. Shane turned the water on and led the blonde into the shower.   
They each took their time covering the others body in soap then letting the water wash away all traces of their love making. Shane wrapped his arms around Nicky’s waist and the blonde leaned back into his embrace. The brunette’s hand sneaked down Nicky’s body and grasped his cock which was already showing signs of wanting a second round.

“Shane” Nicky gasped. His voice was barely audible over the running water.  
“My turn” Shane said in his lover’s ear.  
He held Nicky in his arms and worked his cock with his hand. After several intense minutes, the warm water trickling down his body, his lover’s lips against his own and Shane’s long fingers teasing him, Nicky came. As he shot his load, he plunged his tongue into Shane’s mouth and let him ride out the orgasm with him.

They reluctantly stepped out of the shower and Shane wrapped a towel around Nicky before locating one for himself. The two singers hurriedly dried off before returning to the bed. Nicky climbed into his side then pulled Shane to him. They lay together in silence and held each other close. Nicky reached out and turned the light off, plunging them both into darkness.

“Shay, are you okay?” Nicky asked him.  
“Nix,” Shane replied. “I’m so okay that I have no idea what to say right now”  
Nicky smiled into the darkness.  
“I’m sorry I held out on us for so long”  
“Don’t be… I never expected this from you. I love that you were willing to do this and take us this far but… I never…”  
“Thank you for letting me… take you like that”  
“You can take me anywhere, Nicky”  
“I love you so much right now”  
“And I love you more than you know”  
“I know, Shay… Believe me, I know”


	41. Chapter 41

When Mark awoke the following morning, he was confused. The last thing he was expecting was to find another man in his bed. As he groped for the alarm, attempting to turn it off, the events of the previous night came back to him. The memories all hit him at once and he didn’t know if he should smile or blush. He finally located the alarm and managed to press snooze. The singer wasn’t ready to get up yet.  
He tried to settle back down but Graeme was rousing from his slumber. Their eyes met and Mark smiled, shyly, at the older boy.

“Good morning” Graeme grinned.  
“Morning” Mark replied.  
“How are you feeling?”  
“Nervous… I don’t know what I’m supposed to say”  
“Don’t say anything… Or say whatever comes to mind”  
“I might say the wrong thing”

Graeme laughed then leaned over and kissed Mark’s cheek.  
“You’re too cute” Graeme whispered. Mark felt his face beginning to flush. “Don’t be embarrassed… It was a compliment”  
“Thank you… I guess I’m just not used to… being complimented”  
“Well get used to it”

Graeme kissed him once more then slowly climbed out of bed.  
“I have to have a shower” he stated. “I’m on duty this morning”  
“Can I shower with you?” Mark asked.  
“You want to have shower sex?”  
“You don’t?”

The older boy laughed then reached out for Mark’s hand. The brunette took hold of his and threw back the duvet. The two of them then made their way into the bathroom.

*

Once Graeme was dried and dressed, he kissed Mark one last time then headed for the door. The brunette held onto him a little longer than he expected to.

“I wish you had the morning off” Mark admitted.  
“Me too” Graeme replied. “But I’ll still see you later. We both have jobs to do here”  
“I know”  
“Hey, don’t sound so disappointed… We’ll have dinner tonight, okay?”  
“Okay” Mark nodded.

With one last kiss, Graeme headed towards the door. Mark watched him go then sat down on the bed. Since he had the morning off, he threw himself back on the mattress and closed his eyes.

**--**

Nicky blinked several times then stifled a yawn. Shane was still sleeping so the blonde didn’t want to disturb him. The older boy slowly slid out from under the duvet, he grabbed his robe and wrapped it around himself before moving over to the window. He pulled the curtain back and peered outside.  
The sun was straining its way through the clouds, leaving patches of blue sky above. Nicky smiled, happy that it wasn’t raining for once. He wrapped his arms around himself and tried to warm himself. Nicky turned around and looked at his still sleeping lover.

He’d expected to feel different. His mind was able to comprehend that he and Shane had finally had sex. Sure, they’d done it before but now he was able to remember it. As he stared down at the brunette, he thought of the way their bodies had come together as one and his heart swelled.  
Nicky moved back towards the bed and climbed onto the mattress. He reached out and gently stroked his lover’s cheek. Shane didn’t even stir. This made Nicky smile.

The blonde leaned down to kiss Shane just as he awoke. He slid his hand behind Nicky’s neck and pulled him closer. They exchanged a tender kiss before Nicky pulled away.

“Morning” Nicky whispered.  
“Good morning” Shane replied.  
“How are you feeling this morning?”  
“Uh…. I…. Hurt, a bit”  
“I’m sorry”  
“Hey, it’s okay… I’m… It’s been awhile since I…”

Nicky wrapped his arm around Shane and pulled him into a hug.  
“And it was okay?” Nicky asked. His voice was low, nervous.  
“It was better than I ever imagined it would be” Shane confessed.

There was a knock at the door. Nicky reluctantly climbed to his feet and crossed the room. He opened the door then stepped aside as Graeme entered the room.  
“Morning lads” Graeme said as he stifled a yawn.  
“Morning” Shane replied.  
“You look like shit” Nicky added. “Rough night?”  
“Something like that” he smiled. “Didn’t get much sleep”  
“Did you want to switch shifts?” Shane asked. “Maybe Colin can cover you?”

“Nah, I’m fine… I’ve worked on less sleep before” Graeme insisted. “Besides, it’s gonna be a quiet morning. What’s on your mind for breakfast? Order in or go down to the restaurant?”  
Nicky and Shane exchanged a look. They hadn’t discussed breakfast yet.  
“Sorry, I thought you would have decided by now but I can see you’re not even ready yet” Graeme’s eyes scanned Nicky in his robe and Shane still in bed. “How about I come back in ten minutes?”  
“Sounds good to me” Shane replied.

“Wait” Nicky began. “Shane, I want to go out for breakfast… You know when you crave something real bad?”  
Shane sighed. Nicky sometimes had odd cravings when they were on tour.  
“I want Maccas” Nicky stated.  
“You want McDonalds?” Shane asked.  
“Yeah… Come on, Shane! Please?”  
The brunette hesitated. He’d already been envisioning a full English breakfast with bacon and eggs and toast and…  
“Please?” Nicky tried again.

“Hey, this doesn’t have to be the be-all-end-all” Graeme stepped in. “Nicky, I can take you to McDonalds… It’s like two blocks from here… Shane, you can go downstairs and eat in the restaurant with Mark and Kian and Bryan”  
Until now, Graeme had never noticed the way Shane’s eyes darkened at the mentioning of Mark’s name. Now that he was aware of the rift between them, he wondered how he’d not noticed it sooner.  
“Yeah” Nicky agreed. “Bryan’ll want to come with us though”

The blonde ran over to his suitcase and began rummaging for clothes. Shane was still sitting up in bed, watching his lover. He really didn’t want to go with them but he didn’t fancy staying here with Mark either. The more he thought about it, the more he realized that he could earn points with Nicky if he stayed and ‘played nice’ with their band mate.

Nicky hurried into the bathroom and came out barely a minute later, fully dressed. The blonde kissed Shane goodbye then ran out of the room. Graeme smiled, shrugged then followed Nicky. He walked down the hall to Bryan’s room and waited while Nicky knocked on the door then had a brief conversation with his band mate. The two of them then went to Fran’s room and explained the situation to them.  
By the time they were done, Bryan was waiting for them by the elevator.

*

By unspoken agreement Graeme and Mark kept their relationship to themselves. Bryan knew about it but he also kept quiet. The blonde was the only one who knew that Mark wasn’t sleeping in his assigned room. He suspected that Kian knew the truth about Mark and Graeme but the blonde never said anything.

Nicky and Shane’s relationship was thriving once more. Their night together had brought them closer and their love appeared to be stronger than ever. Each night they would lie in each other’s arms and Nicky would try to remember small details of his lost memories. Bits and pieces were slowly coming back to him. Some were worse than others but Shane would simply hold him in his arms and kiss his fears away.

**--**

The week that followed flew by and before they knew it, it was time for their last show in Manchester. Nicky and Shane were sitting together in their dressing room, waiting to go onstage. 

“Do you think they’ll change the sleeping arrangements again?” Shane asked.  
“What?” Nicky asked. He’d only been half paying attention so he wasn’t sure what Shane was going on about.  
“Tomorrow… When we get to Birmingham” Shane said. “Do you think we’ll still have a room to ourselves?”  
“Why wouldn’t we?”

Shane shrugged his shoulders.  
“I guess I like having time to ourselves and I don’t want it to be taken away from us” he said.  
“Fran’ll understand” Nicky replied. “He’s been so good to us during this tour and…”  
The blonde walked over and wrapped his arms around Shane’s waist.  
“If he tries to separate us, we’ll just ask him not to” Nicky assured him.

“Hey,” Shane changed the subject. “Is it just me or has Mark been acting…Different lately?”  
“He seems happier than I’ve seen him for awhile” Nicky agreed. “I think Graeme’s had a positive effect on him”

“Have you talked to Kian lately?” Shane asked.  
“Sure, haven’t you?” Nicky replied.  
“I meant… About Mark and Graeme…”  
“Now we don’t know for sure that anything’s really going on between them”  
“Mark’s happy and smiling… He’s been spending even more time with Graeme than before… I think it’s safe to assume they’re fucking”  
“Shane!”  
“I want to make sure Kian’s okay but I don’t want to bring it up in case he doesn’t know yet”  
“I think if he knew, we’d know how he felt”  
“I’m going to try and talk to him… After the show or tomorrow”  
“Are you sure that’s a good idea?”  
“He’s our friend, Nicky… We should make sure he’s okay”  
“Okay, after the show tonight, we’ll talk to him”

*

Fran made his way down the hall to the dressing room. He was in a hurry and didn’t bother to knock. He stopped in his tracks, surprised by what he saw happening right before his eyes.  
The tour manager took a deep breath then made a point of clearing his throat. Loudly.

Mark and Graeme instantly separated. The older of the two leapt off the couch, attempting to straighten his shirt and maintain an air of professionalism. Fran had been caught off guard. For the life of him, he couldn’t remember what he was doing there.

“You’re due onstage” Fran said after it came back to him. “Mark, you’d better hurry”  
“Uh, sure Fran” Mark replied, not looking at the older man.

The two of them headed towards the door.  
“Graeme… a word” Fran said. His voice was harsh.

Mark exchanged a look with Graeme but didn’t say anything. The singer quickly hurried from the dressing room. As the door snapped closed behind him, Fran turned his attention to Graeme.

“Fran, don’t” Graeme began.  
“Don’t what?” Fran demanded. “Berate you for your stupidity?”  
“Stupidity?”  
“What are you doing, Graeme? What were you thinking?”  
Since Graeme wouldn’t meet Fran’s eye, the tour manager continued.  
“You know I could fire you for this”  
“Yeah” Graeme replied. “I know… But I’m hoping you won’t”  
“The rules are there for a reason”  
“I’m not, technically, breaking any… We’re here to protect Nicky & Shane”  
“We’re here for all of them. Nicky & Shane may be the priority but you’re contracted to all five members of Westlife”  
“Then I’ll ask you, just once… Please, don’t fire me”

“What are you doing?” Fran repeated his earlier question. “Why would you take the risk? You know we’re not meant to get emotionally (or physically) involved with our employers”  
“You can’t pull that over me, Fran… You’re already emotionally attached to them”  
“They’re my friends”  
“Exactly”

The two men stared at each other in silence.  
“Is he worth it?” Fran asked.  
“What?”  
“Mark… Is he worth losing this job over?”  
“I don’t know”

Fran sighed. He didn’t have time for this right now.  
“I’m not going to fire you” Fran finally said.   
Graeme looked up at him, a look of relief on his face.  
“I’m not going to fire you” Fran said again. “Because we’re too close to the end of the tour and there’s not enough time to bring someone new in… But I won’t be assigning you to Nicky and Shane anymore… Unless I have to”  
“Fran-”  
“Hear me out… What if another incident like what happened in Belfast happens again? You’re in a crowd, assigned to protect Shane but you realize Mark is in trouble. Could you guarantee that you would do your job and put Shane before Mark?”  
Graeme didn’t say anything.  
“I don’t want to put you in that position” Fran explained. “And I can’t take that risk. If you, genuinely, have feelings for Mark then… As a friend, I’m happy for you but as your boss… I can’t condone it. From now on, your main assignment will be Kian, Bryan and Mark”  
“Fran… I’m sorry… I never meant for this to happen”   
“Maybe not… But it has… And if you step out of line again, my hands will be tied and I‘ll have to let you go”  
“I understand”

They held each other’s eye for a moment as Fran’s words sank in.  
“Fran?” Graeme asked. “Can you, maybe, not tell Mark any of this? I… I think I should be the one to explain it to him”  
“You can tell him yourself… I’m not going to say anything to Bryan or Kian either”  
“What about Nicky and Shane?”  
“I’ll tell them after tonight’s show”

Graeme nodded his head in understanding.  
“You better get going. You’re supposed to be relieving Billy backstage”

The conversation was over. Fran turned around and walked out of the room. Graeme remained where he was for a moment, contemplating all that Fran had said to him. Then he high-tailed it from the room and hurried to find Billy.  
He took over for the other lad and remained backstage for the duration of the show. He caught Mark’s eye a few times and smiled at him. He knew the brunette would be worried that he’d gotten Graeme into trouble… Which, technically, he had.   
But as Graeme watched the singer on stage, moving about and singing to adoring fans, he smiled to himself. Yes, he’d gotten in trouble but Mark was worth getting in trouble for.


	42. Chapter 42

Nicky and Shane took the news of Graeme and Mark’s relationship better than Fran thought they would. The tour manager had no idea that the couple had long suspected something was going on between their band mate and the member of security.  
They didn’t tell Fran as much and the subject was quickly dropped.

Shane was secretly glad to finally have confirmation of this new development. While he was concerned about ‘losing’ a part of their security, he was happy that Mark had found someone else to fixate on. The more he thought about it, Shane realized, he hadn’t seen Mark staring at Nicky much over the last few days.  
But as relieved as he was, Shane was also sad. He knew this would devastate Kian. His best friend was still harboring feelings for Mark. Once Kian learned that Mark was *definitely* involved with Graeme, it would break his heart.

After Fran left their room, Shane voiced his concern to Nicky.  
“I think I should be the one to tell Kian” Shane stated. “I don’t want him to hear it from anyone else… We should have told him days ago anyway”  
“We didn’t think there was anything to tell, Shane” Nicky replied. “Besides, he must already know…Mark and Graeme have been spending heaps of time together over the past few weeks”  
“Maybe… But I still want to go talk to him”  
“You want me to come with you?”  
“No, it’s okay… We don’t want to ambush him or anything”

Shane picked up the radio and relayed a message to Fran. He informed their tour manager that he was going to visit Kian but Nicky would be staying in their room. Fran said if he hadn’t heard anything in fifteen minutes, he would stop by to make sure everything was okay.  
The brunette left the radio with Nicky then left their room. He walked the few steps across the hall and knocked on the door to Kian’s room. Several minutes passed but the door remained closed.

Shane knocked again, louder this time. But still no one answered the door. He took a step back and looked down at his watch. It was late but not late enough that his friend would have gone to bed already.  
“Kian, it’s me” Shane said, hoping his band mate would hear him…. Still nothing.  
He was about to give up when the lift doors opened and Kian stepped out. His head was down and he was carrying something.

“There you are” Shane smiled. “I was wondering why you were ignoring me”

Kian looked up, briefly, and continued towards his band mate. He stopped outside his room and unlocked the door.

“Night Shane” Kian said as he stepped around the brunette and into his room.  
“Kian!” Shane put his hand out to stop the door closing in his face. “I want to talk to you”  
“Well I don’t want to talk to you”  
“Why not? What did I do?”

Kian stopped trying to close the door. He shifted his weight and finally met Shane’s gaze.  
“Nothing” Kian said. “You didn’t do anything… I just… I want to be left alone”  
“Well… Too bad”

Shane put all his weight into one solid push and managed to get inside the door. Kian, accepting defeat, turned and walked further into the room. Shane found the light switch and the room lit up. Once he could see, Shane looked for his friend. Kian was already sitting on the couch.  
The blonde kicked his shoes off and reached into the bag he’d been carrying. He produced two bottles of alcohol.

“Kian, what are you doing?” Shane asked.  
“What does it look like?” he snapped.  
He opened one of the bottles and began to down its contents. Shane remained where he was, confused and shocked by what his friend was doing. Sure, it wasn’t unusual to enjoy a drink on tour but not alone in your hotel room.

“Kian” Shane crossed the room and sat down beside his friend. He reached out to take the bottle from him but Kian jerked it away.  
“Kian” Shane tried again, his voice much gentler this time. “I take it you’ve heard then?”  
“Heard?” Kian snorted. “I *saw* them”  
“I’m sorry”  
“It was right before the show… I saw them together in the dressing room. Then when I saw Fran, I didn’t bother to stop him… I knew he’d be mad but I didn’t care”  
He took another long swig from the bottle.

“You do care” Shane said. “And I’m so sorry that you had to find out like that. I wanted to tell you sooner”  
“You knew?” Kian hissed.  
“Not exactly… I mean, Nicky and I suspected as much but we didn’t *know*. I wanted to say something, give you a heads up but Nicky was afraid that if we said something and it wasn’t true then you’d be hurt”

“I knew it was coming” Kian said. “Right after Fran told us about the tour being extended… I walked in on Bryan and Mark talking… And Bryan was encouraging him… Telling him to go for it”  
“And what did you say?”  
“Nothing… What *could* I say? ‘I don’t want you to sleep with him?’ I thought I might get lucky and he wouldn’t go through with it… Graeme had been pursuing him for a while but Mark wasn’t going for it… I’d hoped that… That if he’d gone this long then maybe he never would…”  
Kian trailed off and had another mouthful.  
“Graeme’s a nice lad… I liked him right from the start… I should be happy that he makes Mark happy”

“Have you considered that they’re just using each other for sex?” Shane asked.  
“What?” Kian replied. “You think…?”  
“Uh, no… I mean… It was just a thought… I mean, we don’t know how they feel about each other. We don’t know what goes on between them when we’re not around… I just thought that… Since they’ve been able to keep it to themselves all this time, then maybe there aren’t any actual feelings involved”  
“No… Mark wouldn’t do that… Unless his feelings for Graeme are stronger than Graeme feels for him” Kian paused. “Which means Mark’s just going to end up getting hurt”

They both fell silent. Kian continued drinking.  
“I think Graeme cares for him” Kian finally said.  
“I think so too” Shane agreed. “He could have lost his job… He technically has. Graeme isn’t going to be our security anymore… He’s being reassigned to you, Bryan and Mark”  
“What? Why?”  
“Conflicted interest… If something happens to us, Fran doesn’t want to put Graeme in a position where he’d have to choose between say Nicky or Mark…”  
“Fran thinks his feelings for Mark will get in the way of him doing his job”  
“Exactly”

“Shane?” Kian asked. He held the bottle with both hands. He wouldn’t look at his friend. He didn’t want Shane to see his unshed tears. “Can you please leave now?”  
“Kian”  
“Please? I… I need to be alone right now”  
“I don’t know if that’s such a good idea”  
“Please?”

The brunette reluctantly nodded then realized that his friend couldn’t see him.  
“Okay” Shane reached out and picked up the unopened bottle. “But I’m taking this one with me… And you’re not to go out and buy any more”  
“I won’t” Kian replied.

“Good night, Ki” Shane said as he climbed to his feet.  
“Night Shane” Kian replied as he curled up on the couch. “And Shane?”  
“Yeah?”  
“Thanks for stopping by”  
“I’ll be back in the morning… We’ll have breakfast and talk about this some more”  
“No… I don’t want to talk anymore”  
“Then we’ll talk about everything *but* this some more, okay?”  
“Okay”  
“Good night”

Shane opened the door and stepped out into the hall. He returned to his room and went inside. Nicky was already in bed, he was reading a book. Shane locked the door behind him then walked over to the bed. Nicky looked up at him.

“How did it go?” Nicky asked.  
“I had to confiscate this” Shane held up the bottle. “He’s taking it worse than I thought he would”  
“Is he gonna be okay?”  
“I have no idea… But I told him that he’s having breakfast with us tomorrow so you’ll be able to see for yourself”  
“Do you think it’s a good idea to leave him all alone tonight?”  
“He wants to be left alone…” 

Shane climbed onto the bed. He reached out and took the book from Nicky’s hands. He marked the page before closing it and putting it aside. Then he reached out and took one of Nicky’s hands in his.

“Seeing him like that…” Shane began. “It reminded me of… Well, me…. The night that you left me… After you got released from the hospital…”  
“Shane-”  
“No, I know why you left… I drove you away and that was a mistake… But I… That night, I kept thinking that the more I drank, the less pain I’d feel”  
“And he stopped you from drinking yourself stupid”  
“So you’re saying I should go back over there?”

Nicky sighed. He began to gently stroke his thumb across Shane’s palm.

“I guess he’ll be okay” Nicky said.  
“He already knew anyway” Shane replied. “He’s known for a few days… I think it’s just, talking about it is making it too real for him”  
“I wish there was something we could do for him”  
“Me too”

Shane leaned over and placed his forehead against Nicky’s.  
“He must be so gutted” Nicky said.  
“He is” Shane agreed. He placed a single kiss to Nicky’s lips before he pulled away.

“Come to bed” Nicky said. “We can talk about this more tomorrow”  
“I know I say this all the time but… I love you”  
“And I love you”

**--**

With their relationship now common knowledge, Mark moved into Graeme’s room. The two of them had to act appropriately when out in public but didn’t have to hide when around Mark’s band mates.  
Kian began to spend more time on his own, Shane kept an eye on him but he was unaware that his band mate drank himself to sleep every night. Nicky and Shane tried to keep his mind off Mark but to no avail.

Just when Nicky was starting to think Kian was getting better, he was proven wrong during the bus drive to London. Graeme and Mark were sitting in the back row, with their arms around each other. For the majority of the trip, Graeme’s tongue was lodged in Mark’s mouth. Kian kept looking over his shoulder, staring at the two of them.  
Nicky felt terrible when he saw the tears form in his friends eyes. Kian quickly covered this up by putting on a pair of sunglasses.

Once they arrived at the hotel, Kian snatched a room key from Fran and walked off. Mark and Graeme were given a room while Bryan was given the option of bunking with Kian or having a room of his own. Had he known how bad his friend was doing, he would have chosen to stay with him but Bryan chose to be alone.  
Shane and Nicky were given their own room but with the same understanding as before, the radio was to be kept with them at all times.

**--**

Two days into their London stay, Shane woke up and was surprised to find the bed empty beside him. He stretched as he sat up, his eyes scanning the room for Nicky. The blonde was sitting on the couch with a cup of tea in his hands.

“You’re up early” Shane said to him.  
“Morning” Nicky replied before taking a sip of his drink.  
“Did you have another nightmare?”  
“Not really… I woke up but couldn’t go back to sleep so I thought I should get up. Kettle is still warm if you want something”

Shane shook his head.  
“Can you hand me my phone?” Shane asked. Nicky picked it up, noticed it was switched off and tossed it onto the bed.  
“Why did you turn it off?” Nicky asked.  
“Didn’t want us to be disturbed last night” Shane smiled as he switched it on.  
The phone beeped in his hand. He looked down at it.  
“Message?” Nicky asked Shane nodded. “From?”  
Shane frowned. The blonde stood up and walked over to him, climbing onto the bed beside the younger boy.  
“Shane? What is it?”  
“It’s from Ryan”  
“Ryan?”  
“My lawyer… Why would he be trying to call me?”

Shane wasn’t sure. He pressed the call button then placed the phone onto speaker so Nicky could hear it too. All was quiet for a long time. The two singers looked at each other in confusion.  
“Maybe he didn’t mean to call you?” Nicky suggested. “He could have accidently called and not realized”  
“But why would he accidently call? I haven’t spoken to him for weeks”

“Shane… I’m sorry” Ryan’s voice was soft, like he was whispering. “I’m so, so sorry”  
Nicky immediately reached for Shane’s hand.  
“I never meant for… I don’t know… Shit, I have to go”  
The message ended. 

Nicky was still holding onto Shane’s hand. He felt the brunette’s grip tighten on his own. He quickly squeezed it back. Their eyes met and Nicky could see the confusion in his gaze.

Shane’s hand was shaking as he lifted to phone to his ear and dialed Ryan’s number. The call immediately diverted to his voicemail. Unsure of what to say, Shane ended the call without leaving a message.

“What do you think that was all about?” Nicky asked.  
“I have no idea” Shane replied.

*

Shane tried several times during the day to reach Ryan but to no avail. By unspoken agreement, neither one of them mentioned any of this to their band mates. Nicky wasn’t aware of just how many times Shane attempted to phone Ryan but he knew the brunette would give it a good attempt.  
By the time they went to bed that night, Shane still hadn’t spoken to him. He’d left several messages on his voicemail (work and mobile) but still no word. He didn’t want to admit that he was starting to feel scared.


	43. Chapter 43

The following morning, Nicky was on the phone to Georgina. He sat out on the balcony, watching Shane sleep through the open curtain. He had been going to tell her about the mysterious voicemail but she brought it up first.

“How’s Shane coping?” she asked. “It must have been a shock”  
“What must have been?” Nicky asked. He continued staring at the sleeping brunette.  
“Ryan’s death”  
“Ryan…? Ryan’s dead?”   
“Wait… You mean you didn’t know?”

Nicky was on his feet, pacing the small balcony before she’d finished speaking.  
“No… I had… We had no idea” Nicky said to her. “When?”  
“They found his body yesterday… Said he couldn’t have been gone more than a few hours when they did”  
“Oh God….”

Nicky was beginning to feel sick. He had to sit back down.  
“He called Shane…” Nicky explained. “We got the message yesterday morning”  
“And? What did it say?”  
“He just kept apologizing…. And he said that he never meant for… Then he just trailed off before hanging up in a hurry”  
“You think he was trying to tell him something?”  
“He was trying to apologize for something… But we have no idea what”  
“Do you think…? Maybe he knew….?”  
“Knew what?”  
“I don’t know… Something…. Anything….” She took a deep breath. “He was murdered. Shot twice in the back of the head”

“Do you think it might have something to do with Shane?” Nicky asked. “I mean, he was Shane’s lawyer and now he’s dead… Are they trying to send us a message?”  
“I don’t know, Nicky. And I’m so sorry I had to be the bearer of bad news”  
“It’s okay… It’s not your fault… Besides, you thought we already knew… I better go; I should wake Shane and tell him about this”  
“Call me, if you need to talk”  
“I will, bye”  
“Love you, Nicky”  
“You too Gina”

Nicky ended the call then made his way back inside. Shane was still asleep. The blonde sighed. He hated the idea of waking the brunette just to tell him bad news. He kicked off his shoes then climbed onto the bed beside Shane. He decided to let his love sleep a little longer. He wrapped his arms around the younger boy and closed his eyes. What difference would five more minutes make anyway?

*

 

Nicky broke the news to Shane before the brunette had made any attempt to get out of bed. The blonde held his love and reassured him but he could see how visibly shaken Shane was. Over breakfast, he informed the rest of his band mates along with their security. The news of Ryan’s death took everyone by surprise.   
Nicky saw a look pass between Bryan and Kian but he didn’t call either of them on it during the meal. By the time they finished eating, Nicky had completely forgotten about it.

Bryan caught up to Kian in the hall and called his friend into his hotel room. Once inside, Bryan closed the door then proceeded to have a minor freak out.

“Should we tell them?” Bryan asked. “It’s the right thing to do, isn’t it? Should we have told them sooner? Do you think it’s related?”  
“Bryan, calm down” Kian tried to reassure his friend.  
“I can’t, Ki…. Ryan’s dead…. And he was in on the whole thing”  
“We still don’t know that for sure… Besides, if he really was in on it, why would they kill him?”  
“Maybe he wasn’t useful anymore”  
“Then you’d think he would have stopped being useful when the trial ended… Why wait until now?”  
“I really think we should tell them”  
“And what if we’re wrong? Then we’ll just be… tainting their memory of him”  
“He was only a lawyer”  
“Bryan!”  
“I just meant… It’s not like they were ever really friends with him”  
“Shane’s still upset… Another person who was close to him on this trial is dead”  
“Another person… Bobby’s death was an accident”  
“Maybe but Ryan’s wasn’t… Who’s to say it’s not just a coincidence?”  
“Do you really believe that?”  
“Well I don’t think Ryan was in on anything… He was a nice, decent lad. There’s no way that he’d want to do anything to hurt Shane”  
“I know what I heard, Ki…”  
“What does it matter now? The case is closed and Shane’s moved on. Let’s not make this any worse for him than it already is, okay?”

Bryan sighed then relented. Perhaps Kian had a point. Besides, they’d gone this long without saying anything about it so why bring it up now?

*

The news of Ryan’s death affected them all in different ways. Kian pulled himself out of his stupor while he reconsidered his conversation with Bryan. He spent the next day tossing back and forth with the idea of telling Shane and Nicky what Bryan had suspected.  
He also brightened up when he noticed a small wedge between Mark and Graeme. The older lad may be nice but he appeared to have no sympathy for the man who had been killed. His only defense being that he never met the lad so why should he care. Mark took this to heart; he’d liked Ryan and respected the man for all he’d done to help Shane through his trial.

Nicky kept a close eye on Shane; he, obviously, was the one most affected by the death. The brunette couldn’t shake the feeling that it was somehow connected to him. Ryan had been his lawyer, had worked closely with him during the trial and everything. Now Tobey was out of prison and taunting them, getting closer and closer… He received a random voicemail message then the sender turns up dead? It couldn’t be a coincidence.

There wasn’t much the blonde could do for his lover aside from holding him in his arms and telling him everything was going to be okay… But Shane wasn’t buying that. He did love listening to Nicky’s words but the brunette wasn’t kidding himself. Something big was coming… was about to happen, he just wasn’t sure what yet.

**--**

Despite the drama’s happening off-stage, the first few shows were sold out and were a big hit. They were greeted with cheers and screaming from the fans and ended each show on a high… Except for Kian who put on a happy face for the show then sank into depression when they weren’t on stage. His mood only improved if he were privy to a fight between Mark and Graeme. He was unaware that for every argument Mark and Graeme had, they always made up… twice.

During the fourth show, the five singers were standing backstage, hurriedly changing their costumes. Bryan and Mark were the first to run back on and start playing up the crowd. Nicky reached over and helped Shane with the buttons on his shirt.

“Thanks Nix” Shane said to him.  
“Are you okay?” Nicky asked.  
“Sure… Why wouldn’t I be?”  
“I don’t know” he shrugged. “You seem distracted is all… Still thinking about Ryan’s voicemail?”  
“I’m trying not to… It’s not like we’re ever going to find out what it was about, right?”

It was Nicky’s turn to shrug his shoulders. The truth was that the older boy had stopped thinking about Ryan and the mysterious voicemail. He had his own problems to contend with. Unbeknownst to Shane, Nicky was starting to have nightmares once again. No doubt as a result of pushing himself to try and remember what he’d lost.  
He often woke up in a cold sweat, terrified and shaking but the dreams would quickly fade and he’d not remember what they had been about… Merely that they scared him half to death.  
He’d wanted to tell Shane but he felt his lover had enough to worry about right now that he didn’t want to add another burden.

By now, Kian had also changed his clothes and was heading back on stage. Shane watched him go then he reached out and grabbed Nicky’s hand. 

“I’m fine… Just thinking about the tour” Shane explained. “I mean, we’re finally in London”  
“You know this would have been our last show” Nicky pointed out.  
“Yeah”  
“You’re not having second thoughts… Are you?”  
“No… I like the idea of us finishing in Dublin”

Nicky pulled the Shane towards him and gently kissed his lips.  
“What was that for?” Shane asked.

The brunette wasn’t complaining. Far from it… The past few days had been full of tender moments like that. Nicky was trying his best to attempt to jog his memory. Little flashes seemed to keep coming and going. Some were good and some were bad but they worked through it as a couple. Shane was hopeful that, any day now, the memory of their first time making love would come back to Nicky. He was unaware of just how badly Nicky was suffering though, given that Nicky was leading him to believe everything was okay. 

“Because I love you, silly” Nicky replied, smiling.  
Shane grinned before kissing him back.  
With their hands still connected, the two singers hurried back towards the stage.

“About time you lads joined us” Bryan joked. “We were starting to think you got lost back there”  
“Sorry Bry” Nicky replied. “Shane needed help getting dressed”  
“Dressed… or undressed?”  
A loud majority of the crowd screamed.  
“I guess you’re just jealous, Bryan” Nicky continued.  
“Sure, I wish I had a personal dresser backstage” Bryan pouted.  
“Can we maybe get on with the show?” Kian snapped.

Shane moved towards Nicky and placed a kiss on his cheek. Bryan made a show of rolling his eyes before walking over to the piano.  
“We’re going to slow things down now” Bryan told the crowd. Kian picked up his guitar and began to strum a few bars.

Nicky hoisted himself up on top of the piano while Shane stood next to him. Mark sat down on a stool beside Kian. The five of them then proceeded to sing ‘More Than Words’.  
Once the song came to an end, several more stools were brought on stage. The four lads moved towards Mark and each sat on a stool. Nicky was next to Kian who was next to Mark. On Mark’s other side was Bryan with Shane on the other end.  
It was the furthest apart Nicky and Shane would be all night. Nicky caught Shane’s eye and smiled at him. Even from this distance, Shane could see that his love’s hand was shaking. He wondered if Nicky was okay.

“Now, all joking aside… We usually dedicate this song to all our devoted fans” Shane began. “But, just for tonight… I’d like to dedicate it to a friend of mine, who recently passed away… He did a lot for us and for me and, even though we only knew him a short while, his actions won’t ever be forgotten by the five of us… So… Ryan, my friend, this one is for you”

“Spend all your time waiting, for that second chance” Shane began to sing. “For a break that would make it okay”

Nicky closed his eyes, listening to the sound of his lover’s voice. His hand was still shaking and he wasn’t sure why. He bit his lip, focusing on the words coming from Shane’s mouth.

“In the arms of the Angel, fly away from here”

‘You’re my little angel now’ Nicky heard Tobey’s voice hiss in his ear. His eyes flew open and he moved his head from side to side, looking around and making sure Tobey wasn’t nearby.

“You’re in the arms of the angel, may you find some comfort there”

‘Come on, Angel. Make me come!’  
Tobey’s cock was right in front of him. His hands were bound in front of him and he was being forced to touch Tobey… To kiss his weeping cock.   
Nicky’s entire body was trembling. He could no longer hear the words coming from Shane’s mouth.

‘Wanna know what it feels like?’ he heard Tobey hiss in his ear. Then he remembered the bottle… ‘Come on, Angel’ the bottle Tobey had been drinking from, the one that he’d forced inside-

“NO!” Nicky screamed as he remembered the moment Tobey had slammed the bottle inside him.

He fell from the stool and landed on the stage, curling his body into a ball. Tears spilled down his cheeks as he shook his head from side to side. He was begging, pleading for it to stop.

It all happened so fast that no one really saw it. One second, Shane was singing a beautiful ballad to the crowd of fans and the next his microphone had been tossed aside and he was pulling a terrified Nicky into his arms.  
“It’s okay, I‘m here” Shane was whispering in his lover’s ear. “I’ve got you, its okay”

Everything stopped. The entire venue was practically silent as the band stopped playing and everyone watched in horror as Nicky thrashed about in Shane’s arms.

Bryan jumped to his feet and ran over to the piano. He immediately started playing a song. Kian grabbed his guitar and joined in. The two of them singing an impromptu duet. They tried to keep the focus of the crowd while Fran and Billy hurried out onto the stage and tried to pull Nicky to his feet.  
The blonde lashed out, refusing to let them touch him. His eyes were closed but tears poured down his cheeks. Shane was the only person he was allowing to touch him but he was still putting up a fight.

With no other choice, Shane stood up and pulled Nicky to his feet. Fran grabbed Nicky’s other arm and the two of them quickly dragged him off stage. They barely made it backstage before Nicky collapsed.  
He grabbed a fistful of Shane’s shirt and stared directly into his lover’s eyes.  
“He used a bottle” Nicky spat. “And you heard the whole thing”  
“Nix… What?” Shane began.

“Let’s get him to the dressing room” Fran insisted, looking around at the prying ears and eyes of all the people currently back stage.  
By now, Nicky was losing momentum so Fran scooped the singer into his arms. Shane hurried down the hall beside him while Billy and Malcolm led the way to the dressing room. Mal pushed the door open and let Fran and Shane inside with Nicky.

Fran hurried over and placed the singer down on the couch. Nicky had somehow managed to keep hold of Shane’s hand the entire time Fran had been carrying him.

“Nicky?” Shane whispered as he squeezed his lover’s hand. “Nicky? Baby?”

Fran stepped back, unsure of what he was supposed to do. Should he stay or should he leave and give them some privacy? He decided they needed some space and headed towards the door but once there he changed his mind and closed it. Malcolm and Billy remained out in the hall.

“Nicky, please?” Shane begged.  
“He made you listen… On the phone…” Nicky whispered. “I could hear your voice but Tobey… He was right there, in front of me and he… he wanted me to… to…”  
Shane blinked back tears of his own. He knew exactly what Nicky was talking about. He could remember it like it happened just yesterday… The fear in his lover’s voice, the evil laugh from Tobey and… The painful scream that Nicky had let out.  
Until this moment, Shane had never known what it was that Tobey had done to make Nicky scream like that. It was a sound that had torn straight through Shane’s heart. He’d wanted to reach through the phone and murder Tobey with his bare hands.

“Shhhhhh” Shane whispered as he wrapped his arms around his trembling lover.  
“It was a beer bottle” Nicky explained as tears streamed down his face. “A glass bottle and he… pushed it inside me and… and fucked me with it”  
Shane tried not to gasp. He closed his own eyes and couldn’t stop himself from imagining it… Nicky’s scream echoed in his mind.  
“It hurt so bad that I passed out” Nicky added. “And when I came to… He made me drink from it”

Nicky suddenly shoved Shane aside, lumbered across the room and dry-wretched into the garbage bin. The younger boy watched as his fiancé leaned over the bin. He blinked back tears of his own as he walked over to his love. Shane reached out and placed his hand upon Nicky’s back.  
Shane tried to think of soothing and encouraging words to say but nothing seemed fitting. He looked up and his eyes met with Fran’s.

The security guard picked up a bottle of water and handed it to Shane. He removed the cap and passed it to Nicky. The blonde shook his head. Shane nodded his head towards the table. Fran realized what he was indicating and picked up a cup which he then passed to Shane. The brunette filled the cup with water then handed it to Nicky. The older boy accepted it this time.

He stood up, on shaky legs, and stumbled into the bathroom. Nicky closed the door behind him, leaving Shane alone with Fran.

“What am I supposed to do, Fran?” Shane asked the older man.  
“I’m sorry, Shane” Fran replied. “I can’t tell you because… I don’t know”  
“Gah… I was so scared… Seeing him like that on the stage…”  
Shane reached up and ran his hands through his hair in frustration.

“Shane… I hate to have to say this but…” Fran paused. “You have to go back out there”  
“I can’t” Shane replied. “I can’t leave him… Not now, not like this”

Fran picked up a remote and turned the television on. There was a live feed from the stage. Shane looked up and saw Kian, Mark and Bryan playing to the crowd.  
“You can’t abandon your band mates” Fran said.  
“I won’t abandon Nicky” Shane insisted.

“You have to” Nicky’s voice was low, timid yet determine.  
Shane spun around and saw Nicky standing in the doorway of the bathroom. He was leaning against the door frame, looking at Shane through tear filled eyes.  
“You have to go back out there” Nicky said.  
“I don’t want to go out there without you”  
“But you will… I’ll be right here, waiting for you to come back”  
“And I’ll be here the whole time” Fran added.

Shane looked from Nicky to Fran and back again. The last thing he wanted was to leave Nicky but he knew he had to. Fran reached for his radio and contacted Billy. The other man stepped into the room.

“Billy, please escort Shane back to the stage so he can finish tonight’s concert” Fran said.  
Shane walked over to Nicky and placed a kiss on his forehead.  
“I’ll be back as soon as I can” Shane whispered.  
“I’ll be here” Nicky replied. “Waiting…”

Shane reluctantly followed Billy from the room. Nicky watched him go then collapsed on the floor. Fran hurried over to him, kneeling beside the singer.  
“Nicky?” Fran asked. “Nicky… It’ll be okay… It’ll be okay”


	44. Chapter 44

Fran reached for his radio and contacted Mal. A moment later, the door opened and Malcolm stepped into the dressing room. Nicky was sitting on the floor, pressed up against the wall, his face was buried in his hands and he was clearly crying.

“Fran?” Malcolm greeted him.  
“Mal” Fran replied. “We’ve got to take Nicky back to the hotel”  
“Are you sure?”  
“Yes, the sooner we get him out of here the better”  
“I don’t think that’s such a good idea… He’s not going to leave without Shane”

Nicky was only half listening to their exchange but he looked up when he heard Malcolm say Shane’s name.

“We don’t have a choice” Fran explained. “Tell them to have a car ready”  
Mal was reluctant but he nodded his head. “Contact Billy and tell him what’s happening. Then check in with Colin and Graeme. Then come straight back here”

Malcolm nodded his head again then turned on his heel and left the room, pulling the door closed behind him. Fran turned his attention back to the distressed blonde on the floor.

“Nicky” he began. “I’m sure this is the last thing you want but I’m taking you back to the hotel now”  
“What? Why?” Nicky asked.  
“It’s for the best… I want to get you out of here before the show finishes”  
“But… What about Shane?”  
“He has to stay; he needs to finish the concert”  
“Then I want to stay too… I told him I’d be here when he came off stage”  
“I’m sorry, Nicky but we have to leave”  
“No!”

Fran sighed and sank down on his knees so he was at eye level with Nicky.  
“Please, Nicky?” Fran tried to explain. “If we wait then we’ll get caught up in the throng of fans outside. The best thing to do right now is go back to the hotel… The other lads will stay here but Mal and I will go with you… I swear, I won’t leave your side the entire time then Colin, Billy and Graeme will bring Shane to you at the hotel”  
“Fran… I can’t-” Nicky blinked back tears.  
“I’m sorry, Nicky but I will carry you out of here if I have to… As head of security I can make decisions like that… And it’ll be much easier on all of us if you consented”  
Nicky didn’t say anything. He looked up at the TV screen and saw Shane back on stage with their band mates.

“I promise” Fran continued. “That Shane will only be fifteen minutes behind us”

There was a knock at the door before it opened and Mal stepped into the room.  
“We’re ready to go” he said.  
“Please, Nicky?” Fran addressed the singer.

It was obvious that Nicky was torn. Despite his threat, Fran wasn’t going to follow through. He would never make Nicky do something he didn’t want to… But it was important that they leave the venue before show’s end.

“Shane will worry” Nicky whispered.  
“No, he won’t” Fran replied. “He won’t know until he’s off stage”

Nicky hated the idea of leaving without Shane, especially without Shane even knowing but he could see Fran’s point. He wasn’t in any state to be seeing fans and plenty of them would rush the exits in hopes of finding out if Nicky was okay.

“If we’re going, we have to go now” Malcolm said.  
“Okay” Nicky agreed. “Let’s go, before I change my mind”

**--**

Shane tried his best to focus during the remainder of the show. The four singers rushed offstage and changed costumes for the last time. Shane saw Billy and Graeme backstage and was about to approach Billy when Kian grabbed his hand.

“Come on” Kian insisted. “The sooner we get back out there, the sooner we’ll be done”

The brunette knew his friend had a point. Besides, Billy had been side of stage since accompanying Shane back to the concert so he wouldn’t know any more than Shane did.  
He picked up his microphone and hurried back to the show. The music started and Shane opened his mouth to sing… The words completely left his mind. He couldn’t even remember which song he was meant to be singing.  
The audience were on the ball and sang for him. The words washed over him as hundreds of fans sang to him. He blinked several times before Mark took over and sang his lines. When it came time for Shane to sing again, he did.

He didn’t miss the look that passed between Bryan and Kian but he shrugged it off. Nicky wasn’t on stage with them, he was in the dressing room… Probably scared out of his mind and Shane wasn’t there for him.  
He tightened his grip on the microphone and continued to sing.  
There was usually a good amount of teasing and piss-taking after a show when one of them messed up or forgot the lyrics but Shane knew today would be different. It was obvious that Shane would be distracted while Nicky was suffering. He was certain that if anyone (band mate or not) tried to tease him for this, he’d slap them.

The song never seemed to want to end. Shane tried to be brave and smile for the fans but his heart just wasn’t in it. The second song started and Shane held back a groan. Why did they have to do stupid encores anyway?  
He hated this! He hated being onstage and singing without Nicky. Shane looked over at Bryan, who was singing, and the younger lad smiled at him in a reassuring way. Shane tried to smile back, he really did but it came across as more of a pained grimace.

After what felt like an age, they took their final bows and ran off the stage. Shane didn’t make it very far before Billy stepped in front of him.  
“Get out of my way” Shane snapped.  
“Shane, we have to go” Billy ignored Shane’s demeanor.  
“I’m trying but you’re blocking me”  
“Shane, just stop!” he reached out and put his arm around the singer, leading him away from the dressing room. “Fran and Mal took Nicky back to the hotel already. I’m under strict instructions to get you there as soon as I can”

The brunette stopped trying to fight him and started walking faster.  
“Nicky left without me?” Shane asked.  
“He didn’t want to… Fran made him” Billy explained. “We had to get him out of here before the show ended… Fran didn’t want him to get caught up in the throng of fans… If we go right now, we should make it in time”  
“What about…”  
“Colin and Graeme will bring the other lads… You can get changed back at the hotel”

By now they’d reached the car park. A car was waiting for them, the engine already on. Shane and Billy climbed into the back seat and Billy closed the door. The car pulled out and onto the street. Shane could see fans scrambling out of the venue and hurrying towards them. He ducked, hoping they wouldn’t see him. The car continued without interruption.

“Do you know how he’s doing?” Shane asked.  
“No” Billy replied. “I’ve been with you the entire time… Mal came up and told me what was going on… I had strict instructions not to tell you until you came off stage”  
Shane nodded and turned to look out the window. The hotel wasn’t far but the trip seemed to be taking longer than usual.

Shane was on the verge of panicking himself when he began to recognize familiar buildings. They were blocks away from the hotel. He began to nervously pick at his nails. There was no telling what state Nicky would be in by the time Shane got to him.  
The car pulled into the hotel parking lot. Shane threw the door open and leapt out. Billy wasn’t as quick as him. By the time the security guard was out of the car, the elevator had arrived and Shane was stepping inside. Billy had to run to catch up to him.  
They reached their floor and Shane stopped. He wasn’t sure where Nicky would be. It made sense for him to be in their room but there was a good chance that Fran took him to his room.

“I uh don’t know where to go” Shane said to Billy.  
“Uh… Your room” Billy replied.

Shane pulled out his key and unlocked the door. He pushed it open and went inside. Billy followed him. Fran and Colin were already there. Shane’s eyes scanned the room.

“Where is he?” Shane demanded. “Where’s Nicky?”  
“He’s been in the bathroom since we got here” Fran explained. “I’m sorry we left without you Shane but-”  
“Just go… All of you… I’ve got it from here”  
“No”  
“No?”  
“Billy, Colin… You can both leave but I’m staying… so if you need anything, this is where you’ll be able to find me”

Billy and Colin nodded, said their good nights and good lucks before leaving the room. Shane was still glaring at Fran but the older lad didn’t even flinch. He knew Shane was going to be mad at him for this but he didn’t care. He knew he’d done the right thing in moving Nicky when he did.

Shane didn’t say anything to Fran. He crossed the room and knocked on the bathroom door. He turned the handle and opened it before stepping inside and pushing the door closed.

*

Nicky was sitting on the floor, leaning back against the wall. He was wrapped in a towel and wearing no clothes. Shane looked over and saw his clothes in a pile next to the bath. He knew their clothes would have to be washed and ready in time for the next show. The brunette was sweaty and in need of a shower but, right now, Nicky was his main priority.

“Nicky?” Shane whispered. “Baby, are you okay?”  
The blonde slowly looked up and his eyes met with Shane’s.  
“Shay” his name came out sounding something between a sigh and a sob.

Shane shrugged his jacket off his shoulders and loosened his tie before walking over to his lover and lowering himself to the floor. Within seconds, Nicky was in his arms. He tightened the embrace, placed a kiss to the top of the blonde’s head and tried to tell him everything would be okay.

“I remember” Nicky cried. “I remember everything”

*

Fran sat on the couch in Nicky and Shane’s room. He kept glancing at the bathroom door but it was still closed. His phone beeped and he checked the message. He’d been fielding calls most of the evening, trying to explain what had happened. Not for the first time during the tour, Fran found himself wishing they had hired a tour manager for him to work with.  
He was just finishing up a call with Louis when the bathroom door opened and Shane appeared. He was carrying both his clothes and Nicky’s. He walked over and dropped the pile on the couch next to Fran.

“How’s he doing?” Fran asked Shane.  
“Can you take care of these for us?” Shane asked. At least he wasn’t the only one who’d left the venue without changing out of his tour outfit.  
“Sure… I’ll have someone run them back to the venue later”  
“Have you talked to Louis?”  
“Several times… He wants to know if Nicky’s okay”  
“What did you tell him?”  
“That I have no idea but that he was with you and that’s all that matters right now”  
“We’ll have to release a statement”  
“Already taken care of… Shane, all you need to focus on right now is Nicky”

“I don’t know what to do for him” Shane hated to admit.  
“Of course you do” Fran replied. “You’ve got tomorrow off too so take it easy and… You know”  
Shane nodded his head.  
“Are you going to be okay here? I uh I can stay tonight if you and Nicky want me to”  
“No, thanks Fran but I think Nicky and I need to be alone”  
“Keep the radio with you”  
“We will”

Shane picked up a bag and tossed their clothes into it before handing it to Fran. He then walked with the security guard to the door. Fran opened it and went to leave but he stopped. He pulled Shane into a hug. The singer returned the embrace then pulled back.  
“Thanks Fran” Shane whispered.  
“I know I don’t have to tell you this but…Take care of him” Fran replied.  
“I will”  
“Night”  
“Night Fran”

The older lad left and Shane locked the door behind him. The singer then returned to the bathroom. Nicky was still sitting on the floor.   
Shane had showered and changed then drawn a bath for the blonde. He’d helped Nicky into the bath and gently washed him. The blonde hadn’t said a word the entire time.  
The younger lad walked over and held his hand out to Nicky. The blonde looked up, took hold of Shane’s hand and slowly climbed to his feet. Shane wrapped his arm around Nicky’s waist and led him out of the bathroom.

Nicky was relieved to find their room empty. He knew his friends would be worried about him but he was happy they’d chosen to leave him be. All Nicky wanted right now was to bury himself in Shane’s arms and not move. He walked over to his suitcase and located his sweatpants. He pulled them on under the bathrobe he was wearing.

Shane pulled the duvet back and turned on the bed side lamp. He watched as Nicky finished dressing then walked over and turned off the light. The blonde made his way over to the bed and climbed in, burying himself deep under the duvet. Shane followed suit and slid in beside his lover.   
For the longest time, the two singers lay in silence. Shane wasn’t sure if he was supposed to reach out to Nicky or not. The blonde hadn’t tried to get close to him so he assumed that Nicky wanted space.

Shane reached out, ready to turn the light off  
“Don’t!” Nicky exclaimed.  
“Wh…?” Shane replied.  
“Please, Shay… Can we leave the light on?”  
“Okay… Sure… Sorry, I should have-”  
“No, I… Just for a little while”  
“Nicky… I don’t know what I’m supposed to say or do… I don’t know what you want me to-”

Nicky rolled over and looked at Shane. Their faces were inches apart, staring into each other’s eyes.  
“You don’t have to say anything” Nicky whispered. “To be honest, I don’t know what I’m thinking or feeling right now… Am I supposed to be scared? Angry? Sick?” he blinked back a few stray tears.  
“Talk to me, Nix… Please?” Shane begged. “You’ve barely said ten words to me since I got here”  
“What am I supposed to say?”

Shane reached over and wiped one of the tears from his lover’s face.  
“You were scared earlier… Let’s talk about that” Shane ventured. “I want you to talk to me… Say anything and everything you can think of… I heard what you said before… About… About the bottle and…”  
“Oh God” Nicky squeezed his eyes shut. Shane could see his knuckles turning white as he clenched his fist. “He just… He didn’t even hesitate… He forced it inside me and…”  
The blonde was beginning to tremble so Shane moved closer and wrapped his arms around him.  
“I heard it” Shane said. “I could hear what he was doing to you but I didn’t *know* what was making you… making you scream like that… Kian heard me and came running but… There was nothing we could do… I just sat there and listened to him hurting you”

The blonde buried his face in Shane’s chest. He closed his eyes but each time he did, a barrage of images and memories would wash over him.  
“That’s not the worst part” Nicky whispered.  
“It’s not?”  
“It’s up there but… When Tobey killed Kane…” Nicky averted his eyes. He knew he couldn’t be looking at Shane when he finished this sentence. “Kane was inside me at the time”

Shane felt tears forming in his own eyes. He tightened his embrace and kissed Nicky’s forehead. He didn’t know how to respond or to react to that.  
“I was chained to the wall and Kane came in… He’d been trying to fuck me since they brought me there but Tobey kept stopping him… Tobey didn’t want to share me… I don’t know how he did it but he got past him and Kane…” his voice was shaking. “That’s how I got those burns on my chest… Kane threw lit matches on me and when I refused to do what he wanted… he raped me… And while he was… was… doing it… His hands were around my throat, choking me… Then Tobey just came out of nowhere and… He told Kane to stop but he wouldn’t… They fought but Kane wouldn’t stop, he kept pushing me harder and harder and… He kissed me… Forced his tongue in my mouth and all I could taste was cigarettes... But Tobey just snapped… He walked over to us and while Kane was… was… he held a gun to his head and pulled the trigger”

Shane was gently stroking his hand up and down Nicky’s back in what he hoped was a comforting gesture.

“I felt the life seep out of him… One minute he was there, staring into my eyes and… and forcing himself inside me then the next he was just a dead body”

That was the most Shane got out of Nicky that night. As soon as the blonde finished speaking, he collapsed in a fit of tears. Shane held him close and whispered loving words to him but it wasn’t enough. It was almost a relief when the older lad finally succeeded in crying himself to sleep.


	45. Chapter 45

None of the band members got much sleep that night. Kian didn’t have to drink alone as he took his alcohol with him to Bryan’s room and the two of them stayed up until the early hours. They didn’t say much and when they did, they kept repeating the same conversation. Nothing seemed to distract them enough.  
They knew it would be a long time before they forgot tonight’s show. While on tour, each concert starts to feel the same and it becomes difficult to distinguish one from another… Not this time. Kian was confident that they’d been able to hold their own onstage while Shane took Nicky aside but he was wondering what would happen come morning. He wasn’t looking forward to reading the reviews.

Bryan had called Kerry and talked her through what had happened while Kian had been considerate enough to call Nicky and Shane’s parents. He knew his friends would have more on their minds than informing their families of what had happened on stage.

Mark joined them around 2am and stayed the night with his band mates. Bryan had enquired after Graeme but Mark had simply shaken his head and reached for the alcohol. In the morning, he woke up on the couch in Bryan’s room and left without a word to either of his band mates.

**--**

The following day, Shane didn’t leave Nicky’s side. The two singers locked themselves in their hotel room and asked to be left alone. When the cleaner came knocking, Shane took Nicky out to the balcony and they stayed out there until she was finished.   
It was an unusual day. Nicky didn’t say much, alternating between telling Shane what he could remember and fits of tears. Each time the brunette thought his lover had cried to the point of there being no tears left in his body, Nicky would start all over again.

At times it was painful to witness. Shane hated that there was nothing he could do for Nicky. The older boy’s behavior was odd too. Sometimes when he cried he’d walk over to Shane and slide into his arms, Shane would hold him close until the tears subsided. Other times, Nicky wouldn’t want to be touched and would sometimes lock himself in the bathroom until the moment passed.

Each time one of the lads would come by to check on them, Nicky would let them in but after a few minutes he’d ask them to leave. Each of them looked hurt when Nicky turned them away but they all understood. They’d been smart and come at different times and alone so as not to overwhelm their friend… For all the good it did.

Fran brought food to them but Nicky didn’t eat much. By dinner, Shane managed to convince Nicky to eat as he was going to need his strength for the following night’s concert. By unspoken agreement it was simply a given that Nicky would be on stage the next night.

And he was.

 

Shane stayed close to him throughout the show but Nicky put on a brave face. He didn’t spend the entire show on stage though. A quick rearrangement of a few songs meant the blonde could go offstage for a couple of songs and not be missed as he didn’t have any solos to sing. Shane would have liked to have gone with him but Kian went instead.

By concerts end, they all but ran back to the dressing room to change. Nicky wasn’t in a hurry to go back to the hotel so they remained at the venue until the fans disbursed before bringing the cars around and heading back.  
Bryan and Kian went straight to the bar with Mark promising to meet them later. Shane took Nicky up to their room but they too ended up down in the bar.

No one said anything. It became the elephant in the corner of the room. They all knew it was there but no one wanted to be the first to mention it. Nicky sat in the corner with a beer in one hand and Shane’s hand in the other.  
The band members talked and laughed and joked like old times. Mark arrived and joined them for a round. At times, they were able to forget anything had even happened… All but Nicky anyway.  
The couple were the first to retire for the night, leaving their three band mates in the bar. Billy took them back to their room then bid them goodnight before turning in himself.

Shane stood in front of the bathroom sink, brushing his teeth, while Nicky changed into his sweatpants and singlet. The brunette watched Nicky’s reflection in the mirror. He knew not to push his love. He remembered how difficult it had been for him after his kidnapping… But it seemed so much more confusing this time around.  
For him it had been so fresh in his mind but Nicky had been doing well. With no memory of what happened to him, he’d been fine and had come so far. But things were different now. Nicky was perfectly fine and a nervous wreck at the same time.

The brunette finished up in the bathroom and returned to the main room. Nicky was already in bed so Shane climbed in beside him.

“You want me to leave the light on?” Shane asked him.  
“No, it’s okay” Nicky replied.  
Shane reached out and switched the lamp off.  
“Goodnight Nix” Shane whispered into the darkness.

“That’s it?” Nicky asked.  
“What’s it?” Shane replied, confused.  
“Just… lights out and off to sleep?”  
“I’m sorry… Did you want to talk? Because all you’ve done for the past two days is talk and cry”

Shane felt Nicky’s fist connect with his shoulder.  
“Wha…?” Shane began.  
“How dare you?” Nicky’s voice was strained. “Do you think this is easy for me?”  
“Nix”  
“God… Shane… I thought you’d be better than this”  
“Better than what?”  
“Don’t you care about me?”

The brunette sat up and switched the light back on so he could see Nicky’s face. He turned and stared into his lover’s eyes. There were no tears this time.  
“What kind of question is that?” Shane demanded. “You know I love you with all my heart… It should go without saying that I care about you more than life itself”

“I remember, Shane” Nicky said to him.  
“I know” Shane replied. “Every painful second we were apart… It’s all there inside your head, tormenting you… And I don’t know what I can do about it… I don’t know how to help you”

It was Nicky’s turn to sit up. He reached out and cupped Shane’s face with both of his hands, forcing the younger boy to look into his eyes.  
“I remember, Shane” Nicky said again. “I remember you”  
His lover’s expression softened as all the tension left his body and Nicky’s words sunk in.  
“I remember you getting down on one knee, in front of all our friends and asking me to marry you…”

This time it was Shane’s eyes that filled with tears.  
“I remember what it felt like to have you inside me” Nicky whispered, still staring into Shane’s tear filled eyes. “The way you held me in your arms and kissed me and told me that you loved me… And when you came inside me… It was one of the most amazing moments of my life”

The tears spilled down Shane’s cheeks and Nicky quickly wiped them away. For the past two days, all they’d talked about was Nicky’s ordeal… The awful memories that had come crashing down on top of him. Shane had listened while Nicky explained, in detail, everything Tobey and Kane had done to him.  
Not once had Shane asked about the good memories nor had Nicky volunteered any. It had just been a given that the bad memories had come back… Neither of them had voiced concern for the happy ones. Shane had been too afraid to ask. He didn’t want Nicky to taint a happy memory by reciting it along with one of the painful ones.

“Nicky” Shane sobbed. “I’m sorry…”  
“No, I am” Nicky replied. “I should have said something sooner but the other memories… the disgusting, painful ones kept taking over in my head and they were all I could think about… If I tried to push them aside then they just got stronger and I… I stopped fighting it”  
Shane wrapped his arms around Nicky’s waist, pulling the blonde to him and holding him tight.   
“I love you, Nicky” Shane insisted. “No matter what’s going on inside that head of yours… Know that I’ll always be here for you”

“I feel so messed up right now” Nicky replied. “There’s a part of me that wants to run into the bathroom and throw up… But there’s this other part of me that never wants to leave your arms… One minute I want you to push me back onto the pillows and make love to me and the next second, I hate the thought of anyone touching me”

“Nix” Shane began. “I would love nothing more than to lay you down and make love to you all night long but we both know you’re not ready for that. I will be right here, holding your hand every step of the way until you’ve recovered enough to even think about doing something like that…”  
“I thought everything would be okay once my memory came back… That I’d remember being with you and we could just pick up right where we left off”  
“No, you didn’t”  
“No…” Nicky agreed. “I’d hoped everything would be okay… But we should have known… Nothing ever seems to work out for us, does it?”  
“Nicky, you’re right here in my arms… and right now, that’s enough for me”  
“Me too”

Nicky closed the space between them and brought their lips together in a soft kiss.  
“I’m sorry I snapped at you” Nicky said. “And I’m sorry for hitting you”  
“I’m sorry I was an insensitive twat” Shane replied.  
“But you’re my twat, Shay… And that’s what’s important”  
Shane smiled.  
“Are you okay to go to sleep now?” he asked. Nicky nodded his head.  
“Goodnight, Shay”  
“Night Nix”

Shane reached over and turned the light off once more. He lay down, resting his head on the pillow and closing his eyes. Nicky lay beside him, with one arm draped across his lover’s chest and his face buried in Shane’s neck.  
He didn’t get much sleep that night but he felt safe, loved and protected in Shane’s arms and that was enough to see him through until morning.

**--**

One of the main side effects of Nicky having his memories back was that Kian no longer drank alone at night. In fact, he was slowly breaking the habit. After the concert where Nicky had collapsed, Kian and Bryan had stayed up all night drinking (and were later joined by Mark).   
The following night, Bryan had turned up at Kian’s room with a six pack and they had drank together but once Bryan’s provided alcohol ran out, Kian didn’t reach for any more.  
The second night had seen Nicky joining them back on stage. It had come as a surprise to all of them when Nicky and Shane had joined them in the hotel bar after the concert. The third night after the incident saw Bryan repeating his gesture. He, once again, came to Kian’s room with two six packs and Mark in tow.

They hadn’t seen much of Nicky and Shane aside from when they were onstage and that one time they’d all been together in the hotel bar. Each of them tried at random intervals to visit their friends but, after their first attempts, whenever they tried again, they never made it past the threshold of the room.

Kian picked up his second beer of the night and removed the cap. He leaned back in his seat and took a long swig. Bryan was sitting on the couch. He’d been flipping through the channels on the TV but had, so far, found nothing interesting. Admitting defeat, he turned the TV off and tossed the remote aside.

“Ki… Can we talk?” Bryan asked.  
“Sure, Bry” Kian stifled a yawn. “Sorry”   
“Is everything okay with you? These past few weeks you’ve been kinda… Off. I mean, you seem a little better now but I can’t help feeling something’s wrong”  
“I’m fine… Just, worried about Nicky and Shane is all”  
“Are you sure? Cause, you know you can tell me… You can talk to me…”

Kian wasn’t meeting his friend’s eye. He stared down at the drink in his hand.  
“Something is definitely off with you” Bryan continued. “And it’s not Nicky and Shane… It’s something else… You’ve been withdrawn and sallow… and…and… You haven’t been yourself ever since…” he trailed off.

Kian finally looked up, curious as to why Bryan had stopped talking.  
“Since when?” Kian snapped.  
“I don’t want to say it…” Bryan admitted. “I want you to tell me… I’m not stupid, Ki. I’ve seen you sneaking beer and wine to your room at odd hours… And I know you’re the only one in here drinking it… I know something is wrong and you’re using alcohol as a distraction”  
“So why have you been bringing me alcohol all this week?”  
“Because you need to start acting responsibly… I swear at one show last week you were hung over. I don’t want you drinking yourself into a stupor every night… Not anymore”

“How about we talk about something else?” Kian asked.  
“See, I don’t understand” Bryan replied. “What’s so bad that you can’t even talk to *me* about it?”   
“It’s nothing personal Bry… Well, it is… But it’s nothing against you… I wish I *could* tell you”  
“So why can’t you? I’m really worried about you”  
“Well don’t be… I’m fine”  
“No, you’re not…” Bryan sighed in defeat. “But if you don’t want to talk about it… Then fine, I’ll drop it… For now”

Kian took another swig from his bottle of beer.  
“Have you talked to Kerry lately?” he asked. “How’s she doing?”  
“She’s great” Bryan smiled. “Some morning sickness but she’s okay”  
“That’s good”

Bryan picked up his own drink and took a sip. Kian picked up the remote and turned the TV back on. That was the end of their conversation.


	46. Chapter 46

Shane sat nervously at the table in his hotel room, attempting to eat his breakfast. It was proving difficult since he wasn’t overly hungry. Also he was waiting for Nicky to go into the bathroom so he could make a phone call. For some reason, the blonde seemed to be taking forever to finish his meal.  
After what felt like hours, Nicky finished the last bite of toast and climbed to his feet. He told Shane he was going to have a shower and the brunette nodded his head. Shane watched as Nicky crossed the room and closed the door behind him.

The brunette snatched up his phone just as there was a knock at the door. He groaned and leapt to his feet. Shane hurried to the door and opened it. Bryan was standing in the hallway, looking at him.  
“Shane! Good…” Bryan greeted him. “Can I talk to you?”  
“Now?” Shane asked.  
“Please? It’s important…”

Shane reluctantly stepped aside and Bryan moved into the room. The door fell closed behind him. The blonde then noticed the phone in his friend’s hand.  
“Is this a bad time?” Bryan asked.  
“Yes… I…” Shane looked at the bathroom door. “I really need to make a phone call”  
“So do it” he shrugged. “I’ll wait”   
“Uh…Okay”  
Shane took his phone and looked around.  
“I’ll be right back” he said.

The brunette hurried out onto the balcony, pulling the door closed as he went. He hurriedly dialed the number while peering through the window back into the room. He watched as Bryan walked over to the table, picked up a clean glass and poured himself a glass of juice.

“Shane?” Fran’s voice sounded nervous. “Is everything okay?”  
“Yeah, we’re fine… Bryan’s here” Shane replied. “Listen, Fran… I really need to talk to you about something”  
“Can’t it wait? We have to check out soon and get to the airport and-”  
“I know all that… It’s… It’s about today and… It’s about Belfast”  
“Shane, I know you’re scared but-”  
“Of course I’m scared… That’s why I’m calling you. It’s about room assignments when we get there… I… I need you to assign… I want you to stay with me and Nicky”  
“Are you sure?”  
“Yes… Please, Fran? I am so scared about going back there and… Nicky’s been the driving force behind me being okay with going and now he’s… He’s… Well, you know what he’s been like these past few days… I need to be there for him but I can’t do that when I can’t control my own fears… Basically, I need you to keep me in check so I can be there for Nicky”  
“You know I’m here for you, Shane”  
“Exactly… Also, and this is where I start to sound *really* crazy… I want you to make sure no one ends up alone. I don’t want anyone left on their own… Make sure you put Bryan and Kian together and that Mark stays with Graeme… I… We can’t take any chances”   
“If you’re sure that’s what you want”  
“It is”  
“Then consider it done”  
“Thank you, Fran…. Oh, and Fran?”  
“Yeah?”  
“Can you not tell anyone about this conversation?”  
“What?”  
“I don’t want anyone to know I’m acting crazy”  
“You’re not crazy, Shane… You’re being realistic”  
“Thanks… I’d better go. Bryan’s waiting to talk to me about something”  
“Yeah, me too… I’ve got to wrap up things here before we leave for Belfast”  
“Bye Fran”

Shane ended the call and stepped back inside. Bryan was sitting on the couch, remote in hand and channel surfing. Nicky was still in the bathroom.  
“Bryan?” Shane greeted him. “Sorry about that… Tour stuff”  
“Nothing too serious?”  
“Nope… Now, what do you want to talk about?”  
“Kian”  
“Kian?”  
“Kian”  
“What about him?”  
“Well, you know something’s wrong with him, don’t you?”

“Uhhhh” Shane trailed off.   
He wasn’t sure how to respond to that. Yes he knew that something was wrong with his friend but he couldn’t very well tell Bryan what that was. He’d promised Kian he’d never tell anyone about the torch he was carrying for Mark.  
Bryan was ignoring the TV now so he switched it off. With his complete attention on Shane, he wasn’t sure how to begin. 

“Shane… Something’s really wrong. I’m starting to worry about him” Bryan said.  
“I know… I was worried about him, too. I mean I am worried about him but I…”  
“You’ve had other things on your mind”  
“And I feel bad for ignoring what-”  
“I get it…” Bryan cut him off. “And that’s why I’m here”  
“What do you mean?” Shane asked.  
“I’m saying… You’ve got your plate full right now. What with Nicky getting his memories back and… I’m sure you’re not too keen about going back to Belfast… What I mean to say is… I want you to not worry about Kian anymore, let me worry about him. From here on out, you just take care of yourself and leave Kian to me”  
“Are you serious?”  
“Between you and me…. I think I know what his ‘problem’ is and I just need some time to work on getting him to admit it. I know he’s your friend and that you want to help him too but I think I can handle this on my own”  
“So… Why are you here?”  
“I just wanted you to know that I’m taking care of Kian for the time being so you don’t have to… To be honest, I think a part of his… condition… is the fact that we all neglected him but I’m going to fix this… I promise”

“You really think you know what’s wrong with him?” Shane wondered how Bryan could possibly know.  
“I’m not as dumb as people think I am” Bryan replied.  
“I don’t think you’re-”  
Bryan simply laughed.

“Shane… Kian’s been drinking himself into a stupor every night” he explained. “Sometimes he gets very talkative and other times he just gets cranky”  
“So you’re saying he’s got loose lips when he’s drunk?”  
“Something like that”

The bathroom door opened and Nicky appeared. He was dressed except for his shoes and was toweling his hair dry. When he saw Bryan, he stopped and looked confused.

“Morning Nix” Bryan greeted him cheerfully.  
“Uh, morning Bry” Nicky replied.  
“So… I’m gonna go and I’ll see you lads once I’ve finished packing”  
“Later Bry”  
The younger lad made for the door and, within seconds, he was gone.

“What was that all about?” Nicky asked Shane as he threw himself down on the couch Bryan had vacated.  
“He’s noticed Kian’s erratic behavior and wants to do something about it”  
“I thought you were taking care of it?”  
“Well… I was” Shane felt his cheeks beginning to flush. “Then I… Uh… Got distracted by… Well…”  
“Me” Nicky finished. Shane nodded his head.

“I’m sorry” the blonde whispered.  
“Don’t be…”Shane replied as he walked over and sank down onto the couch beside Nicky. “None of this is your fault”  
“But you wanted to help Kian”  
“And you’re more important to me” Shane reached out and took Nicky’s hand in his.  
“Don’t ever let him hear you say that” Nicky’s face was dead serious.  
Shane laughed.  
“I’ll say it to his face… He’s my friend and I care about him… But I love you”  
“You can love him too… Just not more than me… Besides, I love Kian and Mark and Bryan”  
“You love Mark?” Shane gave a mock gasp. “Don’t ever let him hear you say that”

“Shut up” Nicky playfully punched his lover’s arm.  
“Hey, there’s no need to play dirty” Shane pouted.  
“You call that dirty? I’ll show you dirty”

Nicky draped the towel around Shane’s neck and used it to pull the brunette towards him. He then leaned forward and captured Shane’s lips in a deep kiss. Neither one of them gave Kian a second thought after that.

**--**

The trip back to Belfast was uneventful. Shane did a good job of hiding his nerves but his band mates knew him too well and could see right through him. They were all such good friends that none of them mentioned anything and they carried on like nothing was wrong.  
Returning to the same hotel was terrifying for Shane but he knew it was something he was going to have to do some day and it was better to get it over with sooner rather than later.

Once they’d arrived at the hotel, they were all sent straight into one of the conference rooms. Shane was relieved that it was not the same one they’d spent hours in the last time they’d been there.  
The singers filed into the room but Fran started talking before any of them sat down.

“Don’t get too comfortable, lads” Fran began. “We’re only going to be in here for a few minutes. I wanted everyone here together to talk about some of the new security measures I’ve put in place”  
“More security?” Bryan asked.  
“Yes, Bryan… More security arrangements” Fran replied. “First of all, room assignments. Mark, you’re with Graeme, Kian and Bryan you’re together and Nicky and Shane, you’re with me”  
Before anyone could object, Fran continued. “We’re not taking any chances here. Last time we were here, there was trouble… And now that we’re so close to the end of the tour, there’s a chance that these people are going to get impatient”

He handed room keys to the appropriate people.  
“Also, no one is to leave the hotel without a member of security… And I mean no one” he looked at Kian and Bryan. “I’m not taking any chances lads and neither should you”  
“I seriously doubt-” Kian tried to say.  
“Just humor me, lads… We’re only here for a few days so you can just learn to live with it, okay?”  
The band members all reluctantly nodded in agreement.  
“Another rule I’ve implemented while we’re here… There is to be a member of security on Nicky and Shane at all times. That means twenty four hour security. Graeme, you’re back on full active duty because we need all eyes on this. I have a schedule drawn up for the next four days so I hope you’re prepared for random sleep patterns for the duration of this stay”

They all nodded then picked up their bags and followed Fran from the room. They split into two groups to get into the lift and travel to their floor. Nicky kept close to Shane but the brunette seemed to stay close to Fran.  
The security guard unlocked the door to their room and the three of them went inside. Nicky turned and saw Bryan across the hall, going into his own room. Once the door closed, Nicky walked over to the couch and sat down.

Fran had noticed that neither of his new roommates had said a word since hearing of the new arrangements. He knew Shane wouldn’t be surprised, since it had been his idea, but it was strange that Nicky was being so quiet.   
“I’m going to step outside to make a phone call” Fran stated. “I’ll be just out there if you need me”

He pulled out his phone then walked across the room and opened the door to the balcony. Once outside, he slid the door closed and walked over to the railing.

Now alone, Shane walked over to the couch and sat down beside his lover. He reached out and took Nicky’s hand in his.  
“Are you okay?” Shane asked him.  
“I should be asking you that” Nicky replied, squeezing the brunette’s hand. “You’re the one who didn’t want to come back here”  
“Not that you can blame me for that”  
“Of course I don’t”

The blonde reached up with his other hand and placed it upon Shane’s cheek.  
“I’m really proud of you” Nicky said. “We’re here now and we’re safe… We have Fran and the others here looking out for us”  
Shane nodded his head.  
“I know these new security arrangements are…. Manic and excessive but they’re worth it. Anything that keeps you out of harm’s way is great in my book”  
“And I feel the same about you” Shane added.  
“I’m glad Fran’s staying with us” Nicky said. “No offense Shay but I feel safer when he’s around”  
“Me too”

“How are you feeling today?” Shane asked. “You seem… Better”  
“I feel… Better” Nicky said. “I mean, I don’t really know what I’m supposed to be feeling and… at times, I feel like I can let myself forget but then it all comes back and it all hits me like a slap in the face… And I don’t know how to react…”

Shane nodded his head.  
“I get it…” Shane whispered. “Believe me, I understand”  
“But it’s different… You could always remember it… I couldn’t and a part of me was relieved that I couldn’t remember. Before that, all I could remember was that one night when you were missing… It was just that one thing and if I tried hard enough, I could block it… But now… Now it’s so much harder to separate one bad memory from the other”  
The brunette pulled his love into a hug.  
“I was scared of what would happen to me once the memories came back. It was hard enough at the start of the tour when I didn’t want you to touch me… I don’t ever want to go back to that… But sometimes, when I think about what they did to me…” Nicky blinked back tears. “It makes me wonder why you’d even *want* to touch me”

“Hey” Shane pulled away and cupped Nicky’s face in his hands. He then forced the blonde to meet his gaze. “Don’t ever say that” Shane insisted. “I’ve been there, Nicky. I know exactly what you’re going through and I don’t want you talking like that, okay?”  
“But-”  
“Nicky, I love you. I will always love you… And none of what happened to you was your fault. You can’t blame yourself and you can’t start thinking that I would ever not want to touch you”  
“But the things they did to me…”  
“Exactly, what *they did to you*… I mean, have you forgotten all the things that were done to me?”  
Nicky shook his head. Some of the nightmares he had occasionally revolved around the things Shane had told him of his own ordeal. The idea of his lover having to endure some of the things he had broke Nicky’s heart.  
“You need to understand” Shane continued. “That we’re in this together… I’ve been through what you’re going through right now and I never would have gotten through it without you” 

This made Nicky smile. He knew he would be okay as long as he had Shane by his side. He wrapped his arms around his lover and pulled him into a hug.  
They were still holding each other when Fran returned. He took one look at the couple and smiled to himself. The end of the tour was so close; he hoped they could hold on just that little bit longer.


	47. Chapter 47

On their first full day in Belfast, Shane was rather nervous and acting slightly on edge. His band mates completely understood and did their best to distract him but honestly failed in their attempts. Not that Shane really blamed them. He appreciated the effort they went to and felt bad that it didn’t work.   
The only time he appeared to be okay was when he was alone with Nicky or, if they were out in public, then it was when he was holding his lover’s hand. Of course, Shane tried to avoid going out in public. This suited Nicky just fine as he wasn’t too keen on leaving the hotel. He was becoming prone to panic attacks.

The two singers were sitting by the hotel pool with Graeme. They had a show that night, their first one since returning to Belfast. All five singers were slightly nervous, none more than Shane though. Kian, Mark and Bryan had decided to go out and work off some of their nervous energy. Billy and Colin had gone with them.  
When Nicky asked Graeme why he hadn’t gone too, the older lad attempted to change the subject. Failing that, he simply said that the new schedule had assigned him to Nicky and Shane.

Something about his tone and behavior didn’t sit right with the blonde and he made a mental note to talk about it later. Was it possible that Graeme and Mark had had a fight?  
Of course it was more than possible… Nicky had noticed the small rift that seemed to have formed between Mark and Graeme. He’d been so hopeful that their band mate had found someone he could be happy with yet it appeared to be fizzling out already. This made Nicky sad as Graeme was a nice lad and they seemed like a good match.

“Nix, are you okay?” Shane asked him.  
“Sorry, I was-”  
“Off in Nickyland?”  
“Nickyland?”  
“Yeah, it’s like Disneyland but more fun”  
“Fun for who?”  
“Me?”

“We should go to Disneyland” Nicky mused.  
“What? Now?” Shane asked.  
“No, silly…. For our honeymoon”  
“You’re thinking about the honeymoon already?”  
“You mean you’re not?”  
“I… No… If anything, I’ve been thinking more about the ceremony”  
“What if we have the ceremony in Disneyland?” Nicky asked. His eyes alight with excitement. Shane laughed.  
“I’m sorry, Nix but I don’t think that’s legal yet”  
“I just like the idea of being married by Mickey Mouse in front of Cinderella’s castle… Besides, it’s not going to be legal wherever we get married”  
“Vegas?”  
“What, you want to tie the knot in an Elvis Chapel?”  
“Nicky, I’ll be honest… I don’t care *where* we get married… Just so long as I get to stand up in front of all our family and friends and tell everyone how much I love you”

The blonde smiled then reached out and took Shane’s hand in his.  
“We could have the ceremony at your parents’ house” Nicky suggested. “Sligo is beautiful in the summer”  
“This Summer?”  
“Sure… Why not?”  
“I…I don’t…”  
“What? You don’t want to wait that long?”  
“Its months away…”  
“That’ll give us plenty of time to plan it”

“If that’s what you want” Shane agreed.  
“Well, I want what you want” Nicky replied.  
“I just want to be with you”  
“Me too…”

“Lads?” Graeme spoke up. “I’m sorry to interrupt but we’ll have to head back inside soon”  
Nicky glanced down at his watch then groaned.  
“Where *has* the day gone?” he pouted.  
Shane simply smiled.   
“Come on, you…” the brunette pulled Nicky to his feet. “The day isn’t over yet”

**--**

Shane was nervous about going onstage in Belfast. He tried to remain calm, given that nothing had actually happened to him during a concert but it was difficult. Nicky gave him a reassuring hug before they took to the stage. He faltered once but was able to cover it up by making a joke.  
As the night went on, his mind began to wander. In little more than a week the tour would be over and their lives would return to… To what? Shane wasn’t sure. He assumed they’d be heading back into the studio to work on a new album but nothing had been locked in yet. The past few months had been consumed by his appearances in court then as soon as that was finished, they’d headed off on tour.   
As he stared out at the crowd before him, he wondered what was next for him and Nicky and the rest of his friends.

The older lad walked over to him while Kian was addressing the crowd.  
“Hey” Nicky nudged him. “Everything okay?”  
“Yeah, I’m okay” Shane replied, smiling.  
Nicky reached out, took hold of Shane’s hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.  
“It’s nearly over” the blonde assured him.  
“But I don’t want it to be”   
“I know… You’re in your element out here… This is what we love to do”  
“Five more shows and it’s all over”  
“Then what are we supposed to do?”  
“Spend the rest of our lives together”  
“Well duh” Nicky grinned before walking away from his love.

Shane was still smiling as he followed Nicky to the front of the stage. Bryan began to sing the opening lyrics of the next song and Shane closed his eyes. It was moments like these that he could pretend that everything in his life was perfect.

**--**

The following night the five singers were back at the venue, preparing for their second last show in Belfast. Shane and Nicky were sitting at a table, eating their dinner while continuing their discussion about when and where to get married.   
Fran and Billy were at a different table. Every few minutes, Fran would look over at the two singers and make sure everything was okay.

The security guard had been keeping a particularly close eye on the couple ever since Nicky’s onstage incident. He was concerned for his friends but they appeared to be doing okay. Shane was by Nicky’s side at all times and the older lad showed no signs of another collapse.

“You know, I think I’m going to miss them” Billy said to Fran.  
“What?” Fran replied, only half paying attention.  
“When the tour finishes, I think I’m going to miss it… We’ve been in such close contact for the past few weeks and… I don’t know, I guess I kinda got used to it”  
“Oh… Yeah… That happens from time to time. It’s hard not to get attached sometimes”

Their conversation came to an end when they were joined by Graeme. He sat down with a plate of food and proceeded to eat it. The new arrival didn’t say anything at all and neither Fran nor Billy attempted to engage him.   
Fran wasn’t exactly acting hostile towards Graeme but he still didn’t approve of the lads relationship with Mark. He looked over and met Billy’s eye. The younger lad gave a half shrug then shook his head.

Since Nicky and Shane had finished eating, the two singers decided to take a walk before going to their dressing room. Fran volunteered to ‘keep them company’. The three of them wandered around backstage for some time before Fran took them to their dressing room.  
Along the way, they caught sight of Kian and Bryan in the midst of a rather intense conversation but they didn’t interrupt their friends. Shane wondered if the conversation had anything to do with what Bryan had come to him about. From the way they were talking, he assumed it did.

Once they reached the privacy of their dressing room, Nicky voiced his concern to Shane.  
“You don’t think Bryan’s being too pushy, do you?” Nicky asked.  
“Bryan… Pushy…. You think?” Shane joked.  
“Shane! Kian’s in a very… unusual place right now and… I don’t think Bryan is the best person to handle it”  
“He wants to, though… And who else is there? You and I won’t be much good to him, not right now… And he can’t exactly talk to Mark about it… Well, he could but Kian’s so stubborn that he just won’t”  
“Well, I think we should tell Bryan to scale it back a little. The last thing we need right now is for Bryan to send Kian off the rails”

**--**

However, Nicky and Shane were both wrong. The discussion they had witnessed between their friends didn’t revolve around Kian’s feelings for Mark. Bryan and Kian were, once again, debating whether or not to tell their friends what they’d suspected about Ryan.

They had had this discussion nearly every day since news of Ryan’s death. Neither one of them were willing to change their minds on what they should do. Bryan was adamant that Shane and Nicky needed to know what he had overheard that day but Kian was insisting that it made no difference now and that telling them would only hurt them.  
It wasn’t long before this debate took on a very strong subtext. They both knew it but wouldn’t acknowledge it… Mostly because Kian couldn’t quite figure out how Bryan had learned of his [Kian’s] feelings for Mark. Now, each time Bryan told Kian they had to tell Nicky and Shane the truth, he was really saying ‘Kian, you have to tell Mark how you feel’ and Kian’s standard response of ‘it would only hurt them’ was his way of saying ‘Mark doesn’t want me, we’ll both end up being hurt’

Kian decided to end the debate today by walking away from Bryan. It was too early to head to the dressing room so he decided to go looking for Fran. Once he found the older lad, he didn’t know what to say to him so he made small talk for a few minutes before walking away.  
The blonde singer hadn’t gone very far when he spotted Mark and Graeme. His initial reaction was to keep walking and not interrupt them but something about their body language caught his eye. Kian slowed down and moved a little closer, attempting to subtly eavesdrop on the conversation.

Mark’s head was down, his arms folded across his chest. Graeme was staring at him, attempting to talk the younger lad into looking at him.  
“I’m not mad” Graeme said. “Honestly… I just don’t know what to say really”  
“I’m sorry” Mark replied. “Look… I really don’t want to talk about this right now”  
“But we do have to talk about this”  
“Do we?”  
“It’s been days, Mark…”  
“Can’t you just let it go? Please?”

Graeme reached out and grabbed hold of Mark’s shoulder.  
“No. I can’t let it go” he hissed. “I love you dammit and you…”  
Mark’s head jerked up and he stared at Graeme.

Kian couldn’t read the expression on his friend’s face but he found himself reacting anyway.  
“Mark?” he called out. “There you are”  
He smiled and approached the two of them.  
“I’ve been looking everywhere for you”

Mark turned and looked at him with a hint of relief on his face.  
“Hey Ki” Mark greeted him. “Is something wrong?”  
“No… Uh… Bryan was wondering where you’d gotten to is all and I told him I’d come look for you… Are you ready to hit the dressing room?”  
“Uh… Yeah… Now?”  
“Sure”

Mark turned and looked at Graeme. He smiled then shrugged before walking towards his band mate.  
“I guess we’ll talk about this later then” Graeme called after them. Mark didn’t respond.

Once they were far enough away from the security guard, Kian reached out and placed his hand upon Mark’s arm.  
“Hey, is everything okay?” Kian asked him. “I didn’t interrupt anything back there, did I?”  
Mark sighed. He quickly looked around. He wanted to be sure no one could over hear them.  
“Not here” he said. 

Kian didn’t say anything. He wasn’t sure if he should or not. He didn’t want to admit that he’d been eavesdropping but he wasn’t sure if Mark was going to tell him the whole story or not.  
They reached the dressing room and went inside. Bryan was already there. He sat up on the couch and switched the television off. The second he saw his friend, he knew something was wrong.

“Mark?” he began. “Are you okay?”  
“Graeme and I had a fight” he admitted. “That is… We had *another* fight”  
“You seem to be doing that a lot lately” Bryan quipped.  
“Yeah, I know” his face fell.  
“Do you want to talk about it?” Bryan asked as he walked over to Mark.

Mark shook his head then walked over to the vacant couch. Kian remained where he was by the closed door. Bryan looked at Kian before turning his attention to Mark. He crossed the room and sat down beside his friend.  
“Mark, please? Tell us what’s wrong” Bryan coaxed him.

“I’m sorry” Mark shook his head once more. “I can’t”   
He pulled away from Bryan, marched across the room and into the bathroom.

Kian and Bryan watched the door slam closed then the sound of the lock sliding into place. They turned and looked at each other. Bryan shrugged his shoulders.  
It had been worth a try and they had been so close to finding out what was getting Mark so down lately.

“I overheard them arguing” Kian piped up.  
Bryan didn’t say anything.  
“Graeme told Mark he loved him”  
“He did?” Bryan asked, surprised.  
“Yeah”  
“And? What did Mark say?”  
“Nothing…”  
“Nothing? At all?”  
“I walked up and interrupted them before Mark could say anything”  
“Why would you do that?”  
“Mark looked like he didn’t know what to say… I thought I was helping him” 

Before Bryan could say anything, there was a knock at the door. Kian walked over and opened it. Graeme was standing in the hall. For a moment, Kian considered closing the door in his face.  
“Thirty minutes till you’re due onstage lads” he told them.  
“Thanks Graeme” Kian smiled at him before giving into his urge and closing the door on him.

Once the older lad was gone, Kian walked over to the bathroom and knocked on the door.  
“Mark?” he called. “Half an hour till we’re due onstage”  
He heard a muffled reply but couldn’t make out the exact words his friend used.  
Kian and Bryan didn’t speak again until it was time to head onstage. The bathroom door finally opened and Mark emerged with less than five minutes till show time. When Kian caught a glimpse of his friend, he knew immediately that Mark had been crying. As he made to leave the room and head backstage, Kian stopped and pulled his friend into a hug.

“Marky” Kian whispered in the brunette’s ear. “It’s all going to be okay”  
“I know” Mark replied as he returned his friends’ embrace. “I know”


	48. Chapter 48

Nicky covered his mouth with his hand in an attempt to stifle a yawn. He closed his eyes and leaned his head on Shane’s shoulder. The brunette smiled and placed a kiss on his forehead.  
Bryan laughed and nodded his head in Shane’s direction.

“Someone looks comfortable” Bryan joked.  
“Piss off, Bry” Nicky replied; his eyes still closed.  
“I’ll drink to that” Kian said as he raised his beer in a toast.

The five singers were sitting out on the balcony of the hotel room Kian and Bryan were sharing. Mark was leaning against the wall with his back to the street below. Kian had dragged one of the desk chairs outside and was half-sitting, half-laying across it. Bryan was at the table, sitting opposite Shane. The brunette had a beer in his hand and Nicky sitting in his lap.

“It was a good show tonight, lads” Shane addressed them all.  
“I’ll admit,” Bryan said. “We weren’t sure if you’d be able to do it”  
“But he did” Nicky added. His eyes were still closed; he felt too tired to open them.  
“Of course I did” Shane replied. He smiled at Nicky before placing another kiss on the blonde’s cheek.

“I can’t believe it’s almost over” Kian said.  
“Tell me about it” Bryan agreed. “It felt like it took forever to get here and now we’re nearly done”  
“We should’ve been done” Mark put in. “We should have finished back in London”

“To a successful tour then” Shane said before raising his beer. The other lads all followed suit. Nicky opened his eyes long enough to pick up his drink and join in the celebratory toast.  
As their band mates drank, Nicky turned his face towards Shane’s and the couple shared a quick, tender kiss.

Mark watched his friends closely. He didn’t mean to stare at them but he couldn’t help it. The way they were with each other, he’d never felt like that with Graeme. Seeing Nicky like that… So comfortable, so casual, so content in Shane’s arms… The sight forced Mark to blink back tears.  
He didn’t want to break up with Graeme but he knew it was wrong to stay with him. He really wasn’t sure how to explain himself either. What was he supposed to say? ‘Sorry Graeme but we have to break up because I don’t want to sit in your lap and drink a beer’  
It sounded lame, even to his own ears. But the fact remained that it was true.

He averted his gaze and realized that Kian was staring at him. Mark smiled at his friend before turning his attention back to his drink.  
The others were still talking about the tour, reminiscing over the more memorable moments they’d had so far.

Shane smiled as he slid his hand down Nicky’s back and brought it to a halt on the blonde’s thigh. It felt so good to be out here with his friends, unwinding after a concert and enjoying a beer with Nicky in his arms.  
His lover was tired and kept yawning. Nicky hadn’t been sleeping much, not since his memories had returned anyway. Shane was content to let Nicky sleep then and there but he was worried that their talking would disturb him.

The brunette finished his beer and gently nudged his love.  
“Come on, Nix” Shane whispered. “Let’s get you to bed”  
“No” Nicky yawned. “You stay here, keep drinking, I’ll be fine”  
“I’m beat… Let’s just call it a night”

Nicky slid off Shane’s lap and climbed to his feet. Shane took hold of his lover’s hand and the couple bid goodnight to their friends. They made their way back inside and found Colin asleep on the couch. The brunette gently shook him awake then the three of them made their way across the hall to Fran’s room.  
Shane unlocked the door and the two singers went inside. Fran was already asleep so they tried their best to be as quiet as possible. Nicky brushed his teeth while Shane changed for bed. Then the brunette went into the bathroom, by the time he came back out, Nicky was already in bed.

Shane climbed in beside him and waited for Nicky to settle. The blonde was erratic in his sleeping habits now… Some nights he craved contact with Shane and others he tried to put as much space between them as possible. Tonight appeared to be one of those nights that Nicky wanted to be close to Shane.  
The blonde moved closer and laid his head upon his lover’s chest. He smiled when he felt Shane’s arms encircle him. 

“Baby?” Shane whispered.  
“Hmmmm?” Nicky mumbled.  
“Goodnight”  
“Night”

The younger boy wasn’t as tired as he’d let on. His mind was still in over drive. It had been some time since the five of them had been alone, settled and relaxed. He knew he could have stayed with the other lads; they’d been having such a good time... But Nicky had needed sleep and Shane wasn’t ready to let Nicky sleep alone yet.  
He felt Nicky stir in his arms but the blonde didn’t say anything and quickly settled again. Shane placed a kiss to the crown of Nicky’s head then closed his eyes and slowly drifted off to sleep.

**--**

Shane awoke with a jerk. He blinked several times then took a deep breath. His heart was beating frantically as he buried his face in his hands. The room was silent around him and he breathed a sigh of relief that his actions hadn’t disturbed Nicky or Fran.  
He gently climbed out of bed and carefully made his way through the darkened room to the couch. He sank down onto the cushions and leaned back in the seat. The darkness of the room felt like it was restricting him but he didn’t want to turn any lights on. The brunette’s hands were shaking so he balled them into fists.

The clock beside the bed read 3.17am. Shane shook his head and squeezed his eyes shut. That didn’t help as his mind immediately replayed the images from his vivid nightmare. He opened his eyes again as he tried to talk himself down.  
It was only a dream… It was over now and it couldn’t hurt him… Or could it?  
He wasn’t surprised that he’d had a nightmare… He’d been on edge ever since he’d been told they were coming back to Belfast. Surely it was natural to be having nightmares now that he was actually here.

Shane ran his hands through his hair and tried to shake the images from his head.  
“Shane?”  
Despite being barely louder than a whisper, the sudden noise nearly scared him half to death. Luckily he didn’t scream out loud.

“Fran?” Shane whispered.  
“You okay?” Fran asked him.  
“I was… Until you nearly gave me a heart attack”  
“Sorry… I just, wasn’t sure if it was you or Nicky”  
“Nicky’s asleep”

The brunette stood up and, somehow, managed to make his way across the room to Fran’s bed. He sat down on the edge of the mattress.  
“So why are you up?” Fran whispered.  
“Well, without intentionally sounding like a five year old… I had a bad dream”  
“I know that being back here is hard for you”  
“It wasn’t that… I mean, sure that’s a part of it… It was just something Nicky said happened to him…” Shane trailed off. He didn’t want to tell Fran what he’d dreamed.  
“I’m sorry you have to go through all this, Shane”  
“Me too”  
“You should try to go back to sleep… Big day tomorrow”  
“Yeah, I know” Shane sighed. “Night Fran”

Shane moved from Fran’s bed back to his own. He slipped under the duvet and lay his head down on the pillow.  
But he simply wasn’t tired anymore.  
He lay in the dark, staring up at the ceiling and wishing sleep would claim him. He felt the blonde beside him start to stir. Shane reached out and wrapped his arms around his lover.

“Shay?” Nicky murmured. “Are you awake?”  
“Shhhhh” Shane whispered. “Just go back to sleep, baby”  
Nicky settled almost immediately and within seconds the blonde was sleeping peacefully. Shane smiled but kept his arms around Nicky. He had no intention of going back to sleep himself so he was going to hold Nicky all night, to reassure himself that his love was safe and that his nightmare really was nothing more than a bad dream.

*

Fran was the first to rise just after six am. He opened his eyes and peered across the dark room. He was half expecting to find Shane on the couch again but the brunette wasn’t there. He sat up and looked over at the other bed. There he found his two charges lying together. Shane was fast asleep with his arms wrapped protectively around Nicky. They both appeared so peaceful and content that Fran didn’t want to wake them. He climbed out of bed and made his way towards the bathroom. There was no harm in letting them sleep for ten more minutes.

**--**

“Mark? Mark? Wake up!”  
The brunette groaned and tried to bury himself under the blanket. It was simply too early to be awake. He rolled over and landed on the floor with a loud thud. As he shook his head in confusion, he realized whose voice it was that had woken him and he looked up at Bryan.

“Well, clearly I’m up now” Mark grumbled.  
He climbed to his feet then sank back down onto the couch he’d just fallen off. It took a moment longer before he remembered that he’d fallen asleep on the couch in Kian and Bryan’s room.

The blonde walked over to his friend and sat down on the couch beside him.  
“Marky… Is everything okay?” Bryan asked. “With you and Graeme, I mean”  
“Why wouldn’t it be?” Mark replied a bit too quickly.  
“It’s just that… This isn’t the first time you’ve spent the night on our couch…”  
“Uh… Well… Since Graeme is back on full service now, he’s on erratic shifts and that so I didn’t want to wake him in the middle of the night. You know… given how late we were up last night….”  
Bryan nodded his head in understanding but he knew Mark was lying to him. From the expression on the blonde’s face, the younger lad knew his friend wasn’t buying his explanation. Mark immediately lowered his gaze. Bryan reached out and placed his hand on his friend’s knee.

“Mark” Bryan began. “I know this is nothing to do with scheduling conflicts because something’s been off with you for days… The night Nicky broke down on stage, for one, you stayed with us then too”  
“I wanted us to all be together… We were all worried about him and it made sense to worry together”

Bryan looked towards the bathroom door. Kian had just gone in when Bryan woke Mark so he knew they had a few minutes to talk in private.  
“Graeme knows, doesn‘t he?” Bryan asked.  
“Knows what?” Mark looked scared.  
“About your feelings for Nicky”  
“Yeah” he sighed. “He does… And he said he was okay with it”  
“And you believe him?”  
“Well… We hadn’t started… I mean, he and I weren’t ‘together’ when I told him. He might have just said he was okay with it to get me into bed with him but… I don’t know… He seemed pretty genuine about it”  
“I understand if you don’t want to talk to me about this but… Mark… You need to talk to someone… I hate seeing you like this… So, please, Mark…Please, tell me what’s wrong”

It was Mark’s turn to peer at the bathroom door. Bryan was right, he’d been keeping this to himself for days and he needed to talk about it… He needed to talk it over with someone who wasn’t Graeme first. He’d come close to telling his friends the truth the previous day but had chickened out… Something he’d come to regret later that night.   
He took a deep breath and slowly released it.  
“I really like Graeme, Bry” Mark began. The blonde nodded his head but didn’t say a word. He wasn’t going to interrupt his friend.  
“But I was afraid of letting him in, of getting too close… I hadn’t been with anyone since… since I put Shane in danger”  
Those words made Bryan want to interject but he held his tongue.  
“I started to think Graeme was just going to use me too… That he was after Nicky and Shane but seduced me to throw suspicion off him. I knew it was wrong to think that but I couldn’t help it… Why else would someone as amazing as him be interested in me?”

Bryan started to correct Mark but the brunette continued talking.  
“I am definitely attracted to him and there was something there the first time we… hooked up. But I don’t feel anything for him” he shrugged his shoulders. “I thought after we had sex a few times that I’d start to develop feelings for him but so far… Nothing”  
“It’s only been a couple of weeks” Bryan tried to help.  
“I know… But I seem to like the idea of being with him more than actually being with him… I like not having to sleep alone. I like that he asks me how my day was. I like how adventurous he is in bed and in the shower and… But I don’t feel anything for him as a person… He’s a nice guy and I like spending time with him but I can’t imagine being with him forever… I don’t see us being together at the end of the tour”  
“So you’re going to break up with him?”  
“I don’t want to… I don’t want to hurt him anymore than I already have”  
“Marky, I doubt you’ve hurt him in anyway… He appears to genuinely care about you”

“Not since the other night” Mark looked down at his hands. “We haven’t talked about it though… we haven’t really talked about anything since it happened”   
“Why? What happened?”  
“I’m sure you don’t want to hear all the details”  
“Mark, I’ll listen to whatever you want to tell me. Anything, anytime… I will always be here for you whenever you need me. If you need to talk about this, then talk to me”

“Well… A few nights ago, he and I were…” Mark paused. “The other night… I mean, a couple of nights ago… he and I were… well we were… kinda…”  
“You were fucking” Bryan filled in for him.   
Mark made a sound somewhere between a laugh and a sigh.   
“Yeah, Bryan… We were ‘fucking’ and” he continued to stare down at his hands. Mark couldn’t bring himself to look at his friend while he told him this. “And it was good… really good… amazing even but with him it always has been… But we were both really into it and were being kinda vocal and… I accidentally said the wrong name”  
“The wrong name?” Bryan asked him.  
“I called out Nicky’s name” Mark confessed. “At the worst possible time”

“Oh Mark” Bryan wrapped his arm around his friend’s shoulder.  
“I don’t even know why I did it” Mark admitted. “I swear, I wasn’t thinking about him at the time but I’ve been thinking about it ever since. Graeme was really upset. He said it was okay but I could see it in his eyes that it wasn’t… And each time he’s tried to talk to me about it, I’ve run away… I was hoping I’d be on my own once we got to Belfast but Fran assigned us a room together and now I’m stuck with him. Luckily he’s been back keeping an eye on Nicky and Shane so we haven’t really had any time alone”

Mark sighed and leaned into Bryan’s embrace.  
“Then yesterday, right before the show, Graeme told me that he loved me” he continued. “And I just froze… I didn’t know what to say or do”  
“Because you don’t love him” Bryan mused. Mark shrugged.  
“Because you’re still in love with Nicky?” Bryan said.  
“I don’t know” Mark groaned and buried his face in his hands. “I know it’s wrong to still love Nicky… And I really thought I was getting over him… I mean, he’s been with Shane for two years… I know I haven’t got a chance with him, that I’ll never be more than his friend… But when Graeme told me how he felt, I panicked… How can he be in love with me? We’ve been fucking for a few weeks, that’s all… But, I guess, that’s also kinda the point… If he’s managed to fall in love with me after a couple of weeks, why don’t I feel anything for him? I thought that after we had sex a few times, there’d be some kind of connection or something and I’d start to feel something but I haven’t…”  
“So… What are you going to do?”  
“What can I do? If I tell him, it’ll just hurt his feelings”  
“But if you don’t tell him, then aren’t you just leading him on?”  
“I don’t want to hurt him… But I don’t think I can be with him anymore…”

“I’m sorry, Mark” Bryan said. “I never should have pushed you”  
“This isn’t your fault”  
“But I told you to go for it... You weren’t sure and I talked you into it”  
“And I didn’t have to listen… I was just so sick of being alone that… I let myself be taken in by him and now I don’t know what to do”

He paused, his eyes focusing on the bathroom door. Mark didn’t want Kian to hear any of this.  
“Graeme’s a nice lad” Mark stated. “I like him a lot… As a friend… But nothing more… But what if I walk away and never find anyone else? It’s not like lads are lined up around the block to go out with me”  
Bryan placed his hand on Mark’s shoulder.  
“Marky, any lad would be lucky to have you” Bryan assured him. “But they’d have to know I’m gay first and I’m just not ready for that”  
“But look at Nicky and Shane… They weren’t ready either and look at how their secret got out”

The bathroom door finally opened and Kian stepped into the room. He was dressed in nothing more than his jeans and he walked over to his suitcase to locate a shirt. Mark couldn’t help watching the blonde as he rummaged inside his suitcase. As the younger lad stared at his band mate, Mark was reminded of when he walked into Kian’s room as the blonde got out of the shower.  
A part of him was disappointed that Kian was wearing jeans right now. His friend had a nice body and it seemed such a shame to be covering it up all the time. He remembered watching one tiny droplet of water slide down his chest and get lost in the tuft of pubic hair that framed Kian’s cock.

Then he snapped out of his trance and scolded himself. This was the second time he’d found himself gawking at his straight friend. If Kian ever found out, he’d be mortified and would, most likely, beat the shit out of Mark.

There was a knock at the door so Bryan got up and walked over to answer it. Graeme popped his head into the room and stated they were due downstairs in fifteen minutes. Bryan thanked him then made to close the door.

Mark’s eyes met with Graeme’s before the door closed. In that very second, Mark hated himself. Graeme was perfect. He was sweet, funny and attractive. Not just attractive, he was sexy and fit. He was muscular with a six pack that Mark enjoyed exploring with his tongue.   
Graeme’s eyes were intense yet kind and his cock was huge. The first time Mark had tried to suck him off, he’d nearly choked himself. The morning after Graeme had fucked him for the first time, Mark had barely been able to walk.

Graeme was every gay man’s wet dream come to life. He was everything Mark had ever thought he’d wanted… (Until he met Nicky, anyway). Graeme was gorgeous but Mark realized that wasn’t enough. He didn’t want arm candy and a good lay.   
He wanted a lover.   
Mark wanted the love that Nicky and Shane had. He longed to find someone who would love him for who he was, faults and all. Someone who would stand by him through thick and thin. He wanted a lover and a best friend.

His eyes trailed from the closed door to Bryan and Kian. He wanted someone like them. He wanted to feel for someone the way he felt about Bryan and Kian. They were his best friends. They were always there for him and they loved him regardless of what he’d done wrong in the past.

Kian had finally located a shirt and was pulling it on over his head when Mark found himself staring once again. The blonde’s head popped out and his eyes met with Mark’s.   
Then Kian smiled at him and the brunette felt even worse. Not only was he fucking a lad that he wasn’t in love with, he was starting see his band mate as something he shouldn’t be.

Mark lowered his eyes and stared down at his hands. Talking to Bryan hadn’t made things better, he realized, he’d just made himself feel ten times worse.


	49. Chapter 49

Mark was relieved to learn that Graeme had been on the early shift and the older lad was on his way to bed. This meant that Mark wouldn’t need to be around him today but it also meant that Graeme would be in their room when he went to shower and change. He opted, instead, to shower in Kian & Bryan’s room then borrow a shirt from Kian.  
This did little to improve his mood as the shirt smelled like his friend’s aftershave which made Mark wonder how often Kian did his washing. Then he scolded himself again and tried not to think about Kian anymore.

When the five singers convened downstairs for breakfast, it was a quiet and almost awkward affair. Nicky and Shane were very subdued as Nicky had tried to ask Shane why he’d been awake at three in the morning but the brunette had refused to talk about it. Bryan was very quiet as he replayed his conversation with Mark. He’d had no idea how torn up his friend was over his, for lack of better word, relationship with Graeme.  
Mark kept subconsciously running his fingers along the seam at the base of Kian’s shirt and trying not to inhale his friend’s scent from the soft fabric.  
Kian was dying to know what Bryan had gotten out of Mark but knew that now wasn’t the time to bring it up. He hoped he’d have a chance to talk to him in private soon.

Fran decided not to question the unusual silence amongst his charges. Sure, none of them were morning people but it wasn’t like it was five am or anything. It was very rare for the five of them to be this subdued that he was almost afraid to ask if something was wrong.  
They all ate in silence before Fran whisked them away to an unspecified location for an interview and a photo shoot.

The morning passed quickly but Kian was growing antsy. He had almost walked right into Mark and Bryan’s conversation that morning and was wishing he hadn’t backed out when he had. Mark had been deeply engrossed when Kian had emerged from the bathroom, wishing to respect his friend’s privacy; Kian had ducked straight back inside and closed the door… But with the door closed, he couldn’t hear a thing.  
Now, as he tried to get close to Bryan, the older lad kept his distance. Kian had no idea why this was happening and figured that Mark had told him something very important… Something Bryan didn’t want to tell Kian. 

This was actually true. Bryan was thrilled that Mark had confided in him but now he couldn’t help but feel trapped. He wanted to show Mark that he could trust him, he was certain Mark had only told him what he had in strictest confidence. Now Bryan was worried that Kian would start asking him questions… Questions that he couldn’t answer.  
He knew that Mark being with Graeme was breaking Kian’s heart but it wasn’t his place to tell Kian about Mark’s relationship woes. On the other hand, he hadn’t missed the way Mark had been looking at Kian that morning…

Bryan shook his head to clear his mind then he walked over to Mark. The brunette was rummaging through the clothes rack, trying to pick out something to wear for their ‘candid’ photo shoot. So far the brunette was coming up empty.

“Hey Mark” Bryan began, attempting to sound cheerful.  
“Hey Bry” Mark replied. He wasn’t looking at his friend, his eyes were still examining the limited choice of shirts available to him.  
“So… I uh was wondering… Are you feeling any better? After… What we talked about this morning?”  
Mark sighed then turned to look at the blonde.  
“Honestly? I’ve never been more confused in my life” Mark confessed. “It really means a lot to me that you listened to me and let me offload all that on you but… I don’t think I’m any closer to deciding what to do…”  
“Mark, you know what you have to do…”  
“But… Right now, the only one I’m hurting is myself… I don’t want to upset him, not when we’re so close to the end of the tour”  
“So… what…? You’re just going to keep sleeping with him until the tour ends then say ‘oh, tours over and this isn’t working, see ya’?”  
“Well, when you say it like that…”  
“The longer you lead him on, the more it’s going to hurt him later”

Mark didn’t say anything.  
“I’m sorry” Bryan said, changing the subject. “All of those shirts are hideous… Do they actually expect you to wear one of those?”  
Bryan leaned over and plucked a yellow shirt with bright green hearts all over it from the rack. He scrunched his face up in disgust before tossing it on the floor.  
“Just wear the shirt you’re already wearing” Bryan stated. “It suits you”

As Bryan turned to walk away, Mark reached up and touched the collar of Kian’s shirt. He turned and examined himself in the mirror. The shirt did suit him. He smiled at his reflection before walking away and hurrying after Bryan.

**--**

After the photo shoot and lunch, the singers returned to the hotel to shower and change before heading to the venue for the evenings show. Kian had tried twice to get Bryan on his own but the older lad was finding ways to avoid him.   
Nicky and Shane had finally talked about the nightmare that had awoken Shane during the night. Nicky was hurt that his lover had tried to keep it from him but the younger lad assured him it would never happen again.

Colin and Malcolm had been assigned to Nicky and Shane but the two security guards had been kicked out of the dressing room while their charges had it out. Now that the two singers had kissed and made up, Colin escorted them to dinner while Malcolm went looking for the other three singers.

Kian finally managed to corner Bryan when Mark went into the bathroom. He didn’t get very far through his questioning when there was a knock at the door and Malcolm walked into the room. He stated it was time for dinner and Bryan high-tailed it from the dressing room.

Now out of ideas, Kian remained in the dressing room and waited for Mark to emerge from the bathroom. The brunette was surprised to find Kian sitting on the couch, apparently waiting for him.

“Hey Ki” Mark began. “Aren’t you coming to dinner?”  
“Can we talk first?” Kian asked.

For a moment, Mark feared the worst. Could Kian have seen him ogling him this morning? Was one of his best friends about to tell him to stop gawking at him?

“Uh, sure” Mark hesitated as he walked over and sat next to his friend. “Is… uh… Everything okay?”  
“I’m fine, Mark” Kian replied, smiling. “It’s you I’m worried about”  
“Really?”  
“Look, I know that you and Bryan talked this morning but… I just wanted you to know that if anything is wrong or if you need anyone to talk to… I’m here for you too… You were there for me after I injured my hand firing Scott and that really meant a lot to me so… I just… I wanted to make sure that you knew I was here and that you can trust me… No matter what’s wrong…”  
“I know, Ki… You’re one of my best friends… You’re practically a brother to me”  
“Right… Practically a brother”

Mark reached out and gently petted Kian’s knee.  
“Thanks” Mark smiled and rubbed his hand along the blonde’s thigh. “Now come on, I’m starving”  
“I… I’ll be along in a minute” Kian replied.  
“Suit yourself”

The brunette stood up and walked out of the room. The door swung closed behind him and Kian slowly let out a breath. He cursed himself. He could still feel the heat from Mark’s hand on his leg and his cock was stirring… It also didn’t help that Mark was still wearing the shirt Kian had loaned him that morning. Damn, Mark looked good in his shirt Kian thought to himself.  
He climbed to his feet and made straight for the bathroom. He closed and locked the door before dropping his pants and underwear. Feeling like a sleazy jerk, he wrapped his hand around his cock and pictured Mark wearing nothing but the borrowed shirt. As he stroked himself, he imagined the hand on his cock was really Mark’s mouth and he closed his eyes.  
Promising himself that this was the last time he’d ever jerk off to thoughts of his best friend, Kian bit his bottom lip and worked himself to completion. He cleaned himself off then hurried off to meet his band mates for dinner.

**--**

After the show, the five singers met up for drinks again. Since Graeme was assigned to watch Shane and Nicky that night, they all met in his and Mark’s room. The singers all converged on the balcony again while Mark showered and changed into his own clothes.  
They were outside about fifteen minutes when it began to rain and they were forced to bring the party inside. About ten minutes after that, Billy turned up with more alcohol and they started mixing their own drinks which resulted in some very unusual combinations.  
Someone invented a weird drinking game which didn’t seem to involve any proper rules and the next two hours passed in a haze of booze and laughter.

Mark once again found himself watching the way Nicky and Shane interacted with each other. Their unusual take on the drinking game included Nicky pouring a shot into his mouth then kissing Shane, passing the liquid from his mouth to Shane’s where the brunette would swallow it and vice versa.  
Mark couldn’t help feeling jealous when he saw the twinkle in Nicky’s eye as the blonde swallowed a shot that he’d just kissed out of Shane’s mouth.

The brunette wanted to leave but it was his room. He didn’t want to be a killjoy and kick everyone out because that would mean he’d be left alone with Graeme and he wasn’t about to have any kind of deep and meaningful conversation with his boyfriend while he was this drunk.  
Mark stood up and walked over to the balcony door. He slipped outside, remaining under the awning to keep out of the rain, he pulled up a chair and sat down. He placed his beer on the table before him.

A moment later, the door opened and he was joined by Kian. The blonde walked around him and pulled up the other chair.

“Everything okay?” Kian asked him.  
“No” Mark replied. He knew he was drunk and hoped he wouldn’t say anything he’d come to regret in the morning.  
“You’re drunk”  
“So are you”  
“Yeah but you actually *look* it”  
“So you’re saying I look like shit?”  
“No, you look ho-” Kian paused. “Tired… It’s been a long day”  
“But we’ve got tomorrow off”

Kian raised his beer in a toast. Mark picked up his and clinked the bottles together.  
“To being hung over” Kian stated.  
“I’ll drink to that” Mark replied.

“So… Why are you out here?” Kian asked.  
“Got sick of seeing Shane sucking Nicky’s face” Mark confessed.  
“He’s not sucking his face per say”  
Mark turned and looked back into the room. Shane was lying on the couch, Nicky’s body was pressed against his and they were joined at the lips. Shane’s leg was wrapped around Nicky’s thigh and they were gently grinding against each other.  
It was clear they were both very drunk as he’d never seen them act like that before, not in front of so many people. 

“Does it hurt?” Kian asked. He was also watching his friends through the glass door.  
“Does what hurt?” Mark replied.  
“Seeing them like that? You’re still in love with him, aren’t you?”  
“I thought I was getting over him… It hurts to admit that I still feel something for him but I probably always will, you know? He’s one of my best friends and I care about him… I’d be devastated if anything ever happened to him but I could say the same about you and Bryan and Shane too… yes, I love Nicky but I love you too…”

Kian was in the process of taking a long swig from his bottle. Some went down the wrong way and he felt himself coughing and spluttering. The glass bottle slipped from his fingers and hit the ground with a loud smash. Mark leapt to his feet and began picking up the shards of glass.   
At first, the blonde couldn’t move as he struggled to clear his throat. By the time he could breathe again, Mark had cleaned up the pieces of broken glass.  
Their conversation now over, the two of them went back inside. Mark tossed the shards into the garbage while Kian went for another drink.

They hadn’t been in the room very long when the commotion broke out. One minute Nicky and Shane were content on the couch and the next thing Kian saw was Nicky falling back onto the coffee table.  
The blonde landed with a loud thud and the sound of breaking glass. Nicky immediately rolled onto the floor and threw up. Graeme and Billy were by his side in an instant, checking to ensure that he was okay.

As the only completely sober person present, Graeme took the lead. He helped Nicky to his feet and tried to assess the damage. Fortunately the table hadn’t broken but most of the bottles that he’d landed on had.  
Graeme placed Nicky’s arm around his neck then proceeded to help the singer towards the door. He called out for Billy who opened the door then the two security guards helped Nicky back to his room, Shane followed them with a very stoic expression on his face.

*

Fran heard the knocking at his door and was awake in seconds. He was up with the light on and pulling a t shirt on as he walked towards the door. He unlocked the door and stepped aside as Graeme and Billy helped Nicky into the room.

“What happened?” he demanded to know.  
“Drinking” Graeme replied. “Got a little out of hand”  
“Nicky, I’m so sorry” Shane spoke for the first time.  
“I’m fine, everyone stop fussing” Nicky insisted.

Fran took control. He instructed Graeme to help Nicky over to the bed then he sent Shane into the bathroom. The brunette did as he was told. Shane walked straight into the small bathroom and went directly towards the shower. He reached in and turned the water on as fast as it would go then he leaned in and stuck his head under the torrent of water.  
The effect was immediate and he jumped back in shock. His head dripping and his ears ringing, Shane reached out and turned the water off then he picked up a towel and dried his face.

When he returned to the main room, he found Nicky lying on his stomach on their bed. His shirt was off, discarded on the floor, and Fran & Graeme were examining the many cuts on his back. Shane moved closer to the bed, wanting to be by Nicky’s side but he wasn’t sure how the blonde would react.  
Nicky looked up and saw the fear in his lover’s eyes. The older boy smiled at Shane then held out his hand to him. Shane ran to him, capturing Nicky’s outstretched hand in both of his.

“God, Nix” Shane whispered. “I’m so, so sorry”  
“It’s okay” Nicky replied. “It was an accident”  
“Is anyone going to tell me what happened?” Fran asked.

Graeme was gently wiping some kind of antiseptic cream onto Nicky’s scrapes. He didn’t say anything nor did he look at Fran.

“It’s my fault” Shane stated. “We were kissing and Nicky tried to pull away but I didn’t want him to and… I don’t know… I moved at the same time as him and threw him off balance… He landed on the coffee table… and took what was left of the alcohol with him”  
“Are you sure you’re okay, Nicky?” Fran asked. “You might have a concussion or-”  
“I didn’t hit my head, okay?” the blonde snapped. “I just landed funny and ended up with a few scratches”  
“But I should have stopped… I never meant… I’m sorry, baby” Shane trailed off.

Nicky pulled Shane towards him and kissed the back of his hand. He smiled up at the brunette.  
“You didn’t mean to hurt me, I know that” Nicky insisted.  
“But I’m still really sorry” Shane replied.

“I’ve got it from here, Graeme” Fran said, letting the other lad leave for the night.  
Nicky and Shane bid him goodnight then Graeme left.

“Does it hurt?” Shane asked as he plopped down next to the blonde.  
“It stings a little” Nicky admitted. “But it probably could have been a lot worse”  
“I don’t know what I was thinking…”  
“It’s my fault too… I just, I panicked and over reacted… I’m sorry”

“Are you two going to be okay?” Fran asked them.  
“Yeah” Nicky replied. “It’s probably real late, huh?”  
“I would like to go back to sleep, if that’s okay with you”  
“Sure Fran” Shane said. “Sorry to wake you like this”  
“Just try not to let it happen again”  
“We’ll try”

Fran returned to his own bed and climbed under the duvet. All things considered, it could have been much worse but accidents do happen. Nicky was lucky to have such superficial cuts but there was nothing Fran could do about it now. He’d assess the damage to Mark and Graeme’s room in the morning.  
He heard Nicky and Shane whispering apologies to each other as he drifted off to sleep.

**--**

For the next few days, Nicky’s run in with the coffee table was the most exciting thing they had to talk about. Once the small scrapes began to fade, the singers found other things to discuss. For Bryan, he kept trying to get Mark to talk to Graeme.   
After Graeme had taken Nicky back to his room, Mark had then kicked everyone out of his room. Bryan had been hopeful that his band mate would use the alone time to talk things out with Graeme and had been disappointed to learn that Mark had, in fact, pretended to be asleep when Graeme had returned to their room.

By the time they reached Dublin for the final leg of their tour, Bryan gave Mark an ultimatum. If Mark didn’t talk to Graeme before the second concert then Bryan would. Mark felt that was unfair and a part of him wanted to leave it, let Bryan talk to Graeme and be done with it but he knew that wasn’t fair either.   
Graeme was a nice lad and he’d been nothing but good to Mark… He deserved better than that. In a way, Mark assumed that Graeme had already figured it out for himself that they were over but he knew the right thing to do was talk about it.

With no concert that first night in Dublin, it meant the singers were free to do as they pleased so Mark invited Graeme to his apartment. He knew it wasn’t right to break up with him at a hotel and he wanted privacy. Of course, inviting Graeme into his home just to break up with him was probably a mean thing to do.  
And it would have been mean… had Mark actually broken up with him. 

Mark had wanted to end it immediately, before sitting down to dinner but he feared that would put a dampener on the entire evening so he’d decided to wait. While they were eating dessert, Jade came home and was so happy to see Mark and even more excited to meet his new boyfriend.  
Jade stayed for little more than half an hour as she only came home to shower and change before heading out to meet a friend. Once she was gone, Mark had tried to lead in to a break-up conversation only to have Graeme cut him off by kissing him.

The passion and the intensity of the kiss threw Mark. He knew it was wrong but he didn’t want to stop; he didn’t want it to end. When he felt Graeme’s hands on him, fumbling with his clothes, Mark simply led the older lad into his bedroom.  
They fell onto the bed, hands clawing at each other’s clothes while their lips came together with bruising force. He knew the right thing to do was stop but Mark couldn’t do it. Walking away from this meant that he was going to be alone again. He had no idea how long it would be before he found someone else who would love him with this much passion.  
When Graeme came inside him, Mark buried his face in his pillow and cried.

When it was all over, Graeme took Mark into his arms and gave him one last kiss. The younger boy couldn’t bring himself to look into Graeme’s eyes.

“It’s okay” Graeme whispered. “Please don’t cry”  
“I’m not crying” Mark insisted.  
“I’m going to miss you, too”  
“What?”  
“I’d hoped we’d wait till the end of the tour before saying our goodbyes but… It just seems more fitting to do it now… I hope you enjoyed our last time as much as I did”

Graeme leaned over and placed a kiss to Mark’s cheek before climbing out of bed. The younger boy didn’t say a word while Graeme searched the floor for his clothes.   
Once he was dressed, Graeme headed for the door. He stopped and turned around, his eyes sort Mark’s and they stared at each other for the longest time.

“I’ll never forget you, Mark” Graeme whispered.  
Then he was gone.

Mark lay in his bed, staring at the door, his head reeling. He heard the front door close as Graeme left but he didn’t bother getting up. The singer simply lay there and fought back his tears.


	50. Chapter 50

Being back in Dublin gave all five members something to smile about. It was good to be home even though they were all sad the tour was coming to an end. It was only a matter of days before life would return to normal. There was already talk of returning to the studio to start laying down vocals on tracks for the next album.  
Despite the happy faces, there were also some nerves. Shane and Nicky weren’t quite ready to deal with the reality of the tour being over and what would happen next. 

The couple were sitting together in the dressing room, killing time before the evenings’ concert when there was a knock at the door. Shane opened it and greeted their visitor.

“Evening Shane, Nicky” Officer Readen greeted them.  
“Jim” Nicky climbed to his feet and shook the man’s hand. “What are you doing here?”  
“We’ve come to talk to you about Tobey” he replied. Jim stepped aside and Nicky hadn’t realized that Fran had joined them.

“What about him?” Nicky asked. His face paled as he reached for Shane’s hand.  
“Well, nothing yet” Jim continued. “We don’t have any new information. From what we can tell, he escaped from prison and had vanished completely”  
Shane squeezed his lover’s hand as a sign of support.  
“Officer Readen here just wants to discuss our options for after the tour” Fran explained.  
“Options?” Shane wondered.

“While you’ve been on tour, you’ve had a constant security presence around you at all times” Jim said. “You’ve been on the move and out in public so it’s been relatively easy to keep an eye on you but in a few days when this tour comes to an end… What’s next? Are you planning on going home? Are you going to move into a hotel until he’s found?”  
“We uh hadn’t discussed anything yet” Shane admitted.  
“Exactly… That’s why I’m here… To discuss this”

***

By the time they went onstage, Nicky’s head was spinning from all the information they’d been given. It was a scary situation, not helped by the fact that Jim was very insistent that it wasn’t simply a matter of *if* Tobey was going to come after Nicky but *When*.  
The blonde was shaking slightly as they headed backstage. Shane could tell how shaken his lover was so he stopped walking, pulled Nicky to him and kissed him.

“We’re going to get through this” Shane insisted.  
“I know” Nicky replied.  
“I mean it, Nix” Shane placed his hand upon the blonde’s neck and urged Nicky to meet his eye. “No matter what, I’m right here and always will be… Whether we’re at home with ten security guards or locked in a hotel, unable to go outside… We’ll be together, you got that?”  
Nicky nodded his head and smiled at Shane.

“Come on, lads” Bryan bellowed. “The fans are waiting!”

Nicky grinned then quickly kissed Shane.  
“Let’s do this then” Nicky said.

**--**

Bryan caught up to Mark outside their dressing room. The brunette’s head was down and he wasn’t watching where he was going. Bryan thought Mark was ignoring him until he realized the younger lad just couldn’t hear him. He grabbed his arm and Mark snapped to attention.

“Hey… What?” Mark muttered.  
“Hey Mark” Bryan greeted him. “You need a lift home?” the blonde waved his keys in front of his friend.  
“Thanks but I’ll get a taxi”  
“Screw that, I’m driving you”

They didn’t speak again until they were in Bryan’s car.   
“Only two more shows” Bryan stated.  
“Yup” Mark replied.  
“Kinda sad, isn’t it?”  
“I guess”

The older lad paused. Mark wasn’t giving him much to work with.  
“Officer Readen stopped by today” Bryan began. “To talk to Nicky and Shane about after…”  
“After?”  
“After the tour… What they’re going to do about security and stuff”  
“Oh”

There was a surprising amount of traffic on the road so it was a slow trip to Mark’s apartment.  
“Mark, will you please talk to me?” Bryan began.  
“I am” Mark replied.  
“No, you’re not… You’re barely audible”  
“Well what do you want me to say?” Mark snapped.

“Marky, you’ve barely spoken to me for the past two days” Bryan began. “And you’ve been looking downright miserable… I uh I take it you talked to Graeme?”  
“Yeah” Mark replied as he averted his eyes, gazing out the window at the non-moving traffic. “Kinda”  
“Kinda?”  
“We uh didn’t really talk as much…”  
“I don’t understand…”  
“I’m not sure I do either…”  
“Mark?”

The brunette sighed then turned to meet his friend’s gaze. Bryan was looking at him with concern in his eyes.  
“I tried to talk to him… To tell him what I was thinking and feeling and… And tell him why I had to break up with him but he wouldn’t let me”  
“He wouldn’t let you break up with him?”  
“No… Not that… He didn’t want to talk… When I tried to say something, he kissed me and I let him”  
“Oh Mark”

Bryan reached out and placed his hand on his friend’s shoulder, had he not been driving, he would have hugged him.  
“He distracted me with sex, okay?” Mark stated. “It’s no big deal, right?” he sighed. “Anyway, when we were done… He kissed me and told me that he was going to miss me. He said he’d hoped we’d wait until the end of the tour before ending it but it made sense to do it then… Said he hoped I enjoyed our last time as much as he did then he left”  
“Really?”  
“He told me he’d never forget me”

Tears were rolling down Mark’s face but there was nothing Bryan could do for his friend.  
“It was kinda a mutual parting of the ways” Mark admitted. “But I never got to tell him the truth”  
“Isn’t it better this way?” Bryan asked. “You don’t have to tell him that you didn’t love him”  
“But what if I made a mistake? What if I never find anyone else? I don’t want to be alone, Bry… And, Graeme really did care for me… He was the perfect guy and I was willing to walk away from him for what…? A lifetime of being alone and unwanted?”  
“Mark, you’re not alone and you’ll never be unwanted”  
“I feel like the biggest jerk on earth”

Bryan pulled up outside Mark’s building and stopped the car. It was awkward but he managed to reach out and pull his friend into a hug.  
“You’re going to get through this” Bryan assured him. “And I promise you, the right lad is out there, somewhere, just waiting for you”  
“If you say so” Mark said as he pulled away from the blonde.  
“Hey, Mark… Have you told anyone about you and Graeme breaking up?”  
“No… Why?”  
“I just wasn’t sure if it was common knowledge or if you’re keeping it a secret… Maybe it wouldn’t hurt to tell Kian… Or Nicky & Shane… We’re your friends Mark and we want to be there for you when you need us”  
Mark reached for the handle and pushed the door open.  
“I seriously doubt Nicky or Shane or Kian really give a damn about who I am or aren’t sleeping with” he stated.  
“Oh you’d be surprised” Bryan muttered as Mark climbed out of the car.  
“What?”  
“They’re your friends too, Mark… You should tell them”  
“Goodnight Bry… Thanks for the lift”

Mark closed the door and walked away. As he made his way inside, he wondered if maybe Bryan was right. Sure, Nicky and Shane had enough on their plates right now but the least he could do was tell Kian.  
**--**

Despite his decision, Mark continued to keep his breakup a secret from the rest of his band mates. Kian was staying with Nicky and Shane in a hotel so he chose not to bother his friend with his petty problems.   
The entire security detail was staying with Nicky, Shane and Kian at The Four Seasons Hotel. This meant that a member of Security was with Nicky and Shane at all times. This helped keep Mark’s secret as Graeme was assigned to Shane for much of the time. For reasons unknown to Mark, Graeme was also keeping tight lipped about their mutual break up.

After their second last concert, Bryan pulled Kian aside and invited him to come home with him. Since he was sick of hotels, the younger lad accepted his offer. He told Nicky and Shane of his plans and sent them back to the hotel with their Security escort. Under other circumstances he would have felt bad abandoning them like that but he was eager for night in a proper bed, away from all the security guards.

They reached Bryan’s home and were greeted by Kerry. Molly was already asleep so they promised to keep the noise level down. The three of them enjoyed a glass of wine together before Kerry retired for the night.  
The two singers then settled in the rec room with a beer each and Bryan set the pool table. They played in silence for a few shots while they drank. Kian was in good form and wiping the floor with Bryan so the older lad decided to throw Kian off his game.

“So… Have you talked to Mark lately?” Bryan started casually.  
“Sure, we talk everyday… In case you hadn’t noticed” Kian lined up his shot.  
“He seems pretty down”  
“Yeah, I guess”  
“This thing with Graeme must really be throwing him”  
Kian slipped and missed the shot.  
“What thing?” Kian asked.  
“Oh, I probably shouldn’t say” Bryan moved forward and took his shot. He sank two balls.  
“Say what?”  
“Look, it’s none of our business”  
Bryan sank another ball, evening the score.

“Bryan!” Kian snapped. “What aren’t you telling me?”  
“Mark and Graeme broke up” Bryan confessed.

Bryan didn’t miss the look of elation on his friend’s face. Kian sank onto the couch, mulling over this revelation with a small smile on his lips.  
“Mark’s feeling pretty bad about it” Bryan continued. “It was a mutual separation but… I don’t think I should say anything but…”   
He walked over and sat down next to Kian.

“I’m going to drop this whole pretence we’ve got going on here” Bryan cut to the point. “Kian, I’ve known for some time now that you’re in love with Mark… And the fact that he was with Graeme, it was tearing you up inside. I wanted to say something to you sooner but I couldn’t find the words… But now… Now Mark’s suffering… He wasn’t in love with Graeme… He was just scared of being alone and unloved… And now he’s convinced that he’s never going to find anyone who’ll love him for being him… He has no idea how you feel about him but if you don’t tell him…” he trailed off.

Kian didn’t say a word as he listened to Bryan’s speech. He took in every word his friend said to him but all that mattered to him was the basics… Mark was single. The last time Kian had been on the verge of confessing his feelings, Mark had ended up with Graeme… What would happen if he delayed again?

“I can’t” Kian whispered.  
“What?” Bryan asked.  
“I can’t tell him, Bry”  
“Why not?”  
“I… I came close before the tour but we were interrupted, I saw it as a sign that I wasn’t meant to tell him… Then, one night during the tour, I was drunk and I nearly kissed him but Graeme interrupted us… Mark was drunk and doesn’t remember it but… again… it was surly a sign”  
“Then why do all these signs keep popping up that you *should* tell him?”  
“He’s just come out of a relationship, the last thing he needs is me coming onto him”  
“Well, he really could use the distraction…”  
“Bryan!” Kian sighed. “I don’t want to be rebound shag… I want more than that with him”

He remembered his argument with Shane, when Shane had accused him of falling for Mark just to piss him off. He couldn’t forget the malice in his friends’ voice as he’d told Kian to try for a pity fuck. 

“Ki” Bryan began. “I’ve never seen him this down before… He’s convinced himself that no one will ever love him the way Graeme did… But you do… You love him more than Graeme ever could… You’ve got years of friendship there, a great foundation for a relationship… You’ve stood by him, all this time… even when Shane blamed him for what happened, and when he blamed himself, you were there… You’ve always been there for him… All you have to do is tell him three simple words”  
Kian shook his head.  
“I’m sorry, I can’t”

The blonde stood up, pushed past Bryan and left the room. He hurried to the guest bedroom Kerry had prepared for him and closed the door. Once inside, he threw himself down on the bed and buried his face in the pillow. Everything Bryan had said to him was swimming in his head and he couldn’t process it all.  
When he finally nodded off to sleep, his dreams were haunted with images of Graeme breaking Mark’s heart and Kian coming along and kissing Mark’s tears away.   
He awoke in the morning with a pounding headache and a raging hard-on. Kian groaned and thumped the pillow beside him in frustration.

“What the fuck am I going to do?” Kian asked the empty room.


	51. Chapter 51

Despite being tired from the show, Shane was still feeling the adrenaline rush the singer’s usually felt on stage. This meant he was slightly restless. The hour was late as he stood in the bathroom, staring at himself in the mirror. He’d already showered and dressed for bed but now he was just standing there with a razor in his hand.  
He knew he could shave in the morning but he just felt like doing it now. He hadn’t actually started yet because his attention was wavering. From where he was standing, he could see the reflection of his lover in the mirror.   
Nicky was oblivious to Shane’s gaze, his nose buried in a book.

“Are you still reading that same book?” Shane called over his shoulder.  
“It’s not like I’ve had much ‘reading time’ on this tour you know” Nicky replied.  
Shane smiled and reached for the shaving cream. He told himself that Nicky was looking very lonely on that very big bed. He shaved quickly, and managed not to cut himself in the process. Then he put the razor away and left the bathroom, switching the light off as he went. The brunette stopped and leaned against the doorframe. Nicky looked quite content, lazing on the bed with his book open before him.

“Final show’s tomorrow night” Shane continued. “You’ll have plenty of reading time after that”  
“Especially if we’re stuck here”  
“It’s only another week, baby”  
“And then what? Another hotel? Another holiday? How long will we have to keep running from him?”  
“Just until the Garda can catch him”  
“They don’t even know where to look, how are they supposed to find him? Jim said he’s completely vanished… No one’s seen him since he escaped”  
“He’ll turn up eventually… He’ll slip up and they’ll be waiting for him”

Shane walked over and climbed onto the bed beside Nicky. He reached over and closed the book his lover was reading then moved it out of the way.  
“I just want this over with” Nicky said as Shane reached up and placed his hand on his cheek. “I want him caught”  
“I know… I know” Shane whispered.  
“I hate knowing that he’s out there… I keep thinking about the things he did to me and…”  
“Shhhhh”

Shane pulled Nicky to him and placed a kiss to his forehead before wrapping his arms around the blonde. He felt Nicky’s arms encircle him and he smiled. He gently brushed his hand up and down his lover’s back in a soothing manor and felt Nicky relaxing in his arms.

“It’s okay” Shane whispered. “He’s not here right now… He’s not going to hurt you… You’re safe here, with me… and an entire floor of security guards all here to protect us…”  
“I don’t want to think about him anymore tonight” Nicky whispered.  
“Okay… We don’t have to talk about him”  
“Good”  
“What do you want to talk about? The tour? Freddy?”  
“God, I miss Freddy…” Nicky smiled. “Maybe we should think about getting him a brother or sister to play with”  
“You are talking about another dog right?”  
“Of course… What else would I be talking about?”  
“I… Uh… Um…”  
“You thought I was talking about kids?”  
“Well… Yeah…”  
Nicky giggled.  
“Shay, baby… I love you” Nicky smiled. “And, yeah, someday I hope you and I’ll find a way to have kids… Be it adoption or surrogate but, for now, I’m happy it’s just the two of us”  
“And Freddy” Shane added.  
“Yes, the two of us and Freddy” Nicky agreed.

Shane smiled and kissed the blonde.  
“You know” Shane began. “If we were a straight couple that would have been an opportune moment for a cheesy pickup line”  
“And what might that be?” Nicky replied.  
“That if we were planning on having kids… maybe we should practice the… The task one uses to make a baby”  
“Yes, I can see how that line would have worked if we were straight and one of us was female”  
Shane shook his head, smiling, before leaning over and kissing Nicky once more.

The older boy was ready for him and he practically whimpered into the kiss. He tightened his hold on his love and moved closer to Shane. The brunette’s tongue danced upon Nicky’s lips, sending a tingle down his spine. Shane shifted his position, attempting to get comfortable on the large bed then he pulled Nicky into his lap.  
The blonde wrapped his legs around Shane’s waist as he settled between the lover’s thighs. His arms were around Shane’s neck, their tongues battling for dominance. 

Nicky could feel his cock stirring and, given his close proximately to Shane’s, it was clear the brunette was enjoying this as much as him. Nicky slowly began to move, rocking ever so slowly in Shane’s arms, their cocks brushing together. Even with the barrier of clothing between them, his actions were having the desired effect.  
“Nix” Shane’s lips barely left Nicky’s. “What are you doing?”  
“Isn’t this what you want?” Nicky replied.  
“God yes” Shane groaned.

The blonde began to increase the pace of his grinding. Suddenly, the layers of clothing that separated them weren’t erotic but restricting. Nicky thrust his tongue into Shane’s mouth as he pushed the brunette onto his back. Now in control, he reached down between their bodies and slowly began to lower Shane’s sweatpants.   
He broke their kiss as he moved further down his lover’s body. The younger boy was now lying on his back, pinned beneath his love, totally at his mercy and completely naked. Nicky leaned back, gazing down at the sight before him.

 

Shane nervously bit his lip as he stared up at Nicky. He couldn’t quite read the expression on his lover’s face but he could see the nervous desire in his eyes.  
“Nicky” Shane whispered.  
He wasn’t sure what else to say; no other words seemed to form. Nicky didn’t speak as he moved, sitting up straight, and pulled his shirt off over his head. He tossed it aside before moving back towards Shane and kissing him deeply.

The brunette melted into the kiss. He closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around Nicky’s bare chest, pulling the older boy to him. He could feel Nicky’s cock straining against the confines of his pants.  
He didn’t want to say the wrong thing but didn’t know how far they were going to go. It had been merely minutes ago that Nicky was almost in tears at the thought of Tobey but now he was slowly rubbing his hardness against Shane’s.

Nicky slowly kissed a path along Shane’s jaw and down the brunette’s neck. He nipped at his lover’s shoulder before kissing his way back up Shane’s neck. Then he moved up to whisper in his ear.  
“Please?”  
Shane tried to keep his breathing even as his heart pounded in excitement.  
“Please what?” Shane whispered. “What do you want me to do?”  
“Make love to me, Shay”

Shane reached up and placed his hand on Nicky’s cheek, pushing the blonde back so they could look into each other’s eyes.  
“Are you sure you’re ready for that?” Shane asked him.  
“I am” Nicky replied, nodding his head. “I want this last night to be special”  
“There are other things we can do to make it memorable”  
“No…I want this unless you don’t want to…”

The brunette smiled then captured his lover’s lips in a deep, passionate kiss.  
“I want this, baby… So much” Shane whispered.

Nicky grinned before breaking the embrace. He slid off the bed and went into the bathroom, returning a few seconds later with the necessities. The blonde paused just shy of the bed and stared down at Shane. The younger boy hadn’t moved; he was sitting with his leg apart and his cock standing to attention.  
The sight made Nicky pause for a moment, to take it in and commit it to memory.

“What’s wrong?” Shane asked.  
“Nothing” Nicky smiled. “It’s just… You look so beautiful like that”  
Shane felt himself blushing. He watched as Nicky slowly lowered his pants and stepped out of them so he was now standing before his lover, equally as naked and vulnerable. The younger boy subconsciously licked his lips.  
“You’re absolutely perfect, Nix” Shane whispered.  
He held his arms out to his lover and Nicky sank into them. Shane pulled Nicky down on top of him and kissed him deeply. 

For the next few minutes, the two singers lay together in each other’s arms and exchanged tender, loving kisses. Neither one of them wanted to rush, knowing that they had all night to experience and explore each other.  
Then, after what felt like hours of pure bliss, Nicky lie on his back and stared up at his love as Shane reached for the lube. He coated his finger and slowly slid inside the blonde. Nicky gasped but kept his focus on Shane… Nothing was going to ruin this for him; no demons, bad dreams or terrible memories.  
By the time Shane’s third finger penetrated him, Nicky was practically begging for Shane’s cock. Their first time together felt like years ago and Nicky longed to feel his lover inside him again.

The brunette was almost ashamed to admit that he was fighting back tears of happiness as he slowly entered his lover. It was everything he remembered it to be yet so much more. Nicky wrapped his legs around Shane’s body, pulling him closer and impaling himself on Shane’s hardness. The younger boy leaned down and captured Nicky’s lips with his own as they moved together as one. He slid his arms around the blonde and pulled him up into a sitting position.  
They were now mirroring their earlier pose, Shane’s arms around Nicky while the older boy rocked in his lap, only now instead of rubbing their clothed bodies together, Shane was thrusting in and out of Nicky.

Words seemed to fail both of them, neither one knowing what to say to the other. Shane couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt so complete… Though he was sure it must have been when Nicky was riding him like this. That too felt like such a long time ago.  
It wasn’t long before they had a rhythm going… Slow and sensual then hard and fast. Their hands roamed each other’s bodies, desperate to touch and feel every inch of the other. When Shane’s hand closed around Nicky’s weeping hardness, the blonde gasped then moaned, tossing his head back and exposing his neck. Shane was quick to lean in and kiss Nicky’s neck. He licked and nipped at the sensitive skin, hoping to leave a rather distinctive love bite.

They built up quite a friction, increasing their speed and thrusts until Shane felt ready to burst. Then they slowed down, letting it pass before building it up again. Finally, Shane could stand it no longer. He gave one final thrust and came, the only sound leaving his lips was his lover’s name.  
The way Shane moaned his name had an instant effect on Nicky and he quickly followed. Wave after wave of his seed spilled from his cock, coating both his and Shane’s stomachs. They collapsed in a sated heap on the bed, both panting for breath and staring up at the ceiling.

Several minutes passed before Shane managed to stand up. His eye was drawn to the clock and he couldn’t help being impressed at their stamina. It sure hadn’t felt like forty three minutes… Even if time did feel like it stopped whenever he kissed Nicky.  
Feeling happy yet slightly sticky, Shane coaxed Nicky to his feet and the couple made their way into the bathroom.   
After a quick shower the two singers climbed into bed and lay together in the darkness. Nicky’s naked body was pressed against Shane’s, his arm draped across the brunette’s chest.

“Thank you, Shay” Nicky whispered.   
“No, baby… Thank you” Shane replied. “I never would have… Who would have… I can’t believe we…”  
“Honey, you’re babbling”  
“I just… I thought it would be a long time before we got to do that again but here we are… and it was amazing and you were perfect and I love you so much”  
“I thought you were amazing too”  
“We should sleep now… Big day ahead of us tomorrow”  
“Final show and the after party”  
“It’ll be a night we’ll never forget”  
“So will tonight” Nicky agreed. “I promise, Shay… No matter what happens, I’ll never forget us being together, ever again”  
“I know” Shane replied before kissing Nicky’s forehead. “I know, baby”  
“I love you, Shay”

The younger boy lay still, gazing into the darkness that surrounded them. This time tomorrow the tour would be over and he’d be celebrating with Nicky, the lads and their families and friends. When they’d set off, it had felt like a long way away and now it was finally here.  
Shane placed another kiss to his lover’s forehead then settled down. He knew tomorrow was going to be a big day and he needed all the rest he could get. The final night of the tour was always a night to remember.


	52. Chapter 52

On the morning of their final concert, Kian awoke in an unfamiliar room. It took him a few moments to realize where he was and why he was there. His conversation with Bryan came back to him and he buried his face in the pillow. He didn’t know how he was going to face Bryan or what he was going to say to Mark when he finally saw him.

It took some time for him to convince himself to climb out of bed. He trudged into the bathroom and showered before putting his same clothes back on. Then he needed a few more minutes to psych himself up and leave the safety of his room.  
The singer made his way downstairs and could hear a conversation between Bryan and Kerry. He kept his approach quiet, eavesdropping on their discussion.   
It was obvious they were talking about him though it appeared Bryan wasn’t telling Kerry the whole story and that she was trying to wean it out of him. 

“Morning Bry, Kerry” Kian greeted the couple.   
He stepped into room, effectively ending their conversation.

“Good morning, Kian” Kerry smiled. “Are you hungry?”  
“Starving actually” he replied as he moved towards the coffee pot.

Silence overcame them as they all sat down at the table to eat breakfast. Kian was happy with this arrangement as it meant he didn’t have to think about his next course of action, since he hadn’t actually come up with one yet.  
Kerry tried to make small talk, about the tour and life in general but neither Kian nor Bryan seemed to be in a talkative mood. She quickly gave up and was the first to leave the table.

“Look. I’m sorry Ki” Bryan said as soon as Kerry was gone. “I probably shouldn’t have thrown all that on you last night but I’m worried… I’m worried about you and about Mark… You’ve been acting weird for weeks now and Mark… He’s in a… a bad place right now… He needs us and he needs you”  
“I really don’t want to talk about this right now” Kian replied.  
“I know but I want you to know that I’m sorry”  
“I do know, okay? But please, just leave it alone”  
“Ki-”  
“Mark’s love life is none of our business… Just like mine is none of yours”  
“I was merely trying to help”

*

Neither one of them mentioned Mark again for the rest of the morning. Bryan and Kian left Bryan’s home not long after breakfast. Bryan took his friend home so Kian could change his clothes. The younger boy did a quick check of the house but decided no one had been there since they’d left a few weeks ago. Until that moment, he’d been convinced he’d find some evidence of Tobey breaking in and ransacking the place.

The two of them then headed to the hotel to meet Nicky and Shane. Their band mates were in the midst of a security meeting when they arrived. Kian stayed put and sent Bryan to pick up Mark.

After lunch, Shane managed to get Kian on his own. He pulled his friend aside and lowered his voice.  
“Kian, is everything okay?” Shane wanted to know.  
“I’m fine, Shane” Kian insisted.  
“Are you sure? Something seems… off… Did something happen last night?”

The younger lad sighed and ran his hands through his hair. He looked around but no one was within earshot.  
“Bryan knows” Kian whispered.  
“Knows what?” Shane was confused.  
“That I… You know… Mark?”  
“Oh… And what? He’s giving you a hard time about it?”  
“Kinda the opposite actually…”  
“I don’t understand…”  
Kian looked around again and lowered his voice even more.

“Did you know Mark and Graeme broke up?” he asked his friend.  
“What? No… I had no idea”   
From the expression on Shane’s face, Kian believed him.  
“Bryan told me about it last night… He seems to think that I should… Be there, to… comfort and support Mark”  
“And… You don’t agree?”  
“I don’t know” Kian groaned. “I’m sure he’s feeling sad and could use a friend but I’m scared that I’ll slip up and… if he finds out how I feel, it could just makes things so much worse for him… and for me”  
“You shouldn’t be scared of your feelings, Ki”

Shane reached out and placed his hand on his friend’s arm.  
“You need to be there for him” Shane assured him. “You want to be there for him, I can see it in your eyes… I don’t know what you want me to say so I’m just going to say… He’s your friend… Do whatever you feel is right”  
“But how do I know what’s right?”

Before Shane could answer, Colin appeared at his side and interrupted them. As he watched Shane walk away with Colin, Kian leaned back against the wall and shook his head. Talking to Shane was supposed to help him, not add to his confusion.

*

The five lads arrived at the venue hours before the final show. There was a nervous excitement backstage as the last show loomed ever closer. Shane hadn’t told Nicky what he’d talked to Kian about, meaning that Nicky was now the only one who didn’t know Mark and Graeme were over.  
Kian had wondered off on his own and disappeared. Bryan and Mark were on their way to the dressing room for a last game of foosball. When Nicky heard what they were planning on doing, he hurried after them. 

 

Shane was about to follow them when he was stopped by Colin. For the third time that day, the older lad stopped him to discuss their travel plans for after the concert. It had been decided that Colin would accompany Nicky and Shane to a waiting car which would transport all of them to the after party. The brunette was starting to get a little irritated, given how many times Colin kept repeating the same instructions.  
He finally managed to shake him off but found himself face to face with Graeme. At first, Shane wasn’t sure what to say or do.

“Hey, Shane” Graeme greeted him. “Uh… Can we talk?”  
“Um, sure Graeme” Shane replied.  
He had no idea what Graeme would possibly want to talk to him about but Shane decided to just go with it. He took the lead and the two of them made their way to Shane and Nicky’s dressing room. Shane opened the door and Graeme followed him inside. He closed the door behind them to avoid being overheard.

“Look, I’m sure it’s really none of my business” Graeme began. “But… I don’t know if you heard but Mark and I sort of broke up”  
“Sort of?” Shane asked.  
“Well, it was a mutual parting of the ways… In a way… I knew that it was just a matter of time before he ended it so I walked away first”  
“So *you* broke up with him?”  
“So that he wouldn’t have to…”

“Okay… So, what do you want to talk to me about?” Shane wondered.  
“Well, honestly, I probably shouldn’t be saying anything but” Graeme paused. “I swear, if I had anyone else I could talk to then I would”  
“Thanks… I think”  
“Anyway… I’m kinda regretting the decision... Breaking up with Mark, I mean”  
“You are?”  
“I thought I was doing the right thing but now I’m not so sure…”  
“So, you’re going to go back to him?”  
“Maybe…” Graeme hesitated for a moment. “Can I ask you something?”

“You can ask” Shane replied. “But I might not be able to answer”  
“I uh was just wondering…” Graeme paused once more. “How long were Mark and Nicky a couple?” 

“Excuse me?” the look of confusion on Shane’s face baffled Graeme.  
“Mark and Nicky…” he continued. “I gather it was quite some time ago that they broke up but Mark acts like it happened yesterday so I was just wondering how long they were actually together… Why are you looking at me like that?”  
“I… I’m sorry, Graeme” Shane was dumbfounded. “But… uh... I have no idea what you’re talking about… Mark and Nicky weren’t a couple. They’ve never been a couple…”  
“Are… Are you sure?”  
“I’m positive”  
“Wow… I am so sorry, Shane… I just assumed… From the way Mark talks about him and… When I first started pursuing him, he rejected me because he was… is… in love with him and that time we were having sex and he called out Nicky’s name-”  
“He did what?”

“I had no idea, Shane” Graeme continued. “I just thought Mark was having a hard time moving on… That seeing Nicky and you together was obviously hard on him and I gave him a lot of leeway… I never once asked him… My God…”  
“I’m sorry… Can you just reiterate, what exactly happened the other night?”  
“Uh… We were having sex and, Mark can be pretty vocal sometimes and, he screamed out Nicky’s name instead of mine”  
“And what did you do?”  
“Well, what could I do? I told him it was okay… That it was no big deal, it happens sometimes… I really believed that Nicky was an ex that he was finding it hard to let go of”  
“Well, I don’t really know what else to tell you… As far as I know, Mark and Nicky have never so much as held hands, much less been a couple”  
“And you’re sure about that?”  
“Them holding hands? No…”  
“So they weren’t secretly a couple and broke up without the rest of you lads ever knowing about them?”

“No” Shane insisted. “Never… If Nicky ever had anything going on with Mark, I would know about it”  
“Wow… I am so, so sorry to have brought all this up” Graeme apologized.  
Shane felt sympathetic. He was furious to learn that not only was Mark still caught up in his one-sided feelings for Nicky but he was also thinking of the blonde during sex.  
“This isn’t your fault, Graeme”  
“I just thought that if I had a better understanding of what Mark was going through…”  
“This doesn’t change anything, does it? You… You still want him back, right?”  
“I don’t know… He really lead me to believe that there was more to his relationship with Nicky then there actually was…”

“Graeme…” Shane paused. “Since you just confided something in me that you shouldn’t have… I’m going to return the favor”  
“Shane?”  
“Please think about what you’re going to do… You’re not the only one out there who has feelings for Mark”  
“Kian, huh?”  
“How do you know about that?”  
“Before Mark and I hooked up… They were on the brink of getting it on. I saw them together one night, they were both pretty drunk and Kian was two seconds away from snogging Mark… So I interrupted them… Sure, it was probably wrong of me but I thought Mark was hot and I wanted to fuck him… Besides, they were drunk and it would have been a bad idea… I was preserving their friendship”  
“So all this time, you’ve known that being with Mark has been messing with Kian’s feelings?”  
“Not all this time… At first, I didn’t know that Kian’s feelings were genuine… I thought it was just them being reckless and drunk… By the time I realized how Kian really felt, Mark was already in my bed and I didn’t have the heart to kick him out… He needed to let loose” 

“And now?” Shane asked. “Can’t you just let him be with Kian?”  
“What if he doesn’t feel that way about him?” Graeme replied.  
“But isn’t it worth waiting and finding out?”  
“And if Mark doesn’t feel the same? Do you really want Kian feeling for Mark what Mark’s feeling for Nicky?”  
“Kian already feels that way… It can’t make it any worse”  
“And what about Mark? How do you think he would feel about being put in that position?”  
“What…?”  
“Think about Nicky… I can’t imagine he’s very happy, knowing that Mark’s in love with him and he can’t do anything about it, given that he doesn’t feel the same way”  
“Well… Yeah, that’s true”  
“So you want to put Mark in that same situation? Where he’ll know that Kian is in love with him and he’ll feel awful for not being able to help him”  
“You don’t know that’ll happen”  
“And you don’t know it won’t” 

There was a sudden rise of tension in the air so Graeme turned and walked away, leaving Shane alone with his head pounding at all the new information he’d just received. He collapsed on the couch, balling his hands into fists. It was taking all of his resolve not to find Mark and punch him in the face.  
Nicky wasn’t his, dammit. He had no right to be shouting Nicky’s name during sex… or to even be thinking about Nicky while having sex.

A part of Shane felt sorry for Graeme. He really believed that the older lad cared for Mark. At the same time, Shane felt angry. Graeme knew how Kian felt (and still feels) for Mark but he was still considering coming between them again. Knowing that Graeme had stopped them from getting together weeks ago annoyed Shane.  
On the other hand, Shane had been hopeful that a relationship would be enough to distract Mark and make him forget about his feelings for Nicky. His fling with Graeme hadn’t succeeded in helping him get over Nicky at all.

The brunette sat there for the longest time. He wasn’t sure what to do with all he’d just learned. He wanted to find Nicky, to kiss him and reassure himself that Nicky was his not Mark’s but it wasn’t necessary. He knew how Nicky felt about him, if their love-making the previous night was anything to go by.  
Shane tried to imagine how he would feel if Nicky were to call out another name during sex. He wondered what he would do if, while at the height of their passion, Nicky were to shout out Mark’s name. It wasn’t a nice image and it made him feel awful. He knew his Nicky would never do anything like that to him.

Shane reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. He dialed Nicky’s number and the blonde answered it on the second ring.  
“Hey beautiful” Shane greeted him. “Where are you?”   
The door to the dressing room opened and Shane saw Nicky, standing in the doorway with his phone raised to his ear.  
“Right here, baby” Nicky replied.

Shane ended the call, dropping his phone on the couch, climbed to his feet and walked over to Nicky. He wrapped his arms around the blonde and kissed him.  
“What was that for?” Nicky asked after they separated.  
“For being you” Shane whispered.  
“Is everything okay?”  
“Why wouldn’t it be?”  
“I don’t know… You seem a little… distracted”  
“I’m fine, baby, really”

Nicky slid his arms around Shane’s waist then nuzzled his face against the brunette’s neck.  
“If you’re sure” Nicky began.  
“Positive” Shane insisted.  
“So why did you call me?” Nicky wanted to know.  
“I missed you” Shane replied. “I wanted to touch you and to kiss you”

Shane reached up and pulled Nicky’s face away from his neck, giving himself unrestricted access to the blonde’s lips. They then proceeded to kiss for some time; Shane took control and led the older boy back towards the couch. The couple fell onto the cushions, a tangled mass of limbs and hands clawing at each other’s clothes.  
Nicky was lying between Shane’s legs, their lips joined as they slowly ground their hips together. The younger boy couldn’t help remembering the last time they’d been in a similar position… Nicky had ended up splayed over a coffee table (and not in a good way).

“Nix” Shane panted between kisses. “I think… maybe… we should stop”  
“Why?” Nicky struggled to reply. “Aren’t you…enjoying it?”  
From the way Shane’s hardness was pressing into him, Nicky knew Shane loved every second of it.  
“For one, the door’s not locked” Shane said after he broke the kiss entirely. “And two… I don’t have a change of underwear here and if we don’t stop right now I won’t be able to wear these one’s on stage tonight”  
“Well, you know the solution… don’t you? Take your pants off”  
“Nicky!”

The blonde rolled off the couch and landed on his feet. He reached out, grabbed Shane’s hands and pulled the younger boy up. For good measure, he kissed Shane’s lips then proceeded to drag the brunette towards the bathroom. Nicky pushed his lover inside and followed before closing and locking the door behind them.  
He leaned back against the door and pulled Shane towards him. Their lips came together in a bruising kiss. Shane pressed his body up against Nicky’s, pushing the blonde into the closed door.

“Shay” Nicky panted.  
He reached down and fumbled with the waistband of Shane’s pants. It took a few attempts before he managed to get Shane’s jeans and boxers down past his knees. The brunette’s cock was already seeping with need.

“Are you sure we should be doing this?” Shane asked. His lips were teasing Nicky’s neck.  
“Why shouldn’t we?” Nicky replied.  
“This… This isn’t like us”

“Shane” it was Nicky’s turn to reach up and pull Shane’s face away from his neck. He held his lover’s gaze and stared deep into his eyes. “This is exactly how we should be acting… we lost a lot of time these past few months and… Frankly, now that I remember what it’s like to be with you… to have you inside me… I swear that’s all I ever want to do now…”  
“Nix… I don’t want to feel like we’re rushing this”  
“Shay, we’ve been together for two years… and we’ve had sex 3 times… just 3… Mark and Graeme once had sex 3 times in one day”   
“Okay, baby… can we please not talk about Mark while my pants are around my ankles and your hand is on my cock?”  
“Shane… When you’re inside me, I feel like… like it’s just how it’s meant to be”  
“I understand, baby, I really do… fuck, I feel the same way but…I can’t think of anything less romantic than having sex on the bathroom floor”

Suddenly there was a twinkle in Nicky’s eyes that Shane hadn’t seen for some time. The blonde smiled as he slowly pulled his shirt off over his head and dropped it on the floor. He kicked off his shoes before walking around his lover and leaning against the small sink. He never once broke eye contact with Shane as he pulled off his socks and lowered his pants and underwear.  
Shane’s mouth had gone dry. He’d meant what he’d said. As much as he wanted to have Nicky then and there, the idea of lying him down on the tiles and making love to him just didn’t feel special enough.

“Nicky” Shane managed to groan. His lover was standing before him, completely naked, and slowly stroking his own hardness.  
He watched as Nicky took another step, past Shane and into the shower.  
“Then take me in here” Nicky said seductively before reaching out and turning the water on.

Shane wasn’t aware that he could move that fast. One minute he was staring at Nicky as the water poured down his naked body and the next, Shane was equally naked and standing under the water with his arms around his lover. He pushed the blonde against the tiled wall and claimed his lips in a deep kiss.  
He wasn’t happy that he’d been manipulated so easily by the older boy but he was going to get his revenge… He was going to wait until Nicky was simply begging him and then, only then, would he let his lover come.


	53. Chapter 53

Fran nervously checked his watch as he hurried down the hallway. He wasn’t sure how it had happened but somehow he’d lost track of Nicky and Shane. Fran had been content, knowing that Nicky was with Bryan and Mark while Shane was with Graeme but now he had no idea where either of them had disappeared to.  
Fran rounded a corner and threw open the door to their dressing room. He was usually much more considerate of their privacy but now wasn’t the time for that. The room was empty and he tried not to panic.

In desperation, he pulled out his phone and dialed Nicky’s number. He heard it vibrating and turned around. Nicky’s phone was on the table, he saw his own name flashing upon the screen and ended the call.   
“Fuck!” he muttered before trying Shane’s number. He heard a faint ringing and followed it to the couch. Fran’s heart was pounding as he dropped to his knees and located Shane’s phone on the ground.

The dressing room door was still open but Fran didn’t hear Malcolm arrive. The other lad entered the room as Fran was climbing to his feet.  
“Any luck?” Mal asked.  
“No… Their phone’s are here” Fran indicated Shane’s phone on the floor and Nicky’s on the table. “What the… where could…?”

Malcolm was the first to figure out what they were missing.  
“Fran…” he reached out and grabbed him, attempting to calm him down. “It’s okay… I think I know where they are”  
“What? How?” Fran looked terrified.  
“Just calm down… and listen”

Fran stopped and looked at Malcolm. He wasn’t sure what he was supposed to be listening for. Mal was pointing over his shoulder so Fran turned to see what he was indicating. All he could see was the bathroom door. It was closed.  
“Is that the shower?” Fran asked. Malcolm nodded his head.

“Come on” Fran said. He grabbed Mal’s arm and led the other man from the room. Malcolm had no idea where they were going. They hurried down another hall and up a flight of stairs. Fran pushed open a door and went inside a small room.  
Billy was sitting in front of one of the computer screens.

“Did you find them?” Fran asked Billy.  
“I did” he replied. “Did you?”  
“They’re in the dressing room?”

Billy typed a few commands into the computer and an image filled the screen. He nodded towards it, both Fran and Malcolm moved closer for a better look. There was no sound but they saw Shane and Graeme enter the dressing room and have a conversation. Graeme left not long after and Shane was left alone. Moments later, he pulled out his phone and within seconds, Nicky had arrived.

Fran watched as the couple starting kissing before falling onto the couch. Billy played the video at double speed while they kissed for some time. Then the three lads watched as Nicky pulled Shane from the couch and the two of them went into the bathroom. The door slammed closed behind them.

Fran sighed.  
“Thanks Billy” he said to him. “You too Mal… I’m going to go talk to them about this”  
“You’re going to talk to them now?” Mal asked.  
“I’ll wait for them to finish first”  
“According to the time stamp, they’ve been in there about twenty minutes already” Billy stated.” Just saying”  
“Thanks again lads”

Fran turned on his heel and walked away, leaving Malcolm with Billy. He took his time getting back to the dressing room. When he got there, Nicky and Shane were still in the bathroom. He closed the door then quietly moved one of the smaller chairs aside, dragging it out of view of the bathroom door. He wanted to take them by surprise, give them the same heart attack they’d given him.

*

Since neither of the singers had been wearing a watch, they had no idea how long they were in the bathroom or shower for. For Shane, it felt like days, as time always seemed to come to a standstill when he was with Nicky. To Nicky, he felt like it was over almost as soon as it begun. The anticipation and build up… The love and adoration… The feeling of fulfillment and completion… He was sure that he’d been begging Shane to let him come for hours but at the same time, it felt like mere seconds. Being one with his lover never seemed to last long enough. Nicky wished there was some way he could permanently affix Shane’s cock inside him at all times.

Once they were both spent and too exhausted to do anything more, Shane turned the water off. He noticed his skin had turned slightly wrinkly from the prolonged exposure to the running water. He stepped out of the shower and reached for a towel. The brunette handed one to Nicky before slowly wiping himself dry. It felt like it was too much work, removing all the water from his body… He was simply too tired. All he longed to do right now was lay down for a nice long nap.  
Shane rummaged about on the floor, separating his clothes from Nicky’s, and pulled his underwear back on. It took three attempts for him to get one sock on and two attempts for the other but his pants slid on with ease. He put his shirt on but didn’t do the buttons up, leaving his chest exposed.   
Nicky licked his lips in approval. The blonde was still naked in the shower.

Shane moved forward and ‘helped’ his lover dry off. For the third, or was it forth, time since entering the bathroom together Nicky’s cock began to stir. Shane knew if he didn’t stop ‘helping’ Nicky wouldn’t be able to get his pants back on.  
The brunette stopped and took a step back. He then handed Nicky each item of clothing so he lover could get dressed.  
They were both sleepy but happy when they eventually emerged from the bathroom. 

Shane unlocked the door and was the first to step out. He pulled Nicky along with him then turned around and planted a firm kiss on his lover’s lips. The older boy returned the embrace with equal passion before breaking off into a giggle. Shane joined in.   
He felt like they were being naughty, helped by the fact that they were the only two people who knew what they’d been up to in there.

“Was it worth it?”  
Fran’s harsh voice cut through the room and caused the couple to separate. Neither one of them screamed with fright but they’d both been taken by surprise.

“Geez, Fran” Shane said as he reached up and placed his hand upon his chest, as though that would slow the increased speed of his heart. “You scared us half to death”

“Like the two of you scared me?” Fran asked. He climbed to his feet, trying to keep the anger out of his voice. Sadly, he wasn’t succeeding. “What the hell were you thinking just disappearing like that?”  
“Fran, we’ve been here the entire time” Shane replied. He felt himself starting to blush.  
“Look, I understand this is hard for you” Fran continued. “But I need to know where you are at all times… didn’t either one of you notice you didn’t have any security on you?”  
“We just thought it was a shift change” Nicky replied. “We’re sorry, Fran”

“I came in here and there was no sign of you… You’re phones were abandoned and I had no idea where either of you were” Fran rattled on. “If Malcolm hadn’t heard the shower… Thank God the security cameras picked up on you going in there”  
“Security cameras?” Nicky asked, his eyes immediately scanned the ceiling.  
“Billy, Mal and I had to bring up the video feed from here to find you lads”  
“Uh… Exactly how much could you see?”  
“Nothing incriminating… Though I’m sure the fans would love to see it”  
Both Nicky and Shane exchanged a look of embarrassment.  
“Don’t worry. I’ll make sure the video gets erased before I leave tonight”

“Thanks… We’re really sorry we scared you, Fran” Shane said.  
“I’m inclined to say just don’t ever do it again” he replied. “But since it’s the last night, that’s probably moot”

There was a knock at the door so Fran walked over and opened it. Colin was in the hallway.  
“Sorry to interrupt” he greeted Fran. “But Nicky’s brother is here”

Fran stepped aside and Adam came running through the door. He threw his arms around his older brother before turning and hugging Shane too. Nicky hadn’t realized how much he’d missed his family while on tour until this very moment. Seeing Adam hugging Shane like that brought a smile to his face.

“I can’t believe it’s the final show” Adam exclaimed. “And now I’ll have to give Freddy back”  
“You can still come visit him” Nicky replied.  
“It’s just not the same… Can’t I keep him?”  
“No” Nicky and Shane replied in unison.

“Uh, Kerry and Tash arrived a little while ago too” Colin added.  
“Okay” Fran replied. “I’m coming… Do you mind staying here and keeping an eye on things?”  
“Sure thing” 

**--**

With the arrival of various family members, Nicky and Shane didn’t have much opportunity to talk in private. Each time their eyes met, they exchanged secret smiles but didn’t say anything. When they sat down to eat dinner with Adam and Shane’s parent’s, Nicky couldn’t resist rubbing his foot up and down Shane’s leg. The brunette’s payback mostly consisted of Shane doing naughty things with his tongue to his fork.

Before they knew it, it was time to send their families out to their seats while the band members prepared for their last show of the tour.

Kian and Mark were standing in their dressing room waiting for Bryan to finish in the bathroom. Kian was feeling particularly low after dinner with his parents. They had left the venue for a quick meal where all his mother wanted to know was why he’d stopped seeing Kat.   
He tried to explain to her that dating his best friend’s therapist wasn’t the smartest thing but she didn’t want to hear it. His mother had been bitten by the ‘grandchildren bug’ and was getting impatient. Kian wasn’t sure how to tell her that he was currently falling in love with one of his band mates.

“You look about as low as I feel” Mark said to Kian.  
“Gee, thanks” Kian replied sarcastically.   
“Just saying it like it is”  
“What are you feeling so low about?”  
“Graeme and I broke up”  
“Really?”  
“Yeah”  
“Wow… I’m sorry?”  
“Thanks… It was pretty amicable though” Mark shrugged his shoulders. “Why are you feeling so low?”

The bathroom door opened and Bryan emerged. He grinned at his two friends.  
“Kerry’s waiting backstage” he said. “I’ll meet you lads there!”  
He hightailed it from the room, the door slammed shut behind him.

Once again, Kian and Mark were alone in the dressing room. There was an awkward silence between the two of them. Neither of them was sure where it had come from.  
“So… Why are you so down?” Mark asked again.  
“I had dinner with my parents” Kian admitted.  
“And that made you sad? You really miss them, huh?”  
“It’s not that…” he sighed. “All my mam wanted to talk about was my love life and how much longer she has to wait before she gets grandkids”  
“Oh”  
“Yeah”  
“Well… What did you tell her?”

Kian averted his eyes.  
“What could I tell her?” he shook his head. “When did life get so complicated?”  
“Right around the time you realize you have to grow up” Mark replied.

Without thinking, Kian reached out and wrapped his arms around Mark. He pulled his friend into a strong hug and held onto him as though his life depended upon it. Luckily for him, Mark hugged him back with almost equal enthusiasm.  
He could smell Mark’s aftershave and it was intoxicating. Kian closed his eyes and breathed in the beautiful scent of his best friend. If he could control the universe, he’d never let this moment end.  
Mark was surprised by the intensity of Kian’s embrace but he was happy to return it. He was also just as reluctant to let go. He had no idea when he’d next have the chance to hold his friend in his arms like this.

He closed his eyes and all he could see was Kian’s naked body. He remembered the way his friend had stepped out of the bathroom, completely naked and Mark had seen the blonde’s cock. It had been difficult to keep that thought from his mind as he sometimes found himself wondering how much bigger Kian’s cock would be when fully erect.

Neither one of them had made any indication that they were about to break the embrace. They knew they were due onstage at any moment but the idea of letting go of the other didn’t seem to appeal to either of them.  
Kian slowly loosened his hold on Mark but didn’t release him entirely. They both opened their eyes and found themselves gazing into the other’s deep orbs. Kian’s heart was beating like crazy and he wondered if Mark’s was doing the same.

Kian swallowed hard, mustering up all the courage he could, then he leaned forward and pressed his lips to Mark’s.


	54. Chapter 54

Time appeared to freeze. Kian told himself not to panic as nothing seemed to happen. He had obviously taken his friend by surprise and thrown him completely off guard. He was about to pull away when he felt Mark responding to the kiss.   
It was the first time he’d ever kissed another man and Kian’s heart was beating a mile a minute. He was surprised that it didn’t feel that dissimilar to kissing a woman… Though Mark’s stubble was something he definitely wasn’t used to feeling.  
It was the most nerve-wracking kiss he’d ever had but at the same time, it was also the kiss to end all kisses. He couldn’t imagine any kiss ever being better than this one.

The blonde slowly pulled away and stared at his friend with wide eyes. He couldn’t believe what he’d just done!  
“Mark” Kian began. “I can exp-”  
His explanation was cut off when Mark’s lips claimed his. Since he was mid-speech, his mouth was open to Mark’s prodding tongue. The second he tasted Mark’s tongue in his mouth, he realized how wrong he’d been about that last kiss… Surely this was now the kiss to end all kisses.

“What is taking you two so long?”  
Neither one of them heard the voice that filtered into the room as the door to the dressing room burst open. Graeme stopped dead in his tracks when he saw the two singers. At first he wasn’t sure what to do.   
He knew the other lads were waiting for Kian and Mark so they could go onstage but he couldn’t find his voice. The sight before him brought tears to his eyes. Kian’s hand was resting on Mark’s ass and it caused Graeme to see red.

He took a step back and pulled the door closed before he raised his fist and pounded on the door. When he pushed the door open a second time, he saw the two singers had snapped apart and were now standing a few paces away from each other.  
Graeme forced himself to keep a neutral expression on his face.

“Lads, hurry up” he said, hoping he sounded cheerful. “You’re onstage in less than three minutes”

“Uh right” Kian said, refusing to look at Mark.  
“Thanks, Graeme” Mark said. He was very aware that Kian wouldn’t meet his eye.

The two singers hurried past, Kian in the lead. Graeme quickly reached out and grabbed Mark’s arm, stopping the singer in his tracks.  
“Hey, Mark” Graeme began. “I was wondering if maybe we could talk?”  
“I have a show…”  
“Not right now, obviously… but after the show?”  
“Uh…”  
“I miss you, Mark… I’m sorry for walking out the way I did”  
“Graeme?”

The older lad dared to sneak a peek over Mark’s shoulder; he could see Kian up ahead. The blonde had stopped and was now watching the two of them.  
“I don’t want us to be over” Graeme insisted. “I love you and I want you back”  
Mark didn’t say a word, he was too confused. When Graeme leaned forward and kissed him, Mark didn’t attempt to stop him.  
“Come to my room tonight” Graeme whispered in his ear. “And I’ll fuck you so hard you won’t be able to walk for a week… I promise”

Graeme’s words had an immediate effect on Mark’s cock. He tried to fight it but he couldn’t help himself. He snapped out of his fantasy when he heard Kian shout his name. The singer then had no choice but to hurry after Kian.

When they finally got backstage, Bryan was looking antsy. Sure it didn’t matter if they had to start a few minutes late but he was nervous about what might have happened between Kian and Mark once he’d left them alone in the dressing room.

The five singers gave each other hugs before heading onto the stage. Shane couldn’t help but glare at Mark when he hugged Nicky. He also found it odd that as soon as Mark had hugged the blonde he’d become very self conscious and he immediately tried to hide the growing bulge between his legs.  
Shane’s fist closed over his microphone a little harder than usual. Not only was Mark thinking about Nicky during sex but he was getting hard just hugging the blonde. Shane was not amused by this… He swore to himself he’d have it out with Mark, sooner rather than later.

**--**

Nicky was the first to notice something was off with his band mates. The blonde approached Shane between songs and questioned him but the younger lad simply shrugged him off. By the first costume change, Nicky tried to talk to Kian but his friend insisted he was fine.  
During the second costume change, Bryan hurried up to Nicky and the two of them tried to figure out what was wrong with their friends.

Kian was distracted for most of the night. He couldn’t believe that he’d kissed Mark… Or that not five minutes later he’d seen Mark kissing Graeme. The blonde had never felt so confused in his life. He’d taken a big chance and Mark had thrown it back in his face… Or had he? Mark had definitely kissed him back… But why then would Mark kiss Graeme?

Mark’s head was spinning. He’d never felt more conflicted. Sure, he was starting to have strange feelings for Kian… but he was partially regretting his break up with Graeme. Kian had initiated their kiss but Mark had never wanted it to end.   
Was he crazy to think that he could have a relationship with Kian? Was he crazy for even contemplating anything with Kian? It had only been one kiss… well, two kisses. But what if that’s all it was meant to be?

Kian tried not to look at Mark during the show which meant keeping their interaction to a minimum. He wasn’t sure if that was a good idea or not though. He was sure Mark didn’t know that Kian had seen him kissing Graeme which meant that, as far as Mark was aware, Kian had kissed him and was now avoiding him.

The five singers took to the middle of the stage and in turn thanked every fan in the audience for their support and effort in coming to see them. Nicky reached for Shane’s hand during his thank you speech but continued talking to the fans like nothing interesting was happening on stage.  
Shane had wanted to kiss Nicky but opted not to. It had seemed like the perfect moment, their last night on tour was coming to an end and a kiss would have been an amazing end but no. Shane decided to remain professional… He told himself he would rub it in Mark’s face after they came off stage.

After one final costume change, the five singers hurried back on stage for the encore. There were smiles all around as they sang their hearts out, putting all they had into making this show one of their best. Nicky found himself blinking back tears and had to avert his gaze from the crowd. He spotted Kerry backstage and saw her dabbing her eyes too. This made him smile and he carried on.  
Before they knew it, the song was finished and they were taking their last bows. Shane’s hand found Nicky’s as they hurried off the stage and converged in the backstage area. Bryan hugged Kerry before hugging Mark and then Kian. 

Shane waited until he was sure Mark was about to move forward and hug Nicky. Then he made his move. The brunette stepped in front of Nicky, wrapped his arms around his neck and placed a firm, powerful kiss on his lover’s lips. The blonde was taken by surprise but he was quick to return the embrace. They held the kiss for several long moments and, by the time they parted, the other lads were moving towards the dressing room.

“What was that?” Nicky asked Shane once they separated.  
The younger lad simply shrugged his shoulders.  
“What? Now I need an excuse to kiss you?” Shane asked.

*

Once they reached their dressing room, neither one of them was in a hurry. They knew an after-party had been arranged at the hotel and that their friends and family would be waiting for them. This meant that there would be plenty of time to change and head back.  
They decided to shower first and in order to save time it was more efficient to shower together. Of course this plan failed but when they emerged from the bathroom, Nicky couldn’t wipe the smile from his face.  
Nor were they greeted by an angry Fran.

Colin was pacing the hall outside their dressing room and breathed a sigh of relief when they finally emerged. He was quick to push them along the hallway. As they walked, Shane couldn’t help noticing the venue had emptied very quickly. No doubt most of the crew and staff were eager to join the party or head home and sleep.

Movement along the hall caught Shane’s eye and he stopped walking. He’d just seen Mark and his anger was starting to grow. Without thinking, he broke away from Nicky and Colin and hurried over to his band mate.  
When Mark saw Shane approaching, he wasn’t sure what to say or do. He simply stopped and waited for the older lad to make the first move.

“I don’t know what you’re playing at” Shane launched straight into it. “But let me make this clear… Nicky doesn’t love you and he never will… So just stop! Stop pretending there’s something between you when there isn’t… and never has been… Stop thinking about him when you’re having sex… stop trying to score with him because You Never Will”  
Then, he raised his fist and backhanded his friend across the face.

“Shane!” Nicky screamed. “What are you doing?”  
The brunette put his arm around Nicky’s waist and led him away.

*

Mark remained where he was, just staring at his friend’s back. His cheek was stinging but he couldn’t just let it go. He wasn’t stupid. He knew that Nicky only had eyes for Shane and it tore him up inside that Shane really thought all that about him.  
He reached up and gently stroked his stinging cheek then he heard someone behind him. He turned and saw Graeme hurrying towards him.

Mark didn’t stop to think. He took off after Shane and Nicky.


	55. Chapter 55

Colin opened the door and led the two singers into the underground car park. It was deserted, with the exception of the car waiting to take them to the hotel. It was also very quiet. Shane asked Colin where Fran was and the security guard assured him that Fran had gone on ahead to ensure security was perfect for the after party.

The door behind them opened and Mark stepped out into the car park.

“We’re not done here, Shane” Mark called out. “You need to hear me out”  
“I don’t need to do anything for you” Shane replied.

The door opened a second time and Graeme stepped out, walking up behind Mark.  
“Please, Mark?” Graeme begged. “We need to talk”

Nicky and Shane exchanged a look of confusion right before a second car appeared in the parking lot. It was big and black with dark windows. It came to a stop within a few feet of the singers.

“Colin?” Shane called. “Is this one of ours?”

The passenger side door opened as did one of the back doors. Two men leapt out of the car. It happened very fast as one quickly grabbed Nicky and held a gun to his head. This caused Shane to stop, not wanting to do anything that would put Nicky in further danger.  
Graeme was on the ball and instantly reached for his phone. Before he’d managed to press even one button, the other assailant raised his gun and fired two bullets directly at the security guard.

Graeme’s body fell to the ground with a dull thud. Mark turned and ran to his side.  
“Graeme?” Mark called. “Graeme?”  
Using his bare hands, he tried to stop the bleeding but there was so much and Mark couldn’t tell exactly where it was coming from. He looked up and saw one of the gun men holding a gun to Nicky and he called out to Colin for help.

The security guard was on his phone, shouting for help and hurrying towards Mark. The singer wasn’t sure what good Colin would be as Graeme had already lost consciousness.

The two gun men were now herding Nicky and Shane into the waiting car. One searched the singers for their phones and tossed them aside before tying each of the singers up.  
Mark turned around in time to see Nicky being pushed into the backseat.

“Nicky!” he called out before everything went dark.

The blonde was already in the car but Shane was trying to break free of his captor. He managed to shake him but had only gone two paces when he saw Colin pull out a gun and bring the handle down onto Mark’s head. Shane stood frozen in place as he watched his band mate slump to the ground.

This gave his captor the upper hand and Shane found himself being pushed back towards the car. Once inside, he stared into Nicky’s terrified eyes.  
“It’ll be okay” Shane tried to reassure his love. “We’ll be okay”  
One of the gun men climbed into the back seat with the two singers and hastened to gag them. 

The remaining captor made his way over to Colin. He looked at the security guard and nodded his head before observing the two bodies on the ground. Graeme was likely to be dead but Mark was unconscious and there was no telling how long he’d be out for.

“You weren’t supposed to kill anyone” Colin argued.  
“We’re not supposed to leave any witnesses either” he replied.  
“What are you going to do?”

The gunmen quickly raised his weapon and fired a single shot at Colin. He fell to the ground beside Graeme, unmoving. Then the gunmen cocked his gun for a third time, pointing it at Mark. The singer was still out cold, completely oblivious to the danger around him.

“Hurry up” the captor in the back with Nicky and Shane called out.  
“We can’t just leave him, he’s a witness” he snapped.  
“Then we’ll have to take him too”

The gunmen leaned down and grabbed Mark’s arms. Moving quickly, he dragged the singer’s body across the car park. The driver popped the trunk of the car and the gun men hoisted Mark into the trunk before slamming it shut. Then he hurried to the front seat, climbed in and the car sped away.

Nicky dared to sneak a peek out the window and could see Graeme and Colin’s bodies lying on the cold, hard ground. He wondered if they were both dead. The blonde blinked back tears as he turned and looked at Shane.  
The fear in his lover’s eyes matched what he was feeling himself. He wanted to reach out and touch Shane but his hands were tied behind his back. 

The car pulled out and made its way down the street. Nicky wondered where all the traffic was then remembered it was nearing midnight. His heart was pounding in his chest, he wanted to throw up or cry but he forced himself to stay strong. Shane was with him and they needed to be strong for each other.

They drove for quite some time, Nicky wondered where they were going and how long it would take for someone to notice they were missing. Surely someone must have heard the gunshots and come to investigate?  
The car pulled into a small auto shop and came to a stop. Their captors climbed out and instructed Nicky and Shane to do the same. One of the captors walked to the trunk of the car and opened it.  
Mark was conscious but confused as he was pulled to his feet. He was then tied up and gagged like his band mates. He felt them searching his pockets then one asked him for his phone. Mark shook his head, remembering he’d left it in the dressing room.

Nicky moved as close to Shane as he could while their captors held a heated discussion. Mark was pushed towards them and the three singers all exchanged nervous looks.  
Another car pulled into the garage and came to a stop. Two more men climbed out of this one. The passenger removed his mask and walked over to the three lads.

Nicky began to tremble before Tobey even opened his mouth. The way the older lad was leering at him was terrifying enough.  
“There’s my Angel” Tobey said as he paused in front of the blonde. He dropped to the ground and grabbed hold of Nicky’s arm. He then stood up and pulled Nicky to his feet with him.  
“I promised myself we’d be together again” Tobey hissed.

He tightened his grip on Nicky’s arm then proceeded to drag him towards the car he’d just arrived in. He unlocked the trunk of the car and another of their captors helped him place Nicky inside it. Tobey slammed the trunk closed before walking back over to Shane and Mark.

“I don’t know how we ended up with two of you” he began. “But know this… If either one of you puts a toe out of line, I will be forced to make my Angel suffer… And I really don’t want to have to do that… You understand me?”  
“You sick son of a bitch” Shane tried to shout but his protests were muffled by his gag.

Shane was pulled to his feet. Beside him, so was Mark. The two singers were then led back to the other car and pushed into the back seat. Shane had no idea why they were being separated and feared it didn’t bode well for Nicky.  
He watched as Tobey sauntered over to the other car and climbed back into the front seat. The car started up and Tobey smirked at Shane as the car pulled out of the garage and disappeared outside.  
The remaining gunmen climbed back into the car with Mark and Shane. The one in the back seat with them leaned forward.  
“He meant what he said” the gunmen insisted. “If either one of you tries to be a hero, we’ve been instructed to kill the blonde… Or at least maim him a little first. So if you want to see your friend alive again, you just do as you’re told and maybe… just maybe… one of you might live to see your next birthday”

Shane held his tongue, knowing they wouldn’t be able to hear him anyway. He was sure that was just an empty threat, these men were going to kill them eventually anyway… he was certain of that.  
If Tobey were the only one behind this kidnapping then Shane was wondering why he hadn’t been killed yet. Then it occurred to him that he was leverage. As long as he were kept alive, Nicky would do anything Tobey wanted in order to keep Shane alive. 

He closed his eyes and blinked back tears. They had come so close and had done all they could to prevent this from happening. All that hard work, extra security and hours of planning had all been undone in minutes.

When Shane opened his eyes, he saw Mark’s tear filled eyes and he hoped that Colin’s betrayal hadn’t just gotten Graeme killed.  
His eyes met with Mark’s and Shane looked away…  
He knew it was wrong but a part of him really wanted to blame his band mate sitting next to him. Shane closed his eyes once more and found himself picturing his lover, tied up in the trunk of the other car. Alone, probably scared, Shane knew that he himself was feeling rather scared. He took a deep breath and told himself to stay calm. 

‘Be brave, Nicky’ Shane whispered to himself. ‘I’ll find you, I love you’


End file.
